I have to say that the POV switch (and even better, that it was first person) actually served the story better than the original approach. Or, perhaps, it was that velvetwhip had laid the foundation and you offered an intriguing alternative for comparison. Much as velvetwhip likes Riley, in her story his motives and underlying motions are essentially opaque … which is more or less true for Willow in your version, but somehow his seem more important since he’s taking action here and she’s re-acting.
Does he feel any guilt, either for hitting on someone in a vulnerable moment or for a very determined attempt at infidelity? We know he’s feeling something, there at the end, but there’s still that uncertainty, that mystery. And it works.
I intentionally left it vague to avoid being overly heavy-handed, and to leave the ambiguity from the original story. I also added a complicating factor by making it clear that Sam had sent him in there to do. . .something that almost certainly did *not* include any degree of infidelity. I did want to indicate that he had no intention of trying to disregard a clear "no" on her part, partially due to his own ethics and (possibly) partially because he was fairly certain that it would result in him having to be scraped off of the walls of the room later. The whole situation is definitely of the YMMV category overall, though both clearly thought it was a transgression on some level that they wanted to put behind them quickly.
You offered a very interesting take on my original. Thank you! It's intriguing to see what you saw in my work and where you thought it should go. I liked taking your journey.
Glad you liked it. I was a little concerned that you might have intended a significantly darker--if necessarily ambiguous due to POV issues--take on Riley that you might have not wanted mucked about with, even though it's clear you aren't hostile to Riley in a way that a lot of Buffyverse writers are. My basic take on Riley is that he is genuinely good-intentioned in most of his thoughts and deeds, and that he clearly has no issues with having exceptionally strong women as close friends and/or lovers (he has plenty of issues with what he perceives to be his own weaknesses and limitations, but that's an issue for another story. . .). He's also a human being and human beings can definitely stumble in emotionally explosive situations like this one without being bad people. I can definitely see both of them having a "oh crap, let's just pretend that didn't happen" reaction and moving on without any long-term angst over the situation, but I did leave enough ambiguity to make the reader wonder how it would actually turn out
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Does he feel any guilt, either for hitting on someone in a vulnerable moment or for a very determined attempt at infidelity? We know he’s feeling something, there at the end, but there’s still that uncertainty, that mystery. And it works.
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As always, thanks for the candid feedback. :-)
Warmest Regards,
M. Scott Eiland
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Gabrielle
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I mean. I totally want more. :P But I like it a lot.
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