we drove all night. the roads were thick and white and slick under the tires. my foot fell asleep on the gas pedal. i fell asleep in the driver's seat, pulled over at a gas station at 6:30 in the morning. the radio was on and i had a headache. when i last saw you, you were walking towards airport security. i walked past the escalators and ( Read more... )

i love telling libby everything. why do i need understanding so badly? it is half mystery to wonder how we stay so close. i'm not afraid of being too far away or going too long without a letter from her. we stay bound together ( Read more... )

and she is the same and as good as ever. i am excited to stay close.

this is turning differently than i expected. we are all moving in different ways. home isn't home so much anymore.

is it raining or snowing? i can't tell. for some reason i still haven't seen half the people i love that are home. christie and i ventured to find them but we were sadly thwarted in our efforts. it feels strange.
i finally woke up at the expected time. i can't get comfortable all alone in my huge bed.

i'm a year older. i don't feel any different.

there will be a long drive home, through how many states and on how many roads...i don't remember. the way here it was hot, we played the same tapes over and over, we were feverish with the excitment of getting away, getting away togethernow it is just a matter of waiting. i feel like i am already ( Read more... )

i talked on the phone last night for hours. new hampshire is absolutely swarming with the best kids ever.

i'm tired, tired. twelve hour workday: 1 2 3 go.

i'm revelling in this cooler weather, wearing all black, black tights, black skirt, black long-sleeved shirt, and then a blue raincoat. black and blue. the color of a bruise ( Read more... )

i can't get this song out of my head, can't concentrate on anything but replaying it there. it's amazing, upon writing about one memory, how many other details spring forward. today has me struggling to climb out of my childhood, my grandmother's bed, the back porch, the plastic foam seat on the toilet and the smell of vick's vapo rub before ( Read more... )

we got home this morning, 5 am. the highway lines were fuzzy from the backseat and my eyes hurt from being awake so long. my heart is in my throat. it amazes me again and again how we all come together so seamlessly, no matter what. i'm tired and a little sad.

a long luxurious bath scented with nostalgia. memories like scars that won't wash off: steep in the hot water of your past, let the steam crawl into your pores, let it invade you.

[pull the plug and watch the water drain, watch as a thin layer of scum clings to the sides of the tub.]

i'm making you a soundtrack for this.