Picking up the Pieces, 7: The Night Out
Title: Picking up the Pieces
Author: exquisite_ugly
Rating/Warnings: M (language, future explicit sex)
Summary: Bella returns to Forks a few years after having married Edward and moving to Alaska. Mistakes and regrets, loneliness and grief, she severs ties and returns to those she truly loves to start over. What will she come home to? AU, A/D/R, M-language/sex
*~*~*
When you move in right up close to me/That's when I get the shakes all over me/Quivers down my backbone/I got the shakes down my knee bone/Yeah the tremors in my thigh bone/Shakin' all over/Just the way that you say goodnight to me/Brings that feelin' on inside of me
*~*~*
CPOV
The clock ticked slowly behind me. It was so damn loud in the silence, but then again Billy and I weren't always big talkers. I sat at the kitchen table with him. It had only been about five minutes, but it felt like an eternity. Talking about feelings was never my strong point, though it had gotten easier with Bella. She was right about getting this over and done with.
The grief and the mistakes I made had weighed heavily on my mind for so long. I needed to stop being such a damn wuss and own up to it.
Billy had called Sue as well to come over, but I wanted to talk to her alone. Billy agreed to give us some privacy when she got here. He watched me calmly right now, and I finally opened my mouth to stop the incessant staring. I was starting to sweat.
"I screwed up," I said. My voice cracked, and I felt like a moron. I cleared it quickly. "I know you came that day out of concern, but apparently I couldn't stop wallowing."
Billy didn't say anything; he just stared. He was annoyingly good at it, and I rubbed sweaty palms on my jeans. It was like asking a girl out for the first time as a kid and it made me feel weird.
"I'm sorry," I finally said simply. Billy always spoke volumes with just a few words. He always met your eyes, too, so I did the same. He deserved that after how I acted.
"No, you couldn't stop wallowing," he finally said. "You pushed away the two people that cared most about you."
It probably wasn't, but it felt like a reprimand. I lowered my eyes, embarrassed and feeling remorse over how I acted.
"You're cutting back on the drinking?" he asked.
I glanced up, nodded, and sighed. "Yes, I am. I had cut back a little already, but of course, having Bella home has helped. I really am sorry for how I acted."
He sighed, too, leaning back and taking a swallow of water. "I know you are. I also know that Bella was the one that talked you into coming here today. You're an idiot, Charlie. It's good that your daughter had the common sense to push you into coming."
I gave him a half-annoyed look. "Yeah, okay, Black. I'll let you get away with that once."
He smiled slightly. "It was up to you to come here. You made the mistake. But I do understand. I'm not sure how I would have dealt with the news that I had lost one of my children. That would be why I can forgive you easily enough."
I nodded slowly. "Yeah, I know you do, but you're right. It was up to me to get the ball rolling."
Billy moved away from the table. "Speaking of getting the ball rolling, Sue just came. I'll leave the room so you can talk to her privately. She's worth everything in the world, Charlie; remember that."
I nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. I stood up as she came into the kitchen. Her dark eyes were wary, but her expression was open, so I took that as a good sign. She gave me a hesitant smile and that was all I needed. I went to her, brushed my fingers over the tail of her long dark braid and then framed her face. I was terrible at words, so I tried to say what I needed to say through action.
I lightly - hesitantly - cupped her face in my hands and rested my forehead against hers. She curled her fingers over my forearms and we stood there in silence for a few beats.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled awkwardly. "I hope you know I would never hurt you, I didn't mean to, I mean I was an idiot…"
I probably would've bumbled on like that forever, but she placed a finger over my lips, silencing me.
"Charlie, I understand it was hard for you. I'm probably in the same boat as Billy as far as I don't know what I would have done if it was one of my own."
She paused, laying a hand on my cheek. "I also know you would never hurt me. You lashed out which you shouldn't have, and I took it personally, which I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have given up on you."
"I'm still sorry. You have always been there for me just as Billy and I have always been there for you."
She smiled a little. "We'll still be here for each other. I promise I won't give up on you, though I don't expect this to happen again."
"It won't," I replied reverently.
"Good," she said matter-of-factly and I kissed her. It wasn't the first kiss we had shared. We had been getting closer not long after Bella left Forks, but we were taking it ultra slow. Her lips were hesitant, and I thought maybe I was pushing it, but she was warm and soft and it made me feel as if I could do anything.
