First massive hugs ::hugs:: Second - no I don't want to be filtered out. We're friends, and this is what friends do.
I think it's one of those things that you just won't know until you get to that moment, which I know is a fat lot of help, but honestly, I don't think you can be sure. I've done both; been there and held somebody as they slipped away, and been absent. And looking back, each happened the way it was meant to. If I've got any advice to offer, it's to give yourself the option either way, and to allow other family members to do the same.
Massive massive hugs luv. You're all in my thoughts each day. ♥
I'm with snailbones on this - 1) we're friends, and that's what friends are for; 2) I don't think you will know until the time.
I've never had to make the choice, so I can't offer more than this - whatever you choose, or whatever happens, it's what happens. Don't call yourself a coward for not wanting to watch someone you love die. Ultimately what matters is that you love them, and you've let them know that.
Lots of hugs, two shoulders to lend, and two ears to listen (or two eyes to read!).
Just to say join with the other commenters in saying that there's no right or wrong here - only you know your own feelings and the family situation. Up to a point, you can't plan for death, you can only go with what works in the moment, I think. ::hugs::
I didn't get any choice either so far but I somehow doubt I would've been able to stand the death of my mother :/ I got a photograph from her death bed, though, and it was good to see because it made it real and as I couldn't make it in time for seeing her body, it was really necessary to have an ending. (The funeral was a week later.)
However, maybe you'd just go with the flow and see how it goes, I agree with another poster that it's a question hard to answer until the moment is there.
It's not something that you can plan for. The hospice staff might know he'll go soon and call the family, or he might just go to sleep and not waken in the morning. Ultimately, only you can decide if you want to be there, if you get the chance.
All I can really say is that my best friend stayed with her mother as she went, and was glad she did although her mother was unconscious and didn't know she was there. But for each person it's different.
I do think, tbough, it is a chance to say a final goodbye. I didn't get that chance with either parent.
(Offers a shoulder for you to cry on, and if you're at Write Time you'll get a real hug.)
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First massive hugs ::hugs:: Second - no I don't want to be filtered out. We're friends, and this is what friends do.
I think it's one of those things that you just won't know until you get to that moment, which I know is a fat lot of help, but honestly, I don't think you can be sure. I've done both; been there and held somebody as they slipped away, and been absent. And looking back, each happened the way it was meant to. If I've got any advice to offer, it's to give yourself the option either way, and to allow other family members to do the same.
Massive massive hugs luv. You're all in my thoughts each day. ♥
Reply
I've never had to make the choice, so I can't offer more than this - whatever you choose, or whatever happens, it's what happens. Don't call yourself a coward for not wanting to watch someone you love die. Ultimately what matters is that you love them, and you've let them know that.
Lots of hugs, two shoulders to lend, and two ears to listen (or two eyes to read!).
Reply
Reply
I didn't get any choice either so far but I somehow doubt I would've been able to stand the death of my mother :/ I got a photograph from her death bed, though, and it was good to see because it made it real and as I couldn't make it in time for seeing her body, it was really necessary to have an ending. (The funeral was a week later.)
However, maybe you'd just go with the flow and see how it goes, I agree with another poster that it's a question hard to answer until the moment is there.
Big hugs and I feel with you, my friend.
Reply
All I can really say is that my best friend stayed with her mother as she went, and was glad she did although her mother was unconscious and didn't know she was there. But for each person it's different.
I do think, tbough, it is a chance to say a final goodbye. I didn't get that chance with either parent.
(Offers a shoulder for you to cry on, and if you're at Write Time you'll get a real hug.)
Reply
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