Someone Just Like You (Part 2)
Title: Someone Just Like You
Rating: PG
Pairing: Sungkyu/Myungsoo
Length: 10,039
Summary: Sometimes the only one you want is way out of your reach. Myungsoo is a poor student and Kim Sunggyu is the leader of a popular rock band. Myungsoo supposes it doesn’t get any further than that.
originally written for Infinite Secret Santa 2014
Part 1 | Part 2
( previous )
The sad truth’s I want no one
Unless that someone’s you
There is nothing out of the ordinary about Myungsoo’s life the week that follows. Myungsoo goes to work, then spends the rest of his time on his project.
But there is something out of the ordinary about Myungsoo.
Hoya still hasn’t spoken a word pertaining to Sunggyu since that night, and Myungsoo appreciates it, because Myungsoo honestly has no idea what he is even going to do about anything.
Sunggyu calls him first, the night after, inviting Myungsoo to the recording studio the next day. Myungsoo declines, citing work as an excuse.
Sunggyu calls him again in the middle of the week, asking him out for dinner. Myungsoo did not flat out reject him, but he hasn’t agreed either. Sunggyu says he’ll be waiting for him.
So Myungsoo’s stuck in this situation again. After one week of avoiding any topic relating to Sunggyu, he finally can’t escape it.
Hoya’s arms are crossed as he fixes Myungsoo with a dry look.
Sungjong is just tut-tutting away.
Myungsoo sits on the edge of his bed looking like a sad kitten.
None of his friends are actually buying it, though.
“I don’t know what your issue is.” Sungjong says.
“I do,” Hoya contributes, then clears his throat and continues in a perfect imitation of Myungsoo’s voice, “‘But I’m just his fan!’”
“Ah, that complicates things,” Sungjong rolls his eyes.
“I’m not you, Lee Sungjong! I’m not you who doesn’t need to be a superstar to fit in the world of glitz and glamour. I’m not meant for that, and you know it.”
“No, you’re not,” Sungjong deadpans, then stares at Myungsoo. “You’re just scared.”
“I’m not-” Myungsoo darts his eyes back and forth between both Sungjong and Hoya, then lowers his gaze. “-scared.”
Myungsoo feels defeated.
This ought to be everything he wanted. This is what every fan wants, isn’t it?
Myungsoo buries his face in his hands.
Hoya uncrosses his arms and strides over to Myungsoo, very unceremoniously pushing him to make space for himself, then sits next to him and puts an arm around his shoulders.
“Come on, Soo, it’s just dinner.”
“I just don’t want to seem like I’m desperate.”
“If there’s anyone who seems desperate, it’s not you, darling,” Sungjong says and reaches out to pat his thigh.
“Then that’s a problem too!”
“Hyung, just go for the dinner. You know we’re always on standby if you need us.”
Hoya nods. “Jjong’s right.”
“He wants to see you, and I know you want to see him too-”
Myungsoo looks up at this point and opens his mouth to say something but the words die on his tongue because Sungjong puts up a hand to stop him.
“Don’t lie to me.”
Myungsoo settles for a pout instead.
“Like Hoya hyung said, it’s just dinner.”
And so it is.
Myungsoo gets a text from Sunggyu telling him that he’s waiting for him inside the restaurant. His heartbeat speeds up a little, but Myungsoo ignores it as he pushes the door open.
It’s an exquisite little Japanese place that looks authentic, exactly like what Myungsoo always sees on television. There aren’t a lot of people because there aren’t many seats, so Myungsoo spots Sunggyu immediately.
He’s just sitting there in a hoodie and jeans, flipping through the menu absently, and Myungsoo swoons at his profile.
In fact, Myungsoo swoons for close to a minute before Sunggyu spots him and breaks into a wide smile, waving him over.
So Myungsoo takes his seat next to Sunggyu.
“Hi, Myungsoo.”
“Hi, hyung.”
“How’s your week?”
Terrible. “Good.”
“Good is... good,” Sunggyu chuckles, then pushes a menu towards him. “Here. I thought you might appreciate Japanese food.”
Sunggyu definitely remembers when Myungsoo had mentioned last week that he would love to visit Japan someday because he loves the food.
So Myungsoo orders udon, Sunggyu picks ramen, and they get a whole bunch of sides to share.
Sunggyu tells Myungsoo about his week. He’s mostly been in the studio working on the new album, and hasn’t seen much of the outside world because once he’s in the mood to write, he doesn’t stop. And he’s been feeling really inspired.
Myungsoo’s captivated.
When they were talking in the pub last week, Sunggyu had sounded more distant, even though they were so close to each other. The light jazz music and the dark atmosphere was perfect for privacy with a touch of romance, but perhaps Myungsoo didn’t feel it enough. As much as Myungsoo enjoys drinking with his friends, clubs and pubs aren’t really his thing, unlike how comfortable Sunggyu seems to be.
Here in the warm glow of the yellow lights, where there is faint chattering from all around, the aroma of food wafting in the air, and Sunggyu’s voice crisp and clear in his ear, his face close enough for Myungsoo to notice the imperfections but still beautiful nonetheless, Myungsoo finally gets it.
Sunggyu may live in a world entirely different from his, but Sunggyu is still just another regular person. All the fame and glory and superstar status aside, Sunggyu’s really no different from any man his age.
And Myungsoo is completely smitten with this side of Sunggyu that’s different from the Kim Sunggyu he reads about in interviews and obsesses about on television. This Sunggyu is real, and this Sunggyu is within his reach.
So it is just dinner.
Myungsoo spends most of it slurping his udon and listening to Sunggyu speak.
At some point they reach for the same grilled shishamo and end up arguing for five minutes over who should take it. Sunggyu does, but only because Myungsoo shoves one end of it into his mouth, which earns him a death glare from the older man. Myungsoo merely laughs and happily continues to eat his udon.
Sunggyu later retaliates by shoving a piece of agedashi tofu into Myungsoo’s mouth. Myungsoo smacks his arm and Sunggyu snickers into his food, so Myungsoo pushes his arm and then Sunggyu’s laughing so hard he almost falls off his chair. But the only thing that actually falls is a piece of vegetable from Sunggyu’s mouth, so Myungsoo is laughing too.
At the end of dinner, both of them are all smiles and faces flushed from laughing too much.
Myungsoo knows that he owes Hoya and Sungjong a lot because if it weren’t for them then he wouldn’t have had such a great time.
