Listen to your Heart
Title: Listen to your Heart, part 1
Pairing: Jared/Jensen, with appearances by Chad, Mike, Tom, Steve, and Chris
Rating: hard R, maybe, for swearing and some boy touching
Word Count: 12,000+ in 2 parts
Disclaimer: I can only fantasize that this is really going on. Alas, it's not. Unless it is, and if so, I want photographic evidence, dammit!
Summary: AU. Jared pines for Jensen. Jensen starts falling for Jared. If only they'd stop being guys and tell each other...
A/N 1: This is, as always, for rain388- my muse, my cheerleader, my handholder. And LOOKY! She made me a pretty, pretty banner!
A/N 2: Title from the Roxette song, though it has nothing to do with the plot.
ETA, now with a sequel, Almost Unreal
I.
“M’not drunk,” Jensen slurred, hanging off Jared’s arm and shuffling his feet as they walked down the street.
“Sure you’re not,” Jared replied, then snorted when Jensen seemingly tripped over thin air. “That’s why you’re so graceful.”
“M’not drunk, Jay,” he insisted. “Just klu- klu- klu- trippin’.”
“Right.”
Jared adjusted his grip around Jensen’s waist, trying to hold all 6-plus feet of him upright, and Jensen sagged heavily against him. Jared sighed. He loved Jensen. They’d been best friends from the moment Jared literally ran into Jensen on his first day at UT Austin. Most people, especially upperclassmen like Jensen, wouldn’t have given Jared the time of day, but, despite getting knocked to the ground with his books scattered all over the grass, Jensen smiled at him and helped him to stand. They’d been inseparable since. Anyway. He loved Jensen, honestly, but not necessarily a drunk Jensen.
“Where we goin’?” Jensen asked, head rolling slowly on Jared’s shoulder, green eyes glassy and unfocused.
His spiky dark blonde hair tickled Jared’s nose, and he snorted the short strands out of his way. “My place, Jen. Come on, man, help me out here. Lift your feet.”
Jensen did as requested in an exaggerated high step that made Jared chuckle and almost run them into a telephone pole. Jensen slipped halfway to the ground before Jared caught him and lifted him up again, hooking Jensen’s arm around his shoulder and holding on tighter to Jensen’s waist.
He dragged Jensen the last two blocks to his apartment and propped him up by the door so he could fish his key out of his pocket. Jensen closed his eyes, looking prepared to sleep right there. The porch light illuminated his face, emphasizing his cheekbones and the freckles dusted over his nose and cheeks. Jared lifted his hand, wanting to rub his thumb over those freckles, but luckily came to his senses before he did something so stupid. Shaking his head, Jared opened the door and hauled Jensen inside. Sadie and Harley skittered out of the kitchen, barking excitedly and tails wagging hard enough to wiggle their back ends. Jensen laughed and collapsed to the floor, where the dogs proceeded to lick every inch of bare skin they could find. Jared waited a moment, stupidly jealous of his dogs, then heaved a madly giggling Jensen to his feet.
“Come on, Jen. Bedtime.”
“Okay!” he said happily, in that drunken I-have-no-idea-how-loud-I’m-talking voice.
Jared dragged him down the hall- Jensen wasn’t even trying to walk anymore- and into his small spare bedroom/office/junk room. Sitting Jensen on the end of the bed, he knelt in front of him to untie his boots. They’d seen better days, were cracked and worn, been re-soled a couple times, but Jensen wouldn’t give them up for anything. He took off one boot then the other, gently batting away Jensen’s hands. That was the worst thing about dealing with a drunk Jensen. He was very handsy, always touching Jared’s shoulders and back, petting his hair. Anyone else and Jared wouldn’t care, would laugh it off or not pay attention to it, but this was Jensen, and he admitted to himself a long time ago that his feelings for Jensen went way beyond friendship. It was getting harder and harder to ignore Jensen’s constantly questing hands, especially since he knew his best friend was 100% straight, not even a hint of anything else, that he never gave any indication while sober that he thought of Jared as more than a best friend with a good place to crash.
It was slowly driving Jared crazy.
After he removed Jensen’s boots, he moved to take off his jeans, careful to keep his hands to neutral territory, even though the urge to touch, to trace those freckles and test the softness of his lips was nearly overwhelming. He tugged his pants off, unbuttoned his shirt and tossed it on the floor, then pushed Jensen back on the bed. Jensen immediately rolled over and burrowed under the covers, sliding his arms under the pillow and burying his face in the coolness. He sighed contentedly, already asleep. Jared shook his head and smiled fondly, backing out of the room quietly and shutting the door.
II.
Jensen woke up wishing he were dead. He groaned and pulled the covers over his head, trying to block out the obnoxious sunlight and get back to the oblivion of sleep. One of the dogs was scratching at his door, though, and his bladder suddenly made itself known. He groaned again and rolled off the bed, landing face first in the pile of his clothes. He stayed there a minute, breathing in the scent of stale pretzels and beer, then crawled to the door. Sadie met him out in the hall, tail thumping the hardwood floor in a steady rhythm that matched the pounding in Jensen’s head.
“Hey, girl,” he mumbled, patting her absently on the head as he stumbled toward the bathroom. She followed him, but he shut the door on her before she could come into the room with him. 10 minutes later, he stumbled back out, feeling only slightly more alive. Why the hell did he drink that much last night? And why hadn’t Jared stopped him? Jared was supposed to have his back, man, not just sit there and watch him pound back tequila shots. Fucking tequila.
Jared was banging around in the kitchen, talking to Harley and intermittently bursting into random bits of songs. Jensen winced. Hung over and listening to Jared sing? Torture. He headed down the stairs to the kitchen anyway and found Jared cooking himself breakfast. Jensen’s stomach roiled. He told himself it was the smell of greasy bacon and eggs and had nothing to do with the sight of Jared standing barefoot at the stove, wearing nothing but a pair of low-slung sweatpants and a towel tossed over his bare shoulder. Because, really, he didn’t notice things like that about Jared. Not at all.
Jared saw him hovering in the doorway and smiled, bright enough to dim the sunlight filtering in from the deck door. “Hey, man! Mornin’!” He turned the fire off under the frying pan and eyed Jensen from under the dark mop of his bangs. “How’re you feeling?”
“Like I died and got shoved back in my body backwards. So, ya know, great,” Jensen answered, dropping heavily into a chair at the table. He rested his forehead on the cool wood surface of the table and rubbed Harley’s ears when the dog butted against his hand.
“Yeah, dude, you and tequila? Not the best of friends.”
“Thanks.”
“Here, drink this. I’ll make you some toast.”
Jensen wrinkled his nose at the glass of milk Jared set in front of him, but Jared nudged his shoulder with a stern “drink it!” so he slowly brought the glass to his mouth. Jared handed him the promised toast and sat across from him with his own breakfast. Jensen averted his eyes, the nauseous feeling increasing in his gut. Watching Jared eat under normal circumstances could be a bit daunting, but this morning, Jensen thought he might throw up on the table if he saw Jared shoveling in mouthfuls of eggs and bacon.
“So, um, what happened last night?” Jensen asked, hoping to fill in the gaps of his memory. He lost track of things after awhile, only vaguely recalling leaving the bar and Jared tucking him into bed.
