Picking up the Pieces, 6: The Confrontation
Title: Picking up the Pieces
Author: exquisite_ugly
Rating/Warnings: M (language, future explicit sex)
Summary: Bella returns to Forks a few years after having married Edward and moving to Alaska. Mistakes and regrets, loneliness and grief, she severs ties and returns to those she truly loves to start over. What will she come home to? AU, A/D/R, M-language/sex
*~*~*
Please, I know it's hard to believe/To see a perfect forest/Through so many splintered trees/You and me and these shadows keep on changing/And I'm haunted/By the lives that I have loved/And actions I have hated
*~*~*
JPOV
My fingers clenched the wheel as I drove toward La Push. Lila remained oblivious, her camera poised to snap pictures. Once she had her camera in hand, pretty much everything ceased to exist. She lived and breathed her work. I cast a sideways look at her as she absently tucked her short cap of hair behind her ear. She raised the camera again, lips pursed in concentration.
Could I love her? Would the feelings I had for Bella, now knowing she was alive and well, fade and allow me to love Lila? I cared about her; that I knew. Bella had been the one I wanted for so long, though. She had been it for me, but I had only been sixteen. Yet my feelings for her were still strong and still so confusing. Every time I saw her smile, watch her chocolate eyes light up or see her look so soft and vulnerable, I felt an ache in my chest. It was an ache I knew well; a throb of longing.
"I'm really glad you're taking me with," Lila said cheerfully. She bounced a little in her seat. "I know I wanted to help with promoting the school, but you haven't talked about your family or friends very often. I always got the impression you loved them a lot. And I know it's kind of silly, but I love the idea of visiting a reservation."
I smiled indulgently, knowing how excited she was to see what one was like. "It's nothing real exciting, but the beaches and forests are pretty beautiful."
When we reached La Push, I parked at my Dad's and tried to take a deep breath. It was a little risky bringing her here with the turmoil between me and the pack. I really hoped Bella wouldn't attempt to come by either.
My Dad opened the door, his eyebrows lifted slightly. It was the only outward sign of emotion displayed. "Jacob," he said calmly. "I didn't know you were bringing company."
I led Lila over to him. "Dad, this is Lila Bowen. Li, this is my father, Billy Black."
They shook hands. "It's nice meeting you, Mr. Black. Jake thinks very highly of you."
The corner of Billy's mouth curved upward slightly. "Really? He could have fooled me."
I rolled my eyes as Lila laughed. Billy turned and led her into the house as she asked him about being Chief of the Quileute Tribe. I shook my head, grabbing the small bag we had each packed, and followed them inside. They continued talking while I listened with half an ear and automatically set about making an early lunch.
"May I take a couple pictures of your carvings? They're beautiful, and if you're willing, I'll send them in to my supervisor. We're trying to bring more attention to some of the Native tribes in the area," I heard Lila ask.
Billy seemed amenable to the idea. I heard Lila clicking away and waited until she was done to let them know lunch was ready. We sat in the tiny kitchen, threadbare and plain, and ate lunch.
"Dad?" I asked during a lull in the conversation. "Is the pa… um, are the guys' around today?"
His eyes met mine knowingly. "I believe so. They have been doing extra work for some of the elders to make a little extra money."
I nodded, staring down at the remains of my sandwich. "Okay. Lila, are you ready? I'm going to take her to the beach and try to meet up with the guys and find out if they're interested in doing some of the construction for this school."
Billy nodded. "That's a generous offer, Jacob. You two have fun."
I squeezed his shoulder lightly on the way out and took Lila to First Beach. I stayed far away from the driftwood log that Bella had said was our log. We walked along the water, and I watched indulgently as she snapped pictures of the gulls circling the frothy waves.
"It's so pretty here," she finally said. "You miss it, don't you?"
I gazed at the rocky expanse of beach, the forest behind it, green and lush. The sky was overcast, but at least it wasn't raining. It was definitely home no matter how much I wanted to get out of here and see the world. There were so many things that kept me tethered to La Push, but I had proven to myself, though not in the right way, that I could leave. My family was too important to me to ever leave for good. There was also majesty to the cliffs, the ocean, and the forest so close to home. In time, I could see myself settling here.
"I do," I finally said. "It's home."
She stretched up to press a kiss to my cheek. We continued walking along the beach. I laughed as she insisted on dipping her toes into the water and then screeched about how cold it was. I shook my head, watching her as she darted up the beach to get her socks and sneakers.
When we reached my Dad's house and continued past it, I could hear the familiar voices of my pack mates. My stomach clenched a little at the idea of approaching them especially with Lila right here.
Lila stopped abruptly as we rounded the corner. The sight of even just a few members of the pack was overwhelming to anyone outside of La Push. She hung back, urging me forward so I could talk to them first.
"Jacob," Sam said a bit stiffly. "What's going on?" He eyed Lila briefly, suspiciously, and then turned to look at me expectantly.
