I've been feeling like a nuisance, a bore, and a burden. I should just leave and let everyone get on with their lives, because it seems all I do is cause drama.
I want to sleep for days. I want to curl up and not think. And while I know this is the depression talking, that doesn't make it any less real.

You wouldn't like me if you met me.

A year ago I got rejected from NYU. That rejection changed my life forever, and for the better.

I'm at the bakery with Mottmann again, eating half-frozen chocolate chip cookie dough. I was a little worried, after coming clean about being in love with him a few weeks ago, we wouldn't be able to hang out anymore, I'd sort of been steering clear of him, but tonight I ran into him in common space and...well, he was finishing up food orders, and I ( Read more... )

Well, I'm making progress. I think I may actually be able to do this.

I've been wondering, lately, whether I should maybe try to get treated for this depression I keep finding myself stuck in, because it's really starting to fuck with my life. It worries me.

I don't want to jinx this, but...
It looks like not only will I be staying at CZ for the summer, I'll be working from home.
This summer is really looking up.

( Read more... )

I am so fucked. I can't even think at all anymore.

I shouldnot be feeling this much at loose ends, I should not be having this much trouble writing, I should not have thsi intense physical need to hold someone right now. I should not. It should not be eating away at me like it is ( Read more... )

I'm having so much trouble focusing. I don;t know what it is. I sit down to work, my mind clear, I begin to read, and my brain just fogs up. My fingers move more slowly, the words stop making sense. I'm so far from done, and I don't think I have the energy to stay up all night, and I know my professor won't accept a late paper. I'm not sure, even ( Read more... )

So much for going back to Italy this summer. I was planning my life around it, but I got this email from Claudio this morning:
For this year there is no possibility to have internship.

Sigh. Back to the drawing board. Looks like I'll be in the Bay Area this summer after all.