Poly

Nov 14, 2010 19:36

For those somehow not yet aware, I'm dating Mel (aka PurpleKecleon), and have been for some two and a half years. She is also married, and has been for about the same amount of time ( Read more... )

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Comments 32

ginni_tamez November 15 2010, 04:08:02 UTC
If they knew you a little bit better they wouldn't have to ask. <3 vee

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two_pi_r November 15 2010, 04:19:04 UTC
We got this for a while. It's particularly amusing when we were all living together, because Lauren would say something like "No, I manage to keep both of them in the dark when their rooms are right next to each other."

Nowadays I tend to avoid this by deliberately using constructions like "my girlfriend's boyfriend".

I also have to disambiguate between "my boyfriend" and "my boyfriend who is also dating my girlfriend", but that's entirely a different thing.

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eevee November 15 2010, 04:28:41 UTC
I bust out the "my girlfriend's husband" when appropriate, but we don't interact that much so that isn't very often. I guess it doesn't help that everyone regards me as subordinate, because clearly marriage is 'superior' to dating.

Sounds like a great opportunity to attach modifiers all over the place. "My mono boyfriend", "my coboyfriend", etc.

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two_pi_r November 15 2010, 04:35:38 UTC
The all-purpose modifier Jarrod uses is "co-"; I tend towards "meta-".

Further amusement can be derived from Jarrod's girlfriend (the one that isn't also mine) dating another guy named Jared.

For some reason people think this is complicated. I probably should break out the common lisp program I used to diagram this thing more often.

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eevee November 15 2010, 04:37:39 UTC
Yes I may need a graph (in the nodes/edges sense) of some kind here.

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eevee November 15 2010, 08:34:00 UTC
異議あり!!

1. Everyone who has asked this question-indeed, nearly everyone who knows at all-is a furry or at least tangentially involved with the furry community. A community where relationships can only safely be represented as directed graphs, and in which some people consider fellatio to be a friendly greeting.

I've had one of my roommates ask whether the husband knows, during a period where he himself was having regular weekly encounters with some other guy with his boyfriend's blessing2. I have never in my life heard of an infidelitous relationship being referred to as "boyfriend + girlfriend" or "dating", the terms I always use to refer to Mel ( ... )

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rax November 15 2010, 13:25:04 UTC
1. Everyone who has asked this question-indeed, nearly everyone who knows at all-is a furry or at least tangentially involved with the furry community. A community where relationships can only safely be represented as directed graphs, and in which some people consider fellatio to be a friendly greeting.

I get this question all the time from other academics in a Gender Studies department. We don't (...professionally) use fellatio as a greeting, but you'd think we'd be on top of this shit. Nope! I've taken to just appending "everyone knows" to the end of discussions about my relationships so that I don't have to deal with the inevitable question. Which is lazy, but, sometimes I'm lazy.

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jeweledhibiscus November 15 2010, 17:25:02 UTC
it's like the involvement of marriage forces everyone's perspective into some sacred 50s view of nuclear families

This. I have a good friend (female) who is married to a man whose health has deteriorated over the years they've been married, to the point where sex is no longer a part of their life together, and thus she pursues sexual relationships with other people. With his blessing. And she gets asked "Does he know?" by people who are propositioning her.
I could say I don't understand the worship of marriage in our culture (and practically every other 'civilized' one), but that becomes a whole different issue.

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stokerbramwell November 15 2010, 07:57:34 UTC
I'm kind of surprised at this point that polyamory isn't better known.

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eevee November 15 2010, 08:13:07 UTC
I scoff at anyone who grumbles about gay marriage. At least you have a few states as options.

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stokerbramwell November 15 2010, 09:20:03 UTC
I'd just like to see the government remove its restrictions on ALL kinds of marriage. As long as everyone's consenting adults I don't see why any number of people of any genders and orientations shouldn't be able to enter into any kind of partnership they want to.

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eevee November 15 2010, 16:02:04 UTC
Oh, there are two very good reasons.

1. Taxes.
2. Forms.

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eevee November 15 2010, 08:02:15 UTC
If anything this has made marriage seem far less.. weighty. 8) At this point I think my only interest in marriage is that everyone else regards it as a stronger bond.

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