like a walkman falls to pieces, all parts no heart

[engenue]

I think seasonal depression might have some truth behind it. it's so much easier to be happy when it's sunny out, even if it is cold. also, it is easier to have energy in the morning when it is not still dark out, especially when you go out at sun rise. juice is good in the morning too. and having had some real sleep. it is not that i do not like

Comments

[sleeping_turtle]

Kelly, I don't mean to be a bitch but you obviously don't listen to a word you say. you need serious help and you are in complete denial yourself, and whether you or your parents like it or not, they have a huge deal in the way you've turned out. you and tiff used to pester me about this exact same thing before i got help, and so it's only right for me to annoy you too. my parents and i are at completely different place then where we used to be, and it's most likely b/c of therapy. your parents are stupid alcoholics and well, face it, you've been anorexic, a cutter and a bulemic and you think you're not depressed? wake the fuck up! you need some type of family therapy, or for your parents and shrink to meet once a week like mine and to work things out. and the meds are not a placebo, you shouldn't go on believing something if you don't try it. sound familiar? like when you havw always bitched at me about cigs or pot? must i remind you that i've been on several different types of meds since i started. just b/c u take some

[sleeping_turtle]

but the one important thing you and especially your parents need to realize is that next year you'll be gone. (and trust me i was thinking about doing this for myself). in college your parents won't be there to help you. you could starve yourself, through up, cut yourself and they wouldn't know. think about how much they don't know with you living just upstairs. and then think of what would happen if you went to osu. it will be so much more incredibly hard to get help when you're at college. if you start now, by college you should feel so much more better. and sometimes the "happy pills" take like 6 months to see a full difference, so the sooner you start, the better. i'd just hate to hear about you suffering when im away and not being there for you, and feeling guilty about not telling you how i truly feel. and if your parents are bitching about you getting help, or whatever, then just tell them about how if you were anorexic at college, the only way to get yourself fully recovered would most likely spending some time in an

[sleeping_turtle]

p.s. usually when you have trouble sleeping its b/c you're depressed. if you finally go on anti-depressants and especially anti-anxiety meds it should be easier to fall asleep and you'll wake up much more relaxed and less tired than usual. for me, those meds worked within a week, but it was a bitch to get up in the morning b/c my body had been so overworked for so long that i was basically just exhausted. and i think you should request some type of evaluation from your shrink to see what kind of illness you have (i.e. manic depression or severe depression, w/e). i mean, it's really not important, but if you're like me and you're curious about why you're taking the pills you are, then it's a good idea.

preachy trac.

[engenue]

that was excessively long my friend. it is very nice to know you care, however, as i only go through short boughts of depression, it is not entirely relevent per moment. right now i am pretty happy, pretty healthy, eating, sleeping from 11-6, not throwing up, and not cutting. i have a shrink appointment on thursday and i told my mom i loved her on friday after i made her cookies and hugged her. I am not avoiding anything, i promise. and i am not faking anything, i promise that too. i am unemployed, smoking less, and simply more relaxed. i live in no dream world my friend, if i did i would be lucky indeed, but i know whats going on, i know what i'm doing and i know the things i only did to get my parents to tell me they cared, which they did. i have finished all my make up school work and agreed to take the happy pills, Tracy, to be honest, I will always be the normal one and you know it, i only ever cut because you and tiff did it and i wanted to understand you guys and to be there for you, and i didn't want you to think i was normal