see? I am a failure!

[ellengirl]

Almost hit 4 days...was almmosstt there...but i went down to finish up my daily calories with h.w. pretzels...and wasnt in a good mood...and busted open the p.b. and decided to binge. Although, I think it was funny when i opened up the p.b. (it's natural so it has the oil separated) it spewed out all over my pants, the floor, and the computer....it

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[ellengirl]

thanks a lot:) you def helped me to feel better! It's a shame because in my head Im like you suck, you screwup...go buy binge food and binge and purge for the next few days, it's what you deserve. I really need to fight that. I struggle soooo badly with the black white thinking. It's like I screw up and boom...im a failure...and i deserve to b/p and basically harm myself. I'll really try today (i havent slept yet! ahhh it's 6 am) to eat normally...and not beat myself up...but i struggle always with trying to restrict and b/p...so since i feel too guilty eating 'normally' (which would help me the most anywayyy) I either restrict (but usually end up b/p anyway bc of hunger) or say fuck it, and b/p. It's soo frustrating...and I feel alone and unsupported...and need to go to therapy more frequently..ill look into it..idk. I just want to be thin.:( (obviously its deeper than that though