Three Stories 17.06
Title: Three Stories
Fandom: RPS
Story: Highway: Roadside Attraction 17.6
Characters: Alan Davies and Robert Sean Leonard
Authors: michelleann68 + evila_elf = evila_ann
Prompt: 10_per_genre 09 Traitor (Drama)
Word Count: 3099
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Thanksgiving is a time of family. And the stress that goes with them. Alan finally gets to meet Robert’s family.
Authors’ Notes: Feel free to friend us if you want to read a day ahead of the communities.
Click here for the timeline if you need to get caught up or relive the good old times.
Previous story:
Friendly Ties
A/N:
For this story, it seemed impossible to decide which point of view to tell it from. Definitely wanted to tell it first person, to make it more personal. We thought about doing a story for Robert, Alan, and Robert’s Mom, but that seemed like it would be too repetitive. So, since there were bits that just had to be told from various views, we decided to do all three in one! Hope it works. Bolded name is the current point of view.
(Mom) I am pacing. I know it annoys Rob, but I just can't help it. In a matter of minutes, I will be meeting the man that my son claims to love. A man! Again Rob calls to me to stop wearing down the finish on the floor, but I ignore him. I want to like this man, for my Bobby's sake, but I hate him already.
(Robert) Alan follows close behind me as I head to the front porch. I wonder if he is going to try to use me as a shield since I had warned him that my mom might have a breakdown. I wanted to show up before the rest of the family arrived, just in case there is a melt down, but the train was running a little bit late. I wait until Alan joins me on the step, giving him a small squeeze before ringing the doorbell.
(Alan) I take a deep breath, hearing the bell buzz faintly on the other side of the door. I feel as though I am in my teens, meeting the parents of the person I fancy for the first time. Well, technically, I am. Minus the teens part. I want to squeeze Robert's hand, but I can't because my hands are clammy and we agreed to keep the touching to a minimum and the door is opening...
(Mom) I see my son's wide smile, but my attention is immediately drawn to the man standing next to him. My mouth goes dry and I can't speak. I hear footsteps behind me and wonder if the calvary has arrived to save me.
"Bobby!"
I step aside as Rob goes to hug our son.
"And you must be Alan?" Rob's greeting is warm enough for the both of us.
(Alan) I am rescued from a very awkward staring contest by who could only be Robert's dad. He clasps my hand warmly, a relief from the chill. He pulls me gently inside and I catch a smile from Robert as he follows us.
(Robert) Good ole Dad, ever the tension breaker. I follow Alan in, closing the door behind me. I step to Mom and give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She feels stiff in my arms and I can tell that she is watching Alan and Dad over my shoulder.
I remove my coat and Alan does the same. I take them and our overnight bag to the spare bedroom, wondering what the odds were that we would actually end up staying until the morning. I rejoin the others.
"Bobby here?"
My brother Sean wanders in from the kitchen, trying to act like he hasn't been sampling, but the hand brushing invisible crumbs from his lips gives him away. I give him a knowing look and he narrows his eyes, before glancing in Alan's direction. I nod and give him a slight smile, then clear my throat. "Mom, Dad, Sean, this is Alan. Alan--meet everyone."
(Alan) I am talking to Robert's dad, idle chatter, when Robert nervously clears his throat. He makes a quick introduction for me. I give a smile to his mom, but her piercing stare is making me uncomfortable. I turn to look at his brother and he winks at me. It is all I can manage to not bust a gut laughing: Simple gesture, but I could see so much of Robert in it.
(Robert) I can hear the TV in the background and wonder if Sean had brought his kids. "Amanda and Robbie here?"
"Yeah," Sean answers. “Eliza is with them. She was eager to meet you, Alan." He takes a few steps towards the living room, still talking, "Kim called a few minutes ago...she was running a little late. Should be here soon." Then he vanishes around the corner.
I am excited to see my sister, it has been too long. I turn to Mom. "Who else is coming?"
"Just your cousin, Rachel."
"Small group compared to last year, isn't it?"
"Well, people get busy and have other things to do. You know how it is."
She is wringing her hands, a nervous habit that I share with her. I knew what she was up to. She wanted as few 'witnesses' around as possible. As for Rachel, when food is involved, you couldn't pay her to keep away. But I nod anyway. Mom knows I know, and that is enough.
