Feel free to mark this as spam, you russian cunts, and while you're at it stick it up your jopu!

Seriously, what is the point in living if the people you loved the dearest hate you and spurn you? I am cast out, I am exiled. I don't have anybody left, no offense to my friends and my distant family but I just don't have anybody left who I love so deeply anymore. It would be one thing if they had died or if we were forced to be apart but that's ( Read more... )

I am once again overwhelmed by grief at having driven the wonderful amazing Cathy Laughlin from my life. I truly cherish her and miss her so much at times it is almost more than I can bear. At these lonely late hours I sit in my little badger-hole nested away afraid of the world outside and all I can do is quietly weep. All because I misspoke. Now ( Read more... )

I tried to get urbandictionary to accept my definition of "schlake" recently, the editors rejected it. Her's what I had entered as the definition ( Read more... )

Agh, it still really wrecks me to think of all the people I was close to who don't trust me or want to talk to me ever again because of my drinking problem. I wish there were some way they could just see me now and realize that I'm done with it and just sad and lonely and scared. Oh well. Haven't touched a drop since before my sentencing in March, ( Read more... )

YAY! It's my BIRTHDAY! And I get to spend it SOBER for the first time in many years! Also ALONE, since my ex-wife decided to be so kind as to fuck every guy that would let her and try her damndedest to drive me insane throughout my 20s, thus making me a broken husk of a man who drove everyone who cared about him away throughout his 30s including a ( Read more... )

Realizing that people don't think logically or rationally is an ongoing shock to me, the implications are HUGE. It sort of turns my whole life upside down, and explains so much of what never made sense to me in the past. Infidelity, random violence, all acts of madness which I have witnessed make SO MUCH MORE SENSE when I realize that the people ( Read more... )

Fucking stupid alcoholism. What a shitty thing my ex wife left me with. Well, not just her, there was all my childhood trauma/drama all that fucking bullshit leading up to the miserable abusive relationship followed by the bitter sad divorce (yes yes I still love her yada yada fuck my subconscious mind ( Read more... )

Honor, hypocrisy, flexibility, consistency of one's worldview. Things I think about late at night when I've got insomnia and I'm feeling hurt. I trust people at their word, even when it's something ridiculous like "I'll be your friend forever", because I actually stick by my word in the long run. Sure I may go bonkers every few years and have a ( Read more... )

Thinking about all kinds of stuff, doing all kinds of work around the house, doing all kinds of errands. Basically living the dream mang. I'm like, attractive, healthy, honest, emotionally stable and completely at peace with who I am as a human being. Like, WTF! It's amazing how I think back on all the people who have left my life in the last few ( Read more... )