Sometimes wank makes the world an infinitely happier place

[esorlehcar]

Oh, my god, I need a Jensen version of this icon. I don't think this fresh bit of crazy (courtesy of wank_report) quite lives up to the original "Elijah Wood is my personal lord and savior" essay, but it comes pretty close. It's titled Why Jensen Ackles Matters: A Study in Fiction and Meta, and it encompasses, as the author helpfully explains at

Comments

[kita0610]

Dude.

I.

What?

[esorlehcar]

Dude, you KNOW you think of Jensen's freckles of "melted drops of caramel fresh for the tasting." How could you not?

AND WHERE WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT HIM TO REMIND YOU OF YOUR HUMANITY?

[kita0610]

Well. When you put it that way, it beats Hot Nazis.

[esorlehcar]

NOTHING beats Hot Nazis.

[exsequar]

.....?!????!??/

Well HELLO THERE, CRAZYTRAIN.

I am just boggling. "A lot of us are hot"?? REALLY???? And let's not even touch the disgustingly purple prose. I THINK I NEED TO GO TAKE A BATH NOW.

[esorlehcar]

The "a lot of us are hot" bit may be my favorite part. It became so clear so quickly that PETJA was a group of people who thought they had a special bond with Jensen that put them above the rest of us riffraff, and the fact that they're writing essays about how hot and smart and exactly in tune with Jensen they are is... kind of impressive, actually. Hilarious, but impressive.

[theafterimages]

Oh dear god. That whole description paragraph is definitely giving me flashbacks to how fangirls used to talk about Elijah, and I'm one of those people who's only glanced lotrips stuff, then made a run for it. (I'm also a former Elijah fangirl, truth be told. Though not one of those fangirls, just a former 13/14-year-old one... which might actually be worse, lol).

[esorlehcar]

Heh, this icon came into being because of a similar (and actually more insane, IIRC, though it's been offline for a few years now, so I can't check) essay about Elijah, that contended, among other things, that Elijah's mere existence showed what a dark and miserable place the world was, because nothing else in it could live up to his holy perfection.

I was in lotrips for years, and I really thought they'd broken the crazy scale, but SPN just keeps proving me wrong.

[msilverstar]

OMG yes, I was just thinking of that post. I especially like how cool and non-fangirly her group is. OMGWTFPolar Bear!

[esorlehcar]

What makes it even more amusing is that she's now forsaken Elijah and taken up with Jensen/Dean. There's a type, clearly.

[lyra_wing]

Goddammit, where is my "staring in the sun" icon.

Is it too much to hope she's being facetious?

[esorlehcar]

WAY too much too hope. Look at the first link at the bottom of the post -- this isn't new territory for her, at all.

[lyra_wing]

It can't be for serious. I mean... it can't. D: It's actually kind of... frightening!

[esorlehcar]

You know, if I hadn't already seen the same damn essay with added crazy on top, I'd probably be swearing it had to be fake, too. But if there is one thing fandom has taught me, there are no limits to the crazy.

[fools_game]

One of these days she's going to go to a convention or something and be honestly shocked when Jensen doesn't know her. It's going to be the delusional chick in the wedding dress all over again. He's going to be traumatised.

(The fictional conversations. He comes to her in her dreams. What the fuck.)

And no, Jared and Jensen are not sending us secret coded messages through their clothes. They're living together, professing their love in interviews, making fun of each other's movies, and crawling all over each other in public. *polishes tinhat*

[esorlehcar]

One of these days she's going to go to a convention or something and be honestly shocked when Jensen doesn't know her.

It's the whole PETJA thing all over again. Jensen was in on their joke, because they were the special fans that he LOVED, and when they found out that he didn't consider them the prettiest princesses of SPN fandom there was mass wailing and gnashing of teeth. I suspect the response the first time he looked into her beautiful, intelligent eyes and couldn't instantly tell that they were soulmates would make that reaction look tame.

And no, Jared and Jensen are not sending us secret coded messages through their clothes. They're living together, professing their love in interviews, making fun of each other's movies, and crawling all over each other in public.

Dom and Elijah did all those things! AND held hands in public, and kissed on the lips. AND YET THEY STILL MANAGED TO SEND MESSAGES THROUGH THEIR CLOTHES. I refuse to believe in Jensen and Jared's big gay love until we start getting color-coded shoutouts.