I've been staying away from LJ because I think I could actually get better and stop obsessing about everything, but that hasn't been going so well. I try to make myself eat 1200 calories a day, but that often leads to binging. Then today, when I was depressed and home alone I went to the store for the specific purpose of buying binge foods. ( Read more... )

Three years ago today I tried to kill myself. After months of severe depression, I finally gave in to the self-destructive urges that were taking over my consciousness and swallowed what I thought was enough pills to kill myself. It wasn't, but the doctor at the ER said it was very close. (Thanks for the reassurance, doc!) What is most ( Read more... )

I feel really good about today: 525 calories in, 555 calories out. It's been a long time since I actually exercised my way into negative calories! My weight's holding steady at 145, but I know it will come down soon. Patience is the name of the game.

I bought a handheld body fat analyzer yesterday and learned an unsavory statistic. Even though my weight is in the middle of the "healthy" range for my height, I have the body fat of an obese person (30%)! I've read that these handheld machines aren't really that accurate, but I've tested mine several times in the last few days before and after ( Read more... )

I know my record has been spotty lately, but I really do want to start losing again. My weight has been hovering uncomfortably around 146, which makes me want to throw my scale through the window. Today went well though... 700 calories in (maybe 760 if I decide to have a piece of chocolate after I type this) and 650 burned.

So apparently I'm using my legs as a canvas again. It took me four days to set my progress back three years. I had gotten to the point where I only allowed myself to cut a tiny area on my stomach over and over again, but this feels so much better. I'm sick and I should have gone to bed hours ago, but I still have an English paper to write. The ( Read more... )

Aaaaargh! The recent LJ update destroyed the functionality of my layout. I don't remember enough about CSS to figure out what the problem is exactly, and the various "official" LJ news communities are no help at all in that regard. I guess I'll have to make a new layout later.

I've been doing pretty terribly lately. I'm terrified that I'm falling apart all over again. It's becoming increasingly difficult to smile. I can't motivate myself to do anything anymore. Last night I stayed up until 1:30 to write an English paper (test grade), but I couldn't put any words down on the page. I went to bed anyway and woke up at ( Read more... )

I've done pretty terribly with my eating this week. Way too many calories and not enough exercise. Today will be just as bad, since I've already eaten 800 calories and it's not even dinner yet. I wanted to be good today, but I donated blood, and they made me eat and drink a lot before I could leave. I may be fat, but at least I'm a good person

I was stupid today and overate (but didn't binge) after everyone else went to bed. I ate 950-1100 calories but didn't have time to exercise because I was working on financial aid forms.