SPN Gen fic - Tools of the Trade - John and wee Dean PG13

[eloise_bright]

The holidays are slipping away quicker than I hoped. I've been spending time with the girlies, and doing some spring-cleaning in the bedrooms. I've been working on my Asylum fic, and a shorter piece for 50scenesIt's mostly me trying to get into John's headspace early in his hunting life, prompted by Dean's revelation in 'No Exit' that John took him

Comments

[may7fic]

Damn, you do have a wonderful way with these lovely pre-series stories! You John always breaks my heart, even when he appears to be heartless. I've always thought his self-loathing rivaled Dean's... anyone so hell-bent on revenge probably has a boat load of guilt driving it and you always do capture this. Though I tend to see John as less stilted/cold in his actions than perhaps some others do, I do believe you portray him beautifully and realistically: The inner turmoil, the compassion and the love for his boys, especially his little Dean.

This was gorgeous. Thank-you.

[eloise_bright]

Thank you! I think Dean learned his guilt and self loathing at his father's knee *g*

I think John loves the boys desperately, but he's not great at expressing that love. So he comes over as rather stern and authoritarian in some fics. JDM has talked about playing John as if there's a lot going on in his head that he never shares, and I love that idea of him. He loves the boys, but he's not great at telling them.

[may7fic]

I love that quote by JDM and agree, it's a very appealing concept.

I think John is a lot more demonstrative with his feelings and affection than we generally see in fic though. He wears his emotions on his sleeve more like Sam, as opposed to Dean. He certainly has also turned on the cold bastard routine but, from what we've be shown, it's far from a constant persona. There isn't an episode he's been in that he wasn't near tears or actually in tears (unless you include his cell phone message in Phantom Traveller). Again, that's not to say he doesn't act like an ass in many of these eps, but that's always balanced by and large with the softer side too. Though we've seen him harsh with the boys, we've also seen him praise them, forgive them, offer sympathy, apologize, and make the first move/offer the olive branch

tools of the trade

[quirkies]

Oh Dean! And John!
Although it's deeply sad, this is also a victorious moment. Here you give us the birth of the swaggering gun-toting Dean. The devoted brother and son were already there. The damage to his sense of self is already there too. Oh Dean!
You've done a great job empathizing with John's situation. He has to know how much damage he's doing to his kids, at least this early in their lives he still remembers their normal days. I can imagine how his focus on the hunt would slowly let him disconnect completely from normal, especially once Dean starts to embrace their new life.
Fabulous moment that is SO my canon now.

Re: tools of the trade

[eloise_bright]

Thank you. I love the idea that this was the moment when Dean became initiated into hunting. He's doing it to reconnect with his dad. I think John knows this, and he does know it's not right, but he doesn't know how to make things right again. He remembers the relationship he had with Dean, and he wants that back again.

[noirbabalon]

An oh so painful moment and there must have been many. The fear John has and the fear that has leaked into Dean because of it. Fear of the man he idolised.

I know that John gets a bad rap as a Dad but your John always does the best he can and there is something so sad in imagining John having to teach a child (Dean or Sam) about instruments of death and how to defend themselves from monsters. And yet, there seems to be so much that he chose not to teach them that leaves them vulnerable. He really makes me shake my head sometimes...

I love the way you write the emotion for these characters. It's always there , not just in thought or word but betrayed by their bodies. Thank you for sharing your muse :-)

[eloise_bright]

Thanks. I think it's tricky to write John - he's such a complicated character, and he made some really big mistakes. But then, all parents make mistakes - and they generally don't have to contend with the forces of hell rallying against them, so I have some sympathy for John.

[brigid_tanner]

Oh, John...Mary would hate this. But this is what John has left to share with Dean. Lovely look inside John's head and his memories of a better time.

[eloise_bright]

Thanks. I think that's the saddest thing here. John knows that Mary would never have wanted this, but he can't see any other way through.

[tabaqui]

Ah, man.
*sniffle*

I hate that John is forgetting how to relate to - how to *comfort* - his own child.
Lovely stuff.

[eloise_bright]

Thanks. I love exploring the way John and Dean relate to each other.