118. fic: when they open up your heart (part 1/2).
when they open up your heart.
the social network. mark/eduardo. nc-17. 18700 words.
for this prompt. limited-au, mark and eduardo's relationship over the years in a world where people can get a timer which counts down the time until they meet their soulmate, but only if their soulmate has one too. or: eduardo has a timer, mark doesn't, soulmates exist, and boys are silly when dealing with feelings.
notes: i still don't know how this happened. i read a prompt and suddenly i just couldn't stop writing. to anyone who's seen the movie, i never have and i don't know anything about it outside of the prompt so there may be slight differences in how the technology works. it shouldn't be anything too big since the prompt seems to summarize it very well.
this fic is for that glorious anon who posted that prompt. seriously, you ruined my life in these past eighteen days but i loved it. thanks again for such an amazing idea. i've tried to include what you asked to see and i hope you like it. ♥ also, i must thank my lovely bb, vlieger. this fic couldn't have been written without you. i wouldn't be able to write anything without you. you're pretty much the most awesome possum in the world. ♥ and fairy_tale_echo, may the fangirl flailing never stop. thanks for reading over part of this behemoth and talking to me while i was sleep-deprived and crazy. ♥
the title and cut-texts are from our lady peace's 'in repair' from their album spiritual machines, which is in the running for my favorite song ever. seriously, this song. there are no words. you can listen to it here. and so ends this long note. (although really, it goes along with this extremely long fic. honestly, i usually struggle to write fics that go up to 3000 words.)
also available (and capitalized) on ao3.
like a machine, they'll fix you from the start
eduardo doesn't understand what a timer is when he receives his. he's just scared as a doctor comes towards him with a mask and tells him to count backwards from ten.
(can you do that for me, son? he asks.
and eduardo is too sleepy to say, i'm not your son.)
it's his seventh birthday and this is his father's present to him.
timers are a sign of great wealth, after all. there's no better way to assure eduardo's status in the world.
.
the timer just becomes another way that eduardo has disappointed his father, however.
there is no countdown shown on the implant in his wrist. it remains blank. the company's consultants tell them that the blank countdown just means that eduardo's match just hasn't received their own timer yet. but by the time he's thirteen and the timer is still blank, eduardo's father insists on taking him back to the doctors to have a new one put in.
(i've invested my time and my money into this company and i expect to have a working timer for my son, he says. his hand is uncomfortably tight around eduardo's wrist.
but sir, we're trying to tell you that it is not broken and it's a very delicate procedure, do you really want⎯)
his wrist is sore for over a week afterwards but it doesn't help any. he still has no countdown.
eduardo thinks that it probably hasn't crossed his father's mind that his match will never get a timer. after all, everyone who is acceptable for a saverin should have one.
that being said, it's also possible that eduardo's father has actually thought of that potential likelihood, and eduardo is a disappointment because his match is unsuitable.
.
just after midnight on his sixteenth birthday, eduardo looks at his wrist. the sight is not unexpected although he had hoped. but much like his father's expression almost every time he looks at him now, it is still blank.
he grips the side of his bed, knuckles going white for a moment. then he goes to his closet and picks up the box.
he unwraps the thick leather band he bought the week before as a birthday gift to himself and covers the timer.
his father stares at it during dinner that night but he never says a word. his mother smiles and tells him that it's beautiful.
.
when eduardo's acceptance letter from harvard comes, his father nods his head. not proudly but like it was just an expected occurrence that's finally came about to fruition.
eduardo doesn't think he's ever been as happy as he is the day he boards his flight to boston, however. but even with his father hundreds of miles away, he feels his presence throughout his life. he carefully selects his classes and plans his extracurriculars. he starts wearing the leather band all the time, even in the shower.
(father, i was wondering, he hesitantly starts to say a month before his flight. i was wondering if i could have the timer removed? he hates that he automatically makes it a question, a request for permission.
do you choose to ignore how it would look, eduardo, is his father's reply.)
he actually likes economics and business studies so that's a blessing, at least. and although he feels that he spends all his time in the library studying or at parties attempting to make friends or connections, he doesn't really mind. even if eduardo feels as if harvard is just a place to set himself up for the future and not a place to really enjoy life as a typical university student.
then he meets dustin at a mixer and through him, mark.
(
eduardo is working in the library. it's a friday night so it's quiet, the few people inside are focused on their books or computers. there are a few parties going on that he's been invited to but he has an essay due in two weeks and he likes to properly plan these things.
he jumps when a bag is slammed onto the desk next to him. "so, eduardo, right?" the guy sits down and talks far too loudly for being in the library.
"yes," he says, thinking back to the party the week before, "and you're dustin."
dustin grins. "oh good, you remember me. that makes this easier." he stands up, grabbing both his bag and the strap of eduardo's as well. "let's go."
"i'm sorry," eduardo asks.
"dude, come on. it's a friday night and you are in the library. that's just depressingly sad. so you're coming to my dorm where we will drink beer and play video games."
"you are in the library."
"no," dustin says. "i was just walking by the library and saw you in here and decided to save you from yourself. so pack up your things and let's go."
there's a girl glaring at them from behind her computer and dustin just stands there, foot tapping. eduardo sighs as he gives in.
"you should know," eduardo tells dustin a few minutes later as they walk into his dorm. "i don't actually play video games."
dustin arches an eyebrow but doesn't look surprised. "well, you do tonight."
the first time eduardo sees mark, he's sitting at his desk while typing on his laptop with giant headphones covering his ears. he doesn't look up from his computer until dustin waves his hands in front of his face.
he comes to learn later that this is quintessentially mark.
"hey, mark, this is eduardo."
eduardo holds his hand out for a handshake but mark just looks at him. then he says, "why are you wearing a suit?"
"sorry," eduardo says, intonation rising a little at the end with surprise. he pulls his hand back, unsure.
"it's ten o'clock at night on a friday. we're college students. and you're wearing a suit. why?" eduardo watches as dustin smacks his forehead with his hand, mouthing something to himself. (oh dear god, probably should've warned⎯)
eduardo stares at mark for a moment. he contemplates telling mark that a button-down shirt and trousers are not a suit. he thinks about his father talking about the importance of always projecting a powerful, wealthy persona. he looks at dustin shrugging in apology.
he laughs. "you know, i don't really know," he says as he reaches out again and grabs mark's hand.
"it's nice to meet you, mark."
)
although he met dustin first, eduardo finds himself heading over to their flat more and more to see mark. there's something refreshing and oddly charming about his lack of social niceties, or just disregard for them. it makes him feel more honest. more real.
he is surprised though by how much he likes being around mark, even when he's sitting removed from it all with his laptop and headphones on. he finds himself coming over to their room now instead of the library. it's easy, being around mark and dustin and chris, even if he's just studying with them in the room.
eduardo even enjoys forcing mark away from his laptop on occasion and giving him food. he starts leaving him mountain dew when he knows that mark's on a coding binge and will not be stopped within the next twelve hours.
he likes when mark gives him a startled half-smile. he likes the thin blue veins he sees under the pale, empty stretch of his wrist when he grabs a can.
eduardo tries to not think about the whys of it all too much.
(his father gives a disgusted snort as they drive near miami beach.
i wonder what this country is coming to. sometimes i believe it would have been better if we had stayed in brazil, he says as they pass by revelers and rainbow flags.
eduardo's mother sighs and shakes her head at her husband's words. she smiles at eduardo through the rearview mirror.)
he succeeds for the most part. but there are times when he wonders-about himself and about mark.
he always greets mark with a hand on his shoulder, if not a hug. he likes to place his hand on mark's neck when he's trying to understand something that mark explains, feel the steady beat of his pulse beneath his thumb. sometimes he wraps mark up in his arms, squeezes tight, and presses a kiss against his temple, just because he can.
eduardo tried to stop once but he missed it all too much.
and mark. mark looks up from his computer when eduardo says hello. he says thank you when eduardo leaves him mountain dew and a sandwich. he takes his laptop from his desk and sits next to eduardo when he's studying, feet wiggling in eduardo's lap. he passes him candy as the night goes on.
he rests his head on his shoulder and doesn't speak when eduardo hangs up after another phone conversation with his father.
it's something between them that just is.
still they all finish freshman year and split apart for the summer. eduardo goes back to miami and then to brazil with his family.
(
it's the final thursday before break and they're in mark's flat with chris and dustin as usual. dustin's copy of the men in black is playing on the tv but none of them aren't really playing attention to the film.
chris and dustin are debating the best ways to find alien life instead. the conversation somehow turns into an argument about the cancellation of roswell.
"i can't believe you actually watched that show," chris says.
dustin looks affronted. "it was a show about aliens!"
"and that's the only reason you watched it?"
eduardo stops listening after five minutes. he turns towards mark, bumping their knees together to get his attention.
mark gives him an absent-minded smile and lifts his index finger from his keyboard for a second. eduardo settles back as he saves his work and sets his laptop on the coffee table away from their drinks.
"you're always wearing this," mark says as he leans against eduardo. he reaches towards the leather band but curls his fingers into his palm until eduardo nods. he touches the worn grooves.
"i bought it for my sixteenth birthday."
mark doesn't say anything but eduardo finds himself unbuckling the strap and turning his wrist so mark can see the timer on his wrist. "my father bought it for my⎯ well, when he decided to invest in the company. it's," he pauses, unsure. "it's just a timer, you know. it's not important."
they both look at eduardo's wrist, mark blinking rapidly. he quickly places the tips of his fingers across where the countdown should be. he buckles the band again and sits back.
"i've never met anyone who covers their timer up if they have one." mark's voice is contemplative, almost vague, but there's no demand for knowledge, for which eduardo is grateful. "is it bad then?"
eduardo smiles at him, looks down at his lips. "i don't think so."
"oh," is all mark says.
they talk about more inane things for a little while but mark keeps looking down at his hands. eduardo finally smiles and asks if mark wants to keep coding. mark shrugs. eduardo laughs happily before handing him his laptop. mark puts on his headphones again and focuses on his computer.
eduardo picks up his macroeconomics book and crosses their ankles together.