Sunggyu pulls his hood over his head as they walk out onto the street. Myungsoo glances at him, then looks around. At least he doesn’t look out of place since it’s nearing the end of autumn and beginning to get chilly.
“Is it difficult?”
Sunggyu looks at Myungsoo and frowns. “What is?”
“To have to hide.”
“Not always.”
Myungsoo tilts his head.
“Most of the time they leave us alone, but sometimes when we really don’t want to be disturbed, I guess we have to take extra precautions and cover up a little.”
Myungsoo nods.
“It’s not nice to bring trouble to the people you care about too.”
Myungsoo doesn’t react, and neither of them speak as they continue down the street. Myungsoo wonders if Sunggyu actually knows where they are heading to, or he’s just walking without direction.
Sunggyu does.
The river is a beautiful place at night, flanked by bright lights that illuminate the scene. Myungsoo comes here from time to time, because the contrasting images of the happenings along and around the river in the day and at night make for great storytelling through his camera lens.
Sunggyu stops at an empty bench and both of them wordlessly sit way too close to each other.
“Do you come here often?” Myungsoo asks softly, afraid to disrupt the tranquility.
“Occasionally,” Sunggyu replies, his voice just as soft. “It’s pretty at night. I like to come here by myself when I need some time.”
“You said in an interview that this is where you got the idea for ‘I Need You’.”
Sunggyu smiles. “You would know that.”
Myungsoo panics. “I swear I’m not a stalker-”
“Relax, Myungsoo. I’ve pretty much figured that out myself.” Sunggyu turns to look at Myungsoo, then pats his head. “I know what it’s like to be completely obsessed with someone to the point that you’d want to know everything about them and want to see them all the time.”
“I’m not-”
“You bought 120 albums because of me, are you really going to deny that?”
Myungsoo shuts up.
“The point is, there’s a difference between that and being a crazed fan.”
The thing is, Myungsoo doesn’t see any.
“You know what sets you apart from so many others like you?”
“My face?” Myungsoo offers, remembering what Sungjong had said about first impressions, and also what Sunggyu said at the club.
Sunggyu laughs. “That too, of course. But that’s not it.”
Myungsoo doesn’t know.
“Your guilelessness.”
What.
“And the fact that I felt comfortable around you.”
Myungsoo doesn’t speak.
“The first time I saw you, I knew you were something else. And I think you knew, too, that you unnerved me. I may not have had the chance to interact with our fans that way before, but on that day only you made me feel that way, with your ridiculous stare and all.” Sunggyu pauses for a moment, as if thinking back to the time when their eyes first met.
“My friends and seniors are always talking about the fans they have who are handsome or pretty, but at the end of the day, that’s all they are, you know? Because you know that they will always be that-just fans.”
Myungsoo doesn’t know where this is going.
“With you, I felt like there could be something different. You were neither being a bumbling idiot or overzealously chatty.”
“I was too nervous and couldn’t speak.” Myungsoo says sheepishly.
Sunggyu chuckles.
“For all you know, I could be one of those quiet anti-fans plotting your murder.”
Sunggyu’s chuckle turns into a laugh. “Then you’re missing a lot of chances to.”
Myungsoo shakes his head. “I’m just waiting for the right time.”
“So when is the right time, Myungsoo?”
Myungsoo hates it. He absolutely detests when Sunggyu speaks his name. It must be a sin for anyone to make his name sound so dreamy and sexy. Myungsoo wants to hear it for the rest of his life.
“What am I to you right now, Myungsoo?”
There is nothing but silence for the moments that follow, then Myungsoo lowers his head and breathes, “Everything.”
No other word seems adequate to describe the importance of Sunggyu in Myungsoo’s life. On the hardest days, it’s Sunggyu’s voice that keeps him going. It’s the thought of Sunggyu that pushes him forward, the thought that Sunggyu has worked so hard to get to where he is, that motivates Myungsoo to do the same. Truthfully, even ‘everything’ sounds weak. Myungsoo has often wondered what he might have been doing now if he hadn’t heard Sunggyu’s song that day. Perhaps a little richer, but definitely still without direction.
And now that Sunggyu’s closer to him than ever before, Myungsoo is scared to lose him. He is afraid to lose the Sunggyu he has become so comfortable with in such a short time. No one else has made him feel this way and it scares him.
Sunggyu was supposed to be an unattainable god, not this man who’s sitting next to Myungsoo and looking at him like he’s the only one who matters.
“Everything?” Sunggyu echoes.
Myungsoo nods as his face starts burning up.
“Then be my everything too.”
Myungsoo’s heart stops.
“I’m serious, Myungsoo. I want you to be my friend, my fan, and above all, just, mine.”
Myungsoo opens his mouth but nothing comes out so he closes it again. His heart is screaming at him to say yes because Kim Sunggyu is the man of his dreams, Kim Sunggyu is all he wants, and Kim Sunggyu is everything he needs.
There’s no reason for him to say no, except the rational voice in his head yelling at him that Sunggyu is way out of his league, that Sunggyu is from a world different from his, that Sunggyu is too big a risk to take.
But Myungsoo’s 21. He can afford to take a risk. There’s no telling what will happen in the future, but this moment now is real and he needs to live in it.
Sunggyu places a tentative hand on Myungsoo’s cheek and gently draws him closer to face him.
Myungsoo stares into Sunggyu’s eyes and Sunggyu stares back.
“Myungsoo.”
“Yes.”
“Yes?”
“Yes, hyung, yes. Yes. Yes!”
“I- I was going to wait for the next time I ask you out to say this because I was afraid I’d scare you away but-”
Sunggyu’s face is so close to Myungsoo’s again and Myungsoo is so aware of it this time and the movement of his lips is just so distracting that Myungsoo reflexively moves even closer.
“-you know what, I talk too much. Fuck it.”
Sunggyu cups Myungsoo’s cheeks with both his hands and closes the gap between their lips.
Myungsoo melts.
It’s a chaste kiss, but the firm press of Sunggyu’s lush lips against his own is enough to make Myungsoo feel like he’s in paradise.
When Sunggyu pulls away, Myungsoo blushes so hard he hides his face in his hands.
Sunggyu laughs. “Oh god, you’re the most adorable thing ever.”
Myungsoo pushes at Sunggyu’s arm but that only makes Sunggyu laugh harder.
