Lick Your Wounds, 5/5. NC-17. Loki/Natasha.
Title: Lick Your Wounds
Series: #6 in Ready For The Siege
(#1 - Look Over Your Shoulder, #2 - Armed Up To The Teeth, #3 - Misery Inspires, #4 - Broken Underneath, #5 - Change Is Coming Soon)
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Loki/Natasha
Disclaimer: Not mine! Dubcon, violence, dom/sub dynamics, aftercare, and a lot of emotional manipulation ahead! Some comic backstory is incorporated into characterizations, but this is still primarily movieverse.
Spoilers/Warnings: Post-movie. Read the other stories before this one, because it does refer back to some events in them, especially #4 and #5.
Title and series title from "The Royal We" by Silversun Pickups
Summary: Loki is angry. However, he doesn't react in quite the way that anyone else had thought he would, least of all himself.
Prior chapters:
One - Unexpected Return
Two - Striking A Bargain
Three - Choose Wisely
Four - Nest Of Lies
Five - Resolution
Loki remained in Natasha's safe house, not wanting to be alone in one of his pocket universes. It was sad and pathetic as far as he was concerned, but he couldn't stand the silence. All it would do now was remind him of everything he had lost. Rage and despair warred within him, blending until they were one and the same. Natasha had sent him away, staying behind to draw off the attackers. He was a god, and by her actions she sought to protect him. Or was he reading too much into it? He could have brought her with him anyway. She hadn't commanded, only asked, and he didn't have to heed her words.
But she had asked him, and her job was important to her. She valued that as much as innocent lives, as justice, as her ledger. It was one of the few things in the entirety of Creation that she actually valued, and he understood that.
I had given you the gift of knowledge, and you have opportunities in front of you. Your blood does not define who you are. You can choose the path on which you tread. It doesn't have to be this one.
"But what am I now, if not a monster?" he asked the empty house. All it contained was a simple living room set and coffee table, a flat screen television set, a radio, security devices and a small armory. The bedroom was not furnished and contained no clothing or personal items. Dried foodstuffs were in the kitchen cabinets, as well as paper plates, plastic utensils, and napkins. They were all items that would keep for indeterminate amounts of time. Nothing here was personalized. Nothing felt like it could be home.
Loki saw the crystal bottle still sitting on the coffee table. He was surprised at that, though he didn't remember destroying it. Why would that still be sitting there?
The labels were blank, the runes gone. It was a plain crystal bottle now, faint remnants of aromatic oils inside of it. There was the fading essence of magic about it, but the bottle no longer felt powerful or frightening.
"Hello, Loki."
Slowly turning around, Loki faced Hel. "Are you planning to take me to Helheim?"
Hel smiled, and Loki had to admit that her features truly resembled his. Her hair hung loose to her waist, black as a raven's wing and so glossy it nearly had blue highlights. Her dress was spun silver, black runes appearing as she moved. Most were for protection and wisdom, as befitting her station as ruler of Helheim. She wore no adornment, which surprised him. Standing there, Hel did not appear as queenly as she should have.
"No, Loki. Your place is here for now. My seers don't anticipate your arrival in my realm for quite some time if you choose correctly."
"So why are you here?"
"She's special, isn't she?" Hel asked instead. Her smile was knowing, the cunning of a trickster in her veins as well as Frigga's magic and the magicks of the dead. "The décor leaves much to be desired," Hel commented, looking around the barren room, "but it's fitting. Someone just starting out lives here."
"No one lives here."
"Someone could."
Loki frowned at Hel. Knowledge of the secret ways of Yggdrasil had been worth siring her, of that he was sure. Anything else about her was merely rumor. "Why are you here?"
"I've never met you before." Hel clasped her hands in front of her, a serene smile on her face. "I could not before, when I was too young to control portals properly. Then when I could, I would not. You were wild and cruel, too full of rage."
"And now?" he asked, tone sharp with rising anger.
"Now," Hel said with a slow smile. "Now perhaps we truly are kin."
"You're dead."
"Sometimes, we have to manipulate others to get what we want. Sometimes, we destroy the things we value to be sure no one else gets it. Sometimes, we're only too willing to be the monstrous creatures in the dark."
"What do you want?"
"She's mine, Loki. While she's mortal, she's yours to play with. I'll give you that. But she is mortal. So she ultimately is mine. One day, when she tires of fighting, she will beg me for release so that she may come home. She will send me many lives before she does, and she has already." Her smile was softer now, almost sad and understanding. "Cherish the time you have with her, Loki. You don't know how long that will be."
"Why are you telling me this?" he asked cautiously, his entire body coiled and ready to spring at her, daughter or not.
"Just because she can heal doesn't mean she can't be hurt," Hel said simply. "She's human and you are not."
"So?"
"You don't do anything by halves. You have little concept of restraint. It must be learned, and you haven't truly had need to."
Loki wanted to hurl the crystal bottle at her. "What of that?" he snarled, pointing at it on the coffee table.
"You needed to learn to see as she sees," Hel replied with a very human looking shrug. "You're wounded, Loki, but you can't see the marks. You tear them open further when you don't have to. You drive others away-"
"Is there a point to this?" he interrupted, voice harsh and pitiless.
Hel turned her dead eyes to him, and he could see the inhumanity within her. For a moment, Loki was afraid of her. If she chose to, she could bind him with magic or kill him and send him to Helheim. She knew different magic than he did, and he wasn't sure if he could defeat her. All things died eventually, and none could cheat death.
"Your choices, as they currently unfold, will bring you to me sooner rather than later."
Choices again. "You don't sound pleased with that," he said, voice heavy with sarcasm. "One would think you don't want to see me."
"Because I don't."
Her voice was edged, cutting deeply. Loki didn't let on that her words cut him, another of her metaphorical wounds. "So why are you here?" he asked again.
"I don't want you in my realm, ever. You don't belong there. You belong here. So for once, listen to someone's advice and do what you need to do to stay alive."
"It's what I do best, Hel," he sneered.
"Continue on this path, and you will die." She did the words simply, without fanfare, and he knew them to be true. She had no reason to lie to him on this. Death was her domain, and she knew everything about it. "Find peace. That's what I want for you."
"Why?" he asked, suspicious.
"Because it's the only way you survive. Everything of value has been taken from you. I cannot give you anything but the ability to see heart. I cannot give you peace. That is not something magic can provide. Only you can find it."
A blade can bring you pause, Natasha had said. Peace. She was a blade, and she knew how to quiet his demons. However much he quailed at thought of debasing himself at her feet, it had brought him a temporary peace. It had helped to bring him quiet, where he did not have to seethe and rage.
"Why do you come to me now?" Loki asked suspiciously.
"My seers tell me you stand at a crossroads. They see too many different branches, none of them are clear. In most of them, you die." Hel approached, but did not touch him. She paused at arm's length, looking at him with her dead eyes. Her mother's eyes. "In the futures where you survive, it's because you find a sense of peace and purpose. We don't know what it is, but it's there. And if you survive, the nine realms remain stable."
Now, that was an interesting tale. Before he could ask her what she meant by that, she turned away from him and opened a shimmering portal to Helheim. "Goodbye, Loki. I hope we do not meet for a very long time."
"Goodbye, Hel," Loki murmured, raising his hand slightly in farewell. "I will not see you."
