I tie his arms off with a tourniquet, mapping out which vein I'll tap when he comes in for phlebotomy. After, he holds me close, his head on my chest ( Read more... )

Things I need to remember:

Us lying in bed...

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Just being the beeb."

Last night, in the kitchen:

"If there's one thing I want you to know, it's that I love looking at you. You're my beautiful beeb."

"I'm gonna take care of you. I'll keep you safe."
I'm burrowed into his chest, gripping his wrists hard as they hold my head, stroking my hair. Tears well up.
"You don't know how much that means to me."
"I love you, Emily."

"You know when I do this?"
He sprinkles my face with kisses.
"I'm going to let you in on a secret. It's really sappy, (you're gonna love it? Did he say that?). You can't tell anyone. Every time I kiss your face..." more kisses, "I'm telling you I love you."
More kisses, and my eyes are welling up.

So tonight I fucked up. I Facebook stalked his ex. The pictures of them happy together made me feel anxious, insufficient. Like he spent all of his light on everyone else, that he was too jaded to give me what he gave before.

And then I sent a friend request.

Fuck. My heart dropped. I cancelled it and deactivated my Facebook for a week. I feel so ( Read more... )

You called me pretty.
After dinner, I still wore my dress and heels, and as I walked towards you, you smiled. "Pretty beeb."
I came to bed, about to put my shirt on, and you smiled at me, "pretty beeb".
I snuggled on your chest, and you asked what I was studying earlier, "smart beeb", and that made me smile the biggest.
I laid down next to you, and ( Read more... )

"Why would I let go of something so great?"
😭😭😭

"...unceremoniously..."
"You know, I do love you, beeb."
Of course, you would say something so important while I'm in the midst of a margarita haze. But before the salted rim touched my lips, I had the same words run through my head so many times that day.
I love you too, beeb.

You went to bed first. Careful not to wake you, I sidled up to your back, and as I slipped my arm around you, you sighed deeply, happily. Later, after separating my face from the layer of sweat between it and your back,  I began to pull away, causing you to whimper in distress. I cling to these little things, they fill in the gaps not filled by ( Read more... )

Took the time to have an impromptu talk with Javi last night. Casually brought up a conversation with Brandon where we discussed the fact that we haven't said "I love you" yet, and that I had told him "I don't think we will". He was clear in saying that it wasn't that it would never happen, and that it was something he had thought about. I told him ( Read more... )