So Sunggyu sends Myungsoo back to his dorm again. He reaches for Myungsoo’s hand and laces their fingers together at some point of the journey, and Myungsoo reciprocates the action by holding his hand back tightly.
Then they end up standing outside the door of Myungsoo’s dorm room for ages.
“That was a very unplanned first date. Let me take you on a real first date next time.”
Myungsoo shakes his head. “It was perfect, hyung. I couldn’t have asked for anything better.”
“Well, you deserve only the best, Myungsoo.” Sunggyu strokes the side of Myungsoo’s hair.
Myungsoo’s cheeks get puffed up in his bid to not squeal. “You’re the best!” He squeaks instead.
Sunggyu grins. “And you’re killing me.”
Then Sunggyu’s kissing him again and Myungsoo thinks it is going to get serious when-
“Seriously.”
Ah, the ever-familiar and warm judgmental tone of voice of his best friend that Myungsoo will recognize regardless of how far away it is.
Sunggyu seems to be the type who doesn’t care for denial and hiding, because he doesn’t even bother stopping right away-not that Myungsoo minds-but instead takes his own sweet time.
Hoya’s already standing next to them by the time they separate.
“Out here. Really.” Hoya deadpans. “You know, if you want to hurt your career by getting caught doing something as taboo as this, that’s your problem. But don’t bring Soo into it.”
“Hoya!” Myungsoo gasps.
“Duly noted.”
Hoya leaves them at the door without saying anything more.
“He’s right,” Sunggyu says to Myungsoo when the door’s shut. “I shouldn’t be so reckless.”
Myungsoo sees now that he’s not the only one taking a risk. Sunggyu’s taking one far bigger than he is.
“Anyway, come to the studio tomorrow?”
Myungsoo smiles and nods.
The first thing he does when he enters the dorm room is to dive onto his bed, bury his face in his pillow, and squeal.
“You can bring him in here if you want to, but no hanky-panky, please.”
“We’re not even near that point yet!” Myungsoo grabs a stray cushion and tosses it at Hoya.
“I’m just trying to protect my eyes!”
“You are just horrible!”
“Don’t forget you owe Jjong and me for convincing your lame ass to go meet him!”
Myungsoo keeps quiet and sulks.
Hoya notices and chuckles. “But congratulations, Soo. I’m happy for you.”
Sungjong screams into the phone when Hoya puts him on speaker mode and makes Myungsoo tell him.
It is well into winter the next time Myungsoo and Sunggyu have an outdoors date again. They’ve pretty much spent the past weeks either at the studio or in Myungsoo’s dorm, since Sunggyu has been recording a lot for the new album due in the beginning of spring, and Myungsoo still has quite a bit to cover for his project.
Both are them are so well bundled up that no one, except probably their closest friends, can recognize them, so they hold hands and stroll along the river.
“What are your plans for next year?”
“Hmm, graduate and find a job?”
“Why does it sound like I’m not in your plans?”
“Oh, trust me, you’re in all of my plans.” Myungsoo grins.
“What about your pants?”
Myungsoo narrows his eyes at Sunggyu. “No.”
“I don’t get it, you watch so much porn but you refuse to do the real thing.”
“I do not watch porn!”
“Ha. Ha.”
“Just sometimes!”
“You tell yourself that, Kim Myungsoo.”
Myungsoo huffs, releasing Sunggyu’s hand and crossing his arms.
Sunggyu laughs and puts his arm around Myungsoo.
Myungsoo refuses to look at him.
“Okay, my innocent angel. So what are your plans besides graduating and finding a job? What jobs are you looking at?”
Myungsoo uncrosses his arms and hugs Sunggyu’s arm, clinging to him and causing Sunggyu to walk awkwardly.
“I haven’t thought about it. Definitely something to do with photography, though.”
“I figured.” Sunggyu smiles.
“What are your plans, hyung?”
Sunggyu shrugs. “Release a couple of albums, go on a world tour?”
“Can you please not have too many fansigns? I’m poor.”
“It’s okay, I’ll have a dozen private fansigns just for you.”
“But I need to go to your fansigns and take photos of you and become the greatest fansite-”
Sunggyu bursts into laughter at this point and doesn’t stop for the next minute.
Myungsoo grins and leans towards him to peck his cheek.
The faux fur from Myungsoo’s hood tickles Sunggyu and makes him laugh again. “Okay, my No. 1 fan.”
“Your one and only.”
“My one and only.” Sunggyu agrees, smiling, and taps Myungsoo’s nose.
Myungsoo giggles.
“Oh, Soo?”
“Hmm?”
Sunggyu stops by the side of the path and turns to face Myungsoo. “Your hand, please.”
Myungsoo obediently holds out his hand even though he doesn’t know why Sunggyu needs it.
Sunggyu reaches into his pocket, then pushes the jacket sleeve of Myungsoo’s left arm up a little, before seemingly tying something around Myungsoo’s wrist. When he takes his hands away, he looks up at Myungsoo. “Merry Christmas, Myungsoo.”
Myungsoo lifts his hand. The black cotton cord is fastened around Myungsoo’s wrist, and in the middle are three intertwining rings-of pink gold, yellow gold, and white gold. Myungsoo knows exactly what it is. He’s seen it while browsing the internet to look for a gift for Sunggyu.
Love, fidelity, and friendship. That’s what it means.
Myungsoo blushes, and is glad he can attribute it to the cold wind.
“It’s beautiful. Thank you, hyung.” Myungsoo pauses, “I have something for you too. It’s not as lavish as yours but...”
“I do earn a lot more than you do, silly. Don’t starve for me.”
“I already do,” Myungsoo sticks his tongue out at Sunggyu.
Sunggyu laughs and pats his head.
Myungsoo swats his hand away and pouts. “You’re annoying.”
“Your annoying boyfriend would like to have his present too.”
Myungsoo grabs Sunggyu’s hand and pushes a small box into it. “Here, annoying boyfriend.”
Sunggyu grins as he opens the box. It’s a pair of ear studs, of a small silver planet.
“Because you’re my world. Merry Christmas, hyung.”
“Please explain to me how it is legal for someone so hot to be so adorable at the same time.” Sunggyu says as he draws Myungsoo into a hug. “Thank you, Myungsoo.”
It may have been a couple of months, but Myungsoo still gets all these butterflies whenever Sunggyu says his name. He doesn’t really get it, because it’s just his name, and everyone says his name. Yet somehow it is just different when it’s Sunggyu.