Just then, Sean's wife, Elizabeth, joins us with the reluctant kids, who would prefer to be watching TV, in tow. When the introductions are made again, I am surprised when the two kids hang around. They seem fascinated by something that Alan is saying to them. I smile and watch them for a moment.
Getting the feeling that I am being watched myself, I catch Dad staring and step back to join him, both of us watching as Alan sinks to one knee to level himself with his new groupies.
(Mom) The mashed potatoes still need to be mashed and the rest of the dinner ready to be served, so I escape into the kitchen. I know it is only a matter of time until I am no longer alone, but I am surprised that the person who has sought me out is Alan.
"Can I help with anything?"
His accent surprises me. In my mind, whenever I tried to picture him, I couldn’t picture him at all.
(Alan) I feel like this is a test. She looks me from top to toe before stepping to one side and gesturing to a large bowl of steamed potatoes, mashing spoon next to it. I nod and take up the spoon. The silence is loud, so to speak, and not at all comfortable. "Nice place you've got here," I say, glancing over at her as I start in. "And the food smells lovely." I figured that there was no need to mention I was a vegetarian. At least for now.
"Robert will come around, you know," she says suddenly, and I wonder how long she had been trying to hold her words in. "And he will find a wife," she continues. "You are just his midlife crisis."
I don't want to ruin this meal for Robert, but I can't hold back, pretend that her words aren't stabbing me. "You sound so sure of yourself. Do you really know Robert that little?"
"He will realize what a mistake he has made. He is only wasting your time as well as his."
"I'm sorry that you think that way. But I am not leaving him."
"I just want what's best for my son."
I hear an edge of desperation in her voice, and feel bad for her. "Do you?" I ask quietly. The potatoes are only half done, but I don't trust myself to stay any longer alone with her.
Even though I try to act casual, both Robert and his dad look at me with narrowed eyes as I exit the kitchen. Do they have some sixth sense? His dad walks over and pats me on the shoulder before he heads to the kitchen. "I think I won the first round," I say as Robert steps near.
"What did she say to you?"
"Not important, love."
(Robert) I know he isn't telling me the whole story. Or any of the story for that matter. It can't be all that good since he is avoiding my eyes. I lead him away from the dining area, into my dad's study, where it is quieter. "Maybe this whole thing was a mistake. Maybe Mom's not ready." I am prepared to leave right now if it is what Alan wants.
Alan shakes his head. "She has had over six months to warm to the idea. I was daft to enter her lair like that."
"Do you want to leave?"
"Well, I think we should alter our idea of staying tonight. But everyone else has been enjoyable. And there's food," he added with a bit of a plead to his voice.
"Bet she has forgotten you are a vegetarian."
"I'll eat bread and cranberry sauce if I have to."
Which is why I love him.
(Mom) I am getting the hot dinner plates in order when my husband slowly enters. I sigh. "What did he tell you?"
"He didn't say a word, but I know you, dear. What did you say to him?"
"Just small talk."
"Uh, huh," he says in a way that hints that he doesn't believe me.
"I don't see how--"
He cuts me off with a raised hand. "We have already had this discussion. Now, he is Robert's guest. Even though it is late for that, I want him to feel welcome."
But I don't want him to feel welcome, and certainly not with my son. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes," I change the subject.
(Alan) I hear Robert's dad call from the kitchen that there are just a few minutes until dinner. Robert gives me a hug. I don't want to let go, so he has to force away my arms in order to step back. But he hesitates before stepping close again to kiss my lips. We reluctantly head back into the dining room and pick out our seats. I end up sat next to Robert and Rachel, who must have arrived while we were occupied. I smile and nod to the plump lady as Robert gives a short introduction, then picks up a small conversation with his sister, who is sitting on his other side.
(Robert) I never get to talk to my sister enough, so it is nice to have a few minutes to catch up. I can hear Alan getting sucked into a conversation with cousin Rachel. If anyone is a match to out-word her, Alan may stand a chance.
Dinner looks lovely as Mom and Dad start to bring it out. I get up to help, but Dad pushes me back to my seat before I can fully stand. Alan finds that amusing, earning him a gentle kick under the table.