)
by the time eduardo returns for the new term, mark is dating erica.
he's smiling, his hand on mark's shoulder and a hello just off his lips when mark first tells him. eduardo opens his mouth and closes it again. he doesn't know what he wants to say.
in the end, he settles for, "i'm happy for you."
they don't really talk about it. then the term starts and he focuses on his classes and maybe even being punched by one of the final clubs.
eduardo doesn't notice many changes once mark and erica begin dating. there are just a couple nights a week where he goes over to mark's flat and dustin or chris lets him in and mark's not there.
he doesn't really understand, however, why he feels a pain in his chest when mark returns to the room with red lips darker than usual.
then he reads mark's blog a few months later. it's viciously callous, mark's typical acerbity magnified. but eduardo knows that mark becomes cruel and ruthless when he's trying to withdraw into himself in order to avoid being hurt. so he jogs and across campus and into kirkland.
he says, "i'm here for you," and puts his hand on mark's shoulder. he can feel the tense muscles underneath his clothes.
mark clasps his hand on eduardo's wrist, over the leather band and the hidden timer. he says, "no, i need you for the algorithm."
but eduardo barely registers his words. he finds himself struggling to keep in a soft noise of surprise and realization.
.
"so, how're you doing, really?" eduardo asks later, long after the servers are back up and running and a discussion outside during a caribbean theme-party.
"i don't understand what you mean."
"mark," eduardo says, plaintively as he sits down next to him on the couch. he leans his head on mark's shoulder and picks up his hand. he intertwines their fingers before mark can think to pull away. "mark, you built a website and spent a night angrily blogging because you broke up with your, um, erica."
"i don't see how that's really relevant, wardo. we broke up. she's no longer important. and i'm working on something new."
"so you're really okay?" eduardo asks as he pulls mark in closer with an arm wrapped around his shoulder.
"i'm fine, wardo," mark says as he turns sideways and tucks his head under eduardo's chin and swings his feet over eduardo's lap. he grabs his laptop next to him and starts to work.
eduardo sighs and nods, "if you say so." he uses the remote and turns on the television. he strokes his hand up and down mark's back, feeling the sharp knobs of his spine through cotton.
studying can wait a few hours.
.
things change between them, eduardo can tell, though it's nothing too outwardly obvious.
he still spends most of his free time in mark, dustin, and chris's room. he still sits leans over and puts his hand gently on mark's neck when he's talking and typing on his computer. occasionally mark sits next to him on the couch or on the floor leaning against his shins, while dustin challenges chris to a rematch for some video game which eduardo begs off.
mark codes.
it's life as normal.
no matter that eduardo sometimes has to bite his lip to keep a soft moan in his throat when mark sits close by and he can feel his breath against the suddenly sensitive skin of his neck. and that there are times when eduardo has to willfully keep his fingers from gripping mark's hip and pulling him in as he leans sideways against him with eduardo's arm around his waist.
he has to keep reminding himself to stop staring at that damn green dart in mark's mouth.
but there are also moments when eduardo is sure that mark is looking too, watching him. eduardo tries to not think of mark's bottom lip, chapped and gnawed red.
.
they're in mark's dorm when he shows eduardo his name on the masthead.
eduardo stares and tries to focus on their names next to each other on the website of their company. you have no idea what how much this means to me, he thinks. he doesn't say it, doesn't know how to force the words up and out from his diaphragm.
he hopes his hand on mark's shoulder, his lips against the russet curls near his temple, say enough for now.
"you have no idea what that's going to mean to my father," he finally manages to tell him. it's something safe and it's only when he hears the words aloud that he thinks that it's possible. for the first time, his father will be proud of him.
(you are sixteen years old now, eduardo, his father says, interrupting his question. you should not have to ask me for money.
you have to make your own way in the world to really be a man.)
"sure i do," mark says with a small quirk to his lips.
mark sends the link to the phoenix mailing list and the site goes live. mark's dream, their dream.
eduardo can't help but smile as he watches mark pray at his desk. he gets up from mark's bed and pulls mark up from behind, arms under his shoulders. he wraps his arms around mark's waist in a tight hug and presses his face into his hair and smells the scent of whatever shampoo and conditioner had been on deal.
he places a hand into the space just below mark's belly button. mark rests his arms on top of eduardo's for a second and they both shuffle forward a few steps. eduardo pulls away after one last squeeze, lifting mark a few inches off the ground.
"come on now," eduardo says. "put on a jacket. we're going out and i'm buying."
mark holds onto his arm for an extra heartbeat before letting go and grabbing a fleece.
.
the two of them rarely spend time alone together outside of their dorms and just walking around campus so they end up heading to a bar they've been to before with chris, dustin, and billy.
they settle in a booth so small that their legs criss-cross underneath their table, warm against each other. it feels like a date almost, although eduardo has never been a date so casual before. mark's in his socks and flip-flops and they're drinking pints of beer and eating a plate of nachos courtesy of eduardo's credit card and fake id.
eduardo has to force himself not to lean over the table and kiss the corner of mark's mouth where a bit of cheese and salsa is stuck. still, he can't resist pressing his thumb there, pulling at mark's bottom lip before wiping away the mess.
mark smiles, a soft curve with no teeth, his chin tucked down and a tinge of red in his cheeks. eduardo hopes it's from his touch and not from the alcohol.
he feels mark press his ankle against his, a pleasant pressure.
.
they end up staying out for dinner, eating hamburgers and milkshakes at a small diner near campus. eduardo watches mark's small and muted but meaningful gestures when he speaks. he thinks about the fact that he's one of the few who know just how expressive mark can be. he likes the thought.
something is building between them, eduardo knows. he can see it every time he blinks and opens his eyes to mark, still focused solely on him.
the two of them are almost back at kirkland when it happens. they're next to the stairs when mark trips, the front of his flip-flop caught in a sidewalk crack. mark falls against him, pushing eduardo into the cold stone.
eduardo steadies him, hands tight on his hips. his fingers tense at the feeling of mark's bare skin under his t-shirt and hoodie.
mark lets out a sharp, sudden burst of laughter. however, when he speaks, his voice is soft, "wardo." his eyes look impossibly wide and bright.
eduardo can feel the warmth of the two beers he had earlier still running through his veins. he doesn't think that's why his cheeks feel so hot however.
he watches as mark licks his lips. in fact, he's positive that the beers are not why he feels so flushed.
he bends at his waist in order to press his forehead against mark's, hands still tight around his hips. they're so close now that eduardo can feel mark's breath against his mouth. all he can see is the vague impression of mark's lashes silhouetted against the lights reflected in his eyes.
"wardo," mark whispers. eduardo doesn't think he's ever heard mark sound so quiet and unsure before.
it sounds wrong.
so eduardo smiles at him, a tiny quirk that he can't stop until it stretches across his face. "mark," he replies with a quick, barely-there kiss to that teasing corner of his mouth.
he moves back, straightening, although he doesn't relax his hold on mark's hips.
mark puts his hands on eduardo's waist and slowly slides them upwards. he grins when he hears eduardo's choked moan, his nipple caught under mark's palm.
he moves his hands to eduardo's shoulders and pushes him down slightly as he goes up on tip-toe. he pauses a moment, eyes on eduardo's, before pressing their lips together firmly.
eduardo can't help but smile into the kiss.
mark moves back after a fast, provocative lick across eduardo's lips. he grabs eduardo's forearm, just above his leather band and leads him into the building.
.
dragged chris out. we are going to PAR-TAY! see you later, losers! -dm (that's dustin the mf-ing magnificent. yeah, you know that's right.) is written on the white board outside mark's room.
"thank god," eduardo hears him say and he fumbles his keys and struggles to open the door.
it feels almost too easy, eduardo thinks as mark wraps his arms around his neck and brings him down for a kiss. he feels like there should be some hesitance due to the significant weight of the moment.
eduardo slides his hands up from mark's ribs, pulling his t-shirt and hoodie along the way and up over his head. mark smiles as he starts to unbutton eduardo's shirt from the bottom-up.
he shivers at the faint touch of mark's fingers and leans over to press his face into the gentle curve where mark's neck meets his shoulder. he bites down softly and listens to mark groan.
it's not too easy, eduardo thinks. it's just perfect. they move as if they were made to be fitted together, like gears in a clock.
eduardo shrugs his shirt off at mark's urging. he tosses it over a desk chair and mark grabs his hand, intertwining their fingers. "come on," he says, tugging them towards his bed. eduardo smiles and brings their clasped hands to his lips to kiss.
mark watches him for a moment before his gaze moves downward. he eyes the leather around eduardo's wrist, face solemn.
eduardo moves to take it off but mark stops him, hand tight on his arm. "leave it."
he opens his mouth to speak but mark shakes his head. he tangles his hands in eduardo's hair and gives a sharp tug that has eduardo releasing a surprised moan, even as mark pulls him down with one hand to kiss again, his other hand on eduardo's belt buckle.
.
the timer on his wrist is blank, eduardo knows. but as mark presses him down onto his mattress, he thinks that it doesn't matter. the timer really doesn't matter.
mark doesn't have a timer. and they can just be.
"stop thinking so much, wardo." eduardo huffs a surprised laugh as mark presses his forehead into the sensitive skin just below his belly button.
eduardo clutches at mark's curls, fingers clenching, as mark blows warm breath through the thin cotton of his boxer-briefs. eduardo has to resist a sudden urge to giggle when mark starts to tug the elastic band away from his skin.
"what?" mark asks. eduardo doesn't know how to explain the thoughts running through his mind. how happy he is in this moment, how he can't believe this is actually happening, how beautiful mark looks with his eyes blown wide. how it tickles a bit when mark strokes his stomach. he doesn't speak but offers a smile instead.
eduardo lifts his hips at mark's urging and bites his lip in an attempt to suppress a moan that's building in his chest. he feels the fabric and mark's fingers slide down his thighs.
when the briefs are finally tossed aside, mark grabs the base of his cock in a loose grip, lightly stroking up once. eduardo lets out a strangled moan. he feels mark's tongue tentatively lick the fluid at the tip and his hips jerk.
he doesn't have to see to know that mark is smirking against the crease of his hip as he holds him down.
eduardo grabs mark's shoulder with his left hand, frustrated when he gets his shirt instead of skin. he struggles to sit up. "come on, mark," he says as he tries to pull up his shirt. but mark just presses him back down, hands firm against his chest.