Myungsoo hugs Sunggyu back tightly, and then he feels something settle on his eyelashes. Glancing upwards, he sees the gentle snow that has just begun to fall.
“It’s snowing,” Sunggyu murmurs.
Myungsoo nods, leaning away to look at him.
Sunggyu cups Myungsoo’s face and strokes his cheek with his thumb. They stay that way for a while, with Myungsoo’s arms around Sunggyu’s waist, the silence comfortable as they just gaze at each other.
Myungsoo thinks Sunggyu has something to say but he’s unsure if he should say it, because Myungsoo, too, has words stuck on the tip of his tongue.
Sunggyu kisses Myungsoo instead, but that lasts for all of three seconds before he starts chuckling.
“That fur of yours is so ticklish.”
“But my ears will be cold if I don’t put up my hood.” Myungsoo pouts.
“Fine, I’ll deal with it, then.”
Myungsoo grins victoriously and reaches up to grab Sunggyu’s scarf to pull him close again so their noses are brushing.
“Myungsoo.”
“Yes, hyung?”
“Myungsoo, Myungsoo, Myungsoo.”
“Gyu hyung, Gyu hyung, Gyu hyung?”
“I love you.”
The three words take a while to sink in, then Myungsoo throws his arms around Sunggyu’s neck.
“I love you too.”
Sunggyu kisses him.
Myungsoo thinks they have both known for a while now, that these feelings they have for each other have grown into love, but Myungsoo hasn’t said anything because he was scared before. Dating a superstar is uncharted territory. Hell, even dating is pretty much still new to him. So Myungsoo’s afraid of the consequences that come with the admission of love.
But Myungsoo has nothing to be afraid of, and he understands now, enveloped in Sunggyu’s protective embrace. He is everything to Sunggyu, just as Sunggyu is everything to him. And Myungsoo needs no one else but him.
++++++++++++++++++++
For these sides of me to not shake any more
I need you now
Myungsoo wakes up every morning to a beautiful voice that belongs to a man as beautiful. The man of his dreams, with a voice so sweet, a face so heavenly, and fingers so graceful when they’re dancing on guitar strings… The man of his dreams is...
Myungsoo jumps out of bed. If Sunggyu isn’t next to him then it can only mean one thing-Myungsoo overslept. Obviously he had pressed the snooze button too many times.
Sunggyu never wakes Myungsoo when he has schedules that begin too early in the morning, even though Myungsoo has said two hundred times over that he should.
It is summer, and Myungsoo had graduated for a couple of months, which also meant that he and Hoya aren’t living together anymore. Hoya had finally graduated too, even though he is a year older than Myungsoo, since his course of study took an extra year.
So Sunggyu had proposed that Myungsoo move in with him.
Living with Sunggyu is a lot of fun as it is trouble, for Sunggyu is ridiculously messy, and Myungsoo ends up being his housekeeper. ‘Payment for rent’ is what Sunggyu calls it. ‘Free slave’ is what Myungsoo calls it. Nevertheless, Myungsoo’s more than content with this arrangement.
Being a freelance photographer, Myungsoo needs to be in the city more often than not because he needs to meet potential clients, so living with Sunggyu works out.
Today, Myungsoo has no clients to meet. He does, however, have a very important photography event to work on.
It has been a while since the last fansign Myungsoo had gone to. And he is nervous.
Never mind that the artistes are just his boyfriend and his bandmates who are now also Myungsoo’s friends. It is still a fansign and Myungsoo’s just going to be nervous anyway.
Myungsoo gets a good seat for this round, and prepares his camera for their appearance. Sunggyu spots him almost immediately, but refuses to pose for his camera. Yes, Sunggyu is most definitely an annoying boyfriend.
Going onto stage to get the autographs is less nerve-wrecking, because Myungsoo’s too busy being angry at Sunggyu.
The three other members pretend Myungsoo is just a fan and says generic things to him, which amuses Myungsoo a bit, but he notices that they’ve all signed funny messages on his album. One of them says ‘Dear brother-in-law’ and Myungsoo is both embarrassed yet still raging at Sunggyu at the same time.
Sunggyu’s last, and Myungsoo glares at him.
Sunggyu smiles and gestures him to go closer. Myungsoo instinctively does then regrets it immediately. He has no interest in hearing what Sunggyu has to say right now, unless he has a perfectly good explanation as to why he isn’t posing for Myungsoo’s camera.
But the first thing Sunggyu does is blow at Myungsoo’s ear, which turns Myungsoo’s face red instantly, then Sunggyu goes on to whisper, “See you tonight.”
It takes all of Myungsoo’s self-control and preservation to not shriek at Sunggyu and hit him. So Myungsoo grabs his signed album and runs away, blushing.
When Myungsoo flips through the album to look at Sunggyu’s signed message, he doesn’t know if he should laugh or cry.
‘Any plans for tonight? ;) xxx’
When Sunggyu gets home that night, he is assaulted by a flurry of cushions.
“No plans for you!” Myungsoo yells at him.
“But Soo-”
“No but’s!”
“Not even mine?”
“Not even yours, and you can’t have mine!”
Sunggyu sidles up to Myungsoo on the couch.
“Go away.”
“Oh come on, I’ve had a long day. Give me a kiss.”
“No, I don’t give annoying boyfriends any kisses.”
“But I have something for you in return.”
Myungsoo shakes his head.
Sunggyu sighs. Then pouts. “Myungsoooooooooo. Please.”
Damn, the man knows just how to get Myungsoo all the time. Myungsoo gives in a little, and pecks Sunggyu’s cheek.
Sunggyu grins. “Okay, Soo. Here’s what. We’re announcing our world tour tomorrow, and I want you to come with us.”
“What?” Myungsoo blurts out.
“Be our official photographer.”
Myungsoo stares at Sunggyu like he’s gone mad.
“This world tour is going to be the most amazing thing we’ve ever done, and I want you to come with us. Once it’s over you can quit and do whichever kind of photography you want to do then, but for now... come with us. Travel the world with me.”
Myungsoo just keeps staring at Sunggyu as his brain races to process this information.
“Myungsoo.”
“Yes.”
“Yes!” Sunggyu grabs Myungsoo’s face and peppers kisses all over it.
Myungsoo grins and cups the back of Sunggyu’s head, pressing his lips lightly against Sunggyu’s and murmurs, “Let’s go together forever.”
