Jesus Christ I'm alone again

[explodingirl88]

I've been listening to the new Brand New songs a lot.
they're feeding my fucked up-ness.
I'm ok with that.

weird fucking moods and feelings all the time lately. not sure how to deal with it...

but in the mean time, I think I'm going to take MarkWaters' idea here:

leave a comment with your name if you want to know what I think of you.I'll try my

Comments

[gadanmurphy]

DAN MURPHYYY

[explodingirl88]

DANMURPHY (one word).
first, I would like to again thank you for the juice box you provided me with last summer while we attempted to kidnap you to take you to the spill canvas.
with that out of the way, I miss you. I know we don't know eachother very well, and that makes me sad. you seem like the kind of person I enjoy having around to do stupid things with. unfortunately, the past few times I've seen you it hasn't seemed like you were entirely, uhhh... there.
I'll tell you this though, I definately had a crush on you around the time of that attempted kidnapping. bah hah.

[explodingirl88]

Sang, Sang, Sang...
what shall I say? well, you've got quite a set of lungs. I honestly think you talk the most out of anyone I've met here. haha. there are only two occasions on which I have beef with this quality. (1) when you are commenting on my art work. I really hate when people do that, so nothing personal. (2) when you take the things I say personally or try to make it seem like I've said something rude to you because of your ethnic background. I don't like when people imply that I'm a bigot.
other than that, you seem like a pretty nice kid. but you always seem cheery in person and then uber sad in your el jay entries. I wonder about that sometimes and wish you could find a way to truly express yourself. and you're in luck! you're in fucking art school, so let that emotion pour out baby, 'cause you've got 3 and a half more years of this shit.

[kingchris2]

Chris. I am excited.

[explodingirl88]

Christopher [middle name omitted] Monaco.
awww, you were my first kiss. by the fucking pop machines after the winter pep assembly, before I went to play practice. just imagine, I might have to tell my kid that story one day. haha.
I have a lot of really wonderful memories of times with you. and I wish I had more of them. it's my own fault that I don't, and I realize that. I still feel bad about the way things happened with us. or rather, the way I was.
it had a lot to do with the things I still struggle with, fear of getting close to people, fear of rejection, and an inability to explain myself. those are some of my worst attributes and when I think of how much they have hurt other people it makes me so angry with myself. I wish there was some way to undo a lot of the things I did, and undo all the drama I caused. the memories of the drama involving you and I seem to completely overwhelm the good memories. that is so incredibly depressing to me...
but you seem so much happier now. I hope you stay happy, you really deserve it.

[kingchris2]

thank you for omitting the middle name. yeah the first thing was kinda suprising when i found it out. but i guess i am proud to be your first. we have had many good times, i remember going to all the shows in croswell, and where ever else the music was. jamming to msi and not having any thought of anything bad ever happening. and i hope that the bad memories dont completley overwhelm the good ones. the good ones were way too good for me to forget. i guess its not entirely your fault that we dont have more good memorys i mean i have a phone too. i could call just as easily as you could. well maybe this nice little jog down memory lane will be motivation toward more good times. as fr all of the bad things that have happened no worrys people make mistakes. there is no need to fear getting close to people, especially me. i mean if you are afraid to get close you might never even try and that just leads to regrets and what not. out of all this i hope that you realize that you still have a friend in me, and i would like to think that i have

[_fancypants_]

Kaitlin Brown!

[explodingirl88]

KAITLIN SUZANNE(I think I spelled that wrong) BROWN
I miss you.
we were never very close, but I still miss having your cynicism and your beautiful face by my side. Art and Photography would not have been the same without you.
I'm also terribly glad that you stopped hating me. I think it was freshman year that Amanda told me you didn't like me. that was one of the few times I was phased by being told I was not liked. I'm glad that it changed.
I'm also very glad that you seem to be happy. I really hope you stay that way.

[crea_algo]

Who doesn't want to hear about themselves?
Krista Marie

:)

[explodingirl88]

Krista.
let's be honest here, I barely know you at all.
you seem really chill and laid back. and I know you like to think of yourself as a hippie. but smoking pot and being calm about everything doesn't really accomplish that as much as you think.
but you also seem like a very intelligent girl with a lot of potential. I wish you luck with whatever you choose to do and I know you can achieve whatever you put your mind to.

fuck, I sound like a bad motivational speaker... but really.

[crea_algo]

Of course you're right. Action and relaxation are two different things. I'm taking hold of good balance of both.

Thanks for the reply. It was well needed.