Oh God, I'm being kind of sappy. Billy would laugh at me.
"Go be with your daughter. We'll work on this and try again," she said pulling back a little.
I nodded, grateful she was willing to try and worn down from way too many emotions for one man to deal with. The thought of screwing up again was enough to terrify me. I didn't want to lose her for good. She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. Bella was heading towards me as I got to the truck; looking just as worn as I felt, though I wasn't sure her talk went quite as well. Sadness twisted me up as I saw Jacob walking away with a blonde that I assumed was his girlfriend. I had suspected that was part of the problem.
It was obvious Bella loved him even to someone with limited emotional range like me. She was trying so hard to make things right, but I remembered just how much Jake had suffered. It was easy for me to welcome her back. She was my daughter. But she had turned away from his offer and left with someone else. His ego had been bruised.
I sighed. As long as we had each other, well, I hoped that would suffice for now. I took her hand to comfort her and she gave me a smile, squeezing mine in return.
*~*~*
JPOV
My mind buzzed endlessly, but I didn't speak. I wasn't sure I should because I just didn't know what to say. Lila and I hadn't really said much after what happened. She seemed lost in thought, and I had no idea how to explain myself or anything regarding this situation.
We stuck close to my Dad's, Lila snapping pictures of the area where the school was going to be built while I sat in the car and tried to make sense out of the paperwork I had. The guys' continued working, but I could feel looks being shot my way now and again. They heard the exchange, though they had moved away and talked amongst themselves. Apparently everyone still had really good hearing.
I watched Lila as she continued snapping pictures and jotting things down in her notebook. There had been a time when I never thought I could love another girl because of Bella. I had come to care for Lila, though, but now those two worlds were colliding and I was going to have to make a decision soon.
I sighed, grabbing the folder of my newly organized files and frowned when I saw Paul now talking to Lila. That sort of bothered me, but I headed into the house. Billy was whittling wood at the kitchen table and looked up at me as I came in.
"You okay, son?" he asked mildly.
I shrugged and sighed. "Not really," I admitted.
He was quiet as he began carving the wood. Then he said, "It's never an easy decision when there are two people you care about. You have to decide whose best for you and who you can see the rest of your life with."
I glanced over at him. "How did you know Mom was it?"
He smiled slightly, never taking his eyes off his carving. "When we got into a huge fight. She was yelling at me, and I was angry, too, but I realized that I preferred a feisty woman and loved her even more after that. I told her so and she threw a book at me."
I snorted out a laugh. "So, if someone throws a book at me, I'll know."
"Smartass," Billy said calmly, but I could hear a hint of laughter in his voice. "Just be honest with yourself. You'll figure it out."
Billy left to go visit with Old Quil and Lila came into the house. She sat on the couch next to me. She finally murmured, "I'm sorry for what I said."
I looked over at her, surprised. She really did look bothered. "I should apologize to Bella, but the situation… well… anyway I didn't intend to be like that. It wasn't my place, but I got a little jealous," she admitted.
I reached over and took her hand. "I'm not mad at you. I was surprised by your reaction, though. It wasn't fair to Bella."
She leaned back against the sofa looking up at the ceiling. "I think I realized that you still love her. You do, don't you?"
I stared down at our hands. "I do, but it's complicated." I finally said. "A lot of things went wrong and it's hard getting over certain feelings to forgive her fully. I know that isn't fair to you…"
She turned to face me, a trace of hurt on her face. "No, it isn't, but then again we never intended to be serious, did we?"
"Lila…" I felt like such an asshole and wanted to make it better.
"Jake? Is that why we haven't been, uh… sleeping together lately? Or even been affectionate?" She looked embarrassed and wouldn't meet my eyes.
"I… well, I didn't think it…" I stopped, feeling vaguely embarrassed myself.
She stopped me by leaning in to kiss me. I closed my eyes after a moment, enjoying her touch, remembering the easy affection and intimacy we shared. She had been my first relationship, though my second sexual experience. It had been really good between us, and I felt her move closer. My hands spanned her back. She was warm and familiar, but it just didn't feel right because of Bella to continue, though, and I didn't want to encourage Lila when things were so up in the air.
