WITHOUT A SOUND, SHE TOUCHES ME.

[eleglam]

I'm full. Full, full, full. Fuck having nice friends who don't mind spending money to get you a side of french fries. Fuck friends. Fuck leaving the house. Fuck people around. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

I feel SO full. I need to purge. NEED, need, need. But my parents are in the living room. I need to move out. I'm an independent person and I need to move

Comments

[scarlight]

Since I feel that I can no longer purge, I am trying to get into the habit of simply not eating. However, my mother also gets in the way of that. It sucks. I can truly relate the bit about the mind being all-consumed with food. Food and calories are all that I can think about. And it is slowly leading to destroy me. I think that if I didn't live at home, I would only eat once every few days. And that sounds sickly appealing to me. Oh, god, why does this happen to some people? I wish that I could make it stop, for both of us...

Big hugs.
xoxo.

[eleglam]

Aye, and even not eating is just so difficult for me. I had the self control and probably consumed about 3 full meals (which were purged) in the time span of 2 months. It was ridiculous. And I don't know what happened to that. Having such an ambition that I could do that.... you know? Now it's like.. I can't stop. I just eat. I take one bite and from there I order the entire menu. I'm wasting my money and my time.

Heh, we should live together. Though it would be almost disturbing the fact that we both know what's going on and would act like everything is normal. But to tell you the truth, I can't imagine my life without this.

[scarlight]

I honestly am starting to miss my purging days. So, I try to starve instead, but I'm having a really hard time with it... I really regret ever recovering from my ED. Is that really sad/bad? Because I'm sure most people would tell me that it is...

I also greatly miss my self-injury days. I haven't cut/burned in over one year. But, it's only because my mom caught me a few times (because, yes, apparently I am stupid enough to get caught...), and says that if I am caught again I will no longer have a place to live. So, I am now too scared to even attempt it. It really fucking sucks.

Yes, I agree, we should live together. If we lived in the same state, I would start saving my money now. Le sigh.

xx.

[eleglam]

I know exactly what you mean. It's like.... I'm willing to admit I have a problem, but there's no way in hell I'm willing to let it go.

Self injury in the form of cutting/burning is not something I understand, though I find it sad that your mother is threatening your well-being with something that you do not seem to have in your control just yet. Though.. I guess if she was just trying to scare you, then I suppose it worked?

Yes, if only we did. :(