Decades ago, in university, I was a sperm donor. I gave over 25 couples a chance to have a family. Being strongly fertile has been a part of my identity for my entire adult life.
Tomorrow I am having a vasectomy. I do not know exactly who I will be afterwards...

The devil is real. She has dark eyes, and she calls to me when I feel weak.

Who could I tell? It might have been 20 years ago this very day. I lived in her basement. There was an enormous rain storm. I ran out to clear the storm drains so the house would not flood. Afterwards I played in the rain - I even grabbed a bar of soap and lathered up. She spied on me and was falling in love for the crazy kid half her age. ( Read more... )

You know, I think there is a huge disconnect called Deserve. We all think that we deserve this or that. I deserve to be treated thusly. The disconnect occurs because the universe disagrees with our personal vision of what we are entitled to ( Read more... )

I have a music folder on my computer that I started over ten years ago. It is filled with songs that make me think of situations that hurt me, or to a lesser extent, situations that I felt very deeply. The music in it goes back to 1996 maybe. I was listening last night before my girl came home from work, thinking about all the people and times ( Read more... )

I have so much to tell you that I can't manage to tell you anything at all...

there was a time when i thought differently. a time when i would pursue any opportunity presented to me immediately and without question. it's just that as i get older i realize that there are things i don't really need to experience. opportunities that should pass me by.

I met a great girl. She is pretty awesome...
But Jesus curses my love, so I am afraid.

Does anyone read this? Say so now....

it is especially lonely at night.