She smiled widely, and for a moment, she was stunningly beautiful. It was blinding, her beauty, the kind that would make mortals fall instantly in love with her and allow her to peacefully take their souls to her realm.
And then she was gone.
Loki looked around the apartment, struck by the silence. Someone could live here, make it a home. A refuge. A place of rest and peace.
Taking a breath, he moved into the bedroom and started opening portals.
***
Wearily, Natasha stumbled into one of the SHIELD safe houses in the south of France. Other agents would have headed into the resort in Andorra for Emilie's belongings, but Natasha didn't hold out much hope that her things would be returned in any kind of workable condition. At least they were just clothes. Those could be replaced. She trusted that Loki would have gotten the information to Clint and SHIELD operatives. It would be time sensitive, as the Sarkissian cousins would move locations immediately and wonder which agency Emilie was from later. If they thought about it, they would be able to figure out who she was.
She had one of the AIM guards' Berettas left and Loki's twin swords with her, as well as the dozens of cuts, bruises and one bullet graze on her left thigh, just above her knee. It would take time for those to heal, but at least she would. France had rather restrictive gun licensing laws, and as long as the gendarmes had no reason to check the safe house, she wouldn't have to try explaining why she didn't have legal ownership rights. She had done it before, but wasn't in the mood currently. Sleep wasn't a wise course of action, but her body craved it fiercely right now to help accelerate healing. She was exhausted, but it wasn't safe yet.
To her surprise, Natasha saw a shimmer in the air in front of her. It had to be someone with Asgardian magic, but she couldn't take that chance. Sarkissian had a mage of some kind on her payroll, and stories always told of sympathetic magic being able to do all kinds of weird shit with blood or hair samples. She had certainly bled a lot in her escape from Andorra.
Splitting the sword in two, Natasha fell into a ready stance as she faced the growing portal. She sighed in relief when Loki stepped through it. "Took you long enough," she said, lips curling with a smile.
"I had some things to do," he replied with a careless shrug. "But you haven't arrived in New York yet. Barton isn't pleased, but he's being patient."
"And patience isn't your strong suit."
"Of course not."
Natasha put the halves of the sword back together and offered it back to Loki hilt first. "This came in handy, thank you."
He smiled charmingly at her. "Keep it. I have others."
"Generous of you."
Loki approached and slid an arm around her waist. "Perhaps I have ulterior motives."
"It's you. Of course you do."
He laughed, but Natasha thought perhaps it sounded sad and pained now. "Indeed," he replied once the moment passed. "I can bring you out of here immediately."
"I need rest right now. The healing will take care of itself once I'm able to rest."
"That can be arranged."
In the blink of an eye, they were at her suite in Avengers Tower. "You may change and rest here," Loki told her.
She felt a surge of power in his hands and touched his chest before he could cast whatever spell he had in mind. "You can lock the doors if you want, but let the others know I'm here and safe. It will go a long way for their peace of mind."
"I don't care for their peace of mind," Loki replied, not quite snarling.
"But I do."
Amazingly enough, he desisted without further complaint, though he huffed like an impatient child. Natasha put the sword on her dresser and carefully removed the battered holster before letting the torn violet dress fall to the ground. She took off the garter belt and stockings, then crawled right under the covers of her bed. While she was fully aware of Loki's stare, she didn't care what he was thinking just yet. "You can watch over me as I sleep, just in case Sarkissian does have a caster or two up her sleeve. I bled enough that she might be able to track me."
Loki's expression darkened. "I will eliminate that threat."
Natasha sighed and sat up in bed, but Loki was already gone. Tiredly, she rubbed at her face. He didn't say he would kill Sarkissian, and she couldn't automatically assume he was threatening to kill someone. It was borrowing trouble, and she had to get her rest to heal.
Falling asleep, she decided that she would deal with Loki later.
***
When Natasha woke, she was still in her own bed at Avengers Tower. Loki was sitting on the floor in a corner of her bedroom, an ornate knife held loosely in his hands and a dark expression on his face. She could tell that her wounds were all gone; not even a single ache was left, and she had slept for a little over two hours. "Loki."
He looked at her, the expression not leaving his face. "They tried to find you. They wanted to kill you, torture you for what they thought you might know."
"And?" she prompted when he fell silent. Did he care? That was a disturbing thought.
"No one steals from me," he said darkly, holding the dagger in a tight fist.
"How many did you kill?" Natasha asked, voice neutral. Ordinary people probably discussed bills and flowers or dinner plans or some shit like that. She got to discuss how many people her maybe-lover killed because of a blood trail she inadvertently left behind.
"Only two. The other four are gibbering idiots. Their spell backfired," he explained at her confused expression. "It was too complicated and not Midgardian in origin. They were trying to follow an old runic script that looked almost like it was from Svartalfheim. Their minds could not hold the backlash in magic. Their guards did not take kindly to the interruption."
"I suppose they wouldn't." Natasha got out of bed and moved to stand in front of him, a sway in her hips as if she was dressed in her nanomesh armor rather than a pair of lace panties. "So then why are you sitting on my floor and sulking?"
That wasn't quite enough to get a rise out of him. He stared at her, drawn expression on his face, and slowly put the knife down beside him. "You were injured," he said slowly, as if he was having trouble articulating his thoughts. Considering one of his many nicknames was Liesmith, Natasha rather doubted that it was words that were the problem.
"And I healed. It happens."
Loki looked at her, lips compressed into a thin line. "I do not like it."
"I don't either, but it still happens." She crossed her arms beneath her breasts. "What? Do you doubt that I'm fully healed? You think there's some kind of wound left?" she asked, challenge in her voice. Natasha knew that couldn't be it. It had to be confronting her mortality head on, just when he saw her as someone to go to when upset. He was troubled and troubling, impulsive and not used to dealing with the consequences of anyone's actions. Having a conscience now, he may have spent the time during her nap ruminating over his past misdeeds.
Loki looked at her when she outstretched her hand. "What?"
"If you don't trust your eyes, we're going to need a practical demonstration."
Once on his feet, Natasha went to a familiar looking duffel bag under her bed and started rifling through it. "This should be a good enough start, I think. I'll get more supplies later." Before he could ask her what she meant, she went to the closet and pulled on a loose cotton dress that covered everything yet left nothing to his imagination. He could see the outline of her body and the press of her nipples against the fabric. Quirking her lips, she picked up the duffel bag. "It's time to go, Loki. You know where we need to go."
He teleported them both to the safe house in Astoria. She was pleasantly surprised by the way he had furnished the empty bedroom. It was larger now than the apartment specifications were, and contained a massive four poster bed in the center, with luxurious black and emerald green sheets, gauzy embroidered curtains attached to each post and an obscene number of pillows. A large mirror hung over the mahogany dresser set, carvings and mother of pearl inlay set into each drawer. Matching bedside tables sat on either side of the bed, Tiffany lamps and thick runic texts piled high on each one. Thick pile carpeting was present from wall to wall, appearing almost like the textured furs she had seen before. Natasha assumed that the closet would be full of clothing now, and an extra door in the wall was likely to be a bathroom. She assumed it would be as sumptuous as the one she had seen in his hideaway.