Rating: PG
Pairing: Sungkyu/Myungsoo
Length: 10,039
Summary: Sometimes the only one you want is way out of your reach. Myungsoo is a poor student and Kim Sunggyu is the leader of a popular rock band. Myungsoo supposes it doesn’t get any further than that.
originally written for Infinite Secret Santa 2014
Part 1 | Part 2
( previous )
The sad truth’s I want no one
Unless that someone’s you
There is nothing out of the ordinary about Myungsoo’s life the week that follows. Myungsoo goes to work, then spends the rest of his time on his project.
But there is something out of the ordinary about Myungsoo.
Hoya still hasn’t spoken a word pertaining to Sunggyu since that night, and Myungsoo appreciates it, because Myungsoo honestly has no idea what he is even going to do about anything.
Sunggyu calls him first, the night after, inviting Myungsoo to the recording studio the next day. Myungsoo declines, citing work as an excuse.
Sunggyu calls him again in the middle of the week, asking him out for dinner. Myungsoo did not flat out reject him, but he hasn’t agreed either. Sunggyu says he’ll be waiting for him.
So Myungsoo’s stuck in this situation again. After one week of avoiding any topic relating to Sunggyu, he finally can’t escape it.
Hoya’s arms are crossed as he fixes Myungsoo with a dry look.
Sungjong is just tut-tutting away.
Myungsoo sits on the edge of his bed looking like a sad kitten.
None of his friends are actually buying it, though.
“I don’t know what your issue is.” Sungjong says.
“I do,” Hoya contributes, then clears his throat and continues in a perfect imitation of Myungsoo’s voice, “‘But I’m just his fan!’”
“Ah, that complicates things,” Sungjong rolls his eyes.
“I’m not you, Lee Sungjong! I’m not you who doesn’t need to be a superstar to fit in the world of glitz and glamour. I’m not meant for that, and you know it.”
“No, you’re not,” Sungjong deadpans, then stares at Myungsoo. “You’re just scared.”
“I’m not-” Myungsoo darts his eyes back and forth between both Sungjong and Hoya, then lowers his gaze. “-scared.”
Myungsoo feels defeated.
This ought to be everything he wanted. This is what every fan wants, isn’t it?
Myungsoo buries his face in his hands.
Hoya uncrosses his arms and strides over to Myungsoo, very unceremoniously pushing him to make space for himself, then sits next to him and puts an arm around his shoulders.
“Come on, Soo, it’s just dinner.”
“I just don’t want to seem like I’m desperate.”
“If there’s anyone who seems desperate, it’s not you, darling,” Sungjong says and reaches out to pat his thigh.
“Then that’s a problem too!”
“Hyung, just go for the dinner. You know we’re always on standby if you need us.”
Hoya nods. “Jjong’s right.”
“He wants to see you, and I know you want to see him too-”
Myungsoo looks up at this point and opens his mouth to say something but the words die on his tongue because Sungjong puts up a hand to stop him.
“Don’t lie to me.”
Myungsoo settles for a pout instead.
“Like Hoya hyung said, it’s just dinner.”
And so it is.
Myungsoo gets a text from Sunggyu telling him that he’s waiting for him inside the restaurant. His heartbeat speeds up a little, but Myungsoo ignores it as he pushes the door open.
It’s an exquisite little Japanese place that looks authentic, exactly like what Myungsoo always sees on television. There aren’t a lot of people because there aren’t many seats, so Myungsoo spots Sunggyu immediately.
He’s just sitting there in a hoodie and jeans, flipping through the menu absently, and Myungsoo swoons at his profile.
In fact, Myungsoo swoons for close to a minute before Sunggyu spots him and breaks into a wide smile, waving him over.
So Myungsoo takes his seat next to Sunggyu.
“Hi, Myungsoo.”
“Hi, hyung.”
“How’s your week?”
Terrible. “Good.”
“Good is... good,” Sunggyu chuckles, then pushes a menu towards him. “Here. I thought you might appreciate Japanese food.”
Sunggyu definitely remembers when Myungsoo had mentioned last week that he would love to visit Japan someday because he loves the food.
So Myungsoo orders udon, Sunggyu picks ramen, and they get a whole bunch of sides to share.
Sunggyu tells Myungsoo about his week. He’s mostly been in the studio working on the new album, and hasn’t seen much of the outside world because once he’s in the mood to write, he doesn’t stop. And he’s been feeling really inspired.
Myungsoo’s captivated.
When they were talking in the pub last week, Sunggyu had sounded more distant, even though they were so close to each other. The light jazz music and the dark atmosphere was perfect for privacy with a touch of romance, but perhaps Myungsoo didn’t feel it enough. As much as Myungsoo enjoys drinking with his friends, clubs and pubs aren’t really his thing, unlike how comfortable Sunggyu seems to be.
Here in the warm glow of the yellow lights, where there is faint chattering from all around, the aroma of food wafting in the air, and Sunggyu’s voice crisp and clear in his ear, his face close enough for Myungsoo to notice the imperfections but still beautiful nonetheless, Myungsoo finally gets it.
Sunggyu may live in a world entirely different from his, but Sunggyu is still just another regular person. All the fame and glory and superstar status aside, Sunggyu’s really no different from any man his age.
And Myungsoo is completely smitten with this side of Sunggyu that’s different from the Kim Sunggyu he reads about in interviews and obsesses about on television. This Sunggyu is real, and this Sunggyu is within his reach.
So it is just dinner.
Myungsoo spends most of it slurping his udon and listening to Sunggyu speak.
At some point they reach for the same grilled shishamo and end up arguing for five minutes over who should take it. Sunggyu does, but only because Myungsoo shoves one end of it into his mouth, which earns him a death glare from the older man. Myungsoo merely laughs and happily continues to eat his udon.
Sunggyu later retaliates by shoving a piece of agedashi tofu into Myungsoo’s mouth. Myungsoo smacks his arm and Sunggyu snickers into his food, so Myungsoo pushes his arm and then Sunggyu’s laughing so hard he almost falls off his chair. But the only thing that actually falls is a piece of vegetable from Sunggyu’s mouth, so Myungsoo is laughing too.
At the end of dinner, both of them are all smiles and faces flushed from laughing too much.
Myungsoo knows that he owes Hoya and Sungjong a lot because if it weren’t for them then he wouldn’t have had such a great time.
