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oh god brain hates me again tonight. held it together by strings for so long, thought the tethers were wound so damn tight and strong, but here they go snap snap snap. feels like breaking tonight, not waves or sinking under the earth. i feel it right here in my head and nothing NOTHING makes it better. not even maria or katie or hookah or ( Read more... ) -
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okay, let me vent a little here. no, let me explain. people deal with unpleasant emotions in a myriad of different ways. some people push them away, some people ignore them, some people magically erase them (how, exactly?), some people use anger or frustration or blame to diffuse the intensity of it, some people internalize it, whatever. i talk ( Read more... ) -
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This is how it goes: in the beginning, there is magic in the unknown. Possibilities lay in every shadow, just awaiting discovery. Each and every moment could be the one that bathes you in bliss and the realization that we are all part of eachother. The world is a wonderland of beauty and chance. We peer into eachother's hearts and see a world ( Read more... ) -
wow. i can't believe we pulled it off.
I've been too busy to really empty my brain, so let's let the floodgates open now:
Holy shit, we opened Lucky Stiff. And it went well. I can't believe it! How did we manage to do it with all the lightning-fast costume changes and set changes and holy shit being so out of breath from dancing during my song that I can barely get the notes out and ( Read more... ) -
life's lessons
Beth posted this on her blog. I don't know where she got it, but I liked it so I'm posting it here so I won't forget it ( Read more... ) -
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Finally.
I can say it now and I can say it with an honesty that's been shallow until now- I'm okay. I'm not apathetic or careless or defiant, I am genuine and okay. When last season of Grey's ended, the theme was "burn it down." They did an admirable job, and it was painful to see how much I related to that feeling of being left with only ashes ( Read more... ) -
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Okay then, maybe it's come time for some good old fashioned bitching and venting and then letting all the negativity just go.
I'm trying really really hard to hold onto simple love and gratitude and appreciation. Not hope. Not wishing and dreaming and fantasizing and romanticising- just letting go of judgement and bitterness and lingering ( Read more... ) -
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i'm not going to define myself or play by the old rules. they don't apply much anymore- not as much as i've expected. there's no reason to hold myself to the same ideals and concepts and definitions i came to when i was a teenager. they served me well at the time, but i don't need them anymore ( Read more... ) -
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Geh. Transition time again. I tend to dislike these phases. Strangely, I didn't see this one coming up. I didn't see closing Brigadoon as an end to anything because I wasn't well enough to be truly present and invested the way I'd wanted. I cared about it a good deal, but I haven't felt as connected to it as I have shows past. But hugging ( Read more... ) -
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i was not erased.
listen, i'm perfectly aware that i have nothing substantial to show for the last 10 years of my life. i have no degrees to show for any of the education i have received, i have no career to speak of (with me, venturing that subject is pathetic in polite conversation). really, nothing that i can hold up and say "i have been here."
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