"You've been a very busy boy," she purred, dropping the duffel bag and pulling him to face her. She took in his proud expression and allowed him to see a pleased smile on her face. "It's lovely," she continued, rubbing his arm gently.
"Natasha," he began, voice dropping into a softer and almost intimate tone.
She grasped him by the shirtfront and pulled him down to eye level. "We're going to begin now, Loki. If you ever get uncomfortable, you say 'Andorra' and it all ends. Do you understand?"
His lips parted and his pupils dilated with desire as he nodded readily enough. "Yes, Natasha."
Giving a small, secretive smile, she nodded and let go of him. "Strip down and then kneel," she commanded. Her voice was stern, indicating that she fully expected to be obeyed immediately. He did so, gracefully falling to his knees in front of her. "Clasp your hands behind your back, and bow your head." This he did immediately as well.
Taking her time, she set up the bed how she wanted it, and got out the toys she planned to use on Loki. Natasha slithered out of the dress and let it drop to the floor. Curling her toes into the carpet, she had to smile. He was such a sensualist, and definitely enjoyed the finer things. Being raised on Asgard certainly left its mark on him.
"Get up, lie down on your back on the bed. I'm going to restrain you."
There was a shiver through him, but he didn't say anything or raise his head. Taking a breath, he tilted his chin up slightly, still technically keeping his head bowed. "Do you really think they can hold me?" Loki managed to say with an almost confident sneer.
"They'll hold you because you want them to," Natasha said, voice cool. "You want to play this game, and you want to play by my rules. So you'll let them hold you for this."
Another shiver, but his chin fell a notch. "Yes, Natasha," Loki said, an anticipatory tremor in his voice. He wanted it so much, but she guessed that he was afraid of restraints. What kind did they have on Asgard? Probably enchanted ones, and probably the kind of restraints that suppressed his magic. It was likely one of the few things he would fear.
He held very still as she but the wrist and ankle restraints on him. They were soft leather, lined with sheepskin to keep the skin from abrading, with stainless steel links attaching the restraints to the anchor points. Those she put around each post, and she made sure that there was enough slack in his ankle restraints that he could pull up his knees. She would need the maneuverability soon enough. Loki continued to hold himself still, with artificially even breaths as she left the bed to put on the harness she had laid out. Natasha could see a fine tremor in his limbs, though she couldn't tell if it was anticipation or fear. Perhaps both at once.
"What's that?" he blurted when she brought something new to the bed.
Smiling enigmatically, Natasha started attaching the electrodes to his cock with precise, almost clinical movements. "You'll see," she purred as she attached the patch to his skin. She then knee-walked toward him, that same smile on her face. "But first, you're going to need to suck me," she said, positioning herself over his head. The dildo bobbed in front of his face, and she could see him eyeing it nervously, knowing full well by now what she planned to do with it.
Slowly, Loki parted his lips and gingerly took some of the dildo into his mouth. Natasha stared him down until he opened his mouth wider and she was able to slip it further into his mouth. She grasped his head firmly in her hands, and she held him steady until some of the tension seemed to bleed out of him. He was starting to fall into that trancelike state he had gotten into before, which she assumed was his subspace. She could really tell once he got his jaw working along the length of the dildo, licking and sucking it as if it was actual flesh. He flicked his eyes up to her face, looking for approval, and redoubled his efforts once he had it.
"Good boy," she crooned, rubbing at his scalp gently. "Just like that, Loki."
He nearly shuddered with pleasure right there, and she took the opportunity to bend backward, reaching behind her for the control to the stimulator. She turned it on just a little, enough for him to make a startled noise. Loki's breathing grew harsh, the way it did when the pleasure was starting to get to him. Natasha withdrew from his mouth then, and lubed up her fingers to start playing with his ass. He whimpered a little, straining and pulling up his knees with the contact. Natasha made soft crooning sounds, rubbing his stomach with one hand as she slid a finger inside him. She worked him a little looser, then scissored in a second finger. Loki made a soft keening sound, twisting his hips as she hit it prostate. She turned up the intensity of the stimulator a notch, making him whine in earnest.
"Tell me how much you want it," Natasha purred, moving her fingers in and out, pressing in on the prostate on the thrusts in. "Tell me you want me to fuck you."
Loki nearly sobbed as he twisted beneath her. "Natasha... Please..."
"Please what?" she asked, tone brooking no argument.
He made soft choking noises as his hips jerked, eyes shut tight and mouth fallen open. Natasha abruptly pulled her fingers out and wiped them clean on a small hand towel she had laid out for just that purpose. Loki nearly wailed in disappointment. "Please," he panted, writhing, still not opening his eyes yet. "Please."
"You have to say it."
It had to be exquisite torture, knowing she could give him release. The words stuck in his throat, just as she knew they would. He wasn't so far gone that he would say whatever she wanted him to, and she wanted him begging and pleading. She wanted him aware of that, and wanted the choice to beg her to be a conscious one.
"P-please," he gasped finally, twisting ineffectually. There was nothing but the low level of the stimulator, generating a steady pulse that was nowhere near enough to get him off. "Please fuck me, Natasha. I need it. I need this."
Natasha stroked his stomach with one hand as she made soft shushing noises, lubing up the dildo with her other hand. "I know, Loki. I know. And it's going to be good for you, so good. You're going to be good for me, won't you? You'll hold back, you won't come until I tell you. And it's going to feel wonderful, Loki. It's going to feel divine," she crooned, starting to slide it in. He pulled on the wrist restraints and his knees came up, panting as she stretched him wide. "Take me in, Loki. You can do it, I know you can," she murmured, still rubbing his stomach. "Take it all in, nice and slow, nice and deep. You need this, Loki. You want me inside you, you want me to fuck you. You want me, and you want me taking over. You want me in control."
Loki pulled harder on the wrist restraints, tears at the corners of his shut eyes. "Natasha," he panted, whimpering when the dildo was fully seated inside him. He moaned, sounding almost ashamed of his desire.
"Sh," she crooned, starting to move slowly. She reached over to the stimulator control and dialed it up another notch, making him gasp and writhe beneath her. "It's all right. We both want this to happen. You want me, and I want this for you. It's all right, Loki. I've got you," she said, watching him drop further into his trance. "There you go. There it is. Just like that, Loki." She slid back out slightly, then further in until he groaned. "Open your eyes."
He opened them, a vulnerable expression on his face. Perhaps he had looked this way the last time she had done this, but she hadn't been able to see with his hair in the way. Natasha gave him an encouraging smile as she moved slowly, stroking the back of one thigh. "Watch me fuck you, Loki. See how happy you make me, that you're being so good for me right now."
His lips trembled, and he pulled at the wrist restraints again. "Natasha," he panted, sounding almost desperate. He pulled his knees up higher, and that let her next thrust hit his prostate dead on. Groaning, Loki trembled. "I don't know how to do this," he nearly wailed.
"Sh... It's okay. I've got you. I've got you," she murmured, starting to pick up speed. "You don't do anything, you just feel. Feel me inside you. I'm fucking you, Loki. It's my cock in you, my touch on you." He shuddered and nearly closed his eyes, overcome by the sound of her voice on top of the feel of the dildo and stimulator. "That's it. Like that, Loki. Just feel me, right there," she added, thrusting in harder. He made a choking sound, and she stroked his thigh comfortingly in response. "Yes," she murmured, feeling herself get a little slick inside. "Mmmm. You feel so good, so fucking good. You like it when I fuck you, don't you?"