"oh god," he bites into his fist when mark drags his rough nails down across his nipples. he reaches down and grabs mark's hair again, both hands twisting in the soft curls as mark clutches his hips. he yanks when mark swallows around the head of his cock.
"shit, sorry, sorry," he says as mark pulls off. he lets go of his hair to grab mark's flannel sheets instead.
"no." mark grabs his hands and places them back on his head before he digs his fingers into eduardo's hips and leans down again.
it's over far too soon after that. eduardo can feel pressure building up from his toes as mark literally hums around his cock. he tugs on mark's hair in warning, "i'm about to, mark, going to." but mark just runs a hand up eduardo's chest and tugs on his nipple until eduardo jerks against his restraining forearm. mark swallows around him as he comes.
mark coughs as he sits up and eduardo stares at his lips, red and swollen, slick with saliva and come.
"god," he breathes out as he lifts a hand and tugs at his bottom lip with the pad of his thumb. mark turns his cheek and nuzzles into his palm. "god," eduardo repeats.
he leans forward and pushes mark backwards onto the mattress. "your mouth, mark. your mouth," he says as he presses kisses onto his lips and traces the bruised flesh with his tongue.
he's never been so thankful for mark's casual clothing as when he slips his hand easily inside mark's sweatpants and starts to jerk him off roughly.
mark groans, arching his back and neck, as eduardo leans over him, propped up on one straining arm. he wraps a leg around his waist and gasps as eduardo sucks on the side of his neck.
he comes with a choked off cry when eduardo bites down.
eduardo collapses, careful not to fall on mark, and lies down beside him. mark pulls off his shirt and wipes his come off his chest and hands it over. eduardo experimentally licks his index finger and grins around it as he watches mark's eyes widen before he wipes his hand clean.
he tugs his underwear back on and feels the soreness in his hips. eduardo presses down on his skin and finds himself hoping that he'll find bruises in the shape of mark's fingers in the morning.
mark grabs his hand and pulls him down onto the bed again. they lie down facing each other. eduardo watches as mark traces patterns into his leather band, an indecipherable look in his eyes. he sighs happily when eduardo presses a kiss to his forehead, his cheek, and the corner of his mouth.
he rolls over, his back facing eduardo and scoots back until eduardo wraps his arm around him and presses against him.
they can just be, eduardo thinks to himself as mark holds onto his arm, hand wrapped around leather. and he knows, deep in his bones.
they'll be great.
.
eduardo groans when he hears the crunch crunch above him. he pushes back against mark who's now behind him. he smiles at the feel of his steady breathing against his neck and the warm arm wrapped around his waist. he avoids looking up.
the crunch crunch continues for a moment longer until he hears dustin say, "i'm just going to stay here, wardo. so you might as well just wake up."
he mutters unhappily and rolls onto his back. he rubs his face into mark's duvet before blinking slowly awake. mark stays asleep. he's always been able to sleep like the dead once you somehow managed to force him into bed.
dustin is standing over them, happily chomping away at a bowl of cereal. lucky charms, most likely. dustin has always wanted to be a leprechaun-was one for halloween the year before.
"so," he says. "you two finally got your shit together then?"
eduardo doesn't answer him, just flips onto his stomach. he slams his face into his pillow for a moment until he has to turn to the side in order to breathe.
mark snuffles slightly in his sleep. eduardo looks at the sweep of his nose and twitching curve of his lashes.
"it's rude to ignore people, wardo. also, resistance is useless." dustin leans over to stare directly into eduardo's eyes.
"yes, dustin." dustin arches an eyebrow. eduardo sighs and says, "yes, dustin. mark and i finally got out shit together."
"damn time, really. i was getting tired of finding excuses to leave the two of you alone every weekend. i like to par-tay as much as the next person but even i'm getting tired. i miss my dvds and video games. seriously, the library was going to be my next excuse, man. and also, chris was getting all bitchy. bitchy chris is not fun, trust me."
"what the fuck, dustin," eduardo can hear chris call from the couch.
"it's okay, pooh bear. i know you're a homebody at heart. i accept it."
mark yawns and slowly opens his eyes, "dustin, shut up and go away."
"please," eduardo adds.
"fine, fine. congrats, bee-tee-double-you. chris says congrats too," he walks towards the living area. "oh, also, please no sexing when we're all in the flat. i don't need to know your sex noises. it makes everything really awkward."
eduardo moves to get up after a quick kiss to mark's cheek but mark holds him down with the arm he has wrapped around eduardo's waist. "five more minutes," he says. "i want five more minutes with you."
eduardo doesn't say that he has all the time in the world with him, that they're forever people.
it seems too trite, too soon.
.
a few weeks pass by. eduardo ends up spending most nights at kirkland because mark's desktop is there and he likes checking how thefacebook is doing at his desk.
they still sit on the couch together while dustin and chris play video games. although now, eduardo sits with his back against the armrest and mark stretched out between his thighs, his head pillowed on eduardo's stomach.
now, eduardo ducks his head to kiss mark on the cheek when he sets a sandwich down beside his computer. mark grabs eduardo's hand and presses a kiss to his palm when eduardo pulls him into bed at night. they fall asleep pressed tightly against each other, arms and legs tangled.
there's this smile that mark gives every morning when they've first woken up. it's the most perfect thing to eduardo. he always feels words catch in his throat when he sees it so he just leans over to kiss mark good morning instead.
he hasn't said the words yet. but he knows they're true.
there's something happening though, eduardo knows. but he's not sure what.
mark's constantly working on thefacebook. he improves the layout and streamlines the functions. he spends hours in front of his computer or the plans that are written and spread around the living area.
eduardo expects these things though. he knows that this is a part of mark and has accepted it, loves it even.
sometimes, though, when eduardo kisses mark, it feels as if mark is starting to hesitate. it's almost as if he's using thefacbook as a reason to pull away.
"not now, wardo," he says. his eyes look pained.
he thinks it may be because of the stress of setting up the website. it could also be the lack of doors in the dorm and dustin's teasing little jibes. but then, mark's never really taken dustin's words to heart before. he doesn't understand.
but mark still smiles that perfect smile in the morning.
.
by the time sean parker enters their lives, eduardo can't help but feel as if there's a distance growing between the two of them. it's not just the stress of thefacebook and mark being busy with coding all the time. it's something he'd thought would never really happen.
after a few weeks of the sean parker variety hour, he knows it's there and it keeps getting bigger. he feels as if he were to make a line graph showing the amount of time that he and mark spend together, it would look like the stock market crash of 1929, a line plummeting to almost nothing.
mark spends more time outside of kirkland, without eduardo. they don't sit wrapped around each other on the couch as much anymore. and although they still fall asleep together in mark's bed. the perfect smile in the morning is gone.
he has trouble sometimes, believing that it's happening. it should have been impossible.
mark starts spending more and more time with sean. and mark just doesn't understand why eduardo is upset. he doesn't understand that eduardo misses him. eduardo can't help but feel that mark isn't even trying to understand.
these things take effort on both sides. and mark isn't even trying.
(
he goes by kirkland on thursday night but mark isn't there.
eduardo doesn't know what hurts more, the fact that mark isn't there or that eduardo finds himself not really surprised at his absence.
thursday nights had always been their night. back in freshman year, even when mark had been dating erica, and until now.
dustin pauses his video game when he sees eduardo. "hey wardo," he says, a hint of nerves in his voice when he looks up and sees the time. "i'm sure mark'll be back soon."
eduardo sets down his bag. "yeah, i'm sure." he tries to feel sincerity in his own voice.
"wanna play?" dustin says, offering him a game controller.
he should probably return to his room or at pull out a book and study for a quiz early next week. but it's thursday.
"yeah," eduardo says. he tilts the corners of his lips with a stiff smile at dustin's pleading expression. "but you should know, i still suck at video games."
they play several games, dustin winning every one of them.
eduardo goes back to his room without seeing mark.
)
it doesn't get better.
eduardo can't help but think of things fall apart, a book he read in high school.
he'll admit that he doesn't remember much about the story itself. he thinks he may have been too young, too immature possibly, to really appreciate it at the time. but the excerpt of the yeats poem at the beginning of the book has always stayed with him.
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.
he still has hope though. mark is it for him, eduardo knows. and even if they're struggling now, they'll manage to work past it eventually.
and then it's summer. mark moves to the house in palo alto. and eduardo wants to go with him, stay by his side.
he flies down to new york city instead.
after a few weeks, he's met with so many advertisers. he's dealt with their condescending stares as he sits with perfect posture. yes, he's only nineteen, almost twenty, he tells them. but it's a brilliant business and they'd be smart to consider it.
he has a few days without meetings and decides to fly to california. he calls mark to him but no one picks up. he texts mark several times.
no one is waiting for him at the airport.
(
mark says, "i need you here."
eduardo hears the words but he can't understand the almost desolation in his tone. why he sounds so upset about the fact. eduardo knows, he's always going to be there for mark. even if it means that he has to go to new york to help their company.
mark doesn't listen to him and they're shouting in the hallway.
eduardo can't focus properly. he thinks instead of waiting in an airport for an hour, cell phone in hand. he remembers getting soaking wet and sean opening the door. mark greeting him with a slap on the arm and not a kiss even when they step into the hallway.
all he wants is to get warm and dry and curl up next to mark in bed.
however, mark is yelling and he's yelling back. and he's thinking of sean living in this house that he's paying for, underage girls and drugs, and the disrepute that mark and facebook could suffer from it all.
it's only when their voices lull for a moment that he registers something mark had said. "what did you mean, get left behind?" he asks but mark is already shaking his head and walking away.
eduardo sighs and picks up his bags. he searches for mark's room and changes quickly into dry clothes.
when he gets back to the main room, mark and dustin are both wired in and sean is lounging on the couch, a girl on either side.
eduardo places his hand on mark's neck and leans down to kiss his cheek but mark flinches back abruptly. eduardo freezes for a moment before quickly pulling away, hands stuffed into his pockets.
mark keeps typing and doesn't look at him.