Dad sits at the head of the table, and Mom sits next to him, which is almost directly in front of Alan. I notice the two avoid looking at each other. I meet Dad's eyes and he rolls them. I nod my understanding.
All is quiet as the food is passed. I watch Alan as he arranges mashed potatoes, string beans, a dinner roll, an a slab of cranberry sauce on his plate in a way that makes it look fuller than it is. I wonder how many times he has had to do that before in the past. When we get back to my apartment, I will definitely make this whole trip up to him. And not just with food.
Mom is normally the one to lead everyone off into conversation as she catches up with all of us, but she is uncharacteristically quiet, her mood vibeing out to the rest of us.
It is Dad who breaks the silence.
"Alan, I hear you are in the movies as well?"
Alan wipes his mouth on a napkin, swallowing before speaking. "Yeah. Mostly on the telly. I've done some stand up in me day, too. Would love to get back to it."
"Been in the business long like Bobbie?"
"Not nearly. Started comedy in me twenties. Built from there. Slowly." He shrugged good-naturedly.
"Do you have any projects?"
"Several on-going, and a few in the works..."
Gradually, conversations start to pick up and I am able to relax and enjoy a bit of my meal.
(Alan) Robert's dad is really nice and seems genuinely interested in what I do. A couple times, while I was talking, I felt Robert's knee brush against mine. Accidental? Doubt it. I hear his mom clear her throat and wonder if she is going to address me, but she speaks to Robert.
"How's Gabby?"
I feel his leg twitch next to mine and I look over. His fork is nearly to his lips, but his mouth is closed.
"She is getting married in the spring," he says, lowering the fork back to his plate.
I glance to his mother and catch the startled look. Apparently, she has not been keeping up with the family news. She sighs sadly and I have to force a frown away from my face.
"Mom, don't do that. You know we haven't been together for years. She's happy. I'm happy."
I meet Robert's eye as he glances at me.
"We are happy for you," Robert's sis speaks up, directing her words to both of us. I can tell from her grip on her fork that she is feeling the tension in the air as well.
I find Robert's hand under the table and grip it, giving it an apologetic squeeze for what I am about to do. I clear my throat. "I'm going to go to the loo." I push my chair back and stand. "Back in a few, love." I give his shoulder a quick reassuring squeeze and I try not to run as I make my escape, feeling eyes following me out of the room. I feel bad for doing that, but all the things that were staying bottled up because I was in the room...I couldn't take much more of it.
(Robert) I wanted to grab Alan's hand before he can leave, but I let him go. Dad asks for some butter and Kim has to reach around me to hand it to him.
Sean glances between Mom and I. I can see him out of the corner of my eye. He must have given Elizabeth a look, because she quickly asks, "Who wants to watch cartoons?" and Amanda and Robbie chime in with 'I do's and she leads them away into the living room and promptly turns on the TV.
"You're gay?" Cousin Rachel whispers into the silence, having just put two and two together to find out what the odd conversation had been about.
I am reluctant to nod. Since becoming involved with Alan, no one else had ever caught my attention, male or female. But showing doubt will only make Mom dig into me harder. So I nod. "I have been seeing Alan for a couple years now."
"Wow. So you are serious, then? Like marriage-serious?"
"Head over heels," I say.
"I always thought you were a little queer," she says, eyes dancing.
I laugh, even though her sense of humor lacked taste.
"How can you joke about this?"
I sigh softly and turn back towards my mother. "Why can't you just be happy for me?"
"Because I'm not."
"I am not asking for any sort of blessing here. I just want you to be civil when we have guests in the house." I say the last few words in a harsh whisper.
"How can I be civil when--" She pauses as a shiver seems to overtake her. "Have you slept with him?"
"Joy!" Dad scolds.
I can feel my face coloring and by body going numb. "What business is that of yours?"
Her eyes widen, my non-answer answering her question.
A ripple of shame goes through me. She has actually made me feel ashamed for being with Alan. "I--I can't do this." I need out and I feel moisture prickling at the corner of my eyes. I quickly stand, almost upsetting my chair.
(Alan) I am frozen in the hallway. Despite taking my time, I’ve caught everything. I am furious, yet I can't do a fucking thing except stand here like a coward, my legs refusing to move me.