Loki made a strangled groan of pleasure in response, twisting beneath her. She dialed up the stimulator again, and he cried out at once. Natasha moved faster, thrusting harder and deeper until he cried out again, hips bucking beneath her. "Louder," she purred, grasping his thigh to angle herself deeper inside of him. "Let me hear you. Call my name, tell me to fuck you harder, give you more. Tell me what you want."
"Natasha," he sobbed, pulling at the restraints as he writhed in earnest. "Pl-please, Natasha, please, I need... I need..." He groaned, back arching as he cried out again. "Fuck me harder, right there," he cried out when the dildo sank in deeply. "Ah! Natasha, please let me come, please, please, anything, please..."
"Not yet," she crooned, soothing his stomach with one hand. His cock was weeping, twitching under the stimulator's constant buzzing. Dialing it up another notch, she made a wicked, deep thrust that had him thrashing and screaming her name in desperation. Again and again she thrust into him, her own breathing ragged and harsh from the effort. "Soon, Loki," she said, hearing him wail in frustration. "Sh... Sh, Loki. Feel me as I do this, I'm right here. Soon, Loki. Soon I'll let you come. Right now, you just feel this. Feel me, Loki." He babbled something nonsensical, arching his back and bucking his hips. "Don't come yet," she reminded him, making him wail a little. "Soon, I promise. So soon, but you can go farther. I know you can take it, Loki. You can do it for me, I know you can. A little farther, just a little more..."
"I can't, I can't," he panted, barely remembering to speak in English and not Alltongue. He was close to breaking, his entire body shaking and pulling at the restraints. But they held, as he wasn't going to pull hard enough to make them shatter.
"You can," she crooned, stroking him and pumping her hips harder into him. "I know you can do this for me, Loki. You're doing so good, just a little more. Hold on, and it's going to feel so fucking good, you know it will."
"Natasha," he pleaded, looking at her with that vulnerable, desperate cast to his features. "Please, please, I have to come..."
"Yeah," she said after a few more thrusts. "You've been good, you can come."
With a sob of relief, his hips jerked and he spurted all over his stomach. His entire body sagged down to the bed, eyes sliding shut. He let out a shuddering sigh when she pulled out of him, and was too exhausted to even watch her unbuckle the harness and slip out of it. Natasha curled up around him on the bed after releasing the restraints, stroking his cheeks gently. "You did so well for me, Loki," she murmured, pressing her lips to his forehead. "See? It's not as hard as you thought, was it?"
"I tried so hard," he whispered, shivering.
Natasha shifted and sat up. He reflexively grasped hold of her waist, and she allowed the contact as she grabbed the hand towel and cleaned off his stomach. He shivered a little more, as if freezing, and she laid herself directly on top of his body. Her lips were right next to his ear, and she started humming. She wasn't even sure what song it was, but that probably didn't even matter. Arms wrapped around him, she held him even after his shaking stopped and his breathing evened out. After a few minutes, Loki put his arms around her and held her tightly. "Natasha," he whispered, sounding almost uncertain.
"You can tell me anything," she murmured encouragingly.
"You can't die."
"I won't for a long time, most probably. I'm more durable than I used to be."
His arms tightened even more, and Loki sounded almost childlike. "No. I won't let that happen. I would rather destroy Helheim than let you stay there."
Suppressing the urge to sigh, Natasha simply stroked his hair until his grip loosened. "That won't be necessary. I'm sure I'll be around for centuries."
"I'd do it if I had to."
"I'm sure you would. But you won't have to."
Loki relaxed further beneath her, and Natasha let her own breathing even out. Closing her eyes, she leaned her forehead against his. This was something she hadn't foreseen, that was for sure. Razing an entire world just for her hadn't been her intention, just occupying him so that he wouldn't destroy Midgard.
Whatever this deal was between them, it clearly meant far more to Loki than she thought it would. Possibly because he had driven everyone else away. Natasha was the only one left in his orbit that he allowed near him, if only because he could keep the illusion of dominance over her when he needed it.
"Loki, promise me you won't go on a rampage if anything happens to me," Natasha murmured after a moment, fingers threaded through his hair.
"I can't."
"Promise me," she intoned, feeling him shiver beneath her. For a moment she thought he mumbled I can't lose you, but she couldn't be certain over the thudding of her own heart beating. "You can't destroy an entire world just for me. You can't."
"I could," he said stubbornly, sounding like a tired child.
"All right," Natasha said with a sigh. "You could possibly bring a realm to his knees. But I mean you can't in the sense that I don't want you to. You shouldn't want to." I'm not worth that kind of rage, she thought, her eyes closing again. "So promise me you won't destroy any realms just because I die."
Loki remained stubbornly silent for a long time, fingers twitching along her back. "No."
"Loki," she began in a warning tone.
"I can't promise you that. I don't know what I'll do if that happens."
"Just talk to Hel. Don't destroy her realm. I'm sure you can strike a bargain with her or something. She seemed very reasonable when I've talked to her."
"The bargains she makes are exchanges. One life for another. In the end, she always collects souls. Remember that."
Natasha held onto him when he tried to roll out from beneath her. Cupping one hand along the back of his neck, she pressed her lips to his temple. "We all deal in souls, Loki. I know that very well, and so do you. Some hold more value to us than others. That's just the way it is. You of all people know how to manipulate. I'm sure you can strike a better bargain than that."
His hands slid down her back until he reached the curve of her ass. "She always wins when it comes to her realm."
"Then maybe you need to come up with a contingency plan. Just because I won't die anytime soon doesn't mean that I eventually won't."
Loki was silent for a long time, but she couldn't feel the prior tension in him. "It will take some time to find something she values more than souls for her realm."
"That is something we have plenty of," she said, stretching out languorously over him. She almost said that he had plenty of time, but knew that would be a mistake. He had to think she was on his side, whatever that was. Natasha didn't know what the end result of this association would be, but she had to make sure that it didn't end in mass murder and destruction, no matter what realm might be the target.
"You said you were a blade," he said after a moment.
"Yes."
"You wound me, yet I never feel you cutting in until the moment has passed."
"Those who trained me would be pleased with that remark," Natasha said dryly.
"You're not commanding me right now, not exactly." Loki pushed her up a little so that he could look her in the eye. "Is it just curiosity that drives you? What do you gain from these encounters? Why is it that you persist when you know your Hawk despises me so?"
"Maybe it's because I want to see this through. You hate yourself so much, Loki. You don't even bother to deny that. You say you're burdened with glorious purpose, but all you do is turn everything you care about into ashes. You've even burned me."
Loki was pale and still, eyes large as he took in her neutral expression. "So why are you here, if I have hurt you so badly?"
"Because someone gave me a choice. And now I'm giving one to you."
"And if I don't choose wisely?"
"Then one day, I'm going to put you down."
He grinned, a sharklike grin that no longer frightened her. "And I will welcome that day."
"If that happens, maybe I will, too. But it's not today." Natasha brushed his hair from his face gently. "Today we rest, and then I will go to my debriefing at SHEILD."
Nodding, he let her settle back on top of him. They were nothing but a tangled skein of secrets, lies, and the occasional truth.
