Tonight I sat on the phone with an old friend. I won't go into specifics of our conversation as it was undoubtedly private. However, after the call I had the desire to write. Not about any one thing, but just write. I am still coming to terms with this interesting switch my brain has clicked on. It's exhilarating, and at the same time a bit strange ( Read more... )

Jesus... It's been over a month since I posted, and I have wrote out 5 half-assed posts that basically re-cap the last month, but frankly anyone that actually gives two shits about me knows how life has gone. The answer? FUCKING BRILLIANTLY!!! I am still not sure if it was because I was at such a low point, with the no car, my (ex now) girlfriend ( Read more... )

Time changes us all. Over time we become different people, we learn different experiences and change for better or worse. One side effect of this changing is the losing of friends. Over the years you lose people that mean so much to you. Sometimes over the years you realize you had a deep love for these people. Perhaps love might be too strong a ( Read more... )

There I am lying in my bed and I awake. Not from a pleasant dream filled with rainbows and boo-bahs but from horror. A relived past full of torment that shook my very core. Even now my hands are trembling and I am sweating. I know it was just a dream. No more than that a nightmare. None of it really happened but the memories it stirred and brought ( Read more... )

Often in life we are troubled. Troubles come to us that seem so big so mighty that we cannot handle them. These troubles weigh on us heavy like stones of sorrow. The problem comes in the ability to solve our troubles. This ability to solve our problems usually only shines through when we are at our darkest moments and the slightest ray of light ( Read more... )

So Java is finally over. Not sure when I will get grades back but the class is done with. No more headaches, no more lashing out, no more depression. At least for a little while. The new block of classes starts in two weeks. I am taking a two week sabbatical to get my head in order and to relax away from all the school work and bullshit ( Read more... )

Sometimes I feel like my purpose in the universe is to play father to the people I know. Seriously I feel like dad and they are the young children that have never experienced a damn thing. And just like a father I tell them they shouldn't do X and of course they do X anyway. AND WHY? Why do they do it? Because they have to "figure it out on their ( Read more... )

You know I was told I hide my emotions well. How does one respond to that? I would love to show how I feel, but I don't think people would respond well. I was told that I write my emotions well. I would agree with this fact. I can easily write how I feel because I know the emotions are there, but acting on those emotions can cause so many problems ( Read more... )

I can not honestly tell whether life is really this bad, or if am I going through a phase in life where I must learn. I awoke this morning in a grand mood, but as the day tread onward and things began to weigh in on my soul, things began to get darker. It's like watching on the outside hoping things will lessen up, but they just get worse. It's as ( Read more... )

It's hard to put this into words, especially with these new meds playing chemical warfare in my brain. I can feel the meds as they work. As I look around me all I can feel is desolation, but the meds stop the thought from even happening and I just feel. I am relaxed. I see things going wrong left and right, but I stay balanced more so than usual. ( Read more... )