welllllllll, I now seem to be officially committed to this romantic interest of mine in the sense that I've admitted it to other people. so now I'm being watched and everything I do matters. everything he does matters. and I have people rooting for me ( Read more... )

I don't know why I want to do this by myself. maybe I'm just scared and I don't want to look that way. I don't know if I should tell anyone or act like nothing's going on. I don't know what to do, and either I don't want to ask or I don't know who to ask. but also, I don't think I want to talk about it ( Read more... )

krystal, you made me believe that time doesn't have to make things go away. you make me believe that we only forget the things we choose to forget.
i'm not sure i'm capable of taking it as a sign just yet, but I want to, and that must mean I have hope.

rrrgh. simple as that. just rrrgh.

there's not a feeling in the world that won't go away in time. I don't want this one to go away, but I feel like it's slipping already and I didn't even come up with a way to tell him that all I wanted to do was see him all the time.

and I hate that I'm broke.

if he were smart, he wouldn't have gone to bed. he'd've called me, I'd've told him to come back, and he'd be banging me right now ( Read more... )

I need to get up the nerve, and then get myself in a situation where I'm entitled to say that now would be a really good time to kiss me

this morning at 2:30 would have been a good time. I wish I had pointed that out

I hated yesterday; I don't know how to explain it. I had a toothache, my jaw hurts. and someone I don't like doesn't like me either. I'm not really sure why that sours things, but I have such a hard time knowing that there are people who aren't in love with me. it's just as vain as it is stupid, but I have troubles with the ways of affection. ( Read more... )

so, what I realized is that I don't trust anything anymore. I don't trust other people when they do or say things. I don't trust what I see. and I don't trust myself to reason my way to the right conclusion.

I'm not sure I still feel good when there's potential for something positive to happen. but maybe that's 'cause I don't trust that either

what I admit is that I don't understand why I can't be someone's first choice.

every time I think I did better than the time before, I actually seem to have found a new way to defy myself. I mean, I guess it's true that, if there's only one door, there are a lot of walls.

I'm not sure. not of a lot of things