I'm going to see my mom tomorrow and we're going to the National Museum of Mexican Art. I can't really see any details, but I've been there a bunch and she's never been ( Read more... )

I had the realization today that no... I do not, in fact, want to be responsible for raising a child at this point in my life. That realization made the mourning feeling almost disappear. I'm sure I'll have lots of emotions over time about this, and always have a regret, but seriously ( Read more... )

Made bread yesterday. Not fancy artisan style, just milk bread. But I wanted something rich and a little cake-like, that would stay moist for a little while. It's an effort to get me to eat sandwiches, and the grocery bread keeps drying out (I get it from the bakery, and their options are limited to crusty varieties, and I'm not a fan of mass- ( Read more... )

I've lost a lot more weight than I realized. I bought cheapo shorts online, in a size 2, thinking they might be a close fit. Bahahaha - they are so loose I don't need to unbutton them to get them on. This is ridiculous ( Read more... )

I should be resting. I have to be awake this afternoon for deliveries of medication that I have to sign for ( Read more... )

I suppose I could feel better about today if I just thought of it in terms of honoring the father substitutes that I had that were excellent - my grandfather and great-uncle Jack. But they weren't the same thing as a dad, and I did have a man who stepped into my life and claimed that position ( Read more... )

I forget how much writing here daily helps me (and gives me something to do for a little while ( Read more... )

I seem to be evening out a little bit with the Geodon and sleep and cognitive fogginess. I'm still waking up several times/night but I am able to fall back asleep. And during the day, I have several chunks of several hours of bright awakeness ( Read more... )

In my efforts to accept my circumstances, I've been thinking about the upside to not having another child ( Read more... )

I am both disappointed and proud of my decision about having a baby. My desire is not diminished and the thought of not bringing the result of Bob and I combining into this world wrecks me ( Read more... )