Life after a long recovery

[liteweightbaby]

I've always wondered -- if you have been recovering for a long time (say 3+ years), have the thoughts in your head ever died down or gone away?  I'm referring to the thoughts or "voice" in your head that might say you're too big, you need to restrict or fast, you can't eat more than a certain number of calories otherwise you'll gain weight, etc

Comments

[kaeeak3786]

I would say absolutly. I have gone without a scale in my house for probably 4 months now and since doing that I've really learned a lot about my body and my internal thoughts. I've learned what my body likes and doesn't like and I've also learned that as I get older I like myself for who I am more and more. I think when you are younger the pressure to be smaller is there. I'm 25 now and doing better now then I have ever before. Internally I may tell myself to fast but when it comes down to it I hate not eating anymore-I feel better when I feed my body-I think better, I have more fun and am in a better mood. Now a days I struggle with binging and purging maybe twice a month but as time goes on I HATE the feeling I get before and after the situation which has made me turn away from it.

[ex_lovedisc]

I've been purge-free for over two years at this point. I still struggle with over-eating, though. However, when it comes to the bulimia, I feel recovered. For now. And hopefully forever! But who knows. Anyway, my true belief is that the eating disorder will never go away. It will always lay dormant within you. As time goes by, it will become an old friend. Not like 'Ana' or anything like that, but more like a friend who terrorized your life, but you still know and have contact with because it's hard to separate yourself completely. I feel like it will always be apart of me. I think about purging on a regular basis, but I never do it. I think because I've had so long without it, I can finally think rationally. I'm not fully recovered yet, I suppose (the over-eating), so disregard this if you wish. But I just wanted to share.

[___new_skin_]

I still have days where I start plotting and fasting, especially when all my female friends are talking about dieting and how much weight they have lost. In the end though, I remember how pleasant it is to just sit down with friends and eat.

[_commonwealth]

For me, that voice is still there. But there are other inner voices too, and as I continue in recovery, those voices get louder. I am learning to leave the ED voice behind and listen to the voice that says I am good enough, strong enough, brave enough, beautiful enough. And the voice that just says "Enough is a enough!" ;)

As the poster above me said, I am doing better now than I ever have before: I feel better when I feed my body.

For me, I did what I have always wanted to: joined the military, graduated from college, and have been commissioned. The ED voice that tells me to starve, or to binge, or to purge? It's not as loud as it once was, and even if it is screaming, I know what I do now is so much more important, that it is so much more important that I continue to be healthy.

<3 You are doing great, and it makes me happy to hear it! :D

[lilacpetals]

I feel exactly the same. The voice is still there, except that I can almost always realize that that voice is ridiculous. Last weekend, I decided to go on an epic (70k) bike ride. The ed voice said "great, and don't bring good with you!" The regular voice (perhaps my conscience) decided to do what's best during an athletic pursuit, and I packed a huge lunch and had a big breakfast. Naturally, I had a better ride having listened to my conscience than if I'd listened to my ed voice. And because I choose to feed my body instead of listening to my eating disorder, I've also been very successful: I finished university and am doing a masters degree. I'm on my way to becoming a teacher. I'm learning to play the guitar and I've taken up rock climbing. I sing in a professional choir, like I've always dreamed of. Pretty awesome. I don't think the negative voice will ever completely go away, but I can learn and grow even more, to strengthen myself so that I know that that voice is the ridiculous one.

[azndancer]

I agree with most of the comments here. I had a disordered eating issue since I was thirteen up through about 22/23. I am mostly recovered now; meaning that I eat to stay healthy. I have grown a lot and find that if I want to succeed in the adult world, I need to let go of my food issues. The voice inside my head is always there, but quieter than it used to be. I can now rebut the "voice" with the knowledge that I need to be healthy and take care of my body and that my food issues were a symptom of my mental illness. But, when I'm under a lot of stress or pressure, I find that the voice gets louder and sometimes I listen to it. In the end, I always choose healthy though. I am 100% convinced that I want to live life. That was not the case when my ed was fullblown. I think that shift in mentality made a world of difference in how I react to recent upsurges in ed-tendencies.