"i'm going back to new york," he finds himself saying, not realizing how true his words are until they're out loud. he goes to mark's room again. he picks up his bags and stuffs his damp clothes into an unoccupied zipped section, uncaring about the fabric and care.
he walks back into the main room and says a soft goodbye. sean sneers, dustin offers a sad, beseeching smile. mark doesn't turn around.
eduardo steals an umbrella and walks to the cab waiting at the curb. his hands are shaking but he blames that on the cold.
he goes to the bank in new york the very next day and freezes the account.
maybe mark will look at him again.
)
mark isn't even the one who tells him. it makes eduardo want to laugh, harsh and rough in his throat.
he remembers how happy he was, mark talking to him about the algorithm on the kirkland window. mark had smiled.
it was all a lie. and mark doesn't even look at his face and tell him.
he marches through the offices and sees him sitting there. he's typing away as if the world isn't crumbling to pieces beneath him, as if everything he'd envisioned their future to be hadn't just been ripped to shreds and then sent up in flames.
eduardo breaks the laptop, smashes it against the desk.
he wants mark's attention again. he wants mark's smiles and his lips warm on his palm. he wants kisses and spooning on the bed.
he misses the dorm room at kirkland and how fucking easy things were back then.
eduardo wants to shatter the thing mark holds most dear. facebook is intangible, however. the laptop will have to do.
he looks mark in the eye and says the words he knows he can't take back, "you better lawyer up, asshole."
eduardo makes it all the way out of the offices and into the back of a cab before he has to press his face into his knees, arms wrapped tightly around his shins. he curls up in the seat as if he can protect himself from the pain.
he tries to cry quietly but he has to struggle to breathe-deep, gasping breaths ripping through his chest. sobs are choking his throat.
"are you okay, son?" the cab driver is gruff but there's a sincere kindness in his voice. eduardo feels as if hasn't heard anything like it in awhile.
he shakes his head, face still against his knees. "no," he finally manages to say.
"no, i've just lost my soulmate."
he eventually tells the driver to take him to a hotel. there's a sheraton nearby.
eduardo checks into a small room on the ground floor. he sits on the bed.
he doesn't know what to do.
mark is the one he always talks to about his problems, chris and dustin sometimes too. but chris isn't here and dustin is in the offices with mark. he didn't sign the contract. eduardo wonders if he knew. they're both still part of facebook.
he wishes mark were here.
eduardo calls his father instead.
there's something akin to pride in his voice when he answers the phone and realizes it's eduardo.
eduardo swallows, adam's apple bobbing roughly, before he speaks. "father," is all he manages to get out before his father demands to know what he's done wrong. he struggles to keep his voice steady as he explains what's happened with the company.
"you will stop your silly crying," his father says to him. his words are clipped short and his voice hard. "crying won't stop this idiocy." it's impossible so eduardo just holds the receiver away from his face. "now, you will find a lawyer and fix your own mess."
he hangs up.
eduardo wonders if mark knew that this would happen, how all of this would affect eduardo's life. he had to have known.
maybe it just hadn't mattered to him.
he takes off the leather band with a shaking hand. he almost throws it away, wants to; but he's always been a sentimental person as his father says. he tucks it into his bag. maybe he'll bring it out on certain days and remember how things used to be.
being forced to see the timer every time his wrist is exposed will be his self-imposed punishment.
this is what happens when you're foolish enough to trust someone with your heart, he thinks.
eduardo looks down to find himself scratching his wrist, wishing he could rip the thing out himself. the blank timer just stares up at him, mocking.
.
it takes him three weeks to find the right lawyer. he keeps finding reasons to not hire them.
the cadence of one man's speaking was too fast and stilted. there was a bottle of mountain dew and a bag of red vines in the office of another. the last lawyer had sounded too happy as he'd told him, "we'll get him for this, mr. saverin. he'll pay."
in the end, he decides on gretchen.
"so, what can we do for you, mr. saverin," gretchen asks him, straightforward.
"i want to sue my sou-" he can't say the word. "my best friend," he finally manages to choke out.
he thinks he should feel better. people always talk about the catharsis that comes from saying things out loud.
it doesn't feel better.
she pats his arm lightly and says, "i'll see what we can do for you."
.
eduardo tries to move on, tells himself that he has. he goes back to harvard and finishes his degree. he graduates only magna cum laude, but his father already isn't speaking to him. eduardo allows himself to feel to proud. he accepts internships in new york during the summer and avoids miami.
he still calls his mother every tuesday night though, sometimes other days too, and he emails and video conferences with gretchen and her team often. sometimes they're the only people he talks to outside of work for weeks at a time. except for chris.
(
it's only the third week of junior year and already eduardo is spending most afternoons and early evenings in the library.
there's no room in kirkland for him to head to anymore and eduardo tries to avoid his own flat as much as possible.
he's settled in for the next few hours at his favorite desk near the windows when someone comes up beside him and coughs lightly.
eduardo's fingers clench tightly around the pages of his economics book. he doesn't look up, bows his head instead. the waxy paper feels soothing and cool against his forehead.
"hey wardo," he finally looks up and chris is standing there, swaying nervously. "i was wondering if i could study here with you."
eduardo pauses for a moment then moves his bag aside.
chris smiles and says, "thanks."
they start meeting every wednesday. at first, they mostly talk about classes and other safe topics. but as time passes, they begin to meet more often and their conversation opens up. it's almost like their first two years here, in a way.
it's takes time getting used to it, just the two of them here at harvard and hanging out together after class. it's quiet without the sound of mark's constant typing and pointed comments, without dustin-being dustin.
)
he's doing okay. he has a good job. he has people he considers friends at work. he talks to chris whenever he has the chance and sometimes he emails dustin. and even if he feels a sharp pain in his chest when he sees his blank timer, he feels he's moved on.
then the depositions start.
.
eduardo thought that he could handle it. the retelling of one of the most important times of his life, the most important. he knew it would be painful but he thought he could manage.
then the lawyers all start talking about the day that facebook went live and the conversation about the masthead.
he's tried not to remember that day, that night.
gretchen puts a steadying hand on the back of his chair when he starts to talk. she knows the story. he tells them about mark listing him as cfo and co-founder. he stumbles over the mention about his father. no one but gretchen seems to notice, discretely patting and squeezing his shoulder once.
mark keeps doodling on his notepad, fingers tightly clenched around his pen. eduardo looks at his white knuckles.
suddenly, mark is staring back at him. his expression is completely impassive.
eduardo imagines that he's bored by all the proceedings.
they don't ask about that night but eduardo can't stop thinking about it now. he thinks about mark now compared to that night when he'd laughed as he pressed eduardo down onto his sheets.
when he gets back to his hotel, that same ground floor room at the sheraton, he thinks about mark's blank stare⎯like the blank face of his timer. he thinks about that night when he foolishly tried to claw it out, and he thinks of his father's voice emotionless and cold in his ear.
he calls a doctor and makes an appointment.
.
it's the final day of depositions. eduardo can't help but pick at the bandage at his wrist. it stings. it's the perfect accompaniment to the topic at hand.
"were you aware you were signing your own death certificate?" someone asks him.
eduardo wants to scream. he wants to take a sledgehammer and break all the glass in the room. maybe then, he'll stop feeling so fragile.
of course, i didn't know, he thinks. it never crossed my mind that mark would do something like this to me. the lawyers didn't say and i know they were mark's lawyers. but they were supposed to be mine too. we were two halves of the same soul. everything was supposed to be ours.
"you had one friend," he says. "i was your only friend."
it's not strictly true, he knows. it's not even that he wants it to have been true. but he hopes his meaning comes across to mark somehow. you were the one for me and i thought i was the one for you.
it probably won't.
he turns away and faces the window again. "my father won't even look at me," he says to the glass. somehow, thinking about that is less painful than the situation he's in now.
eduardo knew the questions were coming. gretchen had explained the game plan to him earlier. but when he starts to answer, saying that no one else's shares were diluted, he feels his stomach begin to roll.
then he has to say, "point zero three percent." he can feel bile rise up his throat and his arm jerks. he hisses in pain as his wrist hits the edge of his armrest. he feels the stitches stretch and the warm seep of blood.
eduardo cradles his arm against his chest. gretchen leans over to say, "we can take a break if you want."
he nods and watches mark straighten in his seat from the corner of his eye.
"yes please," he says and walks down the hall to the bathroom.
.
eduardo rolls up his shirtsleeves and unwraps the bandage. he's just put his hand under a cold stream of water but he hears the door open and footsteps come.
he knows who it is.
"wardo, what did you do? where's the leather⎯" mark stops. "where's your timer?"
he swallows several times. they probably shouldn't even be talking, he thinks. their lawyers will be upset. he opens his mouth to tell mark this but instead, he finds himself saying, "it was time to get rid of it."
it hurts to say it, to even admit it to himself. god, it makes him sick to think about how even after these years, he'd still held onto some amount of hope. he's finally moved on though, eduardo tells himself. the timer is gone and he's moved on.
mark doesn't speak for a moment. his eyes are wide but he doesn't look up from eduardo's wrist. "but the countdown," he finally says.
eduardo laughs, the taste bitter in his mouth. "it was always blank, mark. it was always going to be. it was always you."
mark tries to choke down a surprised noise.
eduardo looks up in at the sound and for a moment he wants to laugh. all these years and he'd thought that mark had known. he'd thought that mark had known about it and his feelings about timer technology. he'd thought mark had known. eduardo isn't sure if it makes it more painful or not, that he hadn't.
he turns away and clutches the edge of the sink. his back is bent as if the weight of the world was on it, atlas. "i'm just the person who was dumb enough to think it didn't matter.
"i'm me and you're you. and it was just a stupid fucking timer. it didn't matter at all. to me." eduardo takes a deep, shuddering breath and walks to the door. "goodbye, mark."
he tries to tell himself it feels like closure. not his heart being ripped out his open chest.
