The One Thing I Never Expected - Chapter 15
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Ryan/Brendon (Gabilliam, bit of Joncer)
POV: 1st, Brendon's
Summary: Ryan is Brendon's best friend, they grew up together. But Ryan is different. An accident when he was a child left him deaf. Brendon has always taken care of Ryan, but now he's starting to care for Ryan in a different way...
Disclaimer: Fiction, I own nothing. It's not real.
Author’s Note: None for this chapter.
Masterpost
Chapter 15
“Brendon, you always do this!” Ryan says loudly, slamming his lunch down on the table, me slamming mine down right after him.
“You are making such a big deal out of this!” I say back just as loud.
“Oh, so are you saying that it’s not a big deal?” he says, looking affronted.
“Yes!” I exasperate.
“That’s really nice, Brendon. So I guess what I care about doesn’t matter. Only what you care about is important,” he shakes his head. I pretend not to notice that Spencer and William have stopped in the middle of their conversation and are staring at us, shocked. I can see why. We never fight. Ever.
“That’s not what I meant, Ryan! I’m just saying this little argument is not a big deal like you’re making it out to be.”
“Yes it is! You never listen to me!” he yells. “I was trying to tell you something important, and you wouldn’t even pay attention to me long enough to listen! You just ignored me!”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, baby,” I try. I know I wasn’t exactly paying much attention to him earlier when I was talking to some friends, but I didn’t think it would lead to this giant argument.
“Don’t ‘baby’ me!” he snaps, causing me to rolls my eyes, and then I can practically see steam coming out of his ears.
“Ryan-"
“No, Brendon! You do this all the time, and you don’t even realize it. I mean, do you really not care about anything that I have to say? I know I say stupid things, and I know that I’m boring, but I thought you at least cared a little bit.” He’s not yelling anymore, he just sounds sad now.
“You are not boring, and nothing you say is stupid, okay? Of course I care.”
“Funny, you don’t act like it,” he scoffs. “You never used to do this. We never fight. So what is it? Are you…” he swallows, “are you losing interest in me, or what?” he snaps. But I can tell he’s genuinely worried.
“What? No! See what I mean about you making this into a big deal?”
“I’m sorry that I’m making a big deal out of my boyfriend being an ass!” he says, yelling again.
“This is stupid!” I yell back, realizing my mistake a second too late.
“So now I’m stupid?” he scoffs, voice disbelieving.
“Oh my God, no,” I exasperate. “Why do you always have to twist my words like that?! You know I wasn’t calling you stupid.”
“Well this whole fight is your fault!”
“Everything’s my fucking fault, isn’t it?” I yell, seriously starting to get irritated now.
“Yes!” he screeches.
“You know what? Great. Fine, I’ll just leave you the fuck alone then, since I just seem to fuck everything up. I’ll let you have your lunch without me, in case I manage to ruin that for you too,” I finish angrily, picking up my lunch and throwing it into the trash can. I glance over at Spencer and William one more time to see them with their mouths hanging open, eyes wide. Then I turn around and stalk off across the courtyard, to a spot away from the lunch tables, where there are just trees.
“Brendon, where are you going?” Ryan calls after me, but I ignore him and keep walking. I find a suitable looking tree and sit down on the ground, leaning back on it. This is so stupid. This is probably the first actual fight we’ve ever had, and it’s all because I have attention span issues? Okay, maybe I can’t blame it all on that, but I can try. It’s not that I don’t care what Ryan has to say; of course I care. It’s just that I’m with him all day, every day. So I like to talk to my friends when I’m at school. Or maybe I am just being an ass. Still, Ryan didn’t have to be a complete bitch about it. He could have tried to talk about it calmly. I know I hurt his feelings, but he hurt mine too. It’s not exactly the best thing to hear that your boyfriend thinks you’re a screw-up.
I hear footsteps approaching me, and I groan. I do not feel like dealing with him right now.
“Ryan, just go away. I don’t want to talk to you right now,” I say, not turning around. The footsteps continue until Spencer comes into view in front of me.
“Just me,” he says.
“Oh,” I reply dumbly.
“That was, um.”
“Yeah, I know,” I say.
“What happened?” he asks, sitting down in front of me. I sigh and start picking at the blades of grass beside me.