“You danced on top of the bar and tried to take that redhead home.”
“What!” His head snapped up so fast, he heard something in his neck crack painfully. “That chick in her fifties?”
Jared laughed and kicked his foot under the table. “Relax, Jen, I’m just kidding. You almost passed out on the bar, so I walked you home. Kept saying ‘M’not drunk’ the whole way, even though you couldn’t lift your head and tripped over your own feet.”
“Sorry, man.”
“No big deal, Jen. It’s not like I haven’t done it a thousand times before.”
Jared smiled at him, dimples showing, and Jensen briefly forgot he needed to breathe. He forced air back into his lungs and dropped his head. This was starting to get ridiculous. He’d known Jared for five years, been best friends with the guy for about 10 minutes less than that, so why was he suddenly attracted to him? Okay, maybe not too suddenly, but he still didn’t get why he noticed random things like Jared’s nicely defined pecs or full bottom lip.
Straight men don’t think about kissing their male best friends. Right?
III.
Jared looked up from his book as Chad barged in his front door.
“Studying again? Jared, man, when are ya gonna finally graduate? You’re 23, dude. It’s getting kinda pathetic,” Chad told him, pulling out a chair and spinning it around to sit in it backwards.
“I graduated two years ago, Chad. I’m getting my masters now. You know that,” Jared replied, picking up his pen to resume writing notes for Applied Physics. This stuff sucked, but he needed to pass this class.
Chad waved a hand, then scrubbed it back through his spiky blonde hair. “Whatever. We’re all going to Steve’s for dinner, Jared, and you’re coming with us.”
“I can’t. I have an exam on Tuesday, and I really need to study.”
“Pshaw. Dude, you could ace that thing with your eyes closed. And you need to eat, right?” he added when Jared opened his mouth to protest some more.
“Right.” He sighed and placed his notebook in his book to mark his place. “Are we gonna actually pay the bill this time?”
“Hell no!” Chad scoffed. “Steve never would’ve opened that diner if not for us. He still owes us about 50 meals each.”
Shaking his head, Jared caught the jacket Chad tossed him and followed him out the door.
“All of us” turned out to include half a dozen or so people. The Crew, as Chad liked to call them, though it usually earned him a smack on the ear or a headlock. Their group had grown since college, once everyone started getting steady girlfriends or boyfriends, or a wife in Tom’s case. Jared waved at everyone and endured their good-natured teasing about his nerdy tendencies. Everyone else had “grown up” jobs, but he liked being in school and still learning.
“Hey!” Jensen called, hooking the chair beside him with his foot and sliding it out for him.
“Hey.” Jared slumped in the chair and grabbed the menu with Steve’s Diner printed on the top. Simple name, but the place was always busy, one of the favorite restaurants of the 20-something crowd in Austin. He had no idea why he bothered with the menu; he and Jensen helped Steve choose all the dishes, after all.
“How’s physics coming?”
“Kicking my ass, but I’ll get it. I need to if I want to finish in December.”
“I have faith in you, young Grasshopper.”
“Shut up,” Jared muttered and kicked Jensen’s shin. Jensen grinned, his eyes crinkling. Jared buried his nose in the menu to stop from kissing Jensen right there in front of all their friends. This was all Jensen’s fault. If he wasn’t so goddamned amazing, Jared never would’ve fallen in love with him, but, no, he couldn’t be an asshole, couldn’t steal candy from babies or kick puppies or not look like the epitome of gorgeous and beautiful. Yep, it was all Jensen’s fault, and Jared would tell him that if he ever got stupid enough to admit to Jensen how he felt about him.
“I got a raise!” Mike announced suddenly, drawing Jared out of his own thoughts.
“I got a good parking space today!” Chris said, smirking.
Mike swatted the back of his head, and Chris sent him the patented Kane Watch Yourself, Boy bitchface. Mike just grinned and leaned back in his chair, crossing his hands over his stomach.
This was tradition, getting together and sharing important milestones. It was how they learned Steve wanted to quit his band and open the diner, when Tom was gonna be a daddy, when Jensen got the surgery residency here in Austin and not Milwaukee like Jared feared he might. No one else had any news today, though, so they motioned Steve out from the back and gave him their orders.
“And since Mike just got a new kickass raise, he said he’d actually pay for all of us tonight,” Chris added before Steve walked away.
That was tradition, too, Mike and Chris constantly picking at each other, Jensen eventually breaking it up while simultaneously riling Chad up. Jared sat back and watched, exchanging amused glances with Jamie and Kenzie. They were all friends, all loved each other and defended one another to outsiders, but they were typical guys mostly. They showed their affection through punches on the arm and harmless ribbing. He’d miss this if he ever lost it, which was why no one knew he was in love with Jensen. He wasn’t willing to fuck up their friendship or ruin their group dynamic.
Dinner was awesome as always, punctuated with laughter and easy conversation. He and Jensen got into a lengthy discussion (read: ongoing argument) about the best Texas city, Dallas or San Antonio. Everyone knew to steer clear of them when they began something like that and scattered into smaller groups, leaving them on their own. They could talk for hours, and Steve was shutting off all the lights and stacking chairs before he realized how late it’d gotten. He needed to get back to studying.
He grabbed his jacket and stopped at the door. “Jen, you coming?”
“Nah, I’m gonna stay and help Steve clean up. Least I can do, since Mike skipped out without paying him.” Jensen waved, smiling, and caught the wet rag Steve threw at him.
“All right, man.” He had no idea why that disappointed him. They didn’t need to spend 24/7 with each other. “My place next Sunday, remember?” he yelled on his way out.
“Yep. You better have the good beer this time.”
“Just bring the chips, bitch!”
Jensen saluted him with his middle finger, and Jared laughed, heading home with a stupid grin on his face.
IV.
Jensen and Steve worked mostly in silence, wiping down tables and stacking chairs. Jensen appreciated the quiet after dinner with everyone. It could get overwhelming, with people talking over each other and carrying on five conversations at once. Steve had always been the subdued one of the group, the complete opposite of gregarious Jared. That made him smile, picturing Jared talking while wildly waving his arms for emphasis.
“Have you ever fallen for someone you shouldn’t?” Jensen asked, the words out of his mouth before he knew the thought had formed.
Steve raised an eyebrow at him. “Of course. Who hasn’t?”
He hesitated before continuing, but there was no going back now that he started it. “I don’t just mean wanting to fuck someone, Steve. I mean really falling for them.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I have,” he answered quietly, cocking his head and leaning on the mop handle.
There was a story there, but Jensen didn’t press him for it. Steve went back to mopping the floor by the entrance, but stopped abruptly.
“Christ, she’s not married, is she?”
Puzzled, Jensen turned back to face Steve. “Who?”
“Who? The woman you’ve fallen for.”
“Oh. No, not married,” he said carefully.
Steve scrutinized him for a minute, realization finally dawning on his face. Jensen could almost see the light bulb go on over his head.
“It’s not a woman, is it?”
Jensen sighed. “No.” That wasn’t as difficult to admit as he assumed, maybe because, out of all his friends (besides Jared), he knew Steve wouldn’t judge him or tease him. He’d just try to help.