One day, those threads would snap.
The End.
Series: #6 in Ready For The Siege
(#1 - Look Over Your Shoulder, #2 - Armed Up To The Teeth, #3 - Misery Inspires, #4 - Broken Underneath, #5 - Change Is Coming Soon)
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Loki/Natasha
Disclaimer: Not mine! Dubcon, violence, dom/sub dynamics, aftercare, and a lot of emotional manipulation ahead! Some comic backstory is incorporated into characterizations, but this is still primarily movieverse.
Spoilers/Warnings: Post-movie. Read the other stories before this one, because it does refer back to some events in them, especially #4 and #5.
Title and series title from "The Royal We" by Silversun Pickups
Summary: Loki is angry. However, he doesn't react in quite the way that anyone else had thought he would, least of all himself.
Prior chapters:
One - Unexpected Return
Two - Striking A Bargain
Three - Choose Wisely
Four - Nest Of Lies
Five - Resolution
Loki remained in Natasha's safe house, not wanting to be alone in one of his pocket universes. It was sad and pathetic as far as he was concerned, but he couldn't stand the silence. All it would do now was remind him of everything he had lost. Rage and despair warred within him, blending until they were one and the same. Natasha had sent him away, staying behind to draw off the attackers. He was a god, and by her actions she sought to protect him. Or was he reading too much into it? He could have brought her with him anyway. She hadn't commanded, only asked, and he didn't have to heed her words.
But she had asked him, and her job was important to her. She valued that as much as innocent lives, as justice, as her ledger. It was one of the few things in the entirety of Creation that she actually valued, and he understood that.
I had given you the gift of knowledge, and you have opportunities in front of you. Your blood does not define who you are. You can choose the path on which you tread. It doesn't have to be this one.
"But what am I now, if not a monster?" he asked the empty house. All it contained was a simple living room set and coffee table, a flat screen television set, a radio, security devices and a small armory. The bedroom was not furnished and contained no clothing or personal items. Dried foodstuffs were in the kitchen cabinets, as well as paper plates, plastic utensils, and napkins. They were all items that would keep for indeterminate amounts of time. Nothing here was personalized. Nothing felt like it could be home.
Loki saw the crystal bottle still sitting on the coffee table. He was surprised at that, though he didn't remember destroying it. Why would that still be sitting there?
The labels were blank, the runes gone. It was a plain crystal bottle now, faint remnants of aromatic oils inside of it. There was the fading essence of magic about it, but the bottle no longer felt powerful or frightening.
"Hello, Loki."
Slowly turning around, Loki faced Hel. "Are you planning to take me to Helheim?"
Hel smiled, and Loki had to admit that her features truly resembled his. Her hair hung loose to her waist, black as a raven's wing and so glossy it nearly had blue highlights. Her dress was spun silver, black runes appearing as she moved. Most were for protection and wisdom, as befitting her station as ruler of Helheim. She wore no adornment, which surprised him. Standing there, Hel did not appear as queenly as she should have.
"No, Loki. Your place is here for now. My seers don't anticipate your arrival in my realm for quite some time if you choose correctly."
"So why are you here?"
"She's special, isn't she?" Hel asked instead. Her smile was knowing, the cunning of a trickster in her veins as well as Frigga's magic and the magicks of the dead. "The décor leaves much to be desired," Hel commented, looking around the barren room, "but it's fitting. Someone just starting out lives here."
"No one lives here."
"Someone could."
Loki frowned at Hel. Knowledge of the secret ways of Yggdrasil had been worth siring her, of that he was sure. Anything else about her was merely rumor. "Why are you here?"
"I've never met you before." Hel clasped her hands in front of her, a serene smile on her face. "I could not before, when I was too young to control portals properly. Then when I could, I would not. You were wild and cruel, too full of rage."
"And now?" he asked, tone sharp with rising anger.
"Now," Hel said with a slow smile. "Now perhaps we truly are kin."
"You're dead."
"Sometimes, we have to manipulate others to get what we want. Sometimes, we destroy the things we value to be sure no one else gets it. Sometimes, we're only too willing to be the monstrous creatures in the dark."
"What do you want?"
"She's mine, Loki. While she's mortal, she's yours to play with. I'll give you that. But she is mortal. So she ultimately is mine. One day, when she tires of fighting, she will beg me for release so that she may come home. She will send me many lives before she does, and she has already." Her smile was softer now, almost sad and understanding. "Cherish the time you have with her, Loki. You don't know how long that will be."
"Why are you telling me this?" he asked cautiously, his entire body coiled and ready to spring at her, daughter or not.
"Just because she can heal doesn't mean she can't be hurt," Hel said simply. "She's human and you are not."
"So?"
"You don't do anything by halves. You have little concept of restraint. It must be learned, and you haven't truly had need to."
Loki wanted to hurl the crystal bottle at her. "What of that?" he snarled, pointing at it on the coffee table.
"You needed to learn to see as she sees," Hel replied with a very human looking shrug. "You're wounded, Loki, but you can't see the marks. You tear them open further when you don't have to. You drive others away-"
"Is there a point to this?" he interrupted, voice harsh and pitiless.
Hel turned her dead eyes to him, and he could see the inhumanity within her. For a moment, Loki was afraid of her. If she chose to, she could bind him with magic or kill him and send him to Helheim. She knew different magic than he did, and he wasn't sure if he could defeat her. All things died eventually, and none could cheat death.
"Your choices, as they currently unfold, will bring you to me sooner rather than later."
Choices again. "You don't sound pleased with that," he said, voice heavy with sarcasm. "One would think you don't want to see me."
"Because I don't."
Her voice was edged, cutting deeply. Loki didn't let on that her words cut him, another of her metaphorical wounds. "So why are you here?" he asked again.
"I don't want you in my realm, ever. You don't belong there. You belong here. So for once, listen to someone's advice and do what you need to do to stay alive."
"It's what I do best, Hel," he sneered.
"Continue on this path, and you will die." She did the words simply, without fanfare, and he knew them to be true. She had no reason to lie to him on this. Death was her domain, and she knew everything about it. "Find peace. That's what I want for you."
"Why?" he asked, suspicious.
"Because it's the only way you survive. Everything of value has been taken from you. I cannot give you anything but the ability to see heart. I cannot give you peace. That is not something magic can provide. Only you can find it."
A blade can bring you pause, Natasha had said. Peace. She was a blade, and she knew how to quiet his demons. However much he quailed at thought of debasing himself at her feet, it had brought him a temporary peace. It had helped to bring him quiet, where he did not have to seethe and rage.
"Why do you come to me now?" Loki asked suspiciously.
"My seers tell me you stand at a crossroads. They see too many different branches, none of them are clear. In most of them, you die." Hel approached, but did not touch him. She paused at arm's length, looking at him with her dead eyes. Her mother's eyes. "In the futures where you survive, it's because you find a sense of peace and purpose. We don't know what it is, but it's there. And if you survive, the nine realms remain stable."
Now, that was an interesting tale. Before he could ask her what she meant by that, she turned away from him and opened a shimmering portal to Helheim. "Goodbye, Loki. I hope we do not meet for a very long time."
"Goodbye, Hel," Loki murmured, raising his hand slightly in farewell. "I will not see you."
