I just found my old Live Journal from when i was like 18!  The name i used was skarme1. It is so crazy to see how much i changed. I am a completely different person now. I'm not on drugs and i have a family, it's nuts. It was interesting to be brought back to those days, but i'm so glad they are over.

I can't take this shit anymore. I am having the most complicated part of my life, ever....
I was just informed that one of my drug screens has come back with cocaine in it. Now, i know that i never did ANY coke recently. But for the simple fact that i have done it in the past, and i am on a drug and alcohol program means (to them) that i definitely ( Read more... )

Yaaaaay,  Friday the fucking 13th ( Read more... )

Today is just a day, another day. It seems to be getting harder each and every moment. The person who i love tells me how much he cares for me, but it is so hard to believe because of the way he treats me. It is so sad to be told "I love you" and just not believe it. The man i love is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One moment he is calm and caring ( Read more... )

I want to scream, i want to kill, i want to cut, i want to die. I want to scream my heart out until i have no voice.I just wish that i knew what it was to be happy. I wish i knew what it was to have someone truly love ME. I don't want my heart to hurt like this anymore; but the only way i know how to relieve mental anguish is to create physical ( Read more... )

 So i went to a funeral/veiwing for the first time in my 24 years. It was horrible. I don't want to remember someone like that... in a box. She felt to cold to touch. I miss her so much, but i just have to remember that she is no longer suffering, and she is with other loved ones. But it's just so hard. Part of me feels selfish for even being sad, ( Read more... )

Damn, today is so hot....and its not even that bad yet. tomorrow is mom mom's funeral. i'm still somewhat in shock, i don't know really what to think, but i know when i see her in that horrible coffin i will realize that she is really gone for ever. i mean she was in pain, and i know now that she is happy and with here sister and husband. i feel ( Read more... )

This Is My Life, RatedLife:
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I don't know what to do anymore. I love him so much i need him. He tells me that i am a whore, i am a liar, and i am a slut. Why do i love him so much, he doesn't really treat me that good to begin with. I have been holding something from him for a long time; something from the past; because i was embarrassed what i did. Sometimes you have to hold ( Read more... )

Today someone very special to me is gone. My grandmother, and my daughters great grandmother has passed away. I feel that a part of my heart is missing. A part of me wants to go get so fucked up that i can't even remember my own name, let alone what has happened...but the other part of me knows that it would be better to face this with a clear head ( Read more... )