De-pres-sion

[epicjazzjands]

Title: De-pres-sion

Summary: He dreams of waves, of water, crashing over him, consuming him. He dreams of falling down, being pulled down, and looking up to see those people he thinks used to be his friends.

Warnings: depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts

Author's notes: this story took six months. more author's notes at the end of the fic

Comments

[litanyofdreams]

I don't think I've ever cried so hard after reading any piece of literature, and I guess that's because nothing has ever been able to relate exactly how I felt leading up to my diagnosis. would it be okay if I sent you my story via message?

[epicjazzjands]

That is absolutely okay!

[aes_nox]

this made me cry and

[epicjazzjands]

No, don't apologize at all! And it didn't come out as nonsense!

Looking back on it, I realized that I was depressed during high school, but, like you, I just powered through it because I didn't "have the time" to be sad, but when I moved away from my family to got to college, everything just hit me, because I was alone and didn't have to worry about family issues while at school. It took me three months of just not... doing anything before I went to a doctor - the therapy was a requirement, and boy am I glad that it was.

For me, I needed medication - my doctor and I tried just the normal "going out, eating right, exercising", but it didn't seem to do anything; I just got worse over time, so he started me on a low dosage, and then we worked up if the lower dosage just wasn't working

[aes_nox]

Thank you so much for responding

[epicjazzjands]

When I first went to my therapist I was scared, because I'd never really told anyone my feelings or described what was going on with me; I'd tried to tell my parents, but my father was one of those people who thought that you could just will away depression, and my mother was so stressed out that I wondered if she'd even remember talking to me if I told her. The campus therapist was such a gift, though, because it was required of me to go (I had to report back to my doctor weekly), and because it was free as well. I went the first semester, thought the medication was working because I was starting to feel better, and then stopped because, like you, I didn't want to waste his time

[specialagentldy]

This was a beautiful story and one I can see that was probably very healing to you.

I teared up, and not because of Kurt but because of what you said about yourself.

I'm glad you are feeling better. Your story is well written, so you obviously have a talent for writing. Don't give up that talent. Keep working on making you happy.

Thanks again for the beautiful story.

[epicjazzjands]

Thank you :) I plan to continue writing - it helps, more than I understood at the time.

[sinkwriter]

I think your Author's Note made me tearier than the entire story. Especially your last line. Thank you for what you said.

Regarding the story... I really don't have any good enough words for it. It was hard to read, but really heartening to see everyone rally around Kurt in the end, and to see him get the help he needed. (And I like that you mentioned the thing about the medication taking a while to sort out the dosage -- I have a friend who went through that, so it's very true to life to read your story that way.) I also like how you bookended the piece with those definitions for depression (nice style device), and how the beginning definition was surrounded by heartbreaking stuff going on with Kurt, yet in the end the definition was followed with him doing much better. I appreciated that positivity.

Thanks for the story!

Side note: I wonder what my therapist would say if I wrote something Glee-related about self-esteem issues, because that's something I'm struggling to work through every day. Hmm.

[epicjazzjands]

Writing this helped me in ways that I didn't even know that I needed to be helped, so if you feel like you should, I highly recommend writing about it. My therapist said that writing about what happened would be just like going for a jog - starts off easy, but gets harder once you get farther into it, but once you've finished, it's just takes a load off and you feel so much better about things.

And you're most certainly welcome - we're all loved in this world, but sometimes I think we don't hear it as often as we should, so it gets easy to forget about it sometimes. I know that I did, and so I don't want anyone else to have the chance to forget it like I did.

[kurtporcelain]

You made me cry with this. I feel like I know Kurt better than I do people irl and this fic really got to me because I felt like I could feel what he was going through. And that was what you went through, which kinda broke something in me. I've never spoken to you before, but I am familiar with your writing. I'm so happy for you that you found a way to move on from what you went through by writing. This was a beautiful piece of work and you are a brilliant writer. A writer whose words mean something, because so much of you is injected into ths and because you mean something. I'm glad that Kurt got better and I hope for the best for you too.

[epicjazzjands]

Thank you.

The writing helped so much, and I'm so grateful that I was able to use it.

I hope the best for you as well. :)