.
gretchen pulls him aside when he gets back to the conference room. "mr. zuckerberg and his lawyers are going to have to settle," she says. "it's their only smart choice."
he nods and tries to feel some triumph.
a week later, the paperwork is all signed and the settlement finalized. gretchen tells him that the money transfer should show up in his main bank account soon. she shakes his hand and wishes him luck in his future endeavors. he thanks her and her team.
he doesn't look at mark.
he has nothing left to do in california. no reason to be here.
his bags are already packed and waiting in the lobby downstairs.
part two
haha. i still can't believe i wrote something long enough to have to split into two separate entries.
the social network. mark/eduardo. nc-17. 18700 words.
for this prompt. limited-au, mark and eduardo's relationship over the years in a world where people can get a timer which counts down the time until they meet their soulmate, but only if their soulmate has one too. or: eduardo has a timer, mark doesn't, soulmates exist, and boys are silly when dealing with feelings.
notes: i still don't know how this happened. i read a prompt and suddenly i just couldn't stop writing. to anyone who's seen the movie, i never have and i don't know anything about it outside of the prompt so there may be slight differences in how the technology works. it shouldn't be anything too big since the prompt seems to summarize it very well.
this fic is for that glorious anon who posted that prompt. seriously, you ruined my life in these past eighteen days but i loved it. thanks again for such an amazing idea. i've tried to include what you asked to see and i hope you like it. ♥ also, i must thank my lovely bb, vlieger. this fic couldn't have been written without you. i wouldn't be able to write anything without you. you're pretty much the most awesome possum in the world. ♥ and fairy_tale_echo, may the fangirl flailing never stop. thanks for reading over part of this behemoth and talking to me while i was sleep-deprived and crazy. ♥
the title and cut-texts are from our lady peace's 'in repair' from their album spiritual machines, which is in the running for my favorite song ever. seriously, this song. there are no words. you can listen to it here. and so ends this long note. (although really, it goes along with this extremely long fic. honestly, i usually struggle to write fics that go up to 3000 words.)
also available (and capitalized) on ao3.
like a machine, they'll fix you from the start
eduardo doesn't understand what a timer is when he receives his. he's just scared as a doctor comes towards him with a mask and tells him to count backwards from ten.
(can you do that for me, son? he asks.
and eduardo is too sleepy to say, i'm not your son.)
it's his seventh birthday and this is his father's present to him.
timers are a sign of great wealth, after all. there's no better way to assure eduardo's status in the world.
.
the timer just becomes another way that eduardo has disappointed his father, however.
there is no countdown shown on the implant in his wrist. it remains blank. the company's consultants tell them that the blank countdown just means that eduardo's match just hasn't received their own timer yet. but by the time he's thirteen and the timer is still blank, eduardo's father insists on taking him back to the doctors to have a new one put in.
(i've invested my time and my money into this company and i expect to have a working timer for my son, he says. his hand is uncomfortably tight around eduardo's wrist.
but sir, we're trying to tell you that it is not broken and it's a very delicate procedure, do you really want⎯)
his wrist is sore for over a week afterwards but it doesn't help any. he still has no countdown.
eduardo thinks that it probably hasn't crossed his father's mind that his match will never get a timer. after all, everyone who is acceptable for a saverin should have one.
that being said, it's also possible that eduardo's father has actually thought of that potential likelihood, and eduardo is a disappointment because his match is unsuitable.
.
just after midnight on his sixteenth birthday, eduardo looks at his wrist. the sight is not unexpected although he had hoped. but much like his father's expression almost every time he looks at him now, it is still blank.
he grips the side of his bed, knuckles going white for a moment. then he goes to his closet and picks up the box.
he unwraps the thick leather band he bought the week before as a birthday gift to himself and covers the timer.
his father stares at it during dinner that night but he never says a word. his mother smiles and tells him that it's beautiful.
.
when eduardo's acceptance letter from harvard comes, his father nods his head. not proudly but like it was just an expected occurrence that's finally came about to fruition.
eduardo doesn't think he's ever been as happy as he is the day he boards his flight to boston, however. but even with his father hundreds of miles away, he feels his presence throughout his life. he carefully selects his classes and plans his extracurriculars. he starts wearing the leather band all the time, even in the shower.
(father, i was wondering, he hesitantly starts to say a month before his flight. i was wondering if i could have the timer removed? he hates that he automatically makes it a question, a request for permission.
do you choose to ignore how it would look, eduardo, is his father's reply.)
he actually likes economics and business studies so that's a blessing, at least. and although he feels that he spends all his time in the library studying or at parties attempting to make friends or connections, he doesn't really mind. even if eduardo feels as if harvard is just a place to set himself up for the future and not a place to really enjoy life as a typical university student.
then he meets dustin at a mixer and through him, mark.
(
eduardo is working in the library. it's a friday night so it's quiet, the few people inside are focused on their books or computers. there are a few parties going on that he's been invited to but he has an essay due in two weeks and he likes to properly plan these things.
he jumps when a bag is slammed onto the desk next to him. "so, eduardo, right?" the guy sits down and talks far too loudly for being in the library.
"yes," he says, thinking back to the party the week before, "and you're dustin."
dustin grins. "oh good, you remember me. that makes this easier." he stands up, grabbing both his bag and the strap of eduardo's as well. "let's go."
"i'm sorry," eduardo asks.
"dude, come on. it's a friday night and you are in the library. that's just depressingly sad. so you're coming to my dorm where we will drink beer and play video games."
"you are in the library."
"no," dustin says. "i was just walking by the library and saw you in here and decided to save you from yourself. so pack up your things and let's go."
there's a girl glaring at them from behind her computer and dustin just stands there, foot tapping. eduardo sighs as he gives in.
"you should know," eduardo tells dustin a few minutes later as they walk into his dorm. "i don't actually play video games."
dustin arches an eyebrow but doesn't look surprised. "well, you do tonight."
the first time eduardo sees mark, he's sitting at his desk while typing on his laptop with giant headphones covering his ears. he doesn't look up from his computer until dustin waves his hands in front of his face.
he comes to learn later that this is quintessentially mark.
"hey, mark, this is eduardo."
eduardo holds his hand out for a handshake but mark just looks at him. then he says, "why are you wearing a suit?"
"sorry," eduardo says, intonation rising a little at the end with surprise. he pulls his hand back, unsure.
"it's ten o'clock at night on a friday. we're college students. and you're wearing a suit. why?" eduardo watches as dustin smacks his forehead with his hand, mouthing something to himself. (oh dear god, probably should've warned⎯)
eduardo stares at mark for a moment. he contemplates telling mark that a button-down shirt and trousers are not a suit. he thinks about his father talking about the importance of always projecting a powerful, wealthy persona. he looks at dustin shrugging in apology.
he laughs. "you know, i don't really know," he says as he reaches out again and grabs mark's hand.
"it's nice to meet you, mark."
)
although he met dustin first, eduardo finds himself heading over to their flat more and more to see mark. there's something refreshing and oddly charming about his lack of social niceties, or just disregard for them. it makes him feel more honest. more real.
he is surprised though by how much he likes being around mark, even when he's sitting removed from it all with his laptop and headphones on. he finds himself coming over to their room now instead of the library. it's easy, being around mark and dustin and chris, even if he's just studying with them in the room.
eduardo even enjoys forcing mark away from his laptop on occasion and giving him food. he starts leaving him mountain dew when he knows that mark's on a coding binge and will not be stopped within the next twelve hours.
he likes when mark gives him a startled half-smile. he likes the thin blue veins he sees under the pale, empty stretch of his wrist when he grabs a can.
eduardo tries to not think about the whys of it all too much.
(his father gives a disgusted snort as they drive near miami beach.
i wonder what this country is coming to. sometimes i believe it would have been better if we had stayed in brazil, he says as they pass by revelers and rainbow flags.
eduardo's mother sighs and shakes her head at her husband's words. she smiles at eduardo through the rearview mirror.)
he succeeds for the most part. but there are times when he wonders-about himself and about mark.
he always greets mark with a hand on his shoulder, if not a hug. he likes to place his hand on mark's neck when he's trying to understand something that mark explains, feel the steady beat of his pulse beneath his thumb. sometimes he wraps mark up in his arms, squeezes tight, and presses a kiss against his temple, just because he can.
eduardo tried to stop once but he missed it all too much.
and mark. mark looks up from his computer when eduardo says hello. he says thank you when eduardo leaves him mountain dew and a sandwich. he takes his laptop from his desk and sits next to eduardo when he's studying, feet wiggling in eduardo's lap. he passes him candy as the night goes on.
he rests his head on his shoulder and doesn't speak when eduardo hangs up after another phone conversation with his father.
it's something between them that just is.
still they all finish freshman year and split apart for the summer. eduardo goes back to miami and then to brazil with his family.
(
it's the final thursday before break and they're in mark's flat with chris and dustin as usual. dustin's copy of the men in black is playing on the tv but none of them aren't really playing attention to the film.
chris and dustin are debating the best ways to find alien life instead. the conversation somehow turns into an argument about the cancellation of roswell.
"i can't believe you actually watched that show," chris says.
dustin looks affronted. "it was a show about aliens!"
"and that's the only reason you watched it?"
eduardo stops listening after five minutes. he turns towards mark, bumping their knees together to get his attention.
mark gives him an absent-minded smile and lifts his index finger from his keyboard for a second. eduardo settles back as he saves his work and sets his laptop on the coffee table away from their drinks.
"you're always wearing this," mark says as he leans against eduardo. he reaches towards the leather band but curls his fingers into his palm until eduardo nods. he touches the worn grooves.
"i bought it for my sixteenth birthday."
mark doesn't say anything but eduardo finds himself unbuckling the strap and turning his wrist so mark can see the timer on his wrist. "my father bought it for my⎯ well, when he decided to invest in the company. it's," he pauses, unsure. "it's just a timer, you know. it's not important."
they both look at eduardo's wrist, mark blinking rapidly. he quickly places the tips of his fingers across where the countdown should be. he buckles the band again and sits back.
"i've never met anyone who covers their timer up if they have one." mark's voice is contemplative, almost vague, but there's no demand for knowledge, for which eduardo is grateful. "is it bad then?"
eduardo smiles at him, looks down at his lips. "i don't think so."
"oh," is all mark says.
they talk about more inane things for a little while but mark keeps looking down at his hands. eduardo finally smiles and asks if mark wants to keep coding. mark shrugs. eduardo laughs happily before handing him his laptop. mark puts on his headphones again and focuses on his computer.
eduardo picks up his macroeconomics book and crosses their ankles together.