“I saw Mikey and Gerard, and Ryan had kinda been trying to talk to me, but I went up to them and started talking, and then Ryan started making all these bitchy noises so I told him he could wait a few minutes and that it wouldn’t kill him, and he got mad and then I kinda snapped at him, and you saw the rest,” I finish with another sigh.
“He was going to follow you over here, but William told him that he should just let you be alone for a little while,” Spencer says.
“Yeah, Ryan knows that, too. He knows better than anyone how I work, so if he was going to follow me, he just wanted to keep fighting,” I say bitterly.
“Hey, you don’t know that. I know you’re mad at him right now, but don’t be so hateful,” he reprimands with a slight smile.
“This just sucks. I never thought we’d have anything to fight about. But now that I know what it’s like, I hate it. I don’t ever wanna yell at him, Spence.”
“I know. But honestly, it’s probably good that you guys finally had an argument. It’s actually healthy for a relationship for the couple to argue every once in a while. Because if you don’t, ever, then one day you will, and you’ll both just explode from all that pent-up anger,” he says, looking sympathetic.
“Yeah, it’s just. It sucks, you know?” I say quietly. “I always screw everything up.”
“You know he didn’t mean that.”
“Then why would he say it?” I look up at him. His eyes are piercing, like he can see straight through me.
“Because he was mad. You say things you don’t mean when you’re mad. Look, I know this probably seems like a huge fight to you, because it’s the first one you guys have ever had, but it really wasn’t that bad. Trust me,” he says, nodding his head.
“Yeah?” I ask pathetically. He smiles and nods.
“Yeah. Me and Jon go at it worse than that, and we’re still fine,” he offers.
“What’s with you guys anyway?” I ask, attempting to change the subject so I don’t burst into tears over my emotional crisis.
“Well, we’re kind of together I guess, but we haven’t really said it or anything. But I asked him to stop seeing all those girls he fucks around with, and he did, so,” he coughs awkwardly, and I smile.
“It’s okay, you know.”
“I know, it’s just weird is all. Jon’s not gay, and I’m not gay. We aren’t even bisexual. He’s the only guy I’ve ever been attracted to like that, and he says the same for me. It’s weird. I just don’t get it,” he shakes his head, looking confused.
“Maybe some people are just supposed to be together, you know? And the universe just decides to throw you someone of the same gender, just to fuck with you,” I joke. Spencer actually laughs, to my surprise.
“Jon’s one of my best friends, so it’ll take some getting used to. I don’t see how you and Ryan transitioned from best friends to boyfriends so easily.”
“I don’t know. I guess it’s because Ryan apparently had a crush on me for like the past two years, and I realized the way I felt about him, and it just fit. Now that I think back on the past few years, I don’t see how I didn’t figure it out sooner. The way we acted was never the way two guy best friends were supposed to act. I think I just thought that since Ryan was gay, it was like being friends with a girl, and I was allowed to act like that with him, but now that doesn’t really make any sense at all,” I laugh.
“Don’t freak out over this little argument. It’s nothing, and you’ll probably have a lot more of them. But you and Ryan are like, made for each other. I know I don’t say sappy shit like this, and if you ever tell anyone, I will profusely deny it, but seriously. I can see it in the way you look at each other. I’ve never in my life seen anyone look at anybody else the way Ryan looks at you. It’s like you’re all he sees. Not to mention you can barely keep your hands off each other. Always touching, holding hands, smiling. That’s like, real, you know? You see so many couples these days that barely even talk to each other, they just go through the motions. But you guys are supposed to be together. You’re like peanut butter and jelly. You’re like two puzzle pieces. You’re like-"
“Spence! I get it,” I laugh. He grins sheepishly and laughs.
“I’m just saying, Bren. Don’t ever worry about your relationship. You guys love each other too much to ever let anything get in your way,” he smiles. “And if you ever fucking break up I will slit your throat because you’re the most perfect couple in the world,” he rushes out, cheeks tinted red.
“Spence, you seriously need to get in touch with your emotions, man,” I shake my head. “But I like this new, nice Spencer. Why aren’t you being a bitch?” I ask curiously.
“Oh, you know that bitchiness is mostly for show,” he rolls his eyes. “You’re my best friend, you needed me.” A smile creeps across my face and I lunge forward and wrap my arms around him before he can move. Despite his protests and ‘ugh’s I hold on until he reluctantly returns my hug.
