Destane did not exaggerate in how he described my life with him. There was none of this, and the fasting actually kept that in line. That's how I understand it now. I don't really think I gave it much thought back then because I had work to do. The point is I didn't start thinking about sex until I came here, and I don't want to think about it because it's confusing.
If it didn't actually hurt now to not eat I would be doing that again just to save myself the frustration.
[Snarl:] Who needs standing up to for Martha? She's either a wonderful person or she wants something from me. I'm always suspicious of favors I didn't ask for. Either way, I'll break someone's arms if you want me to. Maybe also their legs and ribs and parts of their face.
[Private]
I'm your friend. Or you said I was, even though I suspect this is because you're somehow unaware that I've violated people and committed genocide. Or you think I can be fixed. Or you're just reckless and stupid. I don't think you're stupid; you speak very intelligently.
She's just a wonderful person. I don't want any arms broken or other limbs damaged. She simply needs a voice of camaraderie which I can't give because no one wishes to listen to the husband of the person in need of defense.
[Private]
I know you've done terrible things, but I have, too. I think you're interesting and funny, and you laugh at my jokes.
I think my being on someone's side generally hurts more than it helps, really. At home I'm called the Traitor Prince.
[Private]
Well, I like jokes that are cruel and at other people's expense. It's one of the things that makes me horrible, but I usually just accept it. You have to pick your fights.
I am trying to treat you well. I don't know what you want me to do, though. I've only had one person who wanted to be my friend since I went insane and started eating all those people's souls, and now that I think about it my master was probably controlling most of his mind. He was controlling everyone that respected me, at some point you just start to take it for granted.
Well, I'm glad you got it out, then, if you felt you needed to. [Who are you, what is this flood. :c]
[The comment on the hair makes her laugh.] I'm sorry you hate it. The good news is that it's not your hair, so you don't have to deal with it all the time. ...And it probably is good practice. But I hope you don't have children like me.
Honestly, I think you two are rather sweet together, and while I have no intention of ever getting married, I'm very happy for those who do manage to make it work.
I do worry that I'm a rather crap friend to both of you, though. Well, a crap friend to Martha, and I don't really talk to you, Snape, as much as I'd like. Tunnel vision, I suppose.
Well, thank you. Mostly I try to be calm for the benefit of others because it actually makes me feel better, and as if I have more of a handle on my situation than I actually do.
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If it didn't actually hurt now to not eat I would be doing that again just to save myself the frustration.
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[Private]
Don't rush into things. That's sage advice. Don't simply engage in sex because you think you have to, or anyone will think less of you if you don't.
I rushed in to it before I was ready and it did more harm than good.
Do only what makes you comfortable, and wait for the right person, male or female. That's important. Wait for the proper person.
And you can talk to me. I won't be disgusted. Just very uncomfortable and probably not helpful at all.
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[Private]
I'm your friend. Or you said I was, even though I suspect this is because you're somehow unaware that I've violated people and committed genocide. Or you think I can be fixed. Or you're just reckless and stupid. I don't think you're stupid; you speak very intelligently.
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[Private]
I know you've done terrible things, but I have, too. I think you're interesting and funny, and you laugh at my jokes.
You get my jokes. Not many people get my jokes.
You don't make me feel bad about myself.
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[Private]
Well, I like jokes that are cruel and at other people's expense. It's one of the things that makes me horrible, but I usually just accept it. You have to pick your fights.
I am trying to treat you well. I don't know what you want me to do, though. I've only had one person who wanted to be my friend since I went insane and started eating all those people's souls, and now that I think about it my master was probably controlling most of his mind. He was controlling everyone that respected me, at some point you just start to take it for granted.
Is he controlling you?
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I don't want you to do anything save be my friend.
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...I'm not sure I needed to know how smug you are about your sex life, but... congratulations?
And I don't think you're unworthy of her. I think the two of you are great together, and you have every right to stick up for her when things come up.
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Thank you.
I hate your hair but I've been trying very hard to be nice about it. I think this is good practice for if/when I have children.
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[The comment on the hair makes her laugh.] I'm sorry you hate it. The good news is that it's not your hair, so you don't have to deal with it all the time. ...And it probably is good practice. But I hope you don't have children like me.
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I hope I have children like you.
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I do worry that I'm a rather crap friend to both of you, though. Well, a crap friend to Martha, and I don't really talk to you, Snape, as much as I'd like. Tunnel vision, I suppose.
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