“Is it Jared?” Steve asked quietly.
“How did you- Shit!” Jensen collapsed in a chair and buried his head in his hands, heedless of the rag he still held. “Shit. Is it that obvious?”
“No. Just that lately, you’ve been looking at him differently.”
“Shit. I don’t know what to do, Steve. He’s my best friend.”
“I know.” Steve sat next to him, snagging the rag away from him and throwing it on the table. “Are you sure about how you feel?”
“Yeah. I can’t stop thinking about him, and I’ve been having these dreams-”
“Whoa, dude, TMI!” Steve interrupted.
Jensen smiled wryly. “They’re not all like what you’re thinking, though a lot of them are. Some of them are these stupidly sappy things, like holding hands in the park or snuggling on the couch. This isn’t- It’s been coming on for awhile. It just took me some time to figure it all out. And it sucks, because this is Jared. He’s my best friend, and I don’t wanna fuck anything up between us.”
“You’re assuming he doesn’t feel the same way about you.”
“He doesn’t.”
“Jensen.”
“We’ve been friends forever. I know what he’s like when he has a thing for a guy. He doesn’t do that with me,” he insisted. He witnessed enough of Jared’s boyfriends over the years to know how he acted when he was into someone. And maybe Jensen had looked for those telltale signs over the past few weeks, hoped to find them, and been disappointed.
He was so screwed, because the longer this lasted, the harder he fell for Jared, and the more he wanted him. Not just naked in his bed (and God, did he want that), but in everyday relationship ways, too. Jared invaded pretty much every aspect of his life a long time ago, with his infectious smile and laugh, with his enthusiasm for life and limitless energy, with his willingness to drop everything and help whenever a friend needed him. Jensen wondered why he hadn’t fallen for Jared years ago.
Steve sighed, then cuffed him on the back of the head. He ignored Jensen’s indignant “hey!” and sat back, crossing his arms. “I know you’re scared, Jensen. I get that. I get that this is new for you and you’re going through something I can’t understand and that you don’t wanna get hurt, but you owe it yourself to find out for sure. If there’s a chance, even a slim chance, you should grab it.”
Dropping his head in his hands, Jensen closed his eyes. Steve had a point, yeah, a good point, but the thought of laying himself bare for Jared like that scared him and freaked him out. He couldn’t keep living like this, with this weighing down on him, but the alternative wasn’t necessarily better. He groaned, thoughts circling and emotions warring with each other. He looked up when Steve set an open bottle of beer by his elbow.
“You don’t have to decide tonight, Jensen. Relax and finish cleaning my place.”
Steve grinned at him, and Jensen smiled gratefully, swallowing a mouthful of cold beer.
V.
Jared was getting the beer out of the fridge when he heard Jensen come in. “In the kitchen!” he called, and Jensen popped his head around the doorframe a moment later and threw a bag of chips at Jared’s head. “Hey. Game’s about to start. Beer?”
Jensen arched an eyebrow at him. “When do I ever turn down beer?”
Jared grinned and trailed after Jensen into the living room, chips in one hand and two bottles of beer in the other. Jensen plopped down into one corner of the huge worn leather couch, so Jared took the other, propping his bare feet on the coffee table and sprawling full-out. They demolished the chips and two pizzas and a six-pack (Jared drank most of it). They cheered and raged at the refs and switched to action movies once their team spectacularly lost. It was nice to do something normal, to take a break from studying and cramming his brain full of physics equations and too many numbers. He needed to decompress before his head exploded.
And if he periodically stole surreptitious glances at Jensen throughout the day, no one knew that except Jared.
“Want another one?” Jared asked, collecting the empty bottles off the coffee table. The thing was dented and had rings all over it, his mama’s insistence on coasters never really sticking with him.
“Nah, I’m good,” Jensen answered and slid down further on the couch, closing his eyes.
Jared stood behind the couch, taking advantage of the opportunity to stare. Jensen was completely relaxed, half asleep and boneless with it. He looked peaceful, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth as Sadie nudged him with her nose and made her “pet me” whimper under her breath. Jensen rubbed under her chin without opening his eyes. That was one of the things he loved about Jensen- that Jensen loved his dogs as much as Jared did, and they loved him, too.
Jared mentally shook himself and continued into the kitchen.
When he got back, Jensen had kicked his feet up on the couch, leaving very little room for Jared to sit down. “Hey, move your stinky feet out of my way.”
“Nope, I’m comfortable. Deal.”
Jared hesitated for a moment, then shoved his feet over enough to sit down and tried not to show his shock when Jensen settled his feet in his lap. Jared never exactly had a problem with invading people’s personal space. He loved hugs and assumed everyone else did, too. Except Jensen obviously didn’t share this sentiment. It took some time, after they first met, for him to get comfortable with Jared’s constant touching. While he no longer grimaced and shoved Jared away, he usually didn’t initiate the contact. Unless he was drunk. Jared decided not to overanalyze it, though, and draped his arm over Jensen’s calves.
Jensen prodded his thigh with a heel. “Is something wrong, Jay?”
“What? No, why?”
“Because you haven’t complained about physics all day, and you’ve done it everyday since the semester started.”
“I hate physics,” Jared griped, not able to keep the whine out of his voice.
“Sorry, dude. You kinda need it to be an engineer.”
He blew out a breath. “I know. I just have to remind myself that I’m almost done.”
“And then you can get a real job like the rest of us!” Jensen said with fake enthusiasm.
Jared smiled, and they fell silent, Jensen yawning big enough to crack his jaw. “You wanna crash here tonight?”
“Can’t. I’m on call tonight. I should go home so I’m closer to the hospital.”
Which must be why he only had a couple beers. He seemed content to sleep on Jared’s couch for awhile, however, and not in any hurry to leave. Jared played with the hem of Jensen’s jeans, rubbing the soft denim with his thumb and let himself pretend, just for a minute, that this was something they did everyday, that Jensen wouldn’t push him away or punch him or something if he leaned over and kissed him like he wanted to, that Jensen would pull him closer and kiss him back. It was just a fantasy, though, fragile and easily shattered, and he had to move on from this before it totally broke him.
VI.
Jensen dribbled the ball with one hand while he held Jared off with the other. “Come on, Padalecki, give it up. Just because you’re taller than me doesn’t mean you’re better at basketball,” he taunted. He faked left, then spun under Jared’s arm to sink a perfect basket.
“Fuck you, Ackles. I can still win,” Jared insisted, stopping to pout. Or wipe the sweat off his forehead, whatever. Jensen preferred to think of it as pouting. “It’s only 3-10.”
“And who’s gotten the last four points?”
“Fuck you, Ackles,” he repeated, huffing indignantly.
Jensen laughed. He could almost see Jared puffing out his chest in his usual display of manliness. If it had the added bonus of tightening his t-shirt across his pecs and showing off his broad shoulders, well, Jensen ignored that. Or tried to. He loved playing basketball and watching Jared get more and more annoyed. He got this adorable crease in his forehead, and combined with the flush in his cheeks, he looked about 12. A really tall, really built 12-year-old, but still. What he failed to take into account when he suggested this pick up game before Jared’s BBQ that night was the reality of a sexily rumpled and sweaty Jared crowding against him as they played. It tested his control in a way that he hadn’t expected, feeling the shift of Jared’s muscles around him as they grappled for the ball, seeing a glimpse of his amazingly flat stomach when he used the hem of his shirt to wipe his face. He turned away at that, before he dropped to his knees and traced the ridges of Jared’s abs with his tongue.