"I have a proposition for all of you," I said keeping my voice professional yet friendly.
Quil and Embry exchanged a brief look. I cleared my throat, ignoring the side-eyed looks at each other. "The construction company I've been working for? I have been involved with plans for the building of a school between here and the Makah reservation for all the local kids on the rez. It's going to be bigger, be able to fit everyone properly, and we have quite a few people and businesses helping us out to give the equipment that is needed for a fully functional and up-to-date school.
So, I mentioned I had a bunch of fri… um, a lot of guys' built like me that lived in La Push that I could ask if they're willing to help out. They could really use some extra hands, a lot of muscle, and they would be willing to pay under the table," I told them, gauging their reactions. They ranged from disbelief, to surprise, to eagerness.
"We don't need you speaking for us, helping us to find ways to earn money," Jared said, apparently echoing all their thoughts if their expressions were any indication.
"I'm not doing it out of charity," I said levelly. "I thought it could help, yes, but this is an important thing for the reservations; something worthwhile. I thought it would mean something to all of you and the company could use the extra hands and strength."
"It does mean something," Sam replied. "I think it's a great idea. I'm sure we can work together for a positive thing to help the children of the reservations." The rest of the guys' nodded acceptance and agreed.
My shoulders relaxed. "That's great. I'll give you the information when my supervisor passes it on to me," I said.
"Anyway, this is Lila," I added, taking her hand and tugging her forward.
She had waited for me to give my speech to ease the tension. She moved forward hesitantly, eyes widening slightly, but she remained poised. "She's a, um… fr-friend," I stuttered slightly unsure of what to say.
"Hi," Lila said a little nervously, clenching my hand a little tighter. "I wanted to come with Jake to learn more about reservation life. I'm also a photographer, and I thought I could get some photos and show the progress of the school to my boss for possible publication. You know, to bring awareness…"
She bit her lip, trailing off. They were all scrutinizing her, but then they introduced themselves and all of them shook her hand.
Seth grinned at her. "I like the idea. I think I can safely say we all do, but you would need to discuss that with the elders of our tribe."
I relaxed as they talked a little more easily with her. They were holding back a bit, but the fact that they were doing this made me think all hope was not lost. I called my supervisor while she talked with them and told him that I had strong, willing workers for the school project.
"Fantastic," he enthused. "If they are all built like you, we'll be in great shape."
I laughed. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you like my body more than you do my work."
"You're a sick fuck, Black," he groused and muffled a snort of laughter before hanging up.
Lila was chatting with Seth and Paul. Quil was eyeing me and when I turned to him, he said bluntly, "You're dating her, aren't you?"
Embry turned at that, though no one else was paying attention. I gave him a speculative look and simply nodded.
"Wow. So, you left because you were devastated about Bella, but here you are with a new girl," Quil said stiffly.
My fists clenched and shook with the effort of not hitting him, but Embry gave Quil a shot to the shoulder first. "Dude, don't. That's not fair."
Embry's eyes met mine, and I could see a hint of understanding in them. "It isn't like that. I wallowed, not knowing what to do with myself, but after grieving the way I did, I couldn't help but try to continue living my life. It took me awhile, but I knew I had to attempt to move on," I said.
Quil's expression softened momentarily. They both knew what it had been like for me when I found out the news. The two of them had both been there, had been the ones my dad called to get me. They saw me at my worst. It was a painful memory, and I could see it in their faces they remembered it, too. Both of them had been there for me just as I had been there for them for all the moments in our lives that sucked and we had plenty of them. When I lost my mom, we were too young to really know what to say, but they kept me busy. Quil only had his grandfather and that was hard for him. He liked spending time with my Dad, so I would invite him over often. And when Embry's mom went on a bender, Quil and I would collect him, and we would work in the garage.
We never talked about our feelings - we had all insisted long ago that was sissy - but just having each other there was what helped.
"I know I said it already, but I'm especially sorry to the both of you," I told them quietly. "I really hope we can get back to where we were and you can both forgive me."
Embry shuffled his feet. "We know how hard it was for you, Jake," he admitted. "It doesn't piss me off any less what you did, but I get it."
Quil nodded. "I still feel the urge to punch you in the face, but I expect I either just will one of these days or get over it."
I smiled weakly. It was a start.
"And I hope you know what you're doing," he murmured. "Because I think you knew this could happen," he added, nodding his head toward my house.
I looked over my shoulder and felt my stomach drop. Bella pulled into the driveway, Charlie in the passenger seat looking ill at ease at being here. They got out of the truck and she spotted us from my Dad's house. Lila chose that moment to loop her arm through mine. Bella's pale, heart-shaped face was a mix of surprise and hurt; nothing was held back. I felt sick to my stomach.