“Don’t think that’s gonna be a regular thing now,” he says with narrowed eyes when we break apart. I roll my eyes.
“Come on, Ryan’s freaking out,” he says offhandedly as he gets up, brushing grass off himself.
I frown. “What do you mean?”
Spencer shrugs. “He thinks you’re like, gonna hate him forever now. You know how sensitive he is.”
“He is so dramatic sometimes,” I sigh.
“I don’t really think he’s trying to be. I think he just gets upset easily,” Spencer says.
“Yeah, he does. He’s self-conscious and sensitive, and he thinks he’s not good enough, no matter what I say.”
“Hey, um. You know how you told us that he tried to kill himself?” Spencer asks quietly.
“Yeah,” I nod slowly.
“Well, what happened?”
“You really wanna know?” I ask. I probably should let Ryan be the one to tell them all this, but he probably wouldn’t anyway. Spencer nods.
“Well, when I was fourteen and he was fifteen, he told me he was gay. About a week later, he told everyone else; his mom and the few friends he had at school, if you could call them that. And soon his whole school knew. He went to a Catholic school, Spencer. Needless to say, he got fucking crucified. No pun intended,” I half-smile, but it quickly fades as I continue. “He’d come to my house in tears after school every day, telling me the awful things these kids said to him. ‘You’re disgusting.’ ‘You’re an abomination, and you’re going to hell.’ ‘Why don’t you just go kill yourself, fag.’ They said that shit to him, half the time thinking he wouldn’t catch it because he couldn’t hear, but they didn’t know he could read lips, and he saw every single thing they said about him.” I take a deep breath.
“His mom confronted the principal, but he said there was nothing he could do. He didn’t care. It just got really bad, and my mom talked to Julie and said she should switch him to a different school, but the school has some kind of contract thing for the tuition, so he had to finish the year there,” I remember everything as I’m telling Spencer, trying not to let my voice shake. “Well, one day when he came to my house, he seemed really out of it. He just sat there with me and cried. I tried to make him feel better, but I knew I could only help so much. It was killing me though, that he had to go through that. But that day, he barely talked to me, wouldn’t even sign, and before he went home, he just hugged me really tight and told me I was the best friend he could ever ask for and that he loved me.”
“The next day was a Saturday. I tried to text Ryan but he wouldn’t reply. I was worried, because he was getting so distant, and I didn’t know what to do. People constantly made fun of him for being deaf and gay, and I couldn’t even do anything about it. Around seven that night, Ryan came into my room, out of nowhere. He was crying and he looked so scared,” I close my eyes, trying to keep tears from forming at the memory.
“Brendon,” Ryan cried. “I-I think I messed up,” he whispered. “Bren, help me. I was wrong, I don’t want to die.” He collapsed onto the floor.
“Um,” I clear my throat, my eyes burning. “He had taken a ton of pills. Then he regretted it and he ran to my house, and collapsed on my floor. I was freaking out, sobbing. He was unconscious, and I was yelling at him anyway, asking how he could do such a stupid thing. I called 911 and they pumped his stomach in the hospital. He was hooked to all these machines and he was in there for three weeks, because they had to make sure he wouldn’t try anything again. It was really bad, and for about a year I kept thinking he’d do it again, but he didn’t. Apparently the kids from his school found out and then stopped harassing him. Most of them, anyway. But then this year Julie let him come here,” I finish with a deep sigh, hating having to tell that story. Spencer is staring with wide eyes.
“Oh, wow,” he says quietly. “That’s…that’s really awful,” he shakes his head sadly.
“Yeah, he really hates thinking about it, and so do I.”
“Right, sorry. Let’s go back to the table before your boyfriend cries himself to death,” he smiles.
“Hey, where’s Jon?” I ask, smiling back.
“Oh, he and Gabe skipped today to go to some concert. William and I didn’t want to go,” he shrugs.
“Oh yeah, they asked me and Ryan to go, but we didn’t want to either.”
As we make our way back to the table, Ryan’s voice becomes increasingly louder.
“-then what will I do? I couldn’t handle that, William,” he sobs.
“Ryan, are you insane? Brendon is not going to break up with you,” William says incredulously, looking at Ryan as if he said something completely absurd, which he did. Does he really think I’d break up with him over something like this?
“You don’t know that!” Ryan cries.
“Ryan,” I say. His head snaps up and he stands up fast, wiping his eyes.
