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Activate rage.
Activate lust.
Activate hunger.
Activate unrest.
The primate within will free me.
But what will free him?

Allow for perfection.
Anticipate dysfunction.
Accept mediocrity.

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I never really got to reflect on the last year.  Well, it's been rough to say the least.  It's been a frustrating struggle, with very little being effective.  This is despite trying to make changes and simplify my mind.  I'm just not sure what radical step is necessary to turn the tide of what feels like a loosing battle, all I know how to do is ( Read more... )

I've recently been through a rapid changing of medication.  Because the two medications interacted, I had to be completely off my previous one.  So, I began to go through a kind of withdrawal when I came off of it so quickly.  Now, usually I experience an anxiety paralysis where i become immobilized in anticipation of performing some overwhelming ( Read more... )

There's a lot to talk about, but that will have to wait for another time.  Right now, I feel I owe myself an explanation.  In the past, I have very carefully crafted the documentation of my experience.  I have analyzed and distilled the important observations I want to remember.  I have then set it here as if in stone for reference.  This has ( Read more... )

I have been reduced to my basic functions.  It is all I can expect of myself and actually accomplish.  If I add too much more, I become overwhelmed and incapacitated.  All I can do is appreciate what I am still able to do.

It's not like I haven't tried to invoke this before, so I shouldn't be ashamed to have so little success. All I get are whispers of an animal locked away and buried long ago. It's going to take some major excavating to get it back out. I just have to keep listening for his muffled cries and reaching deeper to free him. I mustn't loose my ( Read more... )