Sunggyu pulls his hood over his head as they walk out onto the street. Myungsoo glances at him, then looks around. At least he doesn’t look out of place since it’s nearing the end of autumn and beginning to get chilly.
“Is it difficult?”
Sunggyu looks at Myungsoo and frowns. “What is?”
“To have to hide.”
“Not always.”
Myungsoo tilts his head.
“Most of the time they leave us alone, but sometimes when we really don’t want to be disturbed, I guess we have to take extra precautions and cover up a little.”
Myungsoo nods.
“It’s not nice to bring trouble to the people you care about too.”
Myungsoo doesn’t react, and neither of them speak as they continue down the street. Myungsoo wonders if Sunggyu actually knows where they are heading to, or he’s just walking without direction.
Sunggyu does.
The river is a beautiful place at night, flanked by bright lights that illuminate the scene. Myungsoo comes here from time to time, because the contrasting images of the happenings along and around the river in the day and at night make for great storytelling through his camera lens.
Sunggyu stops at an empty bench and both of them wordlessly sit way too close to each other.
“Do you come here often?” Myungsoo asks softly, afraid to disrupt the tranquility.
“Occasionally,” Sunggyu replies, his voice just as soft. “It’s pretty at night. I like to come here by myself when I need some time.”
“You said in an interview that this is where you got the idea for ‘I Need You’.”
Sunggyu smiles. “You would know that.”
Myungsoo panics. “I swear I’m not a stalker-”
“Relax, Myungsoo. I’ve pretty much figured that out myself.” Sunggyu turns to look at Myungsoo, then pats his head. “I know what it’s like to be completely obsessed with someone to the point that you’d want to know everything about them and want to see them all the time.”
“I’m not-”
“You bought 120 albums because of me, are you really going to deny that?”
Myungsoo shuts up.
“The point is, there’s a difference between that and being a crazed fan.”
The thing is, Myungsoo doesn’t see any.
“You know what sets you apart from so many others like you?”
“My face?” Myungsoo offers, remembering what Sungjong had said about first impressions, and also what Sunggyu said at the club.
Sunggyu laughs. “That too, of course. But that’s not it.”
Myungsoo doesn’t know.
“Your guilelessness.”
What.
“And the fact that I felt comfortable around you.”
Myungsoo doesn’t speak.
“The first time I saw you, I knew you were something else. And I think you knew, too, that you unnerved me. I may not have had the chance to interact with our fans that way before, but on that day only you made me feel that way, with your ridiculous stare and all.” Sunggyu pauses for a moment, as if thinking back to the time when their eyes first met.
“My friends and seniors are always talking about the fans they have who are handsome or pretty, but at the end of the day, that’s all they are, you know? Because you know that they will always be that-just fans.”
Myungsoo doesn’t know where this is going.
“With you, I felt like there could be something different. You were neither being a bumbling idiot or overzealously chatty.”
“I was too nervous and couldn’t speak.” Myungsoo says sheepishly.
Sunggyu chuckles.
“For all you know, I could be one of those quiet anti-fans plotting your murder.”
Sunggyu’s chuckle turns into a laugh. “Then you’re missing a lot of chances to.”
Myungsoo shakes his head. “I’m just waiting for the right time.”
“So when is the right time, Myungsoo?”
Myungsoo hates it. He absolutely detests when Sunggyu speaks his name. It must be a sin for anyone to make his name sound so dreamy and sexy. Myungsoo wants to hear it for the rest of his life.
“What am I to you right now, Myungsoo?”
There is nothing but silence for the moments that follow, then Myungsoo lowers his head and breathes, “Everything.”
No other word seems adequate to describe the importance of Sunggyu in Myungsoo’s life. On the hardest days, it’s Sunggyu’s voice that keeps him going. It’s the thought of Sunggyu that pushes him forward, the thought that Sunggyu has worked so hard to get to where he is, that motivates Myungsoo to do the same. Truthfully, even ‘everything’ sounds weak. Myungsoo has often wondered what he might have been doing now if he hadn’t heard Sunggyu’s song that day. Perhaps a little richer, but definitely still without direction.
And now that Sunggyu’s closer to him than ever before, Myungsoo is scared to lose him. He is afraid to lose the Sunggyu he has become so comfortable with in such a short time. No one else has made him feel this way and it scares him.
Sunggyu was supposed to be an unattainable god, not this man who’s sitting next to Myungsoo and looking at him like he’s the only one who matters.
“Everything?” Sunggyu echoes.
Myungsoo nods as his face starts burning up.
“Then be my everything too.”
Myungsoo’s heart stops.
“I’m serious, Myungsoo. I want you to be my friend, my fan, and above all, just, mine.”
Myungsoo opens his mouth but nothing comes out so he closes it again. His heart is screaming at him to say yes because Kim Sunggyu is the man of his dreams, Kim Sunggyu is all he wants, and Kim Sunggyu is everything he needs.
There’s no reason for him to say no, except the rational voice in his head yelling at him that Sunggyu is way out of his league, that Sunggyu is from a world different from his, that Sunggyu is too big a risk to take.
But Myungsoo’s 21. He can afford to take a risk. There’s no telling what will happen in the future, but this moment now is real and he needs to live in it.
Sunggyu places a tentative hand on Myungsoo’s cheek and gently draws him closer to face him.
Myungsoo stares into Sunggyu’s eyes and Sunggyu stares back.
“Myungsoo.”
“Yes.”
“Yes?”
“Yes, hyung, yes. Yes. Yes!”
“I- I was going to wait for the next time I ask you out to say this because I was afraid I’d scare you away but-”
Sunggyu’s face is so close to Myungsoo’s again and Myungsoo is so aware of it this time and the movement of his lips is just so distracting that Myungsoo reflexively moves even closer.
“-you know what, I talk too much. Fuck it.”
Sunggyu cups Myungsoo’s cheeks with both his hands and closes the gap between their lips.
Myungsoo melts.
It’s a chaste kiss, but the firm press of Sunggyu’s lush lips against his own is enough to make Myungsoo feel like he’s in paradise.
When Sunggyu pulls away, Myungsoo blushes so hard he hides his face in his hands.
Sunggyu laughs. “Oh god, you’re the most adorable thing ever.”
Myungsoo pushes at Sunggyu’s arm but that only makes Sunggyu laugh harder.
