today i woke up and realized a large part of me wanted to die.

95 pounds, 115 pounds.

i'm still no happier in any spot between.

i want to give up more than most of the time.

please, if there is a god, help me. 

 i barely go on livejournal anymore because i'm trying to get better, and there are too many people on here who have no idea how to value the curvy woman or to enjoy the body they have.  i can't do this anymore, i can't listen to you people tear yourselves apart.  i'm trying not to kill myself, i'm trying to live with being 105 pounds, and i think ( Read more... )

There is a streetlight at the corner of the block.  It flickers off every time I walk underneath it, then back on after I have passed by.  Its otherworldly yellowish light gilds everything around it like I’m living in Eldorado.  There was something magical I’ve found in some stretched out wires - a little touch of beauty that wriggles through the ( Read more... )

 we won best overall in afternoon comp, but people sweated and passed out and some girl had a panic attack and i think renee was fucking filming it and if i find out that she was filming and laughing at a girl being carried away on a stretcher, i'll kill her. so anyway, it was gay but not that bad but seniors had their own bus and went back to the ( Read more... )

"did you get your haircut? ... oh, no.  for a second i thought you chopped off all your hair ( Read more... )

how did our lives turn out like this?

what happened to me?
what happened to us?
what happened to all of you?

i know i don't update as much ( Read more... )

"The day the cihld realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise."

-Alden Nowlen

postsecret.
oh, i'm sorry, god..

I decided to write all my secrets on little pieces of paper. I'm going shopping today for clothes and in every pocket I find I'm going to put in one of my secrets. I have more secrets than I thought.

I orgasmed for the first time. I'm 24, he was my 11 sexual partner and we had been intimate for 9 months.  I thought I ( Read more... )

the realization is definite:
today the world is perfect.

the sky's blue is more on target than
crayola could've crafted it,
the birds chirps will buds to bloom
alongside the slightest sliver of moon,
and although my feet are dirtied and
my hair naturally scuffed,
i move in the delicacy of air so weightless,
it's as if God's breathing this wind to
( Read more... )