A Little Unsolicited Insight

[em_again]

When I was a little kid, my psychotic father once screamed at me and upset me so much that later, in the social worker's office, I told them what happened and then I never had to see him again. I couldn't tell you exactly what happened now, either, because I don't remember. I just remember feeling destroyed and an impotent rage

Comments

[phule77]

I think that Meditation is only really helpful if you're meditating on, or through something. Meditation that focuses on emptiness just sort of builds a wall between you and the next experience...it doesn't actually move you anywhere.

But then, the difference between meditation and prayer, for me, is scant.

Anger, like pain, is a sign that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. The trick is not to avoid it, or bury it, but figure out how to deal with it constructively.

For instance, I've learned that more and more that when I'm really angry, there are things I need to avoid, or not think about, or not engage with. So enter into discipline of my mind to avoid thinking about those things, to focus on other things, at least until I'm in a healthier situation. I can choose to not be controlled by anger.

[em_again]

well, I know that when I'm angry, there are certain things I will not do, or say. I do not get violent, nor do I enact the revenge I really really want to do, because I know that I'm angry. I also limit my poison pen somewhat. It may not seem like it, but I generally won't write something really nasty when I get this angry. I make myself wait until I've calmed down a bit before deciding if it's something I really want to do.

So in that sense, I wait the anger out. The problem is that I'm pretty sure there's a low grade anger in the back of my mind a lot of the time, and it's been there as long as I can remember. So, then, how does one rid oneself of that? Therapy doesn't help unless you believe in it, and I'm not sure I believe in it anymore.

I don't believe in much, really. Or is that, I don't trust in much? Not blaming anyone but myself for those conclusions, but my conclusions they are.