“You cheat,” Jared accused him, standing on the opposite end of his driveway with his hands on his hips.
“Oh, stop looking so wounded, Jay. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“You’re only saying that because you’re winning. And because you cheat.”
How had he missed how ridiculously adorable Jared looked when he pouted for all these years?
“Are ya gonna play or just complain all day?” Jensen asked. “Because we can stop if I’ve bruised your ego too badly.”
“Shut up and give me the ball, asshole.”
Jensen grinned and tossed the ball to Jared, who caught it easily in one giant hand. That was one of the best things about knowing each other so well- always having the right thing to do or say to aggravate the other one, or to instantly calm them down. Which was why he stopped trying so hard and let Jared win. It was totally worth it for the blinding grin Jared flashed him and the dorky victory arms and dance he did. And definitely worth it when Jared bounced over to him and tackle-hugged him to the ground, even if he did land in a mud puddle. Jared’s joy had always been infectious- it was one of the first things Jensen noticed about him. When he smiled or laughed, you just had to respond in the same way. If he knocked you to the ground with an enthusiastic hug, you hugged him back.
But Jensen ignored how good Jared’s arms felt around him and the urge to grab his hair and tug him down into a kiss and how beautiful his eyes were this close and his deep dimples and brilliantly white teeth and every inch of that gorgeous body touching his.
“Dude, off. You weigh a fucking ton,” Jensen complained, shoving at Jared’s chest before he got too used to the amazing feel of Jared’s body heat soaking into him.
Jared sat up and grinned. “You say the sweetest things to me.”
“Whatever. Help me up and get me some clean clothes, since you threw me into a damn puddle.”
Jared hauled him up, then leaned over to inspect his muddy jeans and t-shirt. Jensen resisted the impulse to shift uncomfortably. “Sorry, Jen. They’ll be a little long, but you can use a pair of my jeans and a shirt, too.”
He could go home and change or send Jared to pick something up for him, but this was easier. And had nothing to do with wanting to wrap himself in Jared’s clothes since he couldn’t wrap himself in Jared.
He changed his mind when he walked out of the spare room and Jared giggled at him. “I feel like a little kid wearing his dad’s clothes,” he complained, tugging the hems of the jeans up so he wouldn’t trip on them too much. Those things were huge.
“Ah, man, it’s not that bad.”
“Then stop laughing at me.” He grimaced down at the pants dragging the carpet. “I don’t get it. You’re not that much taller than me. Why are your pants so fucking long?”
“You have short legs?” Jared suggested, then giggled again.
“Shut up.” Jensen shoved him down the hall. “We should get the food ready and the grill going, ‘cause otherwise, everyone will bitch when they get here.”
As Jared turned around to head to the kitchen, Jensen hitched up his jeans and smiled.
VII.
Jared handed Jensen another beer and collapsed into the chair across from him. Jensen smiled in thanks and flicked his eyes over to Mike, who was currently sprawled out on his back on the still damp grass.
“D’ya, d’ya ever wonder what’s out there? If it’s just us or if there’s an alien blob thingy up there watchin’ us and laughin’?” Mike asked, waving his bottle at the sky and almost tipping beer up his nose.
Jared groaned and noticed Jensen roll his eyes, a familiar gesture Jared could pick out even in the semi-darkness. “Mike, I’m not nearly drunk enough for this. Can we skip the meaning of life, are we alone in the universe discussion for another time?”
“Nah. Jared, dude, the universe is infinite! We can’t be alone!” he insisted. He rolled onto his stomach and pointed his beer at Jared. “I know you’re all Mr. Science, give me concrete proof and shit, but, dude, there’s so much out there, so much space for them to hide in!”
“The alien blob thingy?”
“Sure.” He flopped onto his back again and took a swig of beer. “Help me out here, Tom. You agree, right?” he asked, kicking at Tom’s chair.
Tom startled out of his half-dose, blinking owlishly down at Mike. “What? Yeah, sure. Of course,” he replied, then leaned his cheek against the back of the chair and closed his eyes once more.
Jared should probably get him up and send him home to Jamie, but he was too relaxed, too comfortable, too buzzed to care overly much. Jamie knew where he was and that they’d take care of him. Of course, if he started snoring, Jared might leave him outside to sleep.
“See, Tom agrees with me.” Mike gestured with his beer again, losing half of it to Jared’s backyard.
“He’d agree with anything right now.”
“Don’t piss in my Cheerios, dude.”
“Yeah, okay, Mikey, there are alien blob thingies on some distant planet watching the four of us and laughing,” he said sarcastically, glancing at Jensen again, but Jensen was no longer paying attention. He sat cross-legged on the green plastic deck chair, the hems of Jared’s jeans mostly covering his bare feet, elbows resting on his knees, looking thoughtful and introspective. He traded his contacts for glasses a couple hours ago, once it got dark and everyone started trickling home, and they kept slipping down his nose. Jared wanted to reach over and push them up for him, smooth his hand over Jensen’s slightly mussed hair, but he also didn’t want to disturb him, to mess up this perfect picture of a quietly reflective and moon-dappled Jensen.
It really was quite unfair how beautiful and amazing Jensen was.
And how sexy he looked wearing Jared’s clothes. Dorky, too, but sexy. There’d been several times throughout the night when Jared just kinda stopped and stared at him, caught up in an image of a thoroughly fucked out Jensen tumbling out of bed and tossing on a pair of Jared’s sweats, meeting Jared in the kitchen where they ignored breakfast in favor of making out against the counter. He charred a couple steaks on the grill and dropped a bottle of BBQ sauce, too busy fantasizing about something he’ll never have.
“Hey, d’ya know they have satellites up there right now, taking pictures of us? Maybe we should wave or something,” Mike said, still gazing pensively upwards.
Jared groaned again, rubbing his temples. He needed to be way drunker to handle a philosophical Mike and a too sexy Jensen. Way drunker. “Dude, why do you always get so chatty when you’re drunk? Can’t you pass out like the rest of us?”
“Where’s the fun in that?” He brightened suddenly, eyes going wide. “We should play a game! Monopoly or something!”
“Jesus, Mike. No. Just lay there and stargaze.”
Mike harrumphed, shifting around for a moment before settling down. He stayed silent for a few minutes, long enough for Jared to think he had finally passed out, then began rambling about random shit Jared didn’t understand. He didn’t interrupt, though, just let him talk. It was often best to let Mike get this stuff out. Jared leaned his chin on his hand, turning his head slightly so he could watch Jensen out of the corner of his eye, could track the moonlight as it shadowed his features, washing out his freckles and making his skin appear carved from stone.
Damn, he was getting maudlin and ridiculously stupid today. How many times did he have to tell himself to stop pining for something he couldn’t have, to be grateful Jensen’s his friend and move the fuck on?