)
by the time eduardo returns for the new term, mark is dating erica.
he's smiling, his hand on mark's shoulder and a hello just off his lips when mark first tells him. eduardo opens his mouth and closes it again. he doesn't know what he wants to say.
in the end, he settles for, "i'm happy for you."
they don't really talk about it. then the term starts and he focuses on his classes and maybe even being punched by one of the final clubs.
eduardo doesn't notice many changes once mark and erica begin dating. there are just a couple nights a week where he goes over to mark's flat and dustin or chris lets him in and mark's not there.
he doesn't really understand, however, why he feels a pain in his chest when mark returns to the room with red lips darker than usual.
then he reads mark's blog a few months later. it's viciously callous, mark's typical acerbity magnified. but eduardo knows that mark becomes cruel and ruthless when he's trying to withdraw into himself in order to avoid being hurt. so he jogs and across campus and into kirkland.
he says, "i'm here for you," and puts his hand on mark's shoulder. he can feel the tense muscles underneath his clothes.
mark clasps his hand on eduardo's wrist, over the leather band and the hidden timer. he says, "no, i need you for the algorithm."
but eduardo barely registers his words. he finds himself struggling to keep in a soft noise of surprise and realization.
.
"so, how're you doing, really?" eduardo asks later, long after the servers are back up and running and a discussion outside during a caribbean theme-party.
"i don't understand what you mean."
"mark," eduardo says, plaintively as he sits down next to him on the couch. he leans his head on mark's shoulder and picks up his hand. he intertwines their fingers before mark can think to pull away. "mark, you built a website and spent a night angrily blogging because you broke up with your, um, erica."
"i don't see how that's really relevant, wardo. we broke up. she's no longer important. and i'm working on something new."
"so you're really okay?" eduardo asks as he pulls mark in closer with an arm wrapped around his shoulder.
"i'm fine, wardo," mark says as he turns sideways and tucks his head under eduardo's chin and swings his feet over eduardo's lap. he grabs his laptop next to him and starts to work.
eduardo sighs and nods, "if you say so." he uses the remote and turns on the television. he strokes his hand up and down mark's back, feeling the sharp knobs of his spine through cotton.
studying can wait a few hours.
.
things change between them, eduardo can tell, though it's nothing too outwardly obvious.
he still spends most of his free time in mark, dustin, and chris's room. he still sits leans over and puts his hand gently on mark's neck when he's talking and typing on his computer. occasionally mark sits next to him on the couch or on the floor leaning against his shins, while dustin challenges chris to a rematch for some video game which eduardo begs off.
mark codes.
it's life as normal.
no matter that eduardo sometimes has to bite his lip to keep a soft moan in his throat when mark sits close by and he can feel his breath against the suddenly sensitive skin of his neck. and that there are times when eduardo has to willfully keep his fingers from gripping mark's hip and pulling him in as he leans sideways against him with eduardo's arm around his waist.
he has to keep reminding himself to stop staring at that damn green dart in mark's mouth.
but there are also moments when eduardo is sure that mark is looking too, watching him. eduardo tries to not think of mark's bottom lip, chapped and gnawed red.
.
they're in mark's dorm when he shows eduardo his name on the masthead.
eduardo stares and tries to focus on their names next to each other on the website of their company. you have no idea what how much this means to me, he thinks. he doesn't say it, doesn't know how to force the words up and out from his diaphragm.
he hopes his hand on mark's shoulder, his lips against the russet curls near his temple, say enough for now.
"you have no idea what that's going to mean to my father," he finally manages to tell him. it's something safe and it's only when he hears the words aloud that he thinks that it's possible. for the first time, his father will be proud of him.
(you are sixteen years old now, eduardo, his father says, interrupting his question. you should not have to ask me for money.
you have to make your own way in the world to really be a man.)
"sure i do," mark says with a small quirk to his lips.
mark sends the link to the phoenix mailing list and the site goes live. mark's dream, their dream.
eduardo can't help but smile as he watches mark pray at his desk. he gets up from mark's bed and pulls mark up from behind, arms under his shoulders. he wraps his arms around mark's waist in a tight hug and presses his face into his hair and smells the scent of whatever shampoo and conditioner had been on deal.
he places a hand into the space just below mark's belly button. mark rests his arms on top of eduardo's for a second and they both shuffle forward a few steps. eduardo pulls away after one last squeeze, lifting mark a few inches off the ground.
"come on now," eduardo says. "put on a jacket. we're going out and i'm buying."
mark holds onto his arm for an extra heartbeat before letting go and grabbing a fleece.
.
the two of them rarely spend time alone together outside of their dorms and just walking around campus so they end up heading to a bar they've been to before with chris, dustin, and billy.
they settle in a booth so small that their legs criss-cross underneath their table, warm against each other. it feels like a date almost, although eduardo has never been a date so casual before. mark's in his socks and flip-flops and they're drinking pints of beer and eating a plate of nachos courtesy of eduardo's credit card and fake id.
eduardo has to force himself not to lean over the table and kiss the corner of mark's mouth where a bit of cheese and salsa is stuck. still, he can't resist pressing his thumb there, pulling at mark's bottom lip before wiping away the mess.
mark smiles, a soft curve with no teeth, his chin tucked down and a tinge of red in his cheeks. eduardo hopes it's from his touch and not from the alcohol.
he feels mark press his ankle against his, a pleasant pressure.
.
they end up staying out for dinner, eating hamburgers and milkshakes at a small diner near campus. eduardo watches mark's small and muted but meaningful gestures when he speaks. he thinks about the fact that he's one of the few who know just how expressive mark can be. he likes the thought.
something is building between them, eduardo knows. he can see it every time he blinks and opens his eyes to mark, still focused solely on him.
the two of them are almost back at kirkland when it happens. they're next to the stairs when mark trips, the front of his flip-flop caught in a sidewalk crack. mark falls against him, pushing eduardo into the cold stone.
eduardo steadies him, hands tight on his hips. his fingers tense at the feeling of mark's bare skin under his t-shirt and hoodie.
mark lets out a sharp, sudden burst of laughter. however, when he speaks, his voice is soft, "wardo." his eyes look impossibly wide and bright.
eduardo can feel the warmth of the two beers he had earlier still running through his veins. he doesn't think that's why his cheeks feel so hot however.
he watches as mark licks his lips. in fact, he's positive that the beers are not why he feels so flushed.
he bends at his waist in order to press his forehead against mark's, hands still tight around his hips. they're so close now that eduardo can feel mark's breath against his mouth. all he can see is the vague impression of mark's lashes silhouetted against the lights reflected in his eyes.
"wardo," mark whispers. eduardo doesn't think he's ever heard mark sound so quiet and unsure before.
it sounds wrong.
so eduardo smiles at him, a tiny quirk that he can't stop until it stretches across his face. "mark," he replies with a quick, barely-there kiss to that teasing corner of his mouth.
he moves back, straightening, although he doesn't relax his hold on mark's hips.
mark puts his hands on eduardo's waist and slowly slides them upwards. he grins when he hears eduardo's choked moan, his nipple caught under mark's palm.
he moves his hands to eduardo's shoulders and pushes him down slightly as he goes up on tip-toe. he pauses a moment, eyes on eduardo's, before pressing their lips together firmly.
eduardo can't help but smile into the kiss.
mark moves back after a fast, provocative lick across eduardo's lips. he grabs eduardo's forearm, just above his leather band and leads him into the building.
.
dragged chris out. we are going to PAR-TAY! see you later, losers! -dm (that's dustin the mf-ing magnificent. yeah, you know that's right.) is written on the white board outside mark's room.
"thank god," eduardo hears him say and he fumbles his keys and struggles to open the door.
it feels almost too easy, eduardo thinks as mark wraps his arms around his neck and brings him down for a kiss. he feels like there should be some hesitance due to the significant weight of the moment.
eduardo slides his hands up from mark's ribs, pulling his t-shirt and hoodie along the way and up over his head. mark smiles as he starts to unbutton eduardo's shirt from the bottom-up.
he shivers at the faint touch of mark's fingers and leans over to press his face into the gentle curve where mark's neck meets his shoulder. he bites down softly and listens to mark groan.
it's not too easy, eduardo thinks. it's just perfect. they move as if they were made to be fitted together, like gears in a clock.
eduardo shrugs his shirt off at mark's urging. he tosses it over a desk chair and mark grabs his hand, intertwining their fingers. "come on," he says, tugging them towards his bed. eduardo smiles and brings their clasped hands to his lips to kiss.
mark watches him for a moment before his gaze moves downward. he eyes the leather around eduardo's wrist, face solemn.
eduardo moves to take it off but mark stops him, hand tight on his arm. "leave it."
he opens his mouth to speak but mark shakes his head. he tangles his hands in eduardo's hair and gives a sharp tug that has eduardo releasing a surprised moan, even as mark pulls him down with one hand to kiss again, his other hand on eduardo's belt buckle.
.
the timer on his wrist is blank, eduardo knows. but as mark presses him down onto his mattress, he thinks that it doesn't matter. the timer really doesn't matter.
mark doesn't have a timer. and they can just be.
"stop thinking so much, wardo." eduardo huffs a surprised laugh as mark presses his forehead into the sensitive skin just below his belly button.
eduardo clutches at mark's curls, fingers clenching, as mark blows warm breath through the thin cotton of his boxer-briefs. eduardo has to resist a sudden urge to giggle when mark starts to tug the elastic band away from his skin.
"what?" mark asks. eduardo doesn't know how to explain the thoughts running through his mind. how happy he is in this moment, how he can't believe this is actually happening, how beautiful mark looks with his eyes blown wide. how it tickles a bit when mark strokes his stomach. he doesn't speak but offers a smile instead.
eduardo lifts his hips at mark's urging and bites his lip in an attempt to suppress a moan that's building in his chest. he feels the fabric and mark's fingers slide down his thighs.
when the briefs are finally tossed aside, mark grabs the base of his cock in a loose grip, lightly stroking up once. eduardo lets out a strangled moan. he feels mark's tongue tentatively lick the fluid at the tip and his hips jerk.
he doesn't have to see to know that mark is smirking against the crease of his hip as he holds him down.
eduardo grabs mark's shoulder with his left hand, frustrated when he gets his shirt instead of skin. he struggles to sit up. "come on, mark," he says as he tries to pull up his shirt. but mark just presses him back down, hands firm against his chest.