"I--I can't do this," I hear Robert stutter and I can't recognize the tone in his voice. It could be anything from anger to fear. Maybe it is. I hear the scrape of chair legs and the clink of bumped plates. Then I hear him softly call my name, knowing I am nearby, and I have no choice but to step out of my hiding place. There is immediate relief in his eyes when he sees me and I step closer, taking all the care I would if I were in a minefield.
"We're leaving."
"I'll call a cab," his dad says and Robert turns grateful eyes to him.
I go up to his sister, who was now standing and looking uncomfortable. Before I can say anything to her, she pulls be into a lose hug. "It was nice meeting you," she says.
"I'm sorry for ruining up dinner." I glance to Robert's Mom, but she is still sitting, eyes downcast, unused napkin clutched in one hand.
"Don't be silly," Rachel says, stepping up next to us. "This was the most action this holiday has seen since...ever."
Sean must have slipped out of the room, because he returned, our coats, bag, and his wife and children in tow.
While Robert says quick goodbyes to everyone, I kneel on the floor to say bye to the kids.
Robert gives his sis a big hug. "Now I don't want it to be a whole year before I get to see you again. Got that?"
Wordlessly she nods and he turns to me, signaling that it is time to go.
We take up our coats, and Robert is already partway out the door before his is fully on. The cab hasn't arrived yet, so we wait at the end of the driveway. The wind is bitter and I tuck my hands under my armpits and turn to Robert. He looks like he doesn't even feel the cold. I want to speak to him, but his eyes are dark and his jaw is set. Might be best to just let this stew until I have him alone in private. I call up the train station to see how soon we can get back to New York.
When the cab does finally arrive, I lead the way, glancing backwards to make sure Robert is following. It is stifling inside and I loosen my scarf and shrug out of my jacket. But, again, Robert seems unaffected, turning to stare out the window into the dark. I sigh quietly and turn to look out my own, only seeing my reflection, digging my hands into my jeans to keep from reaching out to my boyfriend. I'm worried that he might shrug off any form of comfort, which would only make him feel guilty in the end.
Just one more bump on our personal highway to get over and put behind us.
17.08 I'll Stop the World and Melt with you
Fandom: RPS
Story: Highway: Roadside Attraction 17.6
Characters: Alan Davies and Robert Sean Leonard
Authors: michelleann68 + evila_elf = evila_ann
Prompt: 10_per_genre 09 Traitor (Drama)
Word Count: 3099
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Thanksgiving is a time of family. And the stress that goes with them. Alan finally gets to meet Robert’s family.
Authors’ Notes: Feel free to friend us if you want to read a day ahead of the communities.
Click here for the timeline if you need to get caught up or relive the good old times.
Previous story:
Friendly Ties
A/N:
For this story, it seemed impossible to decide which point of view to tell it from. Definitely wanted to tell it first person, to make it more personal. We thought about doing a story for Robert, Alan, and Robert’s Mom, but that seemed like it would be too repetitive. So, since there were bits that just had to be told from various views, we decided to do all three in one! Hope it works. Bolded name is the current point of view.
(Mom) I am pacing. I know it annoys Rob, but I just can't help it. In a matter of minutes, I will be meeting the man that my son claims to love. A man! Again Rob calls to me to stop wearing down the finish on the floor, but I ignore him. I want to like this man, for my Bobby's sake, but I hate him already.
(Robert) Alan follows close behind me as I head to the front porch. I wonder if he is going to try to use me as a shield since I had warned him that my mom might have a breakdown. I wanted to show up before the rest of the family arrived, just in case there is a melt down, but the train was running a little bit late. I wait until Alan joins me on the step, giving him a small squeeze before ringing the doorbell.
(Alan) I take a deep breath, hearing the bell buzz faintly on the other side of the door. I feel as though I am in my teens, meeting the parents of the person I fancy for the first time. Well, technically, I am. Minus the teens part. I want to squeeze Robert's hand, but I can't because my hands are clammy and we agreed to keep the touching to a minimum and the door is opening...
(Mom) I see my son's wide smile, but my attention is immediately drawn to the man standing next to him. My mouth goes dry and I can't speak. I hear footsteps behind me and wonder if the calvary has arrived to save me.
"Bobby!"
