Life has been so very chaotic lately, I will have a substantial update for you all soon. But in the meantime I had to say ( Read more... )

My life has just been turned upside down ( Read more... )

I no longer feel the need to make the entries on this journal Friends Only, everything that I don't want seen by everyone has been locked as will any other entry I deem private. But there is no desire for me to hide who I am, what I think and feel anymore, I've done that for too long and it's too exhausting. Shame and guilt take far too much energy ( Read more... )

WARNING: This post will contain talk of rape and sexual assault. I know some of you are sensitive to these issues, so I am putting it behind a cut and I would advise that if you are triggered or bothered in any way by the topic do NOT read any further. Just wanted to make that clear.A few moments ago I was sent this in my email, and some of it ( Read more... )

I had my appointment with Dr. Cockrell to discuss my eating disorder yesterday, and it went much better than I expected. The night before I was extremely nervous about it, and today I was so anxious I could barely eat lunch. As I pushed a good half of the food away I thought to myself, This is it, this is the last time I will allow the Anorexic ( Read more... )

Okay, I think I've figured out why I'm so terrible at this whole journal thing; I'm still extremely uncomfortable with talking about myself and things going on in my life. Maybe I was always this way, but I feel so much more guarded now. Somewhere in the past few years I simply stopped talking about things, and it's as if I have to re-teach myself ( Read more... )

I'm sorry I've been such a bummer lately. It's not my intention to bring anyone else down with me. Things just really, really suck lately. Plain and simple, they just do. Especially this week ( Read more... )

My black bear hamster, Boo-Boo, died last night. He's been sick the past week, so it's really not a surprise, but still. A couple days ago we noticed he wasn't running around like he usually did, although he was still eating and drinking. Still, I knew something was wrong. Then last night I saw him in the middle of his cage. He always slept under ( Read more... )

Last night I dreamed of a boy. He had spikey dark brown hair and hazel-brown eyes, and a small diamond stud in his right ear. He was tall, probably 5'10, with the lean, defined build of a highschool quarterback. His face was angular with a pronounced jawline and a wide nose, and a smile to melt your heart. When he spoke, his voice washed over you ( Read more... )

So, this will be my first official post. I'm quite excited to have a new journal, to be able to start over in a sense. 'Wilwarin' is means 'butterfly' in Elvish, and I chose it because I've just always loved butterflies and what they represent to me; change and growth. And it's in Elvish just because I'm a Tolkien dork (shush, all of you :P ). ' ( Read more... )