*~*~*
BPOV
I sat at my computer, staring at the blinking cursor, trying to think of what I should write as my submission piece to the newspaper. They had called me later that day and asked for an article as part of my application process.
A sip of coffee and I managed to type the words, "I was…"
Frustrated, I leaned back in the chair. I wanted to write about something intelligent, something snazzy, to show them some of the world experience I gained. It wasn't much compared to other people, but I had lived a more opulent life with the Cullen's and moved to the wilds of Alaska; though I always preferred a simple lifestyle and never needed much.
I got up and paced my little room, gazing out the window at the dwindling rain. It looked like we were in for a cloudy day instead of a rainy one. I wandered downstairs to find Charlie staring into the refrigerator. It had come to my realization when Charlie and I had gone to La Push that first time since I came back that something had happened between him and Billy.
"Dad?" I asked, leaning against the counter.
He looked up at me, and I was pleased to see more of the shadows in his eyes were gone. "What happened between you and Billy?"
His expression closed off a little, and I thought he wasn't going to answer my question. I took the ham, cheese, and bread from him and began preparing sandwiches. He leaned back against the fridge, sighed, and told me what happened.
Charlie sat in his recliner, lost in a haze of beer fog not long after the memorial service for his daughter. Every breath he took ached and he was so tired, but when he slept the dreams came. The first time he held his infant daughter, Bella, in his arms. She had been so tiny and perfect in his eyes. The times when she proved how quietly sneaky and smart she was as a two-year old and managed to open a cabinet and get cookies out.
He tossed and turned remembering when she was taken from him by Renee. She looked out the window at him, her brown pigtails whipping around as she turned to watch him before disappearing from his life. All those time he kissed her cuts and bruises only to have no one to console him after all the pain he suffered. The memories of her growing up were disjointed, but at least they were there.
The worst were the dreams of seeing Bella go over a cliff, to lose her life, and leave Charlie with the worst pain of his life. He always woke terrified, hurting and feeling so lost. Billy came to the house with Sue to try and intervene weeks later, to get him to stop drinking, to try and help him.
"Leave me alone," he slurred when he answered the door.
"Charlie, I don't know what it's like, but you have to stop. You can't destroy your life like this," Sue pleaded.
He waved a hand at the woman who had become closer to him than any other adult woman in his life other than Renee. He had dated after Renee, but no one had ever worked for him. He just dismissed Sue as if she were an annoying pest.
Billy rolled into the kitchen, his face set in tense lines. "Charlie, you can grieve as long as you want, but please. If you keep drinking like this…"
"I'll drink if I want to," Charlie growled angrily. "You have no idea how much this hurts."
"Not exactly, no. I know what it's like to lose someone, though. Bella wouldn't have wanted this."
"Don't tell me what Bella would have wanted!" Charlie whirled suddenly, eyes wild. "Don't ever bring her up!"
Angry, he swung out blindly, not really intending to hit anyone, but not really caring what happened. Sue jumped in front of Billy and Charlie's arm caught her in the chest, flinging her back against the counter. The silence was deadly quiet. Billy's face hardened as he reached out to help Sue up.
Charlie's mouth opened, something piercing his haze, but he couldn't speak. All he remembered was the disgust and anger on Billy's face, the way Sue hid her face behind the curtain of her hair as they left. He sank to the ground and the tears wet his cheeks.
I looked at Charlie, aghast, not knowing what to say.
"I never meant to hurt Sue," Charlie whispered. "I never even meant to hurt Billy. I just reacted and was an idiot. They both stayed away after, and I didn't pull myself out of it until later. I stopped drinking quite that much, though I never stopped fully. I'm a coward."
"Dad," I said, unable to stop the tears. "I'm a disaster. I created such a domino-effect and ruined so much. Did you talk to Billy when we were there?"
He wrapped his arms around me. "You're not a disaster. And no, not about that."
"Then we're going there now," I said, reining in my tears. "I'm trying. Will you try, too?"
He nodded, a little reluctantly, but we ate our lunch even though neither of us was very hungry anymore. The drive to the reservation was quiet. I felt like the parent, carting my kid off to apologize to someone. Charlie knew he had to do it, though, and he wanted to. He was just scared; as scared as I was in trying to make things right again.
When I pulled up to the Black house, I got out and caught sight of the pack standing in the yard of one of the neighbor's homes. My eyes landed on Jake. He stared back at me, looking shocked, and I realized why when a blonde woman walked up to him and slid her arm through his. It was his girlfriend, I was sure, and my breath hitched in my throat.
I felt sick to my stomach, but everyone had seen me so I couldn't exactly take off. That was what the old Bella would have done, so I squared my shoulders and tried to still the shaking. Leah's eyes met mine and she mouthed, "You don't have to do this."
It was a nice gesture even though her posture was still a bit stand-offish. I gave her a tight smile while Charlie laid a hand on my shoulder. I turned to look at him and was completely embarrassed because he was aware of what was going on.