I step aside as Rob goes to hug our son.
"And you must be Alan?" Rob's greeting is warm enough for the both of us.
(Alan) I am rescued from a very awkward staring contest by who could only be Robert's dad. He clasps my hand warmly, a relief from the chill. He pulls me gently inside and I catch a smile from Robert as he follows us.
(Robert) Good ole Dad, ever the tension breaker. I follow Alan in, closing the door behind me. I step to Mom and give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She feels stiff in my arms and I can tell that she is watching Alan and Dad over my shoulder.
I remove my coat and Alan does the same. I take them and our overnight bag to the spare bedroom, wondering what the odds were that we would actually end up staying until the morning. I rejoin the others.
"Bobby here?"
My brother Sean wanders in from the kitchen, trying to act like he hasn't been sampling, but the hand brushing invisible crumbs from his lips gives him away. I give him a knowing look and he narrows his eyes, before glancing in Alan's direction. I nod and give him a slight smile, then clear my throat. "Mom, Dad, Sean, this is Alan. Alan--meet everyone."
(Alan) I am talking to Robert's dad, idle chatter, when Robert nervously clears his throat. He makes a quick introduction for me. I give a smile to his mom, but her piercing stare is making me uncomfortable. I turn to look at his brother and he winks at me. It is all I can manage to not bust a gut laughing: Simple gesture, but I could see so much of Robert in it.
(Robert) I can hear the TV in the background and wonder if Sean had brought his kids. "Amanda and Robbie here?"
"Yeah," Sean answers. “Eliza is with them. She was eager to meet you, Alan." He takes a few steps towards the living room, still talking, "Kim called a few minutes ago...she was running a little late. Should be here soon." Then he vanishes around the corner.
I am excited to see my sister, it has been too long. I turn to Mom. "Who else is coming?"
"Just your cousin, Rachel."
"Small group compared to last year, isn't it?"
"Well, people get busy and have other things to do. You know how it is."
She is wringing her hands, a nervous habit that I share with her. I knew what she was up to. She wanted as few 'witnesses' around as possible. As for Rachel, when food is involved, you couldn't pay her to keep away. But I nod anyway. Mom knows I know, and that is enough.
Just then, Sean's wife, Elizabeth, joins us with the reluctant kids, who would prefer to be watching TV, in tow. When the introductions are made again, I am surprised when the two kids hang around. They seem fascinated by something that Alan is saying to them. I smile and watch them for a moment.
Getting the feeling that I am being watched myself, I catch Dad staring and step back to join him, both of us watching as Alan sinks to one knee to level himself with his new groupies.
(Mom) The mashed potatoes still need to be mashed and the rest of the dinner ready to be served, so I escape into the kitchen. I know it is only a matter of time until I am no longer alone, but I am surprised that the person who has sought me out is Alan.
"Can I help with anything?"
His accent surprises me. In my mind, whenever I tried to picture him, I couldn’t picture him at all.
(Alan) I feel like this is a test. She looks me from top to toe before stepping to one side and gesturing to a large bowl of steamed potatoes, mashing spoon next to it. I nod and take up the spoon. The silence is loud, so to speak, and not at all comfortable. "Nice place you've got here," I say, glancing over at her as I start in. "And the food smells lovely." I figured that there was no need to mention I was a vegetarian. At least for now.
"Robert will come around, you know," she says suddenly, and I wonder how long she had been trying to hold her words in. "And he will find a wife," she continues. "You are just his midlife crisis."
I don't want to ruin this meal for Robert, but I can't hold back, pretend that her words aren't stabbing me. "You sound so sure of yourself. Do you really know Robert that little?"
"He will realize what a mistake he has made. He is only wasting your time as well as his."
"I'm sorry that you think that way. But I am not leaving him."
"I just want what's best for my son."
I hear an edge of desperation in her voice, and feel bad for her. "Do you?" I ask quietly. The potatoes are only half done, but I don't trust myself to stay any longer alone with her.
Even though I try to act casual, both Robert and his dad look at me with narrowed eyes as I exit the kitchen. Do they have some sixth sense? His dad walks over and pats me on the shoulder before he heads to the kitchen. "I think I won the first round," I say as Robert steps near.
"What did she say to you?"
"Not important, love."