“Brendon, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I’m so, so sorry, please. Please don’t break up with me, I love you,” he sobs with a tinge of desperation to his voice. I’m probably looking at him like he’s sprouted a second head.
“Hey,” I say softly, wrapping my arms around him. He collapses against me, sniffling and taking choppy breaths. “I’m not going to break up with you. You’re crazy for thinking that. This was just a little argument. Calm down, okay?” I shush him. He buries his head in my chest.
“I love you,” he mumbles, letting out a shaky breath. I rub his back and run my fingers through his hair.
“I love you, too. And I’m sorry,” I apologize. He lifts his head, and I wipe the wetness from his cheeks.
“It’s okay,” he says quietly, leaning in to kiss me. I kiss him again before leading him to sit down at the table, where William and Spencer are smiling at us.
“It’s too bad we’re at school, or we could be having some really nice make-up sex right about now,” Ryan sighs wistfully, shaking his head. Spencer pretends to gag.
“You would think that I would be the one wanting it all the time, but no,” I laugh. “He’s insane.”
“Not as innocent as we thought you were, huh?” William teases.
“We know entirely too much about your sex life,” Spencer says to Ryan and I.
“Yeah, thanks to Ryan,” William adds in. Ryan laughs at the memory, and I feel my face get hot.
“Still don’t think that was funny,” I mumble. Ryan laughs some more, kissing my cheek.
“Oh, shit!” he says suddenly. “I have to go make up that test in math. I was supposed to be in there like ten minutes ago. Mrs. Kinney is gonna kill me, I gotta go.” He kisses me once more before jumping up and running back into the school.
“That kid is so…” William searches for the right word.
“Unconventional?” I supply.
“Yes, exactly.”
***
After lunch William, Spencer, and I head to creative writing. I keep waiting for Ryan to come in, but the bell rings, and he’s still not here. I guess his math test is taking a while.
“Where’s your other half?” Genevieve jokes, smiling.
“Oh, he’s making up a math test,” I tell her, and she nods, walking away.
“So Brendon,” Spencer starts, and he’s using that tone of voice that lets me know he’s about to be nosy. I roll my eyes. “What’s it like with your boyfriend living with you?”
“Um, almost exactly the same as when he wasn’t?” I answer.
“It’s gotta be a little different. I mean, your boyfriend lives with you,” he stresses.
“Yeah, I got that, Spence,” I laugh. “The only difference is that I see him a lot more. And also it’s awkward when we have sex because, um…well. We have a hard time being quiet,” I rush out, blushing, “and my mom almost always hears us, but then she just laughs about it when I’m pretty much dying on the inside.”
“Dude, your mom is even more unconventional than Ryan,” Spencer laughs.
“She’s just a little…quirky is all,” I shrug.
“I can’t believe she just doesn’t care that you guys have sex,” Spencer says, shaking his head. “What kind of mom doesn’t care that her teenage son is having sex?”
“Well, it’s not as if he can knock Ryan up, and they were both virgins when they got together, so I guess she just doesn’t see any harm in it,” William reasons.
“Oh my God, but wouldn’t Ryan and I have the cutest babies?” I gush. They look at me like they don’t even know who I am, and I forgot that that thought was supposed to stay in my head. My cheeks flush and I cough a little.
“Yes, adorable,” Spencer drawls.
The rest of the class passes by with us talking about babies, and how some of them have those freaky-looking alien heads when they’re first born. On the way to music class, I’m trying to figure out what’s taking Ryan so long. I’m about to stop by Mrs. Kinney’s room to find him when suddenly Frank Iero runs up to me.
“Dude, Ryan Ross is your boyfriend, right?” he asks, looking worried, which immediately worries me.
“Yeah, why?” I say urgently.
“Chris Johnson is beating the shit out of him in the courtyard, I was trying to find you,” he rushes out.
“What? Fuck,” I say as I start running toward the nearest door to the courtyard, William behind me. When I get out there, I see a big group of people, obviously watching the fight. Actually, it’s not even a fight, because Ryan isn’t fighting back, Chris is just holding him against a tree, hitting him. I can’t even think straight, I just start running toward them, pushing people out of my way. I briefly think about how messed up it is that they’re all just standing there watching Ryan get beat up, and nobody is trying to help him.