Part 2
Pairing: Jared/Jensen, with appearances by Chad, Mike, Tom, Steve, and Chris
Rating: hard R, maybe, for swearing and some boy touching
Word Count: 12,000+ in 2 parts
Disclaimer: I can only fantasize that this is really going on. Alas, it's not. Unless it is, and if so, I want photographic evidence, dammit!
Summary: AU. Jared pines for Jensen. Jensen starts falling for Jared. If only they'd stop being guys and tell each other...
A/N 1: This is, as always, for rain388- my muse, my cheerleader, my handholder. And LOOKY! She made me a pretty, pretty banner!
A/N 2: Title from the Roxette song, though it has nothing to do with the plot.
ETA, now with a sequel, Almost Unreal
I.
“M’not drunk,” Jensen slurred, hanging off Jared’s arm and shuffling his feet as they walked down the street.
“Sure you’re not,” Jared replied, then snorted when Jensen seemingly tripped over thin air. “That’s why you’re so graceful.”
“M’not drunk, Jay,” he insisted. “Just klu- klu- klu- trippin’.”
“Right.”
Jared adjusted his grip around Jensen’s waist, trying to hold all 6-plus feet of him upright, and Jensen sagged heavily against him. Jared sighed. He loved Jensen. They’d been best friends from the moment Jared literally ran into Jensen on his first day at UT Austin. Most people, especially upperclassmen like Jensen, wouldn’t have given Jared the time of day, but, despite getting knocked to the ground with his books scattered all over the grass, Jensen smiled at him and helped him to stand. They’d been inseparable since. Anyway. He loved Jensen, honestly, but not necessarily a drunk Jensen.
“Where we goin’?” Jensen asked, head rolling slowly on Jared’s shoulder, green eyes glassy and unfocused.
His spiky dark blonde hair tickled Jared’s nose, and he snorted the short strands out of his way. “My place, Jen. Come on, man, help me out here. Lift your feet.”
Jensen did as requested in an exaggerated high step that made Jared chuckle and almost run them into a telephone pole. Jensen slipped halfway to the ground before Jared caught him and lifted him up again, hooking Jensen’s arm around his shoulder and holding on tighter to Jensen’s waist.
He dragged Jensen the last two blocks to his apartment and propped him up by the door so he could fish his key out of his pocket. Jensen closed his eyes, looking prepared to sleep right there. The porch light illuminated his face, emphasizing his cheekbones and the freckles dusted over his nose and cheeks. Jared lifted his hand, wanting to rub his thumb over those freckles, but luckily came to his senses before he did something so stupid. Shaking his head, Jared opened the door and hauled Jensen inside. Sadie and Harley skittered out of the kitchen, barking excitedly and tails wagging hard enough to wiggle their back ends. Jensen laughed and collapsed to the floor, where the dogs proceeded to lick every inch of bare skin they could find. Jared waited a moment, stupidly jealous of his dogs, then heaved a madly giggling Jensen to his feet.
“Come on, Jen. Bedtime.”
“Okay!” he said happily, in that drunken I-have-no-idea-how-loud-I’m-talking voice.
Jared dragged him down the hall- Jensen wasn’t even trying to walk anymore- and into his small spare bedroom/office/junk room. Sitting Jensen on the end of the bed, he knelt in front of him to untie his boots. They’d seen better days, were cracked and worn, been re-soled a couple times, but Jensen wouldn’t give them up for anything. He took off one boot then the other, gently batting away Jensen’s hands. That was the worst thing about dealing with a drunk Jensen. He was very handsy, always touching Jared’s shoulders and back, petting his hair. Anyone else and Jared wouldn’t care, would laugh it off or not pay attention to it, but this was Jensen, and he admitted to himself a long time ago that his feelings for Jensen went way beyond friendship. It was getting harder and harder to ignore Jensen’s constantly questing hands, especially since he knew his best friend was 100% straight, not even a hint of anything else, that he never gave any indication while sober that he thought of Jared as more than a best friend with a good place to crash.
It was slowly driving Jared crazy.
After he removed Jensen’s boots, he moved to take off his jeans, careful to keep his hands to neutral territory, even though the urge to touch, to trace those freckles and test the softness of his lips was nearly overwhelming. He tugged his pants off, unbuttoned his shirt and tossed it on the floor, then pushed Jensen back on the bed. Jensen immediately rolled over and burrowed under the covers, sliding his arms under the pillow and burying his face in the coolness. He sighed contentedly, already asleep. Jared shook his head and smiled fondly, backing out of the room quietly and shutting the door.
II.
Jensen woke up wishing he were dead. He groaned and pulled the covers over his head, trying to block out the obnoxious sunlight and get back to the oblivion of sleep. One of the dogs was scratching at his door, though, and his bladder suddenly made itself known. He groaned again and rolled off the bed, landing face first in the pile of his clothes. He stayed there a minute, breathing in the scent of stale pretzels and beer, then crawled to the door. Sadie met him out in the hall, tail thumping the hardwood floor in a steady rhythm that matched the pounding in Jensen’s head.
“Hey, girl,” he mumbled, patting her absently on the head as he stumbled toward the bathroom. She followed him, but he shut the door on her before she could come into the room with him. 10 minutes later, he stumbled back out, feeling only slightly more alive. Why the hell did he drink that much last night? And why hadn’t Jared stopped him? Jared was supposed to have his back, man, not just sit there and watch him pound back tequila shots. Fucking tequila.
Jared was banging around in the kitchen, talking to Harley and intermittently bursting into random bits of songs. Jensen winced. Hung over and listening to Jared sing? Torture. He headed down the stairs to the kitchen anyway and found Jared cooking himself breakfast. Jensen’s stomach roiled. He told himself it was the smell of greasy bacon and eggs and had nothing to do with the sight of Jared standing barefoot at the stove, wearing nothing but a pair of low-slung sweatpants and a towel tossed over his bare shoulder. Because, really, he didn’t notice things like that about Jared. Not at all.
Jared saw him hovering in the doorway and smiled, bright enough to dim the sunlight filtering in from the deck door. “Hey, man! Mornin’!” He turned the fire off under the frying pan and eyed Jensen from under the dark mop of his bangs. “How’re you feeling?”
“Like I died and got shoved back in my body backwards. So, ya know, great,” Jensen answered, dropping heavily into a chair at the table. He rested his forehead on the cool wood surface of the table and rubbed Harley’s ears when the dog butted against his hand.
“Yeah, dude, you and tequila? Not the best of friends.”
“Thanks.”
“Here, drink this. I’ll make you some toast.”
Jensen wrinkled his nose at the glass of milk Jared set in front of him, but Jared nudged his shoulder with a stern “drink it!” so he slowly brought the glass to his mouth. Jared handed him the promised toast and sat across from him with his own breakfast. Jensen averted his eyes, the nauseous feeling increasing in his gut. Watching Jared eat under normal circumstances could be a bit daunting, but this morning, Jensen thought he might throw up on the table if he saw Jared shoveling in mouthfuls of eggs and bacon.
“So, um, what happened last night?” Jensen asked, hoping to fill in the gaps of his memory. He lost track of things after awhile, only vaguely recalling leaving the bar and Jared tucking him into bed.