(Robert) I know he isn't telling me the whole story. Or any of the story for that matter. It can't be all that good since he is avoiding my eyes. I lead him away from the dining area, into my dad's study, where it is quieter. "Maybe this whole thing was a mistake. Maybe Mom's not ready." I am prepared to leave right now if it is what Alan wants.
Alan shakes his head. "She has had over six months to warm to the idea. I was daft to enter her lair like that."
"Do you want to leave?"
"Well, I think we should alter our idea of staying tonight. But everyone else has been enjoyable. And there's food," he added with a bit of a plead to his voice.
"Bet she has forgotten you are a vegetarian."
"I'll eat bread and cranberry sauce if I have to."
Which is why I love him.
(Mom) I am getting the hot dinner plates in order when my husband slowly enters. I sigh. "What did he tell you?"
"He didn't say a word, but I know you, dear. What did you say to him?"
"Just small talk."
"Uh, huh," he says in a way that hints that he doesn't believe me.
"I don't see how--"
He cuts me off with a raised hand. "We have already had this discussion. Now, he is Robert's guest. Even though it is late for that, I want him to feel welcome."
But I don't want him to feel welcome, and certainly not with my son. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes," I change the subject.
(Alan) I hear Robert's dad call from the kitchen that there are just a few minutes until dinner. Robert gives me a hug. I don't want to let go, so he has to force away my arms in order to step back. But he hesitates before stepping close again to kiss my lips. We reluctantly head back into the dining room and pick out our seats. I end up sat next to Robert and Rachel, who must have arrived while we were occupied. I smile and nod to the plump lady as Robert gives a short introduction, then picks up a small conversation with his sister, who is sitting on his other side.
(Robert) I never get to talk to my sister enough, so it is nice to have a few minutes to catch up. I can hear Alan getting sucked into a conversation with cousin Rachel. If anyone is a match to out-word her, Alan may stand a chance.
Dinner looks lovely as Mom and Dad start to bring it out. I get up to help, but Dad pushes me back to my seat before I can fully stand. Alan finds that amusing, earning him a gentle kick under the table.
Dad sits at the head of the table, and Mom sits next to him, which is almost directly in front of Alan. I notice the two avoid looking at each other. I meet Dad's eyes and he rolls them. I nod my understanding.
All is quiet as the food is passed. I watch Alan as he arranges mashed potatoes, string beans, a dinner roll, an a slab of cranberry sauce on his plate in a way that makes it look fuller than it is. I wonder how many times he has had to do that before in the past. When we get back to my apartment, I will definitely make this whole trip up to him. And not just with food.
Mom is normally the one to lead everyone off into conversation as she catches up with all of us, but she is uncharacteristically quiet, her mood vibeing out to the rest of us.
It is Dad who breaks the silence.
"Alan, I hear you are in the movies as well?"
Alan wipes his mouth on a napkin, swallowing before speaking. "Yeah. Mostly on the telly. I've done some stand up in me day, too. Would love to get back to it."
"Been in the business long like Bobbie?"
"Not nearly. Started comedy in me twenties. Built from there. Slowly." He shrugged good-naturedly.
"Do you have any projects?"
"Several on-going, and a few in the works..."
Gradually, conversations start to pick up and I am able to relax and enjoy a bit of my meal.
(Alan) Robert's dad is really nice and seems genuinely interested in what I do. A couple times, while I was talking, I felt Robert's knee brush against mine. Accidental? Doubt it. I hear his mom clear her throat and wonder if she is going to address me, but she speaks to Robert.
"How's Gabby?"
I feel his leg twitch next to mine and I look over. His fork is nearly to his lips, but his mouth is closed.
"She is getting married in the spring," he says, lowering the fork back to his plate.
I glance to his mother and catch the startled look. Apparently, she has not been keeping up with the family news. She sighs sadly and I have to force a frown away from my face.
"Mom, don't do that. You know we haven't been together for years. She's happy. I'm happy."
I meet Robert's eye as he glances at me.
"We are happy for you," Robert's sis speaks up, directing her words to both of us. I can tell from her grip on her fork that she is feeling the tension in the air as well.