“Bet you wish you didn’t smart off to me now, fag,” Chris sneers as he lands another punch onto Ryan’s face. Ryan whimpers, blood all over him, but doesn’t say anything.
“Get the fuck away from him!” I scream. Chris turns around just in time to see my fist flying into his face. He stumbles backward, clutching his face. He’s a lot bigger than me, so I really don’t want to have to fight him. But I don’t have to worry about that because out of nowhere, William knocks him over and promptly starts pounding his face in. I grab Ryan’s waist, and I walk him to a table nearby, sitting him down.
“Baby, are you okay?” I ask, cupping the side of his face that isn’t bruising.
“Y-yeah, I’m fine. Just-my stomach hurts,” he groans. “He hit it a lot.” For a second I think about running back over there and stomping on Chris’ face. How could he do this to someone for no reason?
“What happened?”
“Um. I finished my math test, and I was on my way to class when I accidentally ran into him. I said I was sorry, but he got mad and called me names, and I was just so tired of taking shit from people that I snapped back at him. There were people around and I guess I embarrassed him because he got mad and dragged me out here and starting beating the hell out of me,” he finishes with a wince, clutching his side.
“Come on, I’ll call mom to come get us so you don’t have to walk home,” I say, helping him up. I look back over my shoulder to where William is getting off of Chris. He picks Chris up by his collar and drags him into the building toward the front office. “I think William is gonna deal with Chris.”
As we’re waiting out front for my mom to come get us, Ryan curled up in my lap, I see Frank walking by. “Frank!” I yell. He startles, and then walks over to me.
“Yeah?”
“Thanks. I mean, for telling me. You’re the only person who did anything,” I say quietly.
“Yeah, no problem. You gonna be alright, Ryan?” he asks tentatively.
“Um. Yeah, thank you,” Ryan replies.
“Alright. Well, I’ll see you guys later,” he says, going to turn around. I see him around a lot, but we’re not really friends, just mere acquaintances. He’s nice though. I don’t think he has any friends. He’s always eating lunch by himself, and he’s always walking by himself.
“Frank, wait!” I call. He turns around and walks back.
“Yeah?”
“You wanna eat lunch with us tomorrow?” I ask. His face visibly brightens, and he smiles.
“Really?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I tell him. His smile gets even wider.
“Okay, yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow then,” he smiles, waving before he walks off.
“Why’d you do that?” Ryan asks from my lap, looking up at me.
“I don’t think he has any friends, and he’s really nice,” I shrug.
“You’re so sweet,” he smiles, touching my cheek. I smile back, and then I hear a car pull up, seeing that it’s my mother. She runs out and grabs Ryan, looking him over to make sure he’s still alive. I smile a little.
“Sweetie, you get hurt too much,” my mom shakes her head. Ryan laughs, and then clutches his stomach and winces.
“You’re on bed rest for the rest of the day,” my mom orders.
“Mom, he’s not one of your patients,” I laugh.
“Hey, I’m a nurse at home just as much as I am at work,” she raises an eyebrow at me. I climb into the backseat with Ryan so he can put his head in my lap.
“Hi,” he says, looking up at me.
“Hi,” I smile back. I lean down and kiss him. He grabs my hand and laces our fingers together.
“I’m sorry about our fight this morning. I don’t want to do that again,” he says. I smile at his cuteness with a look that I’m sure is nothing less than adoring.
“It wasn’t your fault, babe. I was being an ass, I’m sorry,” I kiss him again.
“Well, you made up for it by punching Chris and defending my honor,” he giggles.
“Defending your honor? What are you, a princess?” I laugh with him.
“I could be,” he jokes.
“You’re definitely pretty enough to be a princess,” I tease. I see my mom roll her eyes at me in the rearview mirror.
“Brendon, I’m not pretty,” Ryan whines.
“Yes, you are. You’re a pretty, pretty princess,” I say in a voice like you’d use to talk to a puppy, tapping his nose. He laughs. My smile softens. “You tell me if Chris even speaks to you again,” I say, more serious.
“Yes sir,” he smiles.
“Why are you so cute?” I laugh.
“I was born that way,” he shrugs. I roll my eyes and thump his forehead. He curls up against me, and I stroke his hair, feeling the soft strands in between my fingers. I don’t know why I got so lucky when we moved here and I met Ryan. I don’t know why, but I'm glad, because he changed my life.
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