She smiled widely, and for a moment, she was stunningly beautiful. It was blinding, her beauty, the kind that would make mortals fall instantly in love with her and allow her to peacefully take their souls to her realm.
And then she was gone.
Loki looked around the apartment, struck by the silence. Someone could live here, make it a home. A refuge. A place of rest and peace.
Taking a breath, he moved into the bedroom and started opening portals.
***
Wearily, Natasha stumbled into one of the SHIELD safe houses in the south of France. Other agents would have headed into the resort in Andorra for Emilie's belongings, but Natasha didn't hold out much hope that her things would be returned in any kind of workable condition. At least they were just clothes. Those could be replaced. She trusted that Loki would have gotten the information to Clint and SHIELD operatives. It would be time sensitive, as the Sarkissian cousins would move locations immediately and wonder which agency Emilie was from later. If they thought about it, they would be able to figure out who she was.
She had one of the AIM guards' Berettas left and Loki's twin swords with her, as well as the dozens of cuts, bruises and one bullet graze on her left thigh, just above her knee. It would take time for those to heal, but at least she would. France had rather restrictive gun licensing laws, and as long as the gendarmes had no reason to check the safe house, she wouldn't have to try explaining why she didn't have legal ownership rights. She had done it before, but wasn't in the mood currently. Sleep wasn't a wise course of action, but her body craved it fiercely right now to help accelerate healing. She was exhausted, but it wasn't safe yet.
To her surprise, Natasha saw a shimmer in the air in front of her. It had to be someone with Asgardian magic, but she couldn't take that chance. Sarkissian had a mage of some kind on her payroll, and stories always told of sympathetic magic being able to do all kinds of weird shit with blood or hair samples. She had certainly bled a lot in her escape from Andorra.
Splitting the sword in two, Natasha fell into a ready stance as she faced the growing portal. She sighed in relief when Loki stepped through it. "Took you long enough," she said, lips curling with a smile.
"I had some things to do," he replied with a careless shrug. "But you haven't arrived in New York yet. Barton isn't pleased, but he's being patient."
"And patience isn't your strong suit."
"Of course not."
Natasha put the halves of the sword back together and offered it back to Loki hilt first. "This came in handy, thank you."
He smiled charmingly at her. "Keep it. I have others."
"Generous of you."
Loki approached and slid an arm around her waist. "Perhaps I have ulterior motives."
"It's you. Of course you do."
He laughed, but Natasha thought perhaps it sounded sad and pained now. "Indeed," he replied once the moment passed. "I can bring you out of here immediately."
"I need rest right now. The healing will take care of itself once I'm able to rest."
"That can be arranged."
In the blink of an eye, they were at her suite in Avengers Tower. "You may change and rest here," Loki told her.
She felt a surge of power in his hands and touched his chest before he could cast whatever spell he had in mind. "You can lock the doors if you want, but let the others know I'm here and safe. It will go a long way for their peace of mind."
"I don't care for their peace of mind," Loki replied, not quite snarling.
"But I do."
Amazingly enough, he desisted without further complaint, though he huffed like an impatient child. Natasha put the sword on her dresser and carefully removed the battered holster before letting the torn violet dress fall to the ground. She took off the garter belt and stockings, then crawled right under the covers of her bed. While she was fully aware of Loki's stare, she didn't care what he was thinking just yet. "You can watch over me as I sleep, just in case Sarkissian does have a caster or two up her sleeve. I bled enough that she might be able to track me."
Loki's expression darkened. "I will eliminate that threat."
Natasha sighed and sat up in bed, but Loki was already gone. Tiredly, she rubbed at her face. He didn't say he would kill Sarkissian, and she couldn't automatically assume he was threatening to kill someone. It was borrowing trouble, and she had to get her rest to heal.
Falling asleep, she decided that she would deal with Loki later.
***
When Natasha woke, she was still in her own bed at Avengers Tower. Loki was sitting on the floor in a corner of her bedroom, an ornate knife held loosely in his hands and a dark expression on his face. She could tell that her wounds were all gone; not even a single ache was left, and she had slept for a little over two hours. "Loki."
He looked at her, the expression not leaving his face. "They tried to find you. They wanted to kill you, torture you for what they thought you might know."
"And?" she prompted when he fell silent. Did he care? That was a disturbing thought.
"No one steals from me," he said darkly, holding the dagger in a tight fist.
"How many did you kill?" Natasha asked, voice neutral. Ordinary people probably discussed bills and flowers or dinner plans or some shit like that. She got to discuss how many people her maybe-lover killed because of a blood trail she inadvertently left behind.
"Only two. The other four are gibbering idiots. Their spell backfired," he explained at her confused expression. "It was too complicated and not Midgardian in origin. They were trying to follow an old runic script that looked almost like it was from Svartalfheim. Their minds could not hold the backlash in magic. Their guards did not take kindly to the interruption."
"I suppose they wouldn't." Natasha got out of bed and moved to stand in front of him, a sway in her hips as if she was dressed in her nanomesh armor rather than a pair of lace panties. "So then why are you sitting on my floor and sulking?"
That wasn't quite enough to get a rise out of him. He stared at her, drawn expression on his face, and slowly put the knife down beside him. "You were injured," he said slowly, as if he was having trouble articulating his thoughts. Considering one of his many nicknames was Liesmith, Natasha rather doubted that it was words that were the problem.
"And I healed. It happens."
Loki looked at her, lips compressed into a thin line. "I do not like it."
"I don't either, but it still happens." She crossed her arms beneath her breasts. "What? Do you doubt that I'm fully healed? You think there's some kind of wound left?" she asked, challenge in her voice. Natasha knew that couldn't be it. It had to be confronting her mortality head on, just when he saw her as someone to go to when upset. He was troubled and troubling, impulsive and not used to dealing with the consequences of anyone's actions. Having a conscience now, he may have spent the time during her nap ruminating over his past misdeeds.
Loki looked at her when she outstretched her hand. "What?"
"If you don't trust your eyes, we're going to need a practical demonstration."
Once on his feet, Natasha went to a familiar looking duffel bag under her bed and started rifling through it. "This should be a good enough start, I think. I'll get more supplies later." Before he could ask her what she meant, she went to the closet and pulled on a loose cotton dress that covered everything yet left nothing to his imagination. He could see the outline of her body and the press of her nipples against the fabric. Quirking her lips, she picked up the duffel bag. "It's time to go, Loki. You know where we need to go."
He teleported them both to the safe house in Astoria. She was pleasantly surprised by the way he had furnished the empty bedroom. It was larger now than the apartment specifications were, and contained a massive four poster bed in the center, with luxurious black and emerald green sheets, gauzy embroidered curtains attached to each post and an obscene number of pillows. A large mirror hung over the mahogany dresser set, carvings and mother of pearl inlay set into each drawer. Matching bedside tables sat on either side of the bed, Tiffany lamps and thick runic texts piled high on each one. Thick pile carpeting was present from wall to wall, appearing almost like the textured furs she had seen before. Natasha assumed that the closet would be full of clothing now, and an extra door in the wall was likely to be a bathroom. She assumed it would be as sumptuous as the one she had seen in his hideaway.
"You've been a very busy boy," she purred, dropping the duffel bag and pulling him to face her. She took in his proud expression and allowed him to see a pleased smile on her face. "It's lovely," she continued, rubbing his arm gently.