She shifted back slightly, her eyes reflecting a mix of emotions. I sighed, wrapping my arms around her, resting my forehead on her shoulder. She leaned into me the way she always did and we just stayed like that.
I heard Billy outside, so I reluctantly pulled away. We cooked some steaks Billy had picked up at the store recently and ate together, talking more about the school project. My Dad eyed me briefly, and I knew he was wondering what was up. After we cleaned up dinner, he disappeared into his room to work on his carvings some more before going to bed while we watched television.
When we decided to get some sleep, Lila looked at my bed in silence. "I don't know what's going to happen, but is it okay if we just sleep together?"
I slid into bed, my legs hanging off the end like they always did and lifted the covers. She stretched out next to me, arm draped casually over my side, facing me. "If it's appropriate timing and you think it's okay, will you apologize to Bella for me? I would, but I don't know if that's such a good idea."
I nodded. As I drifted off, I wondered just how the hell I was going to figure this all out.
*~*~*
BPOV
It was the night that Leah and I were supposed to go out, and I could feel myself on the verge of hyperventilating. I wasn't sure why, but the pressure to go and have fun when I wasn't sure how I was feeling was kind of strong… and unnerving.
I brushed my hair, leaving it wavy and loose for once. I knew Leah would just harass me if I pulled it up. My closet doors stood wide and I perused the selection, pursing my lips as I realized I had nothing really appropriate to wear. Then I remembered the low-cut, off-white top I wore that night in Alaska to the coffee shop to meet with Ethan whom I had met there a previous time. My cheeks burned at the memory, remembering where things were leading before I stopped it.
Charlie called up the stairs. "Bells? Leah just called; she's on her way."
"Oh crap," I muttered. I had been standing in front of my closet daydreaming.
I raced downstairs to check the clothes that had just been washed. Charlie was leaning against the kitchen counter, watching me with an amused expression on his face. "I'm glad you're going out," he said. "Even though I think Leah is a bit overwhelming."
I snickered. "That's putting it mildly. And I'm glad you find this so amusing. I'll remember that when you and Sue decide to go out." I was really glad they had talked at Billy's and a couple times on the phone. As weird as it was to think of Charlie dating, I was happy Sue was willing to try again.
Charlie looked slightly embarrassed and coughed. "Yes, well, we'll see," he said.
Leah pulled up outside and honked repeatedly. I rolled my eyes, waving at her impatiently, letting her know I wasn't quite ready. She came to the door, took one look at me, and sighed. "Seriously, Swan, you're wearing that?"
I gave her an annoyed look. "No, but I haven't decided yet."
She trailed after me as I went back to my room to search deeper and see if I missed something. Leah perched on the edge of the bed, looking like a damn model in her tight red top and black skirt that barely reached mid-thigh. I felt extremely short and frumpy compared to her.
I pulled out a green top. "You'll look like a housemaid," Leah declared.
Next was a black blouse. "You'll look like Casper in that," she snickered.
"Too librarian."
"Ew. Ugly."
"What is that? You'll scare everyone away."
I gave a loud, pissed off sigh. "Yeah, well, I don't do slut," I snapped.
She laughed at my dig, though for a moment I worried for my safety. She gave me a light shove sending me thumping into my door. Why the hell did everyone I know have to have super strength?
"Watch it," I muttered as she ripped open a box shoved in the back of my closet.
She ignored me and yanked out a denim skirt I had completely forgotten about. It was short; probably about mid-to-upper thigh on me. There was a silky, cream-colored top with it that was a little more low-cut than I was used to.
"Ta-dah," Leah proclaimed. "This will do. It's not as sexy as it should be, but it's sexy enough."
I was tired of arguing and just wanted to get this over with, so I yanked the clothes from her grasp and changed in the bathroom. I put on a little mascara and lip gloss and then sighed because I knew Leah would complain. So, I added a little eyeliner and managed to refrain from stabbing myself in the eye with the pencil. Satisfied, I yanked on my low-heeled shoes and we were ready to leave.
I zipped by the living room before Charlie could get a look at me, though I suspected he had an idea. "Have fun," I heard him call out. "Bella, leave your phone on."
"It always is," I called back.
Leah had borrowed her mom's sedan and she drove us to a bar on the border of Port Angeles. It wasn't a club, but there was a big dance floor and some people were already out there. My heart gave a sick thud, but I sucked in a breath and followed Leah.
