Livejournal.

Where feelings go to die.

Screeching.

Screaming.

A desperate hope and longing.

Searching for answers. For insight. For anything.

A momentous hope. A grand and ill-advised dream.

Crushed under its own weight. Collapsed. Useless.

Left with only emptiness. And silence.

Here's something honest.

I want sex. But not just random sex. I want a boyfriend. To have sex with.

And saying that makes me feel disgusted at myself. And ugly. And undesirable.

Saying it to my therapist makes me feel pathetic, perverted, weird.

I wish I had a healthy perspective on things. I really do.

Those who do not learn from history, they say, are bound to repeat it ( Read more... )

Clearly I'm using this journal as a means of unloading negative crap from my mind.

So be it.
( Read more... )

Life sucks. School sucks. Everything sucks ( Read more... )

You begin your life ( Read more... )

The Nature of God as an Extended Thing ( Read more... )

Okay. Job crisis over.

Interview at Starbucks tomorrow. Might also get a job working at the cal store. Quite possible.

After I work at starbucks and determine when they need me, I'll change my availability to open up some hours for a second job. Won't be too hard.

Oh my god.

I forgot how not sleeping affected me.

I'm so exhausted, but also giddy and sort of drunken in behavior. But hey...managed to do some nasty logic homework even with impaired mental functioning. Fairly awesome. ... But now, I think I'm going to take an hour nap or something before I go to dinner at 6.

...I really hope I can wake up.