You bet your ass I'm listening to Sade right now.  I'm about to go on a little mountaineering adventure with Kona.  We're gonna go play in the snow together.  I am excited cause I am finally going to California.  I started talking to an old friend who lives out there and I am planning a trip to go visit him.  It's been a while since I've been ( Read more... )

Why am I still seeking out the approval of my father.  I'm 21 and last time I checked I was grown.  I want him to help me but I turn away my mother.  Why am I clinging to every good man that I see that spares a kind word for me?  Good man... hm.  Never known one.  I'm dying to meet one truly good willed man.  Or good-willed person.  I don't know if ( Read more... )

I would ask you if you're being sneaky but I know that you're going to say no.  I don't understand cowards.  I don't understand how someone could be sure enough to do something but then not sure enough to own up to it after the fact.  I have been asking a question lately that is easy to answer.   And I'm getting a vague response.  But ambiguity is ( Read more... )

I have decided I need to step my game up.  I realized I've lost sight of all the things I was passionate about.  I've grown a lot and I realized how much control I have in my life.  I've learned to let go of things I can't control.  Which brings me to my most recent happenings.  I've gone through some weird things this year.  Melanoma and cervical ( Read more... )

I have enough to deal with right now without you hurting me.  I don't need it... so just do me this one thing and go.  It hurts that it ended this way but it was going to happen sooner or later.  You're free of me now you pushed me and pushed me and I can only take so much.  I'm gonna try and look at the glass half full.

You've broken it.  You will probably never get that back.  You have never fully had my trust and rightfully so.  You don't deserve it.  I like how doing that was your way of extracting revenge on me for not giving you enough  of my trust.  Maybe if you were an open and honest person you would have gotten it.  You're secretive and a coward.  You don ( Read more... )

Something awful happened to me.  Had to go to the emergency room.  My life will never be the same.  But I'm still alive.  And I have percocet and a Grande Meal from Taco Bell.  So all is not lost.  My heart is broken but I'm still here.  I think to myself "just one more thing and I'm gonna end this" I wanna have the control.  I don't know what I ( Read more... )

I have been waking up at 4:45 to 5 ish for training.  Kicks my ass and I'm tired all day... then I get home and I'm like not tired anymore.  It's gayyy.  Haha.  But training is super easy and we get breaks all the time when we are just learning fluff material.   I'm getting paid to learn fluff.  The people in my department are really nice.  I ( Read more... )

Today was pretty sweet.  I stayed up too early in the morning and slept in till like 2ish.  Kept getting messages so I woke up.  Figured it's Easter I'm gonna do something.  So I got ready... had a moment of girl talk with my mother.  Not a good night last night.  But today made up for it.  Took a shower got dressed and picked up Dale.  We went to ( Read more... )

I'm listening to little meditation music.  It's pretty sweet.  It's like all I listen to these days.  It's my little Zen Garden... but not.  I think when I get my new place I'm gonna decorate it in such a way that it just makes me happy to be there all the time.  Primary focus area being the bathroom and the living room.  I can't wait to have my ( Read more... )