Life after a long recovery

[liteweightbaby]

I've always wondered -- if you have been recovering for a long time (say 3+ years), have the thoughts in your head ever died down or gone away?  I'm referring to the thoughts or "voice" in your head that might say you're too big, you need to restrict or fast, you can't eat more than a certain number of calories otherwise you'll gain weight, etc

Comments

[never_anonymous]

It's also been several years for me in recovery and it seems the thoughts are gone 99% of the time. But, the idea of "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic" seems to apply to eating disorders. Especially, like you said, under stress. In my opinion, the tenancies are there and could return if given "the right" (wrong) environment. Every now and then I'll have a moment of "OMFG I'm disgustingly fat", followed by the CBT response of "so what?". It's a brief moment that I quickly forget about, but it's still there.

I don't know about anyone else, but the appeal of an ED is gone, even if the thoughts return. It doesn't seem like it would be comforting or solve any problems, even as thoughts are saying otherwise. That's probably the most difficult thing for me right now.

[liteweightbaby]

I feel the same way, the appeal of it is long gone. When I get these thoughts now I'm not like "OK, I can starve for a bit, it won't hurt" anymore, I think "Why would you treat your body like that?" instead.

[king_josie]

I've been in recovery for 3 years now. I never believed i could possibly be as recovered as i am now.

I don't think with EDs there's ever such a thing as total full "true" recovery-for-ever-and-ever ... like your ED is always lying dormant and the odd little flicker comes up when your defences are down (like when you're stressed or triggered). But over time your defences against the ED get stronger and the voice gets weaker until you can almost forget you were ever ill.

[spyral_path]

The thoughts still bubble up from time to time but I can easily dismiss them or realize they're standing in for something else. If I get a thought I can usually push it out of my head without reacting to it, or I can become aware of what I'm really feeling and deal with that.

[athlete_ana]

I have a feeling it will always be there. I find other methods to deal, and I'm not going to call myself "recovered" in any case.
I read a book recently called "Lying in Weight", all about EDs throughout a woman's lifetime, and it had a lot of very interesting info.

[komalow]

I finished IP treatment about two and a half years ago. I still experience a lot of negative body image and eating-related thoughts, especially when my (type-II) bipolar depression kicks in. I am INCREDIBLY lucky in that I have baller psychopharmaceuticals to get me through that, though. Anyway, I still miss the eating disorder. I still fantasize about going back, even though obviously I know it would make my life infinitely worse and that I would lose so much of what I've managed to gain. The difference now is that these thoughts aren't intolerable, and I think the longer you manage to go without symptoms, the less triggering and grating those thoughts become. They also become easier to reason with. . . less urgent and all-consuming.

I still don't know if I would label myself as "recovered" so much as "in recovery". . . but I also kind of don't care about the label anymore.