“You danced on top of the bar and tried to take that redhead home.”
“What!” His head snapped up so fast, he heard something in his neck crack painfully. “That chick in her fifties?”
Jared laughed and kicked his foot under the table. “Relax, Jen, I’m just kidding. You almost passed out on the bar, so I walked you home. Kept saying ‘M’not drunk’ the whole way, even though you couldn’t lift your head and tripped over your own feet.”
“Sorry, man.”
“No big deal, Jen. It’s not like I haven’t done it a thousand times before.”
Jared smiled at him, dimples showing, and Jensen briefly forgot he needed to breathe. He forced air back into his lungs and dropped his head. This was starting to get ridiculous. He’d known Jared for five years, been best friends with the guy for about 10 minutes less than that, so why was he suddenly attracted to him? Okay, maybe not too suddenly, but he still didn’t get why he noticed random things like Jared’s nicely defined pecs or full bottom lip.
Straight men don’t think about kissing their male best friends. Right?
III.
Jared looked up from his book as Chad barged in his front door.
“Studying again? Jared, man, when are ya gonna finally graduate? You’re 23, dude. It’s getting kinda pathetic,” Chad told him, pulling out a chair and spinning it around to sit in it backwards.
“I graduated two years ago, Chad. I’m getting my masters now. You know that,” Jared replied, picking up his pen to resume writing notes for Applied Physics. This stuff sucked, but he needed to pass this class.
Chad waved a hand, then scrubbed it back through his spiky blonde hair. “Whatever. We’re all going to Steve’s for dinner, Jared, and you’re coming with us.”
“I can’t. I have an exam on Tuesday, and I really need to study.”
“Pshaw. Dude, you could ace that thing with your eyes closed. And you need to eat, right?” he added when Jared opened his mouth to protest some more.
“Right.” He sighed and placed his notebook in his book to mark his place. “Are we gonna actually pay the bill this time?”
“Hell no!” Chad scoffed. “Steve never would’ve opened that diner if not for us. He still owes us about 50 meals each.”
Shaking his head, Jared caught the jacket Chad tossed him and followed him out the door.
“All of us” turned out to include half a dozen or so people. The Crew, as Chad liked to call them, though it usually earned him a smack on the ear or a headlock. Their group had grown since college, once everyone started getting steady girlfriends or boyfriends, or a wife in Tom’s case. Jared waved at everyone and endured their good-natured teasing about his nerdy tendencies. Everyone else had “grown up” jobs, but he liked being in school and still learning.
“Hey!” Jensen called, hooking the chair beside him with his foot and sliding it out for him.
“Hey.” Jared slumped in the chair and grabbed the menu with Steve’s Diner printed on the top. Simple name, but the place was always busy, one of the favorite restaurants of the 20-something crowd in Austin. He had no idea why he bothered with the menu; he and Jensen helped Steve choose all the dishes, after all.
“How’s physics coming?”
“Kicking my ass, but I’ll get it. I need to if I want to finish in December.”
“I have faith in you, young Grasshopper.”
“Shut up,” Jared muttered and kicked Jensen’s shin. Jensen grinned, his eyes crinkling. Jared buried his nose in the menu to stop from kissing Jensen right there in front of all their friends. This was all Jensen’s fault. If he wasn’t so goddamned amazing, Jared never would’ve fallen in love with him, but, no, he couldn’t be an asshole, couldn’t steal candy from babies or kick puppies or not look like the epitome of gorgeous and beautiful. Yep, it was all Jensen’s fault, and Jared would tell him that if he ever got stupid enough to admit to Jensen how he felt about him.
“I got a raise!” Mike announced suddenly, drawing Jared out of his own thoughts.
“I got a good parking space today!” Chris said, smirking.
Mike swatted the back of his head, and Chris sent him the patented Kane Watch Yourself, Boy bitchface. Mike just grinned and leaned back in his chair, crossing his hands over his stomach.
This was tradition, getting together and sharing important milestones. It was how they learned Steve wanted to quit his band and open the diner, when Tom was gonna be a daddy, when Jensen got the surgery residency here in Austin and not Milwaukee like Jared feared he might. No one else had any news today, though, so they motioned Steve out from the back and gave him their orders.
“And since Mike just got a new kickass raise, he said he’d actually pay for all of us tonight,” Chris added before Steve walked away.
That was tradition, too, Mike and Chris constantly picking at each other, Jensen eventually breaking it up while simultaneously riling Chad up. Jared sat back and watched, exchanging amused glances with Jamie and Kenzie. They were all friends, all loved each other and defended one another to outsiders, but they were typical guys mostly. They showed their affection through punches on the arm and harmless ribbing. He’d miss this if he ever lost it, which was why no one knew he was in love with Jensen. He wasn’t willing to fuck up their friendship or ruin their group dynamic.
Dinner was awesome as always, punctuated with laughter and easy conversation. He and Jensen got into a lengthy discussion (read: ongoing argument) about the best Texas city, Dallas or San Antonio. Everyone knew to steer clear of them when they began something like that and scattered into smaller groups, leaving them on their own. They could talk for hours, and Steve was shutting off all the lights and stacking chairs before he realized how late it’d gotten. He needed to get back to studying.
He grabbed his jacket and stopped at the door. “Jen, you coming?”
“Nah, I’m gonna stay and help Steve clean up. Least I can do, since Mike skipped out without paying him.” Jensen waved, smiling, and caught the wet rag Steve threw at him.
“All right, man.” He had no idea why that disappointed him. They didn’t need to spend 24/7 with each other. “My place next Sunday, remember?” he yelled on his way out.
“Yep. You better have the good beer this time.”
“Just bring the chips, bitch!”
Jensen saluted him with his middle finger, and Jared laughed, heading home with a stupid grin on his face.
IV.
Jensen and Steve worked mostly in silence, wiping down tables and stacking chairs. Jensen appreciated the quiet after dinner with everyone. It could get overwhelming, with people talking over each other and carrying on five conversations at once. Steve had always been the subdued one of the group, the complete opposite of gregarious Jared. That made him smile, picturing Jared talking while wildly waving his arms for emphasis.
“Have you ever fallen for someone you shouldn’t?” Jensen asked, the words out of his mouth before he knew the thought had formed.
Steve raised an eyebrow at him. “Of course. Who hasn’t?”
He hesitated before continuing, but there was no going back now that he started it. “I don’t just mean wanting to fuck someone, Steve. I mean really falling for them.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I have,” he answered quietly, cocking his head and leaning on the mop handle.
There was a story there, but Jensen didn’t press him for it. Steve went back to mopping the floor by the entrance, but stopped abruptly.
“Christ, she’s not married, is she?”
Puzzled, Jensen turned back to face Steve. “Who?”
“Who? The woman you’ve fallen for.”
“Oh. No, not married,” he said carefully.
Steve scrutinized him for a minute, realization finally dawning on his face. Jensen could almost see the light bulb go on over his head.
“It’s not a woman, is it?”
Jensen sighed. “No.” That wasn’t as difficult to admit as he assumed, maybe because, out of all his friends (besides Jared), he knew Steve wouldn’t judge him or tease him. He’d just try to help.
