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[wikifascist]

Hey everyone. I'm new to livejournal and this community. I'm currently living with my girlfriend who has anorexia nervosa. I don't personally know anything about dealing with eating disorders, and it kills me being unable to do anything

Comments

[abeo_1987]

honestly you never will "get" it. it's a mental disorder as much as a physical one. the best thing you can do is support her and her decisions. please don't think she can just get over it. let her do here thing. try to be supportive and loving and let her know you love her for her and that she's beautiful. if you ever feel she is truly getting out of hand and you fear for her safety talk to her about it before acting.

[wikifascist]

I don't feel that I necessarily need first hand experience in order to grasp some of what she's going through... I just need to know enough to help. And I can't just let this keep happening... She's getting so thin that it's almost painful to look at her. :(

[abeo_1987]

you can definitely know enough to help, i just mean that you will never fully understand without experiencing it yourself. this community and some research, along with talking to your gf will definitely allow you an insight that can help you know what she's going through. just knowing it's important enough to you that you are looking into it will probably help her.

[bodyperestroika]

Does she want to recover? And what are your views on anorexia--what do you think she's going through?
You're in a tough place... You just have to let her know that you're there for her, regardless of her decisions. And the worst thing you can do is discuss her ED as if she can control it. A lot of the time, we develop EDs because we feel as though something (or everything) is our fault and we deserve to suffer. Don't let her think that you being upset is her fault either. Talk in positives instead of negatives.
How long have you been together? You need to be committed to her if you're going to help her... If you want her to recover, it will take a long time.

[wikifascist]

She says that some days she'd love to recover, and then some days she's too scared to even consider it.
Personally, I don't quite know what to think of anorexia. I know it's not about weight at all with my girlfriend. She's not happier by being thinner or anything. I know that she's had a rough past, so I figured that somehow contributed to it. She's told me that she struggles every day with "letting herself eat." Other than that, I'm pretty clueless.
We've been together for 3 years, and I'm very committed to her... We want to get married. I'm willing to help her with this for the rest of her life, if that's what it takes.
Thank you for your advice.

[bodyperestroika]

First of all, the fact that she has those days where she wants to recover are a very good sign for you. Your job is to be her support on those days that she wants to give up.
You're probably right about her past. If she can't 'let herself eat' then she most likely views her ED as some kind of atonement for something that happened. If you can find out what happened (without prying!) then you could slowly start to encourage her into thinking it isn't in fact her fault or that she doesn't "deserve" to have this ED. You have to be careful not to nag, though, or she'll completely shut down to your efforts.
I'm VERY glad that you love this girl so much. In the end, it's all about your effort to help her. You may get soooo tired sometimes, but you two seem to have done a lot already (I've read some other comments :P) Just keep it up. She's lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend! :)

[wikifascist]

Thanks.. lol "Amazing?" I don't know about that. I'm just worried.
What kinds of things would make you feel as though this disorder isn't your fault? Like, what could I say to her? Is it just little compliments that I have to sort of sprinkle into everyday life, or should we have a conversation about it? Or both? Sorry for all the questions :P
When should she see a psychologist for her eating disorder? Or is that one of those things she should decide? Because I want to let her make her own choices, but she's also extremely unhealthy right now... I've never seen her so small, and she's exhausted all the time...

[busysecrets]

I agree wholly with bodyperestroika, not so much with abeo_1987 for a few reasons.

First, you can start to understand by obtaining a background knowledge of what causes someone to develop an eating disorder. It's most likely a combination of control, guilt, self-hatred, addiction and fear, with additional quirks depending on the suffering person's experiences.

Second, you can ask her how her experiences and views on her eating disorder - why she does it, etc. - differ from those of other people suffering from eating disorders. This is possibly one of the best, and hardest, things you can do, and all I can say to warn you is to never argue with her perceptions - you'll only make her close up and away from you

[busysecrets]

Also, here are some links for you.

http://the-f-word.org
http://harrietbrown.blogspot.com
http://weighingthefacts.blogspot.com
Anorexia nearly killed my wife (from a partner's perspective)

[wikifascist]

Thank you so much for this. I've done a few of these things. We've talked about her eating disorder some, but she draws back sometimes when it gets really personal

[mariexbabyy]

welcome. i know it can be hard on you sometimes but the best thing is too not pressure her about it. people with E.D go through alot of stress. just watch over her. there isnt much that you can do. it`s a mental disorder [[i`m sure you`ve heard that like a billion times]] try to find out what`s making her want to do it. there`s always a reason as to why she started. try to get to the bottom of it. but DO NOT pressure her.

good luck.

[wikifascist]

Thanks. I've been trying... but, as you probably know, it's really painful and personal for her. I try to let her know that I'm willing to listen and won't judge, but ultimately she has to trust me enough to tell me.

[mariexbabyy]

yeaa. trust is everything with us. did she tell you about her E.D or did you just kida sorta found out?

[wikifascist]

I figured it out. I guess that doesn't help with the trust part, does it?