does stopping SI exacerbate your ED?

[_radioactivity]

So my boyfriend of 2.5 years cant stand it when I self harm so I have promised I would stop. Ive been doing pretty good but ever since I stopped I have noticed that my anorexia has reemerged it's ugly head and I'm already getting stuck in that downward spiral. Has anyone in here ever stopped self harming only to find your eating disorder to get

Comments

[king_josie]

I think this is quite common. SI and EDs are both ways of coping with your emotions and when you have issues like bipolar and BPD and so on your emotions are strong. I had a phase of recovery from my ED and as a result my depression and SI got out of control, to the extent that my SI was at a life-threatening level. I ended up intentionally letting myself relapse into my ED just to save myself, and then when i started recovering from my ED i found that SI re-emerged when i was stressed.

Have you talked to professionals much about these issues and had therapy?? You need to learn new ways to cope with your emotions that don't hurt you.

And don't beat yourself up for having these issues at your age - it's a myth that only teenagers struggle with these kindof issues.

[_radioactivity]

thank you SO much for your reply! im glad im not the only person this happens to and thank you for reassuring me that not only teenagers deal with this shit. i just feel so angsty complaining about it like this but i dont know where else to go

[samarium75]

EDs, anxiety disorders, and mood disorders are often comorbid with SI

[_radioactivity]

thank you so much for your response! when i look at it your way it makes a lot of sense. it is like replacing an addiction with another addiction (and ive def had experience in the world of drug addiction as well). im going to keep looking for someone who specializes in bpd but if you read the response i left to king_josie about my experiences with the mental health field it gives a better description as to why therapy in general scares the fuck out of me lol.

ive done three rounds of DBT before which i looooove but id really like to try something different. id like to try cbt but have heard its not "intense" enough for ppl with borderline. i dont know much about it tbh, but id love to give it a try... if i can find a facility willing to accept me lol. im really glad the cbt has helped for you so imma def check into that :D

thanks so much for your response <3

[_radioactivity]

also, i didnt know there was even a number of geriatric patients who SI at all... omg i can only picture it... the blood would be so intense. id be scared to cut myself if i were that old and my skin was so sensitive but then again if i dont break this habit i might end up being one of those old people puttin cigars out on their arms. i do NOT want to be known as the crazy cigar burn lady ;P

[pennfana]

*hugs* if you'll accept them from a stranger...

I've never had that exact thing happen to me, if only because I've never really tended to self-harm, and I'm certainly not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, but it does sound like your eating disorder has taken the place of your other self-harming behaviour, since you've promised that you'd stop hurting yourself in such obvious ways as you were.

DON'T feel guilty for feeling the way you do. Your feelings aren't ridiculous. They're serious things, and they come from problems that are in no way your fault. If you're not willing to seek therapy again, and I can certainly understand why you might not want to, then you at least need to be able to talk to someone you trust about what you're thinking and feeling. And your boyfriend needs to know that you aren't feeling OK. I know that you said that you don't want him to know, and that he'll feel worse than he does if you tell him precisely what you've been doing, but these things have a way of coming out regardless of whether you'd like

[_radioactivity]

awwww of course ill accept your hugs

[thewhiteroutine]

I don't have any good advice to offer, but wanted to say that I can relate. When I stopped self-harming, that's when my lifetime of disordered eating actually transitioned into a real eating disorder. And then last year, when I made my first serious attempt at recovery, I found myself self-harming again. I've made some relative progress at recovering, and I haven't self-harmed since those few incidents last year, so I do think it's possible to recover from both. But I get what you're going through. I still think about SI a lot, even if I don't act upon it, and even though I am trying in the recovery thing, I definitely have days where I engage in behaviors still. It's so hard to let it all go. I hope you can find relief. And I agree with what the others have said -- don't feel guilty or buy into the age stereotype. You need to believe that what you're going through is valid if you're going to get through it! <3

[_radioactivity]

actually your comment had a lot of good advice in it! it shows that recovery is possible. im really glad you told me your story! thank you so much and congrats on being free from SI for so long! thats really fuckin awesome! <3

[fragileme]

I'm in a similar situation right now. I stopped self-harming and relapsed horribly with my eating disorder, because "I wanted to hurt myself" I've since realized. I went into ED inpatient treatment and the self-harming urges flared up so badly that I was having vivid flashbacks and nightmares of myself harming myself, so vivid that I'd literally have to do body checks afterwards to make sure I had not actually done anything. My PTSD symptoms also began to reoccur with extreme intensity. When I look back over my life, I see that the majority of it was spent in different "phases" so to speak, when I was extremely active in cutting my ED was relatively under control and when I spiraled out of control with my ED my cutting/burning episodes decreased. I definitely believe these are comorbid issues more often than we seem to allow ourselves to believe. Keep fighting, I wish you all the best.

[_radioactivity]

im sorry you are in a similar situation :( the ptsd dreams sound horrible. i also have ptsd (did i mention that? i donno lol) so i know how scary the flashbacks and night terrors can be. i remember when i was inpatient once when my ED was in remission and because i couldnt harm i started starving thus the cycle began. when i look back i definiately see "phases" as you are referring them to as well . they really are comorbid issues which is quite sad but im glad there are some people out there who understand what im going through right now. and i will keep fighting! i even just ate a huge plate of chinese food and im not feeling guilty about it so thats a good thing i guess? :) <3

[fragileme]

I'm glad you're not feeling guilty. One step at a time, one step at a time...

[_radioactivity]

ty! the past few days ive been doing quite well. this community has given me some hope because i finally have found others that understand... its so hard to find that with ppl irl and when it comes to me and being friends with girls irl... it never works. i dont know why but they always seem to end up hating me :/ oh well lol