So Sunggyu sends Myungsoo back to his dorm again. He reaches for Myungsoo’s hand and laces their fingers together at some point of the journey, and Myungsoo reciprocates the action by holding his hand back tightly.
Then they end up standing outside the door of Myungsoo’s dorm room for ages.
“That was a very unplanned first date. Let me take you on a real first date next time.”
Myungsoo shakes his head. “It was perfect, hyung. I couldn’t have asked for anything better.”
“Well, you deserve only the best, Myungsoo.” Sunggyu strokes the side of Myungsoo’s hair.
Myungsoo’s cheeks get puffed up in his bid to not squeal. “You’re the best!” He squeaks instead.
Sunggyu grins. “And you’re killing me.”
Then Sunggyu’s kissing him again and Myungsoo thinks it is going to get serious when-
“Seriously.”
Ah, the ever-familiar and warm judgmental tone of voice of his best friend that Myungsoo will recognize regardless of how far away it is.
Sunggyu seems to be the type who doesn’t care for denial and hiding, because he doesn’t even bother stopping right away-not that Myungsoo minds-but instead takes his own sweet time.
Hoya’s already standing next to them by the time they separate.
“Out here. Really.” Hoya deadpans. “You know, if you want to hurt your career by getting caught doing something as taboo as this, that’s your problem. But don’t bring Soo into it.”
“Hoya!” Myungsoo gasps.
“Duly noted.”
Hoya leaves them at the door without saying anything more.
“He’s right,” Sunggyu says to Myungsoo when the door’s shut. “I shouldn’t be so reckless.”
Myungsoo sees now that he’s not the only one taking a risk. Sunggyu’s taking one far bigger than he is.
“Anyway, come to the studio tomorrow?”
Myungsoo smiles and nods.
The first thing he does when he enters the dorm room is to dive onto his bed, bury his face in his pillow, and squeal.
“You can bring him in here if you want to, but no hanky-panky, please.”
“We’re not even near that point yet!” Myungsoo grabs a stray cushion and tosses it at Hoya.
“I’m just trying to protect my eyes!”
“You are just horrible!”
“Don’t forget you owe Jjong and me for convincing your lame ass to go meet him!”
Myungsoo keeps quiet and sulks.
Hoya notices and chuckles. “But congratulations, Soo. I’m happy for you.”
Sungjong screams into the phone when Hoya puts him on speaker mode and makes Myungsoo tell him.
It is well into winter the next time Myungsoo and Sunggyu have an outdoors date again. They’ve pretty much spent the past weeks either at the studio or in Myungsoo’s dorm, since Sunggyu has been recording a lot for the new album due in the beginning of spring, and Myungsoo still has quite a bit to cover for his project.
Both are them are so well bundled up that no one, except probably their closest friends, can recognize them, so they hold hands and stroll along the river.
“What are your plans for next year?”
“Hmm, graduate and find a job?”
“Why does it sound like I’m not in your plans?”
“Oh, trust me, you’re in all of my plans.” Myungsoo grins.
“What about your pants?”
Myungsoo narrows his eyes at Sunggyu. “No.”
“I don’t get it, you watch so much porn but you refuse to do the real thing.”
“I do not watch porn!”
“Ha. Ha.”
“Just sometimes!”
“You tell yourself that, Kim Myungsoo.”
Myungsoo huffs, releasing Sunggyu’s hand and crossing his arms.
Sunggyu laughs and puts his arm around Myungsoo.
Myungsoo refuses to look at him.
“Okay, my innocent angel. So what are your plans besides graduating and finding a job? What jobs are you looking at?”
Myungsoo uncrosses his arms and hugs Sunggyu’s arm, clinging to him and causing Sunggyu to walk awkwardly.
“I haven’t thought about it. Definitely something to do with photography, though.”
“I figured.” Sunggyu smiles.
“What are your plans, hyung?”
Sunggyu shrugs. “Release a couple of albums, go on a world tour?”
“Can you please not have too many fansigns? I’m poor.”
“It’s okay, I’ll have a dozen private fansigns just for you.”
“But I need to go to your fansigns and take photos of you and become the greatest fansite-”
Sunggyu bursts into laughter at this point and doesn’t stop for the next minute.
Myungsoo grins and leans towards him to peck his cheek.
The faux fur from Myungsoo’s hood tickles Sunggyu and makes him laugh again. “Okay, my No. 1 fan.”
“Your one and only.”
“My one and only.” Sunggyu agrees, smiling, and taps Myungsoo’s nose.
Myungsoo giggles.
“Oh, Soo?”
“Hmm?”
Sunggyu stops by the side of the path and turns to face Myungsoo. “Your hand, please.”
Myungsoo obediently holds out his hand even though he doesn’t know why Sunggyu needs it.
Sunggyu reaches into his pocket, then pushes the jacket sleeve of Myungsoo’s left arm up a little, before seemingly tying something around Myungsoo’s wrist. When he takes his hands away, he looks up at Myungsoo. “Merry Christmas, Myungsoo.”
Myungsoo lifts his hand. The black cotton cord is fastened around Myungsoo’s wrist, and in the middle are three intertwining rings-of pink gold, yellow gold, and white gold. Myungsoo knows exactly what it is. He’s seen it while browsing the internet to look for a gift for Sunggyu.
Love, fidelity, and friendship. That’s what it means.
Myungsoo blushes, and is glad he can attribute it to the cold wind.
“It’s beautiful. Thank you, hyung.” Myungsoo pauses, “I have something for you too. It’s not as lavish as yours but...”
“I do earn a lot more than you do, silly. Don’t starve for me.”
“I already do,” Myungsoo sticks his tongue out at Sunggyu.
Sunggyu laughs and pats his head.
Myungsoo swats his hand away and pouts. “You’re annoying.”
“Your annoying boyfriend would like to have his present too.”
Myungsoo grabs Sunggyu’s hand and pushes a small box into it. “Here, annoying boyfriend.”
Sunggyu grins as he opens the box. It’s a pair of ear studs, of a small silver planet.
“Because you’re my world. Merry Christmas, hyung.”
“Please explain to me how it is legal for someone so hot to be so adorable at the same time.” Sunggyu says as he draws Myungsoo into a hug. “Thank you, Myungsoo.”
It may have been a couple of months, but Myungsoo still gets all these butterflies whenever Sunggyu says his name. He doesn’t really get it, because it’s just his name, and everyone says his name. Yet somehow it is just different when it’s Sunggyu.