"Bells, just remember I'll take him down if he hurts you. I got your back."
I laughed weakly aware that he was trying to lighten the mood. "He has a hard head," I murmured remembering how I broke my knuckle punching him.
Charlie loved Jake, so I appreciated the gesture. He went inside the Black house, and I walked over reluctantly. Leah met me first, her eyes expressive in their disgust of me coming over here, but I suspected that was because she didn't want me or Jake to get hurt. She huffed out a sigh, rolling her eyes at me, and gave me a thin-lipped smile. I nodded, smiling a little. Leah could speak volumes with her expressions.
"Hi," I said quietly to the pack. Their faces were a mixture of disgust, surprise at my apparent bravery, and coolness.
Seth gave me a small smile and eased a little of my fear. "Hey Bella," he replied and I smiled back at him.
They all nodded at me and went back to work. "Jake," I said at a loss for words.
He cleared his throat looking uncomfortable. "Hey, um, Bella," he replied.
His girlfriend's eyebrows rose at the name. Well, that answered my question. She knew of me; how much I wasn't sure. She was pretty, I noted. Her blonde hair was cut really short, angled just right around her face, making her look like a pixie. She was wearing leggings and a silky-looking red top both of which hugged smooth curves. Her blue eyes scrutinized me as she remained close to Jake, her arm still in his.
"Lila, this is Bella Swan, Chief Swan's daughter. Bella, this is Lila Bowen," he murmured, looking as if he wanted to be somewhere else.
My stomach continued to knot as she said, "So, you're Bella." That was all she said.
I cleared my throat. "Yes."
It felt so awkward and my heart was beating faster as the silence stretched. "So, you're here for good? Not going to run back to Alaska?" Her voice was calm and steady.
I felt a twist of irritation along with all the other emotions. "I don't plan on running anywhere. I'm here to stay."
Her eyes narrowed a little. "No more plans to let people think you're dead?"
My own eyes narrowed as I stared back at her. Leah was moving toward us, ready to create an excuse to get me away from there, but I pulled my arm away. "It's really none of your business, but there were reasons."
Jake's jaw tightened. "Lila, don't," he said his voice holding a warning.
"Maybe so, but you created quite a bit of havoc, didn't you?"
My eyes met hers, and I said, "You have no clue what you're talking about…" and trailed off when Leah pulled me back.
Jake's eyes met mine and were entirely closed off; eyes that usually held so much emotion. My chin shook briefly, but I firmed it up, unwilling to show Lila she got to me. Deep down, I knew she cared about Jake and just didn't want him hurt again. Maybe it was fear for my history with Jake, too, but I was the one feeling the jealousy eating away at my insides. He was dating her. Did he sleep with her? The thought caused more of an ache in my chest, and I let Leah lead me away.
My eyes met Jake's as he steered Lila away. This time I could read the frustration, anger, and apology in his eyes. At least I knew he didn't intentionally bring her here to hurt me. That was something, right?
"Stop crying," Leah ordered.
Indeed the tears had spilled down my cheeks. "Let go of me," I snapped.
She snickered. "That's right. Be angry. Honestly, though, Lila's got guts. I kind of like her."
I shoved Leah's arm away from me. "Then go hang out with her!"
She just shook her head, exasperated. "I don't get it, Bella. I think I'm finally starting to like you. Come on, you need a friend. I kind of suck at that, but I'll try."
"And I'm sure Jake is thrilled you're attempting to be my friend," I muttered.
She smirked. "He knows, but he also knows I'm loyal and will kick your ass if necessary. I think he secretly likes that the little Swan has a big, bad wolf friend."
I rolled my eyes at her as she laughed. Relaxing a little, I walked with her back to my truck. Charlie was coming out of Billy's house, looking worn and tired. He looked like he had been through an emotional wringer, too. "We're going out this weekend, Swan. I need to fucking drink and you look like you could stand to get drunk, too."
I snorted, though the idea was kind of intriguing. I wasn't a drinker, but that's what friends did. They went out and had a couple drinks together. It couldn't hurt. I shrugged and said, "If you say so."
She tossed me one more smirk and left. Charlie and I instinctively reached out for each other. I smiled through the grief, knowing he was doing the same, but both of us took comfort in the fact that we had each other.
Chapter 7
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AN: Ok, out of curiosity, who wants to see Charlie's POV in regards to trying to make his own amends? I was thinking of doing a three-way split next chapter; part Charlie, part Jake, and part Bella.
So, did the confrontation surprise you? I thought everyone got a little testy, but they had understandable reasons for it and didn't go overboard. I know it was a bit short, too, but I didn't want to dive into some whole big showdown Hope everyone is satisfied with it! Let me know what you think.
Anyway, I suck and didn't entirely finish my profile (on FFn), but I just have to link the stories I'm reading or going to read or have read and it'll be up to date for anyone who wants to check it out.