"oh god," he bites into his fist when mark drags his rough nails down across his nipples. he reaches down and grabs mark's hair again, both hands twisting in the soft curls as mark clutches his hips. he yanks when mark swallows around the head of his cock.
"shit, sorry, sorry," he says as mark pulls off. he lets go of his hair to grab mark's flannel sheets instead.
"no." mark grabs his hands and places them back on his head before he digs his fingers into eduardo's hips and leans down again.
it's over far too soon after that. eduardo can feel pressure building up from his toes as mark literally hums around his cock. he tugs on mark's hair in warning, "i'm about to, mark, going to." but mark just runs a hand up eduardo's chest and tugs on his nipple until eduardo jerks against his restraining forearm. mark swallows around him as he comes.
mark coughs as he sits up and eduardo stares at his lips, red and swollen, slick with saliva and come.
"god," he breathes out as he lifts a hand and tugs at his bottom lip with the pad of his thumb. mark turns his cheek and nuzzles into his palm. "god," eduardo repeats.
he leans forward and pushes mark backwards onto the mattress. "your mouth, mark. your mouth," he says as he presses kisses onto his lips and traces the bruised flesh with his tongue.
he's never been so thankful for mark's casual clothing as when he slips his hand easily inside mark's sweatpants and starts to jerk him off roughly.
mark groans, arching his back and neck, as eduardo leans over him, propped up on one straining arm. he wraps a leg around his waist and gasps as eduardo sucks on the side of his neck.
he comes with a choked off cry when eduardo bites down.
eduardo collapses, careful not to fall on mark, and lies down beside him. mark pulls off his shirt and wipes his come off his chest and hands it over. eduardo experimentally licks his index finger and grins around it as he watches mark's eyes widen before he wipes his hand clean.
he tugs his underwear back on and feels the soreness in his hips. eduardo presses down on his skin and finds himself hoping that he'll find bruises in the shape of mark's fingers in the morning.
mark grabs his hand and pulls him down onto the bed again. they lie down facing each other. eduardo watches as mark traces patterns into his leather band, an indecipherable look in his eyes. he sighs happily when eduardo presses a kiss to his forehead, his cheek, and the corner of his mouth.
he rolls over, his back facing eduardo and scoots back until eduardo wraps his arm around him and presses against him.
they can just be, eduardo thinks to himself as mark holds onto his arm, hand wrapped around leather. and he knows, deep in his bones.
they'll be great.
.
eduardo groans when he hears the crunch crunch above him. he pushes back against mark who's now behind him. he smiles at the feel of his steady breathing against his neck and the warm arm wrapped around his waist. he avoids looking up.
the crunch crunch continues for a moment longer until he hears dustin say, "i'm just going to stay here, wardo. so you might as well just wake up."
he mutters unhappily and rolls onto his back. he rubs his face into mark's duvet before blinking slowly awake. mark stays asleep. he's always been able to sleep like the dead once you somehow managed to force him into bed.
dustin is standing over them, happily chomping away at a bowl of cereal. lucky charms, most likely. dustin has always wanted to be a leprechaun-was one for halloween the year before.
"so," he says. "you two finally got your shit together then?"
eduardo doesn't answer him, just flips onto his stomach. he slams his face into his pillow for a moment until he has to turn to the side in order to breathe.
mark snuffles slightly in his sleep. eduardo looks at the sweep of his nose and twitching curve of his lashes.
"it's rude to ignore people, wardo. also, resistance is useless." dustin leans over to stare directly into eduardo's eyes.
"yes, dustin." dustin arches an eyebrow. eduardo sighs and says, "yes, dustin. mark and i finally got out shit together."
"damn time, really. i was getting tired of finding excuses to leave the two of you alone every weekend. i like to par-tay as much as the next person but even i'm getting tired. i miss my dvds and video games. seriously, the library was going to be my next excuse, man. and also, chris was getting all bitchy. bitchy chris is not fun, trust me."
"what the fuck, dustin," eduardo can hear chris call from the couch.
"it's okay, pooh bear. i know you're a homebody at heart. i accept it."
mark yawns and slowly opens his eyes, "dustin, shut up and go away."
"please," eduardo adds.
"fine, fine. congrats, bee-tee-double-you. chris says congrats too," he walks towards the living area. "oh, also, please no sexing when we're all in the flat. i don't need to know your sex noises. it makes everything really awkward."
eduardo moves to get up after a quick kiss to mark's cheek but mark holds him down with the arm he has wrapped around eduardo's waist. "five more minutes," he says. "i want five more minutes with you."
eduardo doesn't say that he has all the time in the world with him, that they're forever people.
it seems too trite, too soon.
.
a few weeks pass by. eduardo ends up spending most nights at kirkland because mark's desktop is there and he likes checking how thefacebook is doing at his desk.
they still sit on the couch together while dustin and chris play video games. although now, eduardo sits with his back against the armrest and mark stretched out between his thighs, his head pillowed on eduardo's stomach.
now, eduardo ducks his head to kiss mark on the cheek when he sets a sandwich down beside his computer. mark grabs eduardo's hand and presses a kiss to his palm when eduardo pulls him into bed at night. they fall asleep pressed tightly against each other, arms and legs tangled.
there's this smile that mark gives every morning when they've first woken up. it's the most perfect thing to eduardo. he always feels words catch in his throat when he sees it so he just leans over to kiss mark good morning instead.
he hasn't said the words yet. but he knows they're true.
there's something happening though, eduardo knows. but he's not sure what.
mark's constantly working on thefacebook. he improves the layout and streamlines the functions. he spends hours in front of his computer or the plans that are written and spread around the living area.
eduardo expects these things though. he knows that this is a part of mark and has accepted it, loves it even.
sometimes, though, when eduardo kisses mark, it feels as if mark is starting to hesitate. it's almost as if he's using thefacbook as a reason to pull away.
"not now, wardo," he says. his eyes look pained.
he thinks it may be because of the stress of setting up the website. it could also be the lack of doors in the dorm and dustin's teasing little jibes. but then, mark's never really taken dustin's words to heart before. he doesn't understand.
but mark still smiles that perfect smile in the morning.
.
by the time sean parker enters their lives, eduardo can't help but feel as if there's a distance growing between the two of them. it's not just the stress of thefacebook and mark being busy with coding all the time. it's something he'd thought would never really happen.
after a few weeks of the sean parker variety hour, he knows it's there and it keeps getting bigger. he feels as if he were to make a line graph showing the amount of time that he and mark spend together, it would look like the stock market crash of 1929, a line plummeting to almost nothing.
mark spends more time outside of kirkland, without eduardo. they don't sit wrapped around each other on the couch as much anymore. and although they still fall asleep together in mark's bed. the perfect smile in the morning is gone.
he has trouble sometimes, believing that it's happening. it should have been impossible.
mark starts spending more and more time with sean. and mark just doesn't understand why eduardo is upset. he doesn't understand that eduardo misses him. eduardo can't help but feel that mark isn't even trying to understand.
these things take effort on both sides. and mark isn't even trying.
(
he goes by kirkland on thursday night but mark isn't there.
eduardo doesn't know what hurts more, the fact that mark isn't there or that eduardo finds himself not really surprised at his absence.
thursday nights had always been their night. back in freshman year, even when mark had been dating erica, and until now.
dustin pauses his video game when he sees eduardo. "hey wardo," he says, a hint of nerves in his voice when he looks up and sees the time. "i'm sure mark'll be back soon."
eduardo sets down his bag. "yeah, i'm sure." he tries to feel sincerity in his own voice.
"wanna play?" dustin says, offering him a game controller.
he should probably return to his room or at pull out a book and study for a quiz early next week. but it's thursday.
"yeah," eduardo says. he tilts the corners of his lips with a stiff smile at dustin's pleading expression. "but you should know, i still suck at video games."
they play several games, dustin winning every one of them.
eduardo goes back to his room without seeing mark.
)
it doesn't get better.
eduardo can't help but think of things fall apart, a book he read in high school.
he'll admit that he doesn't remember much about the story itself. he thinks he may have been too young, too immature possibly, to really appreciate it at the time. but the excerpt of the yeats poem at the beginning of the book has always stayed with him.
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.
he still has hope though. mark is it for him, eduardo knows. and even if they're struggling now, they'll manage to work past it eventually.
and then it's summer. mark moves to the house in palo alto. and eduardo wants to go with him, stay by his side.
he flies down to new york city instead.
after a few weeks, he's met with so many advertisers. he's dealt with their condescending stares as he sits with perfect posture. yes, he's only nineteen, almost twenty, he tells them. but it's a brilliant business and they'd be smart to consider it.
he has a few days without meetings and decides to fly to california. he calls mark to him but no one picks up. he texts mark several times.
no one is waiting for him at the airport.
(
mark says, "i need you here."
eduardo hears the words but he can't understand the almost desolation in his tone. why he sounds so upset about the fact. eduardo knows, he's always going to be there for mark. even if it means that he has to go to new york to help their company.
mark doesn't listen to him and they're shouting in the hallway.
eduardo can't focus properly. he thinks instead of waiting in an airport for an hour, cell phone in hand. he remembers getting soaking wet and sean opening the door. mark greeting him with a slap on the arm and not a kiss even when they step into the hallway.
all he wants is to get warm and dry and curl up next to mark in bed.
however, mark is yelling and he's yelling back. and he's thinking of sean living in this house that he's paying for, underage girls and drugs, and the disrepute that mark and facebook could suffer from it all.
it's only when their voices lull for a moment that he registers something mark had said. "what did you mean, get left behind?" he asks but mark is already shaking his head and walking away.
eduardo sighs and picks up his bags. he searches for mark's room and changes quickly into dry clothes.
when he gets back to the main room, mark and dustin are both wired in and sean is lounging on the couch, a girl on either side.
eduardo places his hand on mark's neck and leans down to kiss his cheek but mark flinches back abruptly. eduardo freezes for a moment before quickly pulling away, hands stuffed into his pockets.
mark keeps typing and doesn't look at him.