"Natasha," he began, voice dropping into a softer and almost intimate tone.
She grasped him by the shirtfront and pulled him down to eye level. "We're going to begin now, Loki. If you ever get uncomfortable, you say 'Andorra' and it all ends. Do you understand?"
His lips parted and his pupils dilated with desire as he nodded readily enough. "Yes, Natasha."
Giving a small, secretive smile, she nodded and let go of him. "Strip down and then kneel," she commanded. Her voice was stern, indicating that she fully expected to be obeyed immediately. He did so, gracefully falling to his knees in front of her. "Clasp your hands behind your back, and bow your head." This he did immediately as well.
Taking her time, she set up the bed how she wanted it, and got out the toys she planned to use on Loki. Natasha slithered out of the dress and let it drop to the floor. Curling her toes into the carpet, she had to smile. He was such a sensualist, and definitely enjoyed the finer things. Being raised on Asgard certainly left its mark on him.
"Get up, lie down on your back on the bed. I'm going to restrain you."
There was a shiver through him, but he didn't say anything or raise his head. Taking a breath, he tilted his chin up slightly, still technically keeping his head bowed. "Do you really think they can hold me?" Loki managed to say with an almost confident sneer.
"They'll hold you because you want them to," Natasha said, voice cool. "You want to play this game, and you want to play by my rules. So you'll let them hold you for this."
Another shiver, but his chin fell a notch. "Yes, Natasha," Loki said, an anticipatory tremor in his voice. He wanted it so much, but she guessed that he was afraid of restraints. What kind did they have on Asgard? Probably enchanted ones, and probably the kind of restraints that suppressed his magic. It was likely one of the few things he would fear.
He held very still as she but the wrist and ankle restraints on him. They were soft leather, lined with sheepskin to keep the skin from abrading, with stainless steel links attaching the restraints to the anchor points. Those she put around each post, and she made sure that there was enough slack in his ankle restraints that he could pull up his knees. She would need the maneuverability soon enough. Loki continued to hold himself still, with artificially even breaths as she left the bed to put on the harness she had laid out. Natasha could see a fine tremor in his limbs, though she couldn't tell if it was anticipation or fear. Perhaps both at once.
"What's that?" he blurted when she brought something new to the bed.
Smiling enigmatically, Natasha started attaching the electrodes to his cock with precise, almost clinical movements. "You'll see," she purred as she attached the patch to his skin. She then knee-walked toward him, that same smile on her face. "But first, you're going to need to suck me," she said, positioning herself over his head. The dildo bobbed in front of his face, and she could see him eyeing it nervously, knowing full well by now what she planned to do with it.
Slowly, Loki parted his lips and gingerly took some of the dildo into his mouth. Natasha stared him down until he opened his mouth wider and she was able to slip it further into his mouth. She grasped his head firmly in her hands, and she held him steady until some of the tension seemed to bleed out of him. He was starting to fall into that trancelike state he had gotten into before, which she assumed was his subspace. She could really tell once he got his jaw working along the length of the dildo, licking and sucking it as if it was actual flesh. He flicked his eyes up to her face, looking for approval, and redoubled his efforts once he had it.
"Good boy," she crooned, rubbing at his scalp gently. "Just like that, Loki."
He nearly shuddered with pleasure right there, and she took the opportunity to bend backward, reaching behind her for the control to the stimulator. She turned it on just a little, enough for him to make a startled noise. Loki's breathing grew harsh, the way it did when the pleasure was starting to get to him. Natasha withdrew from his mouth then, and lubed up her fingers to start playing with his ass. He whimpered a little, straining and pulling up his knees with the contact. Natasha made soft crooning sounds, rubbing his stomach with one hand as she slid a finger inside him. She worked him a little looser, then scissored in a second finger. Loki made a soft keening sound, twisting his hips as she hit it prostate. She turned up the intensity of the stimulator a notch, making him whine in earnest.
"Tell me how much you want it," Natasha purred, moving her fingers in and out, pressing in on the prostate on the thrusts in. "Tell me you want me to fuck you."
Loki nearly sobbed as he twisted beneath her. "Natasha... Please..."
"Please what?" she asked, tone brooking no argument.
He made soft choking noises as his hips jerked, eyes shut tight and mouth fallen open. Natasha abruptly pulled her fingers out and wiped them clean on a small hand towel she had laid out for just that purpose. Loki nearly wailed in disappointment. "Please," he panted, writhing, still not opening his eyes yet. "Please."
"You have to say it."
It had to be exquisite torture, knowing she could give him release. The words stuck in his throat, just as she knew they would. He wasn't so far gone that he would say whatever she wanted him to, and she wanted him begging and pleading. She wanted him aware of that, and wanted the choice to beg her to be a conscious one.
"P-please," he gasped finally, twisting ineffectually. There was nothing but the low level of the stimulator, generating a steady pulse that was nowhere near enough to get him off. "Please fuck me, Natasha. I need it. I need this."
Natasha stroked his stomach with one hand as she made soft shushing noises, lubing up the dildo with her other hand. "I know, Loki. I know. And it's going to be good for you, so good. You're going to be good for me, won't you? You'll hold back, you won't come until I tell you. And it's going to feel wonderful, Loki. It's going to feel divine," she crooned, starting to slide it in. He pulled on the wrist restraints and his knees came up, panting as she stretched him wide. "Take me in, Loki. You can do it, I know you can," she murmured, still rubbing his stomach. "Take it all in, nice and slow, nice and deep. You need this, Loki. You want me inside you, you want me to fuck you. You want me, and you want me taking over. You want me in control."
Loki pulled harder on the wrist restraints, tears at the corners of his shut eyes. "Natasha," he panted, whimpering when the dildo was fully seated inside him. He moaned, sounding almost ashamed of his desire.
"Sh," she crooned, starting to move slowly. She reached over to the stimulator control and dialed it up another notch, making him gasp and writhe beneath her. "It's all right. We both want this to happen. You want me, and I want this for you. It's all right, Loki. I've got you," she said, watching him drop further into his trance. "There you go. There it is. Just like that, Loki." She slid back out slightly, then further in until he groaned. "Open your eyes."
He opened them, a vulnerable expression on his face. Perhaps he had looked this way the last time she had done this, but she hadn't been able to see with his hair in the way. Natasha gave him an encouraging smile as she moved slowly, stroking the back of one thigh. "Watch me fuck you, Loki. See how happy you make me, that you're being so good for me right now."
His lips trembled, and he pulled at the wrist restraints again. "Natasha," he panted, sounding almost desperate. He pulled his knees up higher, and that let her next thrust hit his prostate dead on. Groaning, Loki trembled. "I don't know how to do this," he nearly wailed.
"Sh... It's okay. I've got you. I've got you," she murmured, starting to pick up speed. "You don't do anything, you just feel. Feel me inside you. I'm fucking you, Loki. It's my cock in you, my touch on you." He shuddered and nearly closed his eyes, overcome by the sound of her voice on top of the feel of the dildo and stimulator. "That's it. Like that, Loki. Just feel me, right there," she added, thrusting in harder. He made a choking sound, and she stroked his thigh comfortingly in response. "Yes," she murmured, feeling herself get a little slick inside. "Mmmm. You feel so good, so fucking good. You like it when I fuck you, don't you?"