Author: exquisite_ugly
Rating/Warnings: M (language, future explicit sex)
Summary: Bella returns to Forks a few years after having married Edward and moving to Alaska. Mistakes and regrets, loneliness and grief, she severs ties and returns to those she truly loves to start over. What will she come home to? AU, A/D/R, M-language/sex
*~*~*
Please, I know it's hard to believe/To see a perfect forest/Through so many splintered trees/You and me and these shadows keep on changing/And I'm haunted/By the lives that I have loved/And actions I have hated
*~*~*
JPOV
My fingers clenched the wheel as I drove toward La Push. Lila remained oblivious, her camera poised to snap pictures. Once she had her camera in hand, pretty much everything ceased to exist. She lived and breathed her work. I cast a sideways look at her as she absently tucked her short cap of hair behind her ear. She raised the camera again, lips pursed in concentration.
Could I love her? Would the feelings I had for Bella, now knowing she was alive and well, fade and allow me to love Lila? I cared about her; that I knew. Bella had been the one I wanted for so long, though. She had been it for me, but I had only been sixteen. Yet my feelings for her were still strong and still so confusing. Every time I saw her smile, watch her chocolate eyes light up or see her look so soft and vulnerable, I felt an ache in my chest. It was an ache I knew well; a throb of longing.
"I'm really glad you're taking me with," Lila said cheerfully. She bounced a little in her seat. "I know I wanted to help with promoting the school, but you haven't talked about your family or friends very often. I always got the impression you loved them a lot. And I know it's kind of silly, but I love the idea of visiting a reservation."
I smiled indulgently, knowing how excited she was to see what one was like. "It's nothing real exciting, but the beaches and forests are pretty beautiful."
When we reached La Push, I parked at my Dad's and tried to take a deep breath. It was a little risky bringing her here with the turmoil between me and the pack. I really hoped Bella wouldn't attempt to come by either.
My Dad opened the door, his eyebrows lifted slightly. It was the only outward sign of emotion displayed. "Jacob," he said calmly. "I didn't know you were bringing company."
I led Lila over to him. "Dad, this is Lila Bowen. Li, this is my father, Billy Black."
They shook hands. "It's nice meeting you, Mr. Black. Jake thinks very highly of you."
The corner of Billy's mouth curved upward slightly. "Really? He could have fooled me."
I rolled my eyes as Lila laughed. Billy turned and led her into the house as she asked him about being Chief of the Quileute Tribe. I shook my head, grabbing the small bag we had each packed, and followed them inside. They continued talking while I listened with half an ear and automatically set about making an early lunch.
"May I take a couple pictures of your carvings? They're beautiful, and if you're willing, I'll send them in to my supervisor. We're trying to bring more attention to some of the Native tribes in the area," I heard Lila ask.
Billy seemed amenable to the idea. I heard Lila clicking away and waited until she was done to let them know lunch was ready. We sat in the tiny kitchen, threadbare and plain, and ate lunch.
"Dad?" I asked during a lull in the conversation. "Is the pa… um, are the guys' around today?"
His eyes met mine knowingly. "I believe so. They have been doing extra work for some of the elders to make a little extra money."
I nodded, staring down at the remains of my sandwich. "Okay. Lila, are you ready? I'm going to take her to the beach and try to meet up with the guys and find out if they're interested in doing some of the construction for this school."
Billy nodded. "That's a generous offer, Jacob. You two have fun."
I squeezed his shoulder lightly on the way out and took Lila to First Beach. I stayed far away from the driftwood log that Bella had said was our log. We walked along the water, and I watched indulgently as she snapped pictures of the gulls circling the frothy waves.
"It's so pretty here," she finally said. "You miss it, don't you?"
I gazed at the rocky expanse of beach, the forest behind it, green and lush. The sky was overcast, but at least it wasn't raining. It was definitely home no matter how much I wanted to get out of here and see the world. There were so many things that kept me tethered to La Push, but I had proven to myself, though not in the right way, that I could leave. My family was too important to me to ever leave for good. There was also majesty to the cliffs, the ocean, and the forest so close to home. In time, I could see myself settling here.
"I do," I finally said. "It's home."
She stretched up to press a kiss to my cheek. We continued walking along the beach. I laughed as she insisted on dipping her toes into the water and then screeched about how cold it was. I shook my head, watching her as she darted up the beach to get her socks and sneakers.
When we reached my Dad's house and continued past it, I could hear the familiar voices of my pack mates. My stomach clenched a little at the idea of approaching them especially with Lila right here.
Lila stopped abruptly as we rounded the corner. The sight of even just a few members of the pack was overwhelming to anyone outside of La Push. She hung back, urging me forward so I could talk to them first.
"Jacob," Sam said a bit stiffly. "What's going on?" He eyed Lila briefly, suspiciously, and then turned to look at me expectantly.
