Despite an almost two-year hiatus, I'm back to LJ for one reason, the reason that usually brings me crawling back to this semblance of a diary: there is pain and this is the best way to release it ( Read more... )

interestingly, lj is always the one to which i end up turning in issues of love or pseudo-love. forget life. forget loss. they've found their outlets. but in terms of feelings and boys, talking barely approaches public written reflection ( Read more... )

chris and i seem to have gotten ourselves into quite a hot mess. granted, a lot of dating him had to do with dating someone who was very much the opp. of A but i found out even the toughest and most self-dependent of boys hurt; they just are jerks instead of sensies when they express it though ( Read more... )

want to start with "if i had the time..." but i do have the time. it's just a matter of recordkeeping. i wish there are so many memories of the past two years that i had logged into writing. so many wonderful and traumatic events that have occurred that deserve to be chronicled if not only for entertainment but for reflection. looking over the old ( Read more... )

I gave my life for one of my classes and it fucked me up the ass. In fact, the wedgie that this class gave me hurts so badly. Not only did I spend so much time on it, I really enjoyed the material. And I fucking did awesome on the homeworks, the tests, and sections. Did I fuck up the exam that badly? GODDAMMIT ( Read more... )

Writers are naive in unimaginable ways. Perhaps that is the only way in which the world penetrates them ( Read more... )

I miss Iowa. A lot. When I moved, I was so distressed to leave North Carolina but Iowa has shaped me to the person I am now. If you're envisioning the earth of the state of Iowa rising up and molding me, stop. Iowa = people of Iowa. The amazing people I've met in high school (Lara, Brian, Schmidty, Helen, Ethan, Allison, Ms. Downing, Patty, Rachel ( Read more... )

Summer flings are electric and therein lies the problem I believe. It's too electric; you get too close too fast and the impending doom calling herself Fleeting Time always sits in your couch of cardiac fibres and taunts you ( Read more... )

During this amazing first semester, I've managed not to accomplish several things, including talking to those friends I love the most (actually I think I've been a successful ass by being so incommunicado) and writing in this journal. I haven't been to any shows in Providence to save money and I have managed to not get to know most of the people in ( Read more... )

I never realized that such a garish hole would be created in my heart simply by the inability to speak my mother tongue, Tamil. In Iowa, at least, I talked to my parents every day and words would be exchanged in Tamil at least more than once. It feels so strange to speak English all the time.