Remember when I used to cry every time I went to sparring? Well, it was like that.

[elpf]

I went to talk to my program director today about setting up my qualifying committee. I've been putting this off and I finally decided I just have to do it this week. So I was all prepared to have a normal conversation with him where we just discussed it and I admit I was nervous because the whole process makes me nervous. Only what ended up

Comments

[danger_chick]

Sometimes I wonder why is it not professional to act female when you are, in fact, female? Is the world helped by women working, if we act only like men? I like the fact that everyone brings their background to their table, which means that we find new ways to work problems because we don't all act like white men. We all have our way of expressing our fears. Yours is to cry and is a healthy reaction to stress. I don't think that is an unnecessarily bad reaction. You didn't hurt anyone or yourself.

One thing you have to learn from grad school is how to stand on your feet and talk in groups of all sorts of people about your research. In grad school it can be very stressful, as you are forced to pass through hurdles of "pass or leave" or "pass or stay on probation for a year until we can evaluate you again." That is very stressful. Standing on your feet in front of your qualifying committee is a rite of passage and bound to be stressful. You cannot help your reaction. I think you handled the situation well.

[heatmhub]

I hear you on the "vague sense of unease and doubts about my own abilities." I'm forcing myself to listen to the rational part of my brain telling me it's just stress and fatigue and unjustified doubts about my intellectual capabilities. I'm also trying to take better care of myself, i.e. regular exercise, communication, and sleep. But I am seeing a counselor tomorrow to see if he has any useful advice on how to make this whole career shift process easier because I think my doubts are making it more difficult than it needs to be. I shall be happy to do anything to help you smile and laugh and feel better. Perhaps we can help one another stand up to those doubts?

[elpf]

An excellent idea. I think the doubts are normal and you just have to accept them and try to listen to the rational part of your brain. Usually I build a big wall around myself and try not to let other people see my doubts but I just let my wall slip a little bit and then it was more like a dam and it kind of broke. All in all I guess that isn't such a bad thing. I realized last night that probably one of the problems is that right now I have to ask people for help and that may be the hardest part of this process for me. Also, after I was upset I decided to take myself out to lunch and go to a bookstore and buy a fluffy novel.