"I have a proposition for all of you," I said keeping my voice professional yet friendly.
Quil and Embry exchanged a brief look. I cleared my throat, ignoring the side-eyed looks at each other. "The construction company I've been working for? I have been involved with plans for the building of a school between here and the Makah reservation for all the local kids on the rez. It's going to be bigger, be able to fit everyone properly, and we have quite a few people and businesses helping us out to give the equipment that is needed for a fully functional and up-to-date school.
So, I mentioned I had a bunch of fri… um, a lot of guys' built like me that lived in La Push that I could ask if they're willing to help out. They could really use some extra hands, a lot of muscle, and they would be willing to pay under the table," I told them, gauging their reactions. They ranged from disbelief, to surprise, to eagerness.
"We don't need you speaking for us, helping us to find ways to earn money," Jared said, apparently echoing all their thoughts if their expressions were any indication.
"I'm not doing it out of charity," I said levelly. "I thought it could help, yes, but this is an important thing for the reservations; something worthwhile. I thought it would mean something to all of you and the company could use the extra hands and strength."
"It does mean something," Sam replied. "I think it's a great idea. I'm sure we can work together for a positive thing to help the children of the reservations." The rest of the guys' nodded acceptance and agreed.
My shoulders relaxed. "That's great. I'll give you the information when my supervisor passes it on to me," I said.
"Anyway, this is Lila," I added, taking her hand and tugging her forward.
She had waited for me to give my speech to ease the tension. She moved forward hesitantly, eyes widening slightly, but she remained poised. "She's a, um… fr-friend," I stuttered slightly unsure of what to say.
"Hi," Lila said a little nervously, clenching my hand a little tighter. "I wanted to come with Jake to learn more about reservation life. I'm also a photographer, and I thought I could get some photos and show the progress of the school to my boss for possible publication. You know, to bring awareness…"
She bit her lip, trailing off. They were all scrutinizing her, but then they introduced themselves and all of them shook her hand.
Seth grinned at her. "I like the idea. I think I can safely say we all do, but you would need to discuss that with the elders of our tribe."
I relaxed as they talked a little more easily with her. They were holding back a bit, but the fact that they were doing this made me think all hope was not lost. I called my supervisor while she talked with them and told him that I had strong, willing workers for the school project.
"Fantastic," he enthused. "If they are all built like you, we'll be in great shape."
I laughed. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you like my body more than you do my work."
"You're a sick fuck, Black," he groused and muffled a snort of laughter before hanging up.
Lila was chatting with Seth and Paul. Quil was eyeing me and when I turned to him, he said bluntly, "You're dating her, aren't you?"
Embry turned at that, though no one else was paying attention. I gave him a speculative look and simply nodded.
"Wow. So, you left because you were devastated about Bella, but here you are with a new girl," Quil said stiffly.
My fists clenched and shook with the effort of not hitting him, but Embry gave Quil a shot to the shoulder first. "Dude, don't. That's not fair."
Embry's eyes met mine, and I could see a hint of understanding in them. "It isn't like that. I wallowed, not knowing what to do with myself, but after grieving the way I did, I couldn't help but try to continue living my life. It took me awhile, but I knew I had to attempt to move on," I said.
Quil's expression softened momentarily. They both knew what it had been like for me when I found out the news. The two of them had both been there, had been the ones my dad called to get me. They saw me at my worst. It was a painful memory, and I could see it in their faces they remembered it, too. Both of them had been there for me just as I had been there for them for all the moments in our lives that sucked and we had plenty of them. When I lost my mom, we were too young to really know what to say, but they kept me busy. Quil only had his grandfather and that was hard for him. He liked spending time with my Dad, so I would invite him over often. And when Embry's mom went on a bender, Quil and I would collect him, and we would work in the garage.
We never talked about our feelings - we had all insisted long ago that was sissy - but just having each other there was what helped.
"I know I said it already, but I'm especially sorry to the both of you," I told them quietly. "I really hope we can get back to where we were and you can both forgive me."
Embry shuffled his feet. "We know how hard it was for you, Jake," he admitted. "It doesn't piss me off any less what you did, but I get it."
Quil nodded. "I still feel the urge to punch you in the face, but I expect I either just will one of these days or get over it."
I smiled weakly. It was a start.
"And I hope you know what you're doing," he murmured. "Because I think you knew this could happen," he added, nodding his head toward my house.
I looked over my shoulder and felt my stomach drop. Bella pulled into the driveway, Charlie in the passenger seat looking ill at ease at being here. They got out of the truck and she spotted us from my Dad's house. Lila chose that moment to loop her arm through mine. Bella's pale, heart-shaped face was a mix of surprise and hurt; nothing was held back. I felt sick to my stomach.
*~*~*
BPOV
I sat at my computer, staring at the blinking cursor, trying to think of what I should write as my submission piece to the newspaper. They had called me later that day and asked for an article as part of my application process.
