I am not alone. I help run the largest marilyn manson fan group on facebook. I am on the way to becoming a fetish model for bbw. I'm also slowly losing weight and getting healthier.  I have disability. I have a functioning vehicle. My own room with my own bathroom. Enough resources to keep me stable. And I have a huge group of friends who are ( Read more... )

I read who I was and I imagine who I wanted to be. All those years wasted. Still wasting. Away to nothing.

Each year I decay a little more, the hurt seems to grow as all that was good atrophies.

But I've got a little zion in my hell, a little sanctuary, containing a garden. In this garden are all my favorite memories ( Read more... )

Another year. So many changes. Most of them in the past two months. But this has been evolving for years. I've still never lived on my own, I don't know what independent living is, and that is something I much desire ( Read more... )

Engaged in therapy, on medication, getting a case worker, being assisted with medical insurance. Signing up for PAC, waiting on SSI/SSDI determination (looks like I'll be granted it-- this is a temporary set back, or I keep telling myself this). Made a new friend, reconnected with a few old ones ( Read more... )

Inward I breathe, your scent clings to me like a dryer sheet ( Read more... )

In 10 months I will be a completely different person. I am facing this reality every day that has passed since the beginning of August ( Read more... )

I graduated from Anne Arundel Community College, as a Phi Theta Kappa Honors Society inductee with a GPA of 3.03.  After what seems like an eternity, I finally managed to accomplish something worth note. I am very happy to have succeeded, in the face of such adversity that my readers should be well versed in by now. Namely myself and the ( Read more... )

I hate sitting here while they are playing games together.  Listening to how happy they seem, talking to one another and sharing an experience that I have no way of joining in with.  Part of me feels like I’m just being petty and jealous; and the truth is that I am jealous.  I am green with envy at the positive attention and camaraderie that seems ( Read more... )

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I finally realized the truth behind my writer's block last night: it's not that i have nothing that i want to write it's that the things my muse, for want of a better word, wants to write about are things that I, personally, do not wish to write about.

So I guess for the next couple of work days I'm going to keep my writing up in a journal that I ( Read more... )