"i'm going back to new york," he finds himself saying, not realizing how true his words are until they're out loud. he goes to mark's room again. he picks up his bags and stuffs his damp clothes into an unoccupied zipped section, uncaring about the fabric and care.
he walks back into the main room and says a soft goodbye. sean sneers, dustin offers a sad, beseeching smile. mark doesn't turn around.
eduardo steals an umbrella and walks to the cab waiting at the curb. his hands are shaking but he blames that on the cold.
he goes to the bank in new york the very next day and freezes the account.
maybe mark will look at him again.
)
mark isn't even the one who tells him. it makes eduardo want to laugh, harsh and rough in his throat.
he remembers how happy he was, mark talking to him about the algorithm on the kirkland window. mark had smiled.
it was all a lie. and mark doesn't even look at his face and tell him.
he marches through the offices and sees him sitting there. he's typing away as if the world isn't crumbling to pieces beneath him, as if everything he'd envisioned their future to be hadn't just been ripped to shreds and then sent up in flames.
eduardo breaks the laptop, smashes it against the desk.
he wants mark's attention again. he wants mark's smiles and his lips warm on his palm. he wants kisses and spooning on the bed.
he misses the dorm room at kirkland and how fucking easy things were back then.
eduardo wants to shatter the thing mark holds most dear. facebook is intangible, however. the laptop will have to do.
he looks mark in the eye and says the words he knows he can't take back, "you better lawyer up, asshole."
eduardo makes it all the way out of the offices and into the back of a cab before he has to press his face into his knees, arms wrapped tightly around his shins. he curls up in the seat as if he can protect himself from the pain.
he tries to cry quietly but he has to struggle to breathe-deep, gasping breaths ripping through his chest. sobs are choking his throat.
"are you okay, son?" the cab driver is gruff but there's a sincere kindness in his voice. eduardo feels as if hasn't heard anything like it in awhile.
he shakes his head, face still against his knees. "no," he finally manages to say.
"no, i've just lost my soulmate."
he eventually tells the driver to take him to a hotel. there's a sheraton nearby.
eduardo checks into a small room on the ground floor. he sits on the bed.
he doesn't know what to do.
mark is the one he always talks to about his problems, chris and dustin sometimes too. but chris isn't here and dustin is in the offices with mark. he didn't sign the contract. eduardo wonders if he knew. they're both still part of facebook.
he wishes mark were here.
eduardo calls his father instead.
there's something akin to pride in his voice when he answers the phone and realizes it's eduardo.
eduardo swallows, adam's apple bobbing roughly, before he speaks. "father," is all he manages to get out before his father demands to know what he's done wrong. he struggles to keep his voice steady as he explains what's happened with the company.
"you will stop your silly crying," his father says to him. his words are clipped short and his voice hard. "crying won't stop this idiocy." it's impossible so eduardo just holds the receiver away from his face. "now, you will find a lawyer and fix your own mess."
he hangs up.
eduardo wonders if mark knew that this would happen, how all of this would affect eduardo's life. he had to have known.
maybe it just hadn't mattered to him.
he takes off the leather band with a shaking hand. he almost throws it away, wants to; but he's always been a sentimental person as his father says. he tucks it into his bag. maybe he'll bring it out on certain days and remember how things used to be.
being forced to see the timer every time his wrist is exposed will be his self-imposed punishment.
this is what happens when you're foolish enough to trust someone with your heart, he thinks.
eduardo looks down to find himself scratching his wrist, wishing he could rip the thing out himself. the blank timer just stares up at him, mocking.
.
it takes him three weeks to find the right lawyer. he keeps finding reasons to not hire them.
the cadence of one man's speaking was too fast and stilted. there was a bottle of mountain dew and a bag of red vines in the office of another. the last lawyer had sounded too happy as he'd told him, "we'll get him for this, mr. saverin. he'll pay."
in the end, he decides on gretchen.
"so, what can we do for you, mr. saverin," gretchen asks him, straightforward.
"i want to sue my sou-" he can't say the word. "my best friend," he finally manages to choke out.
he thinks he should feel better. people always talk about the catharsis that comes from saying things out loud.
it doesn't feel better.
she pats his arm lightly and says, "i'll see what we can do for you."
.
eduardo tries to move on, tells himself that he has. he goes back to harvard and finishes his degree. he graduates only magna cum laude, but his father already isn't speaking to him. eduardo allows himself to feel to proud. he accepts internships in new york during the summer and avoids miami.
he still calls his mother every tuesday night though, sometimes other days too, and he emails and video conferences with gretchen and her team often. sometimes they're the only people he talks to outside of work for weeks at a time. except for chris.
(
it's only the third week of junior year and already eduardo is spending most afternoons and early evenings in the library.
there's no room in kirkland for him to head to anymore and eduardo tries to avoid his own flat as much as possible.
he's settled in for the next few hours at his favorite desk near the windows when someone comes up beside him and coughs lightly.
eduardo's fingers clench tightly around the pages of his economics book. he doesn't look up, bows his head instead. the waxy paper feels soothing and cool against his forehead.
"hey wardo," he finally looks up and chris is standing there, swaying nervously. "i was wondering if i could study here with you."
eduardo pauses for a moment then moves his bag aside.
chris smiles and says, "thanks."
they start meeting every wednesday. at first, they mostly talk about classes and other safe topics. but as time passes, they begin to meet more often and their conversation opens up. it's almost like their first two years here, in a way.
it's takes time getting used to it, just the two of them here at harvard and hanging out together after class. it's quiet without the sound of mark's constant typing and pointed comments, without dustin-being dustin.
)
he's doing okay. he has a good job. he has people he considers friends at work. he talks to chris whenever he has the chance and sometimes he emails dustin. and even if he feels a sharp pain in his chest when he sees his blank timer, he feels he's moved on.
then the depositions start.
.
eduardo thought that he could handle it. the retelling of one of the most important times of his life, the most important. he knew it would be painful but he thought he could manage.
then the lawyers all start talking about the day that facebook went live and the conversation about the masthead.
he's tried not to remember that day, that night.
gretchen puts a steadying hand on the back of his chair when he starts to talk. she knows the story. he tells them about mark listing him as cfo and co-founder. he stumbles over the mention about his father. no one but gretchen seems to notice, discretely patting and squeezing his shoulder once.
mark keeps doodling on his notepad, fingers tightly clenched around his pen. eduardo looks at his white knuckles.
suddenly, mark is staring back at him. his expression is completely impassive.
eduardo imagines that he's bored by all the proceedings.
they don't ask about that night but eduardo can't stop thinking about it now. he thinks about mark now compared to that night when he'd laughed as he pressed eduardo down onto his sheets.
when he gets back to his hotel, that same ground floor room at the sheraton, he thinks about mark's blank stare⎯like the blank face of his timer. he thinks about that night when he foolishly tried to claw it out, and he thinks of his father's voice emotionless and cold in his ear.
he calls a doctor and makes an appointment.
.
it's the final day of depositions. eduardo can't help but pick at the bandage at his wrist. it stings. it's the perfect accompaniment to the topic at hand.
"were you aware you were signing your own death certificate?" someone asks him.
eduardo wants to scream. he wants to take a sledgehammer and break all the glass in the room. maybe then, he'll stop feeling so fragile.
of course, i didn't know, he thinks. it never crossed my mind that mark would do something like this to me. the lawyers didn't say and i know they were mark's lawyers. but they were supposed to be mine too. we were two halves of the same soul. everything was supposed to be ours.
"you had one friend," he says. "i was your only friend."
it's not strictly true, he knows. it's not even that he wants it to have been true. but he hopes his meaning comes across to mark somehow. you were the one for me and i thought i was the one for you.
it probably won't.
he turns away and faces the window again. "my father won't even look at me," he says to the glass. somehow, thinking about that is less painful than the situation he's in now.
eduardo knew the questions were coming. gretchen had explained the game plan to him earlier. but when he starts to answer, saying that no one else's shares were diluted, he feels his stomach begin to roll.
then he has to say, "point zero three percent." he can feel bile rise up his throat and his arm jerks. he hisses in pain as his wrist hits the edge of his armrest. he feels the stitches stretch and the warm seep of blood.
eduardo cradles his arm against his chest. gretchen leans over to say, "we can take a break if you want."
he nods and watches mark straighten in his seat from the corner of his eye.
"yes please," he says and walks down the hall to the bathroom.
.
eduardo rolls up his shirtsleeves and unwraps the bandage. he's just put his hand under a cold stream of water but he hears the door open and footsteps come.
he knows who it is.
"wardo, what did you do? where's the leather⎯" mark stops. "where's your timer?"
he swallows several times. they probably shouldn't even be talking, he thinks. their lawyers will be upset. he opens his mouth to tell mark this but instead, he finds himself saying, "it was time to get rid of it."
it hurts to say it, to even admit it to himself. god, it makes him sick to think about how even after these years, he'd still held onto some amount of hope. he's finally moved on though, eduardo tells himself. the timer is gone and he's moved on.
mark doesn't speak for a moment. his eyes are wide but he doesn't look up from eduardo's wrist. "but the countdown," he finally says.
eduardo laughs, the taste bitter in his mouth. "it was always blank, mark. it was always going to be. it was always you."
mark tries to choke down a surprised noise.
eduardo looks up in at the sound and for a moment he wants to laugh. all these years and he'd thought that mark had known. he'd thought that mark had known about it and his feelings about timer technology. he'd thought mark had known. eduardo isn't sure if it makes it more painful or not, that he hadn't.
he turns away and clutches the edge of the sink. his back is bent as if the weight of the world was on it, atlas. "i'm just the person who was dumb enough to think it didn't matter.
"i'm me and you're you. and it was just a stupid fucking timer. it didn't matter at all. to me." eduardo takes a deep, shuddering breath and walks to the door. "goodbye, mark."
he tries to tell himself it feels like closure. not his heart being ripped out his open chest.
.
gretchen pulls him aside when he gets back to the conference room. "mr. zuckerberg and his lawyers are going to have to settle," she says. "it's their only smart choice."
he nods and tries to feel some triumph.
a week later, the paperwork is all signed and the settlement finalized. gretchen tells him that the money transfer should show up in his main bank account soon. she shakes his hand and wishes him luck in his future endeavors. he thanks her and her team.
he doesn't look at mark.
he has nothing left to do in california. no reason to be here.
his bags are already packed and waiting in the lobby downstairs.
part two
haha. i still can't believe i wrote something long enough to have to split into two separate entries.