A sip of coffee and I managed to type the words, "I was…"
Frustrated, I leaned back in the chair. I wanted to write about something intelligent, something snazzy, to show them some of the world experience I gained. It wasn't much compared to other people, but I had lived a more opulent life with the Cullen's and moved to the wilds of Alaska; though I always preferred a simple lifestyle and never needed much.
I got up and paced my little room, gazing out the window at the dwindling rain. It looked like we were in for a cloudy day instead of a rainy one. I wandered downstairs to find Charlie staring into the refrigerator. It had come to my realization when Charlie and I had gone to La Push that first time since I came back that something had happened between him and Billy.
"Dad?" I asked, leaning against the counter.
He looked up at me, and I was pleased to see more of the shadows in his eyes were gone. "What happened between you and Billy?"
His expression closed off a little, and I thought he wasn't going to answer my question. I took the ham, cheese, and bread from him and began preparing sandwiches. He leaned back against the fridge, sighed, and told me what happened.
Charlie sat in his recliner, lost in a haze of beer fog not long after the memorial service for his daughter. Every breath he took ached and he was so tired, but when he slept the dreams came. The first time he held his infant daughter, Bella, in his arms. She had been so tiny and perfect in his eyes. The times when she proved how quietly sneaky and smart she was as a two-year old and managed to open a cabinet and get cookies out.
He tossed and turned remembering when she was taken from him by Renee. She looked out the window at him, her brown pigtails whipping around as she turned to watch him before disappearing from his life. All those time he kissed her cuts and bruises only to have no one to console him after all the pain he suffered. The memories of her growing up were disjointed, but at least they were there.
The worst were the dreams of seeing Bella go over a cliff, to lose her life, and leave Charlie with the worst pain of his life. He always woke terrified, hurting and feeling so lost. Billy came to the house with Sue to try and intervene weeks later, to get him to stop drinking, to try and help him.
"Leave me alone," he slurred when he answered the door.
"Charlie, I don't know what it's like, but you have to stop. You can't destroy your life like this," Sue pleaded.
He waved a hand at the woman who had become closer to him than any other adult woman in his life other than Renee. He had dated after Renee, but no one had ever worked for him. He just dismissed Sue as if she were an annoying pest.
Billy rolled into the kitchen, his face set in tense lines. "Charlie, you can grieve as long as you want, but please. If you keep drinking like this…"
"I'll drink if I want to," Charlie growled angrily. "You have no idea how much this hurts."
"Not exactly, no. I know what it's like to lose someone, though. Bella wouldn't have wanted this."
"Don't tell me what Bella would have wanted!" Charlie whirled suddenly, eyes wild. "Don't ever bring her up!"
Angry, he swung out blindly, not really intending to hit anyone, but not really caring what happened. Sue jumped in front of Billy and Charlie's arm caught her in the chest, flinging her back against the counter. The silence was deadly quiet. Billy's face hardened as he reached out to help Sue up.
Charlie's mouth opened, something piercing his haze, but he couldn't speak. All he remembered was the disgust and anger on Billy's face, the way Sue hid her face behind the curtain of her hair as they left. He sank to the ground and the tears wet his cheeks.
I looked at Charlie, aghast, not knowing what to say.
"I never meant to hurt Sue," Charlie whispered. "I never even meant to hurt Billy. I just reacted and was an idiot. They both stayed away after, and I didn't pull myself out of it until later. I stopped drinking quite that much, though I never stopped fully. I'm a coward."
"Dad," I said, unable to stop the tears. "I'm a disaster. I created such a domino-effect and ruined so much. Did you talk to Billy when we were there?"
He wrapped his arms around me. "You're not a disaster. And no, not about that."
"Then we're going there now," I said, reining in my tears. "I'm trying. Will you try, too?"
He nodded, a little reluctantly, but we ate our lunch even though neither of us was very hungry anymore. The drive to the reservation was quiet. I felt like the parent, carting my kid off to apologize to someone. Charlie knew he had to do it, though, and he wanted to. He was just scared; as scared as I was in trying to make things right again.
When I pulled up to the Black house, I got out and caught sight of the pack standing in the yard of one of the neighbor's homes. My eyes landed on Jake. He stared back at me, looking shocked, and I realized why when a blonde woman walked up to him and slid her arm through his. It was his girlfriend, I was sure, and my breath hitched in my throat.
I felt sick to my stomach, but everyone had seen me so I couldn't exactly take off. That was what the old Bella would have done, so I squared my shoulders and tried to still the shaking. Leah's eyes met mine and she mouthed, "You don't have to do this."
It was a nice gesture even though her posture was still a bit stand-offish. I gave her a tight smile while Charlie laid a hand on my shoulder. I turned to look at him and was completely embarrassed because he was aware of what was going on.