Loki made a strangled groan of pleasure in response, twisting beneath her. She dialed up the stimulator again, and he cried out at once. Natasha moved faster, thrusting harder and deeper until he cried out again, hips bucking beneath her. "Louder," she purred, grasping his thigh to angle herself deeper inside of him. "Let me hear you. Call my name, tell me to fuck you harder, give you more. Tell me what you want."
"Natasha," he sobbed, pulling at the restraints as he writhed in earnest. "Pl-please, Natasha, please, I need... I need..." He groaned, back arching as he cried out again. "Fuck me harder, right there," he cried out when the dildo sank in deeply. "Ah! Natasha, please let me come, please, please, anything, please..."
"Not yet," she crooned, soothing his stomach with one hand. His cock was weeping, twitching under the stimulator's constant buzzing. Dialing it up another notch, she made a wicked, deep thrust that had him thrashing and screaming her name in desperation. Again and again she thrust into him, her own breathing ragged and harsh from the effort. "Soon, Loki," she said, hearing him wail in frustration. "Sh... Sh, Loki. Feel me as I do this, I'm right here. Soon, Loki. Soon I'll let you come. Right now, you just feel this. Feel me, Loki." He babbled something nonsensical, arching his back and bucking his hips. "Don't come yet," she reminded him, making him wail a little. "Soon, I promise. So soon, but you can go farther. I know you can take it, Loki. You can do it for me, I know you can. A little farther, just a little more..."
"I can't, I can't," he panted, barely remembering to speak in English and not Alltongue. He was close to breaking, his entire body shaking and pulling at the restraints. But they held, as he wasn't going to pull hard enough to make them shatter.
"You can," she crooned, stroking him and pumping her hips harder into him. "I know you can do this for me, Loki. You're doing so good, just a little more. Hold on, and it's going to feel so fucking good, you know it will."
"Natasha," he pleaded, looking at her with that vulnerable, desperate cast to his features. "Please, please, I have to come..."
"Yeah," she said after a few more thrusts. "You've been good, you can come."
With a sob of relief, his hips jerked and he spurted all over his stomach. His entire body sagged down to the bed, eyes sliding shut. He let out a shuddering sigh when she pulled out of him, and was too exhausted to even watch her unbuckle the harness and slip out of it. Natasha curled up around him on the bed after releasing the restraints, stroking his cheeks gently. "You did so well for me, Loki," she murmured, pressing her lips to his forehead. "See? It's not as hard as you thought, was it?"
"I tried so hard," he whispered, shivering.
Natasha shifted and sat up. He reflexively grasped hold of her waist, and she allowed the contact as she grabbed the hand towel and cleaned off his stomach. He shivered a little more, as if freezing, and she laid herself directly on top of his body. Her lips were right next to his ear, and she started humming. She wasn't even sure what song it was, but that probably didn't even matter. Arms wrapped around him, she held him even after his shaking stopped and his breathing evened out. After a few minutes, Loki put his arms around her and held her tightly. "Natasha," he whispered, sounding almost uncertain.
"You can tell me anything," she murmured encouragingly.
"You can't die."
"I won't for a long time, most probably. I'm more durable than I used to be."
His arms tightened even more, and Loki sounded almost childlike. "No. I won't let that happen. I would rather destroy Helheim than let you stay there."
Suppressing the urge to sigh, Natasha simply stroked his hair until his grip loosened. "That won't be necessary. I'm sure I'll be around for centuries."
"I'd do it if I had to."
"I'm sure you would. But you won't have to."
Loki relaxed further beneath her, and Natasha let her own breathing even out. Closing her eyes, she leaned her forehead against his. This was something she hadn't foreseen, that was for sure. Razing an entire world just for her hadn't been her intention, just occupying him so that he wouldn't destroy Midgard.
Whatever this deal was between them, it clearly meant far more to Loki than she thought it would. Possibly because he had driven everyone else away. Natasha was the only one left in his orbit that he allowed near him, if only because he could keep the illusion of dominance over her when he needed it.
"Loki, promise me you won't go on a rampage if anything happens to me," Natasha murmured after a moment, fingers threaded through his hair.
"I can't."
"Promise me," she intoned, feeling him shiver beneath her. For a moment she thought he mumbled I can't lose you, but she couldn't be certain over the thudding of her own heart beating. "You can't destroy an entire world just for me. You can't."
"I could," he said stubbornly, sounding like a tired child.
"All right," Natasha said with a sigh. "You could possibly bring a realm to his knees. But I mean you can't in the sense that I don't want you to. You shouldn't want to." I'm not worth that kind of rage, she thought, her eyes closing again. "So promise me you won't destroy any realms just because I die."
Loki remained stubbornly silent for a long time, fingers twitching along her back. "No."
"Loki," she began in a warning tone.
"I can't promise you that. I don't know what I'll do if that happens."
"Just talk to Hel. Don't destroy her realm. I'm sure you can strike a bargain with her or something. She seemed very reasonable when I've talked to her."
"The bargains she makes are exchanges. One life for another. In the end, she always collects souls. Remember that."
Natasha held onto him when he tried to roll out from beneath her. Cupping one hand along the back of his neck, she pressed her lips to his temple. "We all deal in souls, Loki. I know that very well, and so do you. Some hold more value to us than others. That's just the way it is. You of all people know how to manipulate. I'm sure you can strike a better bargain than that."
His hands slid down her back until he reached the curve of her ass. "She always wins when it comes to her realm."
"Then maybe you need to come up with a contingency plan. Just because I won't die anytime soon doesn't mean that I eventually won't."
Loki was silent for a long time, but she couldn't feel the prior tension in him. "It will take some time to find something she values more than souls for her realm."
"That is something we have plenty of," she said, stretching out languorously over him. She almost said that he had plenty of time, but knew that would be a mistake. He had to think she was on his side, whatever that was. Natasha didn't know what the end result of this association would be, but she had to make sure that it didn't end in mass murder and destruction, no matter what realm might be the target.
"You said you were a blade," he said after a moment.
"Yes."
"You wound me, yet I never feel you cutting in until the moment has passed."
"Those who trained me would be pleased with that remark," Natasha said dryly.
"You're not commanding me right now, not exactly." Loki pushed her up a little so that he could look her in the eye. "Is it just curiosity that drives you? What do you gain from these encounters? Why is it that you persist when you know your Hawk despises me so?"
"Maybe it's because I want to see this through. You hate yourself so much, Loki. You don't even bother to deny that. You say you're burdened with glorious purpose, but all you do is turn everything you care about into ashes. You've even burned me."
Loki was pale and still, eyes large as he took in her neutral expression. "So why are you here, if I have hurt you so badly?"
"Because someone gave me a choice. And now I'm giving one to you."
"And if I don't choose wisely?"
"Then one day, I'm going to put you down."
He grinned, a sharklike grin that no longer frightened her. "And I will welcome that day."
"If that happens, maybe I will, too. But it's not today." Natasha brushed his hair from his face gently. "Today we rest, and then I will go to my debriefing at SHEILD."
Nodding, he let her settle back on top of him. They were nothing but a tangled skein of secrets, lies, and the occasional truth.
One day, those threads would snap.
The End.