I find Robert's hand under the table and grip it, giving it an apologetic squeeze for what I am about to do. I clear my throat. "I'm going to go to the loo." I push my chair back and stand. "Back in a few, love." I give his shoulder a quick reassuring squeeze and I try not to run as I make my escape, feeling eyes following me out of the room. I feel bad for doing that, but all the things that were staying bottled up because I was in the room...I couldn't take much more of it.
(Robert) I wanted to grab Alan's hand before he can leave, but I let him go. Dad asks for some butter and Kim has to reach around me to hand it to him.
Sean glances between Mom and I. I can see him out of the corner of my eye. He must have given Elizabeth a look, because she quickly asks, "Who wants to watch cartoons?" and Amanda and Robbie chime in with 'I do's and she leads them away into the living room and promptly turns on the TV.
"You're gay?" Cousin Rachel whispers into the silence, having just put two and two together to find out what the odd conversation had been about.
I am reluctant to nod. Since becoming involved with Alan, no one else had ever caught my attention, male or female. But showing doubt will only make Mom dig into me harder. So I nod. "I have been seeing Alan for a couple years now."
"Wow. So you are serious, then? Like marriage-serious?"
"Head over heels," I say.
"I always thought you were a little queer," she says, eyes dancing.
I laugh, even though her sense of humor lacked taste.
"How can you joke about this?"
I sigh softly and turn back towards my mother. "Why can't you just be happy for me?"
"Because I'm not."
"I am not asking for any sort of blessing here. I just want you to be civil when we have guests in the house." I say the last few words in a harsh whisper.
"How can I be civil when--" She pauses as a shiver seems to overtake her. "Have you slept with him?"
"Joy!" Dad scolds.
I can feel my face coloring and by body going numb. "What business is that of yours?"
Her eyes widen, my non-answer answering her question.
A ripple of shame goes through me. She has actually made me feel ashamed for being with Alan. "I--I can't do this." I need out and I feel moisture prickling at the corner of my eyes. I quickly stand, almost upsetting my chair.
(Alan) I am frozen in the hallway. Despite taking my time, I’ve caught everything. I am furious, yet I can't do a fucking thing except stand here like a coward, my legs refusing to move me.
"I--I can't do this," I hear Robert stutter and I can't recognize the tone in his voice. It could be anything from anger to fear. Maybe it is. I hear the scrape of chair legs and the clink of bumped plates. Then I hear him softly call my name, knowing I am nearby, and I have no choice but to step out of my hiding place. There is immediate relief in his eyes when he sees me and I step closer, taking all the care I would if I were in a minefield.
"We're leaving."
"I'll call a cab," his dad says and Robert turns grateful eyes to him.
I go up to his sister, who was now standing and looking uncomfortable. Before I can say anything to her, she pulls be into a lose hug. "It was nice meeting you," she says.
"I'm sorry for ruining up dinner." I glance to Robert's Mom, but she is still sitting, eyes downcast, unused napkin clutched in one hand.
"Don't be silly," Rachel says, stepping up next to us. "This was the most action this holiday has seen since...ever."
Sean must have slipped out of the room, because he returned, our coats, bag, and his wife and children in tow.
While Robert says quick goodbyes to everyone, I kneel on the floor to say bye to the kids.
Robert gives his sis a big hug. "Now I don't want it to be a whole year before I get to see you again. Got that?"
Wordlessly she nods and he turns to me, signaling that it is time to go.
We take up our coats, and Robert is already partway out the door before his is fully on. The cab hasn't arrived yet, so we wait at the end of the driveway. The wind is bitter and I tuck my hands under my armpits and turn to Robert. He looks like he doesn't even feel the cold. I want to speak to him, but his eyes are dark and his jaw is set. Might be best to just let this stew until I have him alone in private. I call up the train station to see how soon we can get back to New York.
When the cab does finally arrive, I lead the way, glancing backwards to make sure Robert is following. It is stifling inside and I loosen my scarf and shrug out of my jacket. But, again, Robert seems unaffected, turning to stare out the window into the dark. I sigh quietly and turn to look out my own, only seeing my reflection, digging my hands into my jeans to keep from reaching out to my boyfriend. I'm worried that he might shrug off any form of comfort, which would only make him feel guilty in the end.
Just one more bump on our personal highway to get over and put behind us.
17.08 I'll Stop the World and Melt with you