Lately i have been feeling like i am totally insensitive or as if something is wrong with me ... for being me.  i have known for a while that i am feeling unsettled.. and i can't exactly pinpoint why.  all the changes going on in life i am sure. me changing, bri getting older, just not being exactly where i want to be.  all of a sudden now i feel ( Read more... )

Were does the time really go? Sometimes i think i am just stuck in the past somewhere, yet living in the now. Sometimes i wish things were as they once were when time seemed so much simpler. sometimes i just wish it would move along faster and i could see what is really meant to be.  i am in a state of limbo. where am i going? what do i want to do ( Read more... )

Well today was the funeral service for my grandmother who passed away on 8/4/11, it was definitely a tough one.  I always forget how church hymns and all really get to me.  I didn't even make it through the first line of Amazing Grace before the tears started. I was good through then.  Its always been rough for me, even Bri was crying.  Shows me ( Read more... )

 and death.. they are both intertwined in some way, shape, form.  Hearing today that my grandma is basically being placed on pallative care just isn't fun.   you know deep in your heart that its the right thing.  Really how is she benefiting me by being here in the state she is in?  Why would i want her to go thru yet another surgery that will help ( Read more... )

Its been an amazing day. 18 years ago I stood where my daughter did today, shaking hands with my principal accepting my diploma.  While it was under completely different circumstances we both have accomplished so much!  I can't even express in words how proud and excited i am feeling for her and me realizing whats been accomplished.  I totally have ( Read more... )

wow i am actually able to log in and post.. haven't been able to in forever!!! its been a trying few months. post-surgery is going well. now down over 85lbs almost to the weight i was when i got pregnant with bri, amazing! though also sad i haven't been this weight in over 18 years!! life has just been extraordinarily busy. we have graduation ( Read more... )

As soon as i want to post something good.. or say things are going good.. it goes bad.. i know i post a lot of bad or negative things.. so when i start feeling oh things are gong good i need to post that.. something goes bad.. ALMOST every time.. its beginning to drive me nuts. i am almost to my limit i feel sometimes i can't just take anymore.

yea..sure.. :) really it was ok.. Chris is out of town tonight so we actually had a nice valentines weekend doing various things.. we had a dinner at Gio's italian restaurant.. reminded him of his dads place.. and Sat night the 3 of us when to the dinner theater and saw the new adam sandler movie. yesterday afternoon bri and i went around getting ( Read more... )

Maybe i am.. i have been sitting at my desk at work all day falling asleep.. literally i could feel my head tip a couple times. I was actually missing Chris like all day.. and then i come home to find out that he and bri had a nice little lunch.. again.. and didn't tell me. yea he and i had lunch at the cafe yesterday.. but just the work cafe... ( Read more... )

well seems the only way i can log in is via my phone..lovely! so its been busy with the holidays. weight loss is going well. saw the dr today and i am doing great and ahead of schedule. yep, still an overachiever. ive been terrified about not reacting to any foods.. while i have found sugar free substitutes, i did sample a couple christmas ( Read more... )