Myungsoo hugs Sunggyu back tightly, and then he feels something settle on his eyelashes. Glancing upwards, he sees the gentle snow that has just begun to fall.
“It’s snowing,” Sunggyu murmurs.
Myungsoo nods, leaning away to look at him.
Sunggyu cups Myungsoo’s face and strokes his cheek with his thumb. They stay that way for a while, with Myungsoo’s arms around Sunggyu’s waist, the silence comfortable as they just gaze at each other.
Myungsoo thinks Sunggyu has something to say but he’s unsure if he should say it, because Myungsoo, too, has words stuck on the tip of his tongue.
Sunggyu kisses Myungsoo instead, but that lasts for all of three seconds before he starts chuckling.
“That fur of yours is so ticklish.”
“But my ears will be cold if I don’t put up my hood.” Myungsoo pouts.
“Fine, I’ll deal with it, then.”
Myungsoo grins victoriously and reaches up to grab Sunggyu’s scarf to pull him close again so their noses are brushing.
“Myungsoo.”
“Yes, hyung?”
“Myungsoo, Myungsoo, Myungsoo.”
“Gyu hyung, Gyu hyung, Gyu hyung?”
“I love you.”
The three words take a while to sink in, then Myungsoo throws his arms around Sunggyu’s neck.
“I love you too.”
Sunggyu kisses him.
Myungsoo thinks they have both known for a while now, that these feelings they have for each other have grown into love, but Myungsoo hasn’t said anything because he was scared before. Dating a superstar is uncharted territory. Hell, even dating is pretty much still new to him. So Myungsoo’s afraid of the consequences that come with the admission of love.
But Myungsoo has nothing to be afraid of, and he understands now, enveloped in Sunggyu’s protective embrace. He is everything to Sunggyu, just as Sunggyu is everything to him. And Myungsoo needs no one else but him.
++++++++++++++++++++
For these sides of me to not shake any more
I need you now
Myungsoo wakes up every morning to a beautiful voice that belongs to a man as beautiful. The man of his dreams, with a voice so sweet, a face so heavenly, and fingers so graceful when they’re dancing on guitar strings… The man of his dreams is...
Myungsoo jumps out of bed. If Sunggyu isn’t next to him then it can only mean one thing-Myungsoo overslept. Obviously he had pressed the snooze button too many times.
Sunggyu never wakes Myungsoo when he has schedules that begin too early in the morning, even though Myungsoo has said two hundred times over that he should.
It is summer, and Myungsoo had graduated for a couple of months, which also meant that he and Hoya aren’t living together anymore. Hoya had finally graduated too, even though he is a year older than Myungsoo, since his course of study took an extra year.
So Sunggyu had proposed that Myungsoo move in with him.
Living with Sunggyu is a lot of fun as it is trouble, for Sunggyu is ridiculously messy, and Myungsoo ends up being his housekeeper. ‘Payment for rent’ is what Sunggyu calls it. ‘Free slave’ is what Myungsoo calls it. Nevertheless, Myungsoo’s more than content with this arrangement.
Being a freelance photographer, Myungsoo needs to be in the city more often than not because he needs to meet potential clients, so living with Sunggyu works out.
Today, Myungsoo has no clients to meet. He does, however, have a very important photography event to work on.
It has been a while since the last fansign Myungsoo had gone to. And he is nervous.
Never mind that the artistes are just his boyfriend and his bandmates who are now also Myungsoo’s friends. It is still a fansign and Myungsoo’s just going to be nervous anyway.
Myungsoo gets a good seat for this round, and prepares his camera for their appearance. Sunggyu spots him almost immediately, but refuses to pose for his camera. Yes, Sunggyu is most definitely an annoying boyfriend.
Going onto stage to get the autographs is less nerve-wrecking, because Myungsoo’s too busy being angry at Sunggyu.
The three other members pretend Myungsoo is just a fan and says generic things to him, which amuses Myungsoo a bit, but he notices that they’ve all signed funny messages on his album. One of them says ‘Dear brother-in-law’ and Myungsoo is both embarrassed yet still raging at Sunggyu at the same time.
Sunggyu’s last, and Myungsoo glares at him.
Sunggyu smiles and gestures him to go closer. Myungsoo instinctively does then regrets it immediately. He has no interest in hearing what Sunggyu has to say right now, unless he has a perfectly good explanation as to why he isn’t posing for Myungsoo’s camera.
But the first thing Sunggyu does is blow at Myungsoo’s ear, which turns Myungsoo’s face red instantly, then Sunggyu goes on to whisper, “See you tonight.”
It takes all of Myungsoo’s self-control and preservation to not shriek at Sunggyu and hit him. So Myungsoo grabs his signed album and runs away, blushing.
When Myungsoo flips through the album to look at Sunggyu’s signed message, he doesn’t know if he should laugh or cry.
‘Any plans for tonight? ;) xxx’
When Sunggyu gets home that night, he is assaulted by a flurry of cushions.
“No plans for you!” Myungsoo yells at him.
“But Soo-”
“No but’s!”
“Not even mine?”
“Not even yours, and you can’t have mine!”
Sunggyu sidles up to Myungsoo on the couch.
“Go away.”
“Oh come on, I’ve had a long day. Give me a kiss.”
“No, I don’t give annoying boyfriends any kisses.”
“But I have something for you in return.”
Myungsoo shakes his head.
Sunggyu sighs. Then pouts. “Myungsoooooooooo. Please.”
Damn, the man knows just how to get Myungsoo all the time. Myungsoo gives in a little, and pecks Sunggyu’s cheek.
Sunggyu grins. “Okay, Soo. Here’s what. We’re announcing our world tour tomorrow, and I want you to come with us.”
“What?” Myungsoo blurts out.
“Be our official photographer.”
Myungsoo stares at Sunggyu like he’s gone mad.
“This world tour is going to be the most amazing thing we’ve ever done, and I want you to come with us. Once it’s over you can quit and do whichever kind of photography you want to do then, but for now... come with us. Travel the world with me.”
Myungsoo just keeps staring at Sunggyu as his brain races to process this information.
“Myungsoo.”
“Yes.”
“Yes!” Sunggyu grabs Myungsoo’s face and peppers kisses all over it.
Myungsoo grins and cups the back of Sunggyu’s head, pressing his lips lightly against Sunggyu’s and murmurs, “Let’s go together forever.”