“Is it Jared?” Steve asked quietly.
“How did you- Shit!” Jensen collapsed in a chair and buried his head in his hands, heedless of the rag he still held. “Shit. Is it that obvious?”
“No. Just that lately, you’ve been looking at him differently.”
“Shit. I don’t know what to do, Steve. He’s my best friend.”
“I know.” Steve sat next to him, snagging the rag away from him and throwing it on the table. “Are you sure about how you feel?”
“Yeah. I can’t stop thinking about him, and I’ve been having these dreams-”
“Whoa, dude, TMI!” Steve interrupted.
Jensen smiled wryly. “They’re not all like what you’re thinking, though a lot of them are. Some of them are these stupidly sappy things, like holding hands in the park or snuggling on the couch. This isn’t- It’s been coming on for awhile. It just took me some time to figure it all out. And it sucks, because this is Jared. He’s my best friend, and I don’t wanna fuck anything up between us.”
“You’re assuming he doesn’t feel the same way about you.”
“He doesn’t.”
“Jensen.”
“We’ve been friends forever. I know what he’s like when he has a thing for a guy. He doesn’t do that with me,” he insisted. He witnessed enough of Jared’s boyfriends over the years to know how he acted when he was into someone. And maybe Jensen had looked for those telltale signs over the past few weeks, hoped to find them, and been disappointed.
He was so screwed, because the longer this lasted, the harder he fell for Jared, and the more he wanted him. Not just naked in his bed (and God, did he want that), but in everyday relationship ways, too. Jared invaded pretty much every aspect of his life a long time ago, with his infectious smile and laugh, with his enthusiasm for life and limitless energy, with his willingness to drop everything and help whenever a friend needed him. Jensen wondered why he hadn’t fallen for Jared years ago.
Steve sighed, then cuffed him on the back of the head. He ignored Jensen’s indignant “hey!” and sat back, crossing his arms. “I know you’re scared, Jensen. I get that. I get that this is new for you and you’re going through something I can’t understand and that you don’t wanna get hurt, but you owe it yourself to find out for sure. If there’s a chance, even a slim chance, you should grab it.”
Dropping his head in his hands, Jensen closed his eyes. Steve had a point, yeah, a good point, but the thought of laying himself bare for Jared like that scared him and freaked him out. He couldn’t keep living like this, with this weighing down on him, but the alternative wasn’t necessarily better. He groaned, thoughts circling and emotions warring with each other. He looked up when Steve set an open bottle of beer by his elbow.
“You don’t have to decide tonight, Jensen. Relax and finish cleaning my place.”
Steve grinned at him, and Jensen smiled gratefully, swallowing a mouthful of cold beer.
V.
Jared was getting the beer out of the fridge when he heard Jensen come in. “In the kitchen!” he called, and Jensen popped his head around the doorframe a moment later and threw a bag of chips at Jared’s head. “Hey. Game’s about to start. Beer?”
Jensen arched an eyebrow at him. “When do I ever turn down beer?”
Jared grinned and trailed after Jensen into the living room, chips in one hand and two bottles of beer in the other. Jensen plopped down into one corner of the huge worn leather couch, so Jared took the other, propping his bare feet on the coffee table and sprawling full-out. They demolished the chips and two pizzas and a six-pack (Jared drank most of it). They cheered and raged at the refs and switched to action movies once their team spectacularly lost. It was nice to do something normal, to take a break from studying and cramming his brain full of physics equations and too many numbers. He needed to decompress before his head exploded.
And if he periodically stole surreptitious glances at Jensen throughout the day, no one knew that except Jared.
“Want another one?” Jared asked, collecting the empty bottles off the coffee table. The thing was dented and had rings all over it, his mama’s insistence on coasters never really sticking with him.
“Nah, I’m good,” Jensen answered and slid down further on the couch, closing his eyes.
Jared stood behind the couch, taking advantage of the opportunity to stare. Jensen was completely relaxed, half asleep and boneless with it. He looked peaceful, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth as Sadie nudged him with her nose and made her “pet me” whimper under her breath. Jensen rubbed under her chin without opening his eyes. That was one of the things he loved about Jensen- that Jensen loved his dogs as much as Jared did, and they loved him, too.
Jared mentally shook himself and continued into the kitchen.
When he got back, Jensen had kicked his feet up on the couch, leaving very little room for Jared to sit down. “Hey, move your stinky feet out of my way.”
“Nope, I’m comfortable. Deal.”
Jared hesitated for a moment, then shoved his feet over enough to sit down and tried not to show his shock when Jensen settled his feet in his lap. Jared never exactly had a problem with invading people’s personal space. He loved hugs and assumed everyone else did, too. Except Jensen obviously didn’t share this sentiment. It took some time, after they first met, for him to get comfortable with Jared’s constant touching. While he no longer grimaced and shoved Jared away, he usually didn’t initiate the contact. Unless he was drunk. Jared decided not to overanalyze it, though, and draped his arm over Jensen’s calves.
Jensen prodded his thigh with a heel. “Is something wrong, Jay?”
“What? No, why?”
“Because you haven’t complained about physics all day, and you’ve done it everyday since the semester started.”
“I hate physics,” Jared griped, not able to keep the whine out of his voice.
“Sorry, dude. You kinda need it to be an engineer.”
He blew out a breath. “I know. I just have to remind myself that I’m almost done.”
“And then you can get a real job like the rest of us!” Jensen said with fake enthusiasm.
Jared smiled, and they fell silent, Jensen yawning big enough to crack his jaw. “You wanna crash here tonight?”
“Can’t. I’m on call tonight. I should go home so I’m closer to the hospital.”
Which must be why he only had a couple beers. He seemed content to sleep on Jared’s couch for awhile, however, and not in any hurry to leave. Jared played with the hem of Jensen’s jeans, rubbing the soft denim with his thumb and let himself pretend, just for a minute, that this was something they did everyday, that Jensen wouldn’t push him away or punch him or something if he leaned over and kissed him like he wanted to, that Jensen would pull him closer and kiss him back. It was just a fantasy, though, fragile and easily shattered, and he had to move on from this before it totally broke him.
VI.
Jensen dribbled the ball with one hand while he held Jared off with the other. “Come on, Padalecki, give it up. Just because you’re taller than me doesn’t mean you’re better at basketball,” he taunted. He faked left, then spun under Jared’s arm to sink a perfect basket.
“Fuck you, Ackles. I can still win,” Jared insisted, stopping to pout. Or wipe the sweat off his forehead, whatever. Jensen preferred to think of it as pouting. “It’s only 3-10.”
“And who’s gotten the last four points?”
“Fuck you, Ackles,” he repeated, huffing indignantly.
Jensen laughed. He could almost see Jared puffing out his chest in his usual display of manliness. If it had the added bonus of tightening his t-shirt across his pecs and showing off his broad shoulders, well, Jensen ignored that. Or tried to. He loved playing basketball and watching Jared get more and more annoyed. He got this adorable crease in his forehead, and combined with the flush in his cheeks, he looked about 12. A really tall, really built 12-year-old, but still. What he failed to take into account when he suggested this pick up game before Jared’s BBQ that night was the reality of a sexily rumpled and sweaty Jared crowding against him as they played. It tested his control in a way that he hadn’t expected, feeling the shift of Jared’s muscles around him as they grappled for the ball, seeing a glimpse of his amazingly flat stomach when he used the hem of his shirt to wipe his face. He turned away at that, before he dropped to his knees and traced the ridges of Jared’s abs with his tongue.
