It has been a really long damn time since my last confession ……….Father.

[eigen_vector]

I’ve been neglecting Live Journal for a bit. I’ve been around, but not really here. Boredom does strange things with my mind. I start to think of things that maybe I should not be thinking about. I’d write about more of them but the fact of the matter is I hate to write. I don’t write. This Journal is very much one of the first times I really

Comments

[__batgirl__]

most of that would take much more absorption before i would dream of commenting. two comments and a question for now.

when anyone tells me they regret nothing, i assume they must never have found their boundaries, because the very nature of boundaries (to me) can only be found by crossing them.

try not to be too hard on yourself for not standing up and protecting. its easy for someone to judge that from the outside. the reality is that under enough duress, we would all, like winston did to julia, throw absolutely anyone in the path to save ourselves. i know in my one abusive relationship there were points where id have let any breathing human take my place just for a break. anyone including my mother, my brother, etc.

when you provoked your mother, did you wish for her to do it? or did you feel so drained by her implicit threat of doing so that you became sick of it, baited her to show you knew she wouldnt?

[eigen_vector]

It was very much of both…..but I’m sad to admit that at the time I wished for her to do it and did my best to make it happen. She has come close to being successful a few times, but not that time.

[swandust]

In my mind, the word "regret" means "I wish I never did that" which would mean that I would wish to be rid of the experiences I have learned from the situations....Sure I feel remorse and even sorrow for some of the things I have done in my life but I don't think I could say that I regret them....I feel that I actually have alot of boundaries (Johnny can back me up on that one hehe!) which help me avoid situations that could prove to become pretty bad....I guess it is all a matter of perception...=)

[eigen_vector]

As we grow older, mature, and gain experience, boundaries should change; some not all.
So it is with our values. Some change faster, some change more or less. Amidst change there are no absolutes to what is wrong or right. It is perception. Even the natural order of things seems cruel and evil at times. Who is to say? Cultures, philosophies, religions? If you look too hard at the word regret and what it means it may become an issue of semantics.

I made choices at a time when I was not “ready”. My boundaries changed in a manner that conflicted with past choice. That is why I regret.

[swandust]

You say that you do not want sympathy or empathy but as a person who is a very important part of my life, I cannot help but feel sadness when I read those words....Don't get wierd when I say that....It is what happens when people are concerned for other people on our planet

[eigen_vector]

That’s ok Kele-de…………..you are welcome to express yourself. I will not criticize or hold sympathy or empathy against you. It just had nothing to do with this post. My aim was only to explore regret.

[lauracroft]

I wish you could pass onto me that beautiful gift of forgiving. I have gotten to the point where I'm letting go of wrongs done to me in the past, but there's still a judgement since the people have not changed. A wise man once said "hate the sin and not the sinner" as one may hope Johnny's younger brother may learn to do, but the matter of actually forgiving that person completely...I think if I could learn that, I would be much closer in my quest for peace and contentment.

[eigen_vector]

It did not happen over night…….that is for sure……but the evolution of me learning to forgive and NOT forget felt like a load of bricks off my back. It is still a semantic issue to define what forgiveness means to us all. The past occurrences influences me greatly…..I guess I just do a good job of not letting that bias manifest as extreme negativity (in my thoughts and actions) as it once did…..or at least try.

[t3rrorvisi0n]

hey its Anna...I added you 8)...nice to find you on livejournal..xo

[eigen_vector]

I add you also dear. Take care....xo

[eigen_vector]

Its all good. I think I cope with these matters very well. Like I mentioned it was only to illustrate regret. I can still embrace the lesson

[__batgirl__]

i dont think its so easily divided. saying its chemical doesnt really address or dismiss behavioural shaping. we do shape each other and our internal biological patterns. people can become addicted to stress, pain, any number of events that they get exposed to enough to adapt to because their bodies acclimatise to the chemicals released by the body. at which point they have chemical issues stemming from life events and patterns.