She was already attracting attention, though she just sashayed on by without pausing. "Two shots of tequila," she ordered.
My eyebrows shot up. "Um, Leah… I'm not really a big drinker…"
She shrugged. "It's just one. We'll get a drink after that and stick to that."
I gamely followed along, licking the salt, downing the shot, and sucking on the lime. Trying to mask gagging at the taste of the tequila, I began to feel the burn in my stomach. We ordered a drink and sat at the bar. We talked - or yelled - over the music for awhile before moving to a table. My heel caught on a crack in the floorboard, but Leah's reflexes were just as good as when she was phasing.
"You only had one drink," she pointed out with a snicker.
"I shaid I'm not a drinker," I replied. "Um… said. And anyway, we had a shot, too."
She laughed again. "So, why did you decide to come back after all this time?" she finally asked. Her tone wasn't her smartass one, so I decided to answer.
"I missed my dad, my mom, and Jake. It had started before everything happened; before my death was faked to protect me, but it got worse as time went on. When it was decided I had to keep a low profile, when I had no idea that anyone knew of what happened, I had thought once the threat blew over I would leave. So, I did."
She studied me. "So, the threat was why you did it. And you never let anyone know that could find out. You didn't warn them. They just found out and suffered while thinking you were dead."
I bristled and took a gulp of my drink to make up for the buzz that was dissipating with the conversation. "Don't even start, Leah. I am perfectly aware that mistakes were made on my part. The Cullen's screwed up and Charlie, my mom, and Jake found out."
"They would have been suspicious regardless because they wouldn't have heard from you for quite awhile," she said her voice cool.
"I know, but I figured a year or so of silence would be better than possibly bringing the risk to them. It never was a smart plan, but it had been the only one that could keep me safe. The Volturi still think I'm dead, and I finally decided to leave and come home."
"Yeah, you came home to Jake with another woman and your father afraid of not having some kind of connection to you."
I looked her straight in the eye. "You haven't made any mistakes, Leah? Your situation sucked, but it's not like you handled things very well. You made the whole pack suffer when it should have been between you, Sam, and Emily. It's not the same, but you don't have room to judge. I'm trying."
Her lip curled back, eyes flashing as she stared back at me. I didn't back down, though.
Finally, she backed off. "Fine, you have a point. I screwed up, too. Regardless, I was going to say I respect that you came back. I'm just looking out for Jake."
I relaxed. I took another big swallow of my drink, ordering another one right away. Leah raised her eyebrows and laughed, the mood shifting back to light-hearted.
She tossed her drink back and literally dragged me out to the dance floor because I protested. This was not something I was good at, but I suffered through and danced with one man briefly before moving away. All I could think about was how Jake always smelled like the forest, how warm he was, and how none of these men were him.
It didn't take long, but I was wobbling from the couple drinks I had. Leah steered me back to the table, shaking her head. "That guy wanted to dance with you, Swan. You're just too hung up on Jake, aren't you?"
I ignored her, finishing off my drink and nearly stumbling into my seat.
"You two should just sleep together and get it out of your system."
I snorted at her, but felt my cheeks warm at the thought. She smirked at me and led me toward the door. "We're leaving?" I slurred. My tongue felt like a swollen sausage.
"Yeah, you're hopeless," she muttered. I could see she had a good time, though, and I knew she scored a phone number.
All I could think about was Jake on the ride home, and I tried to be careful what I was said, but apparently not enough. Leah kept egging me on, letting me know that she had seen Jake naked. When we got back to Charlie's, Leah screeched to a stop.
"Well, well, look who's driving by."
I glanced up and froze briefly. Jake was there. Why was he at my house?
He took one look at me and raised his eyebrow. "Leah, what the hell are you doing?"
She laughed, bounded out of the car, and hauled me out the other side. I stumbled as she pushed me into Jake. "Wha are you doing here?" I slurred slightly. I was seeing two of him.
Leah grinned. "Jake, you mind getting her inside? I already called my mom and let her know I was on my way home. I don't have time."
In a flash she was gone, telling me she'd call me tomorrow. Jake sighed, looking both annoyed and vaguely amused. He led me to the door where I fumbled with the key. He took