"Bells, just remember I'll take him down if he hurts you. I got your back."
I laughed weakly aware that he was trying to lighten the mood. "He has a hard head," I murmured remembering how I broke my knuckle punching him.
Charlie loved Jake, so I appreciated the gesture. He went inside the Black house, and I walked over reluctantly. Leah met me first, her eyes expressive in their disgust of me coming over here, but I suspected that was because she didn't want me or Jake to get hurt. She huffed out a sigh, rolling her eyes at me, and gave me a thin-lipped smile. I nodded, smiling a little. Leah could speak volumes with her expressions.
"Hi," I said quietly to the pack. Their faces were a mixture of disgust, surprise at my apparent bravery, and coolness.
Seth gave me a small smile and eased a little of my fear. "Hey Bella," he replied and I smiled back at him.
They all nodded at me and went back to work. "Jake," I said at a loss for words.
He cleared his throat looking uncomfortable. "Hey, um, Bella," he replied.
His girlfriend's eyebrows rose at the name. Well, that answered my question. She knew of me; how much I wasn't sure. She was pretty, I noted. Her blonde hair was cut really short, angled just right around her face, making her look like a pixie. She was wearing leggings and a silky-looking red top both of which hugged smooth curves. Her blue eyes scrutinized me as she remained close to Jake, her arm still in his.
"Lila, this is Bella Swan, Chief Swan's daughter. Bella, this is Lila Bowen," he murmured, looking as if he wanted to be somewhere else.
My stomach continued to knot as she said, "So, you're Bella." That was all she said.
I cleared my throat. "Yes."
It felt so awkward and my heart was beating faster as the silence stretched. "So, you're here for good? Not going to run back to Alaska?" Her voice was calm and steady.
I felt a twist of irritation along with all the other emotions. "I don't plan on running anywhere. I'm here to stay."
Her eyes narrowed a little. "No more plans to let people think you're dead?"
My own eyes narrowed as I stared back at her. Leah was moving toward us, ready to create an excuse to get me away from there, but I pulled my arm away. "It's really none of your business, but there were reasons."
Jake's jaw tightened. "Lila, don't," he said his voice holding a warning.
"Maybe so, but you created quite a bit of havoc, didn't you?"
My eyes met hers, and I said, "You have no clue what you're talking about…" and trailed off when Leah pulled me back.
Jake's eyes met mine and were entirely closed off; eyes that usually held so much emotion. My chin shook briefly, but I firmed it up, unwilling to show Lila she got to me. Deep down, I knew she cared about Jake and just didn't want him hurt again. Maybe it was fear for my history with Jake, too, but I was the one feeling the jealousy eating away at my insides. He was dating her. Did he sleep with her? The thought caused more of an ache in my chest, and I let Leah lead me away.
My eyes met Jake's as he steered Lila away. This time I could read the frustration, anger, and apology in his eyes. At least I knew he didn't intentionally bring her here to hurt me. That was something, right?
"Stop crying," Leah ordered.
Indeed the tears had spilled down my cheeks. "Let go of me," I snapped.
She snickered. "That's right. Be angry. Honestly, though, Lila's got guts. I kind of like her."
I shoved Leah's arm away from me. "Then go hang out with her!"
She just shook her head, exasperated. "I don't get it, Bella. I think I'm finally starting to like you. Come on, you need a friend. I kind of suck at that, but I'll try."
"And I'm sure Jake is thrilled you're attempting to be my friend," I muttered.
She smirked. "He knows, but he also knows I'm loyal and will kick your ass if necessary. I think he secretly likes that the little Swan has a big, bad wolf friend."
I rolled my eyes at her as she laughed. Relaxing a little, I walked with her back to my truck. Charlie was coming out of Billy's house, looking worn and tired. He looked like he had been through an emotional wringer, too. "We're going out this weekend, Swan. I need to fucking drink and you look like you could stand to get drunk, too."
I snorted, though the idea was kind of intriguing. I wasn't a drinker, but that's what friends did. They went out and had a couple drinks together. It couldn't hurt. I shrugged and said, "If you say so."
She tossed me one more smirk and left. Charlie and I instinctively reached out for each other. I smiled through the grief, knowing he was doing the same, but both of us took comfort in the fact that we had each other.
Chapter 7
*~*~*
AN: Ok, out of curiosity, who wants to see Charlie's POV in regards to trying to make his own amends? I was thinking of doing a three-way split next chapter; part Charlie, part Jake, and part Bella.
So, did the confrontation surprise you? I thought everyone got a little testy, but they had understandable reasons for it and didn't go overboard. I know it was a bit short, too, but I didn't want to dive into some whole big showdown Hope everyone is satisfied with it! Let me know what you think.
Anyway, I suck and didn't entirely finish my profile (on FFn), but I just have to link the stories I'm reading or going to read or have read and it'll be up to date for anyone who wants to check it out.