“You cheat,” Jared accused him, standing on the opposite end of his driveway with his hands on his hips.
“Oh, stop looking so wounded, Jay. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“You’re only saying that because you’re winning. And because you cheat.”
How had he missed how ridiculously adorable Jared looked when he pouted for all these years?
“Are ya gonna play or just complain all day?” Jensen asked. “Because we can stop if I’ve bruised your ego too badly.”
“Shut up and give me the ball, asshole.”
Jensen grinned and tossed the ball to Jared, who caught it easily in one giant hand. That was one of the best things about knowing each other so well- always having the right thing to do or say to aggravate the other one, or to instantly calm them down. Which was why he stopped trying so hard and let Jared win. It was totally worth it for the blinding grin Jared flashed him and the dorky victory arms and dance he did. And definitely worth it when Jared bounced over to him and tackle-hugged him to the ground, even if he did land in a mud puddle. Jared’s joy had always been infectious- it was one of the first things Jensen noticed about him. When he smiled or laughed, you just had to respond in the same way. If he knocked you to the ground with an enthusiastic hug, you hugged him back.
But Jensen ignored how good Jared’s arms felt around him and the urge to grab his hair and tug him down into a kiss and how beautiful his eyes were this close and his deep dimples and brilliantly white teeth and every inch of that gorgeous body touching his.
“Dude, off. You weigh a fucking ton,” Jensen complained, shoving at Jared’s chest before he got too used to the amazing feel of Jared’s body heat soaking into him.
Jared sat up and grinned. “You say the sweetest things to me.”
“Whatever. Help me up and get me some clean clothes, since you threw me into a damn puddle.”
Jared hauled him up, then leaned over to inspect his muddy jeans and t-shirt. Jensen resisted the impulse to shift uncomfortably. “Sorry, Jen. They’ll be a little long, but you can use a pair of my jeans and a shirt, too.”
He could go home and change or send Jared to pick something up for him, but this was easier. And had nothing to do with wanting to wrap himself in Jared’s clothes since he couldn’t wrap himself in Jared.
He changed his mind when he walked out of the spare room and Jared giggled at him. “I feel like a little kid wearing his dad’s clothes,” he complained, tugging the hems of the jeans up so he wouldn’t trip on them too much. Those things were huge.
“Ah, man, it’s not that bad.”
“Then stop laughing at me.” He grimaced down at the pants dragging the carpet. “I don’t get it. You’re not that much taller than me. Why are your pants so fucking long?”
“You have short legs?” Jared suggested, then giggled again.
“Shut up.” Jensen shoved him down the hall. “We should get the food ready and the grill going, ‘cause otherwise, everyone will bitch when they get here.”
As Jared turned around to head to the kitchen, Jensen hitched up his jeans and smiled.
VII.
Jared handed Jensen another beer and collapsed into the chair across from him. Jensen smiled in thanks and flicked his eyes over to Mike, who was currently sprawled out on his back on the still damp grass.
“D’ya, d’ya ever wonder what’s out there? If it’s just us or if there’s an alien blob thingy up there watchin’ us and laughin’?” Mike asked, waving his bottle at the sky and almost tipping beer up his nose.
Jared groaned and noticed Jensen roll his eyes, a familiar gesture Jared could pick out even in the semi-darkness. “Mike, I’m not nearly drunk enough for this. Can we skip the meaning of life, are we alone in the universe discussion for another time?”
“Nah. Jared, dude, the universe is infinite! We can’t be alone!” he insisted. He rolled onto his stomach and pointed his beer at Jared. “I know you’re all Mr. Science, give me concrete proof and shit, but, dude, there’s so much out there, so much space for them to hide in!”
“The alien blob thingy?”
“Sure.” He flopped onto his back again and took a swig of beer. “Help me out here, Tom. You agree, right?” he asked, kicking at Tom’s chair.
Tom startled out of his half-dose, blinking owlishly down at Mike. “What? Yeah, sure. Of course,” he replied, then leaned his cheek against the back of the chair and closed his eyes once more.
Jared should probably get him up and send him home to Jamie, but he was too relaxed, too comfortable, too buzzed to care overly much. Jamie knew where he was and that they’d take care of him. Of course, if he started snoring, Jared might leave him outside to sleep.
“See, Tom agrees with me.” Mike gestured with his beer again, losing half of it to Jared’s backyard.
“He’d agree with anything right now.”
“Don’t piss in my Cheerios, dude.”
“Yeah, okay, Mikey, there are alien blob thingies on some distant planet watching the four of us and laughing,” he said sarcastically, glancing at Jensen again, but Jensen was no longer paying attention. He sat cross-legged on the green plastic deck chair, the hems of Jared’s jeans mostly covering his bare feet, elbows resting on his knees, looking thoughtful and introspective. He traded his contacts for glasses a couple hours ago, once it got dark and everyone started trickling home, and they kept slipping down his nose. Jared wanted to reach over and push them up for him, smooth his hand over Jensen’s slightly mussed hair, but he also didn’t want to disturb him, to mess up this perfect picture of a quietly reflective and moon-dappled Jensen.
It really was quite unfair how beautiful and amazing Jensen was.
And how sexy he looked wearing Jared’s clothes. Dorky, too, but sexy. There’d been several times throughout the night when Jared just kinda stopped and stared at him, caught up in an image of a thoroughly fucked out Jensen tumbling out of bed and tossing on a pair of Jared’s sweats, meeting Jared in the kitchen where they ignored breakfast in favor of making out against the counter. He charred a couple steaks on the grill and dropped a bottle of BBQ sauce, too busy fantasizing about something he’ll never have.
“Hey, d’ya know they have satellites up there right now, taking pictures of us? Maybe we should wave or something,” Mike said, still gazing pensively upwards.
Jared groaned again, rubbing his temples. He needed to be way drunker to handle a philosophical Mike and a too sexy Jensen. Way drunker. “Dude, why do you always get so chatty when you’re drunk? Can’t you pass out like the rest of us?”
“Where’s the fun in that?” He brightened suddenly, eyes going wide. “We should play a game! Monopoly or something!”
“Jesus, Mike. No. Just lay there and stargaze.”
Mike harrumphed, shifting around for a moment before settling down. He stayed silent for a few minutes, long enough for Jared to think he had finally passed out, then began rambling about random shit Jared didn’t understand. He didn’t interrupt, though, just let him talk. It was often best to let Mike get this stuff out. Jared leaned his chin on his hand, turning his head slightly so he could watch Jensen out of the corner of his eye, could track the moonlight as it shadowed his features, washing out his freckles and making his skin appear carved from stone.
Damn, he was getting maudlin and ridiculously stupid today. How many times did he have to tell himself to stop pining for something he couldn’t have, to be grateful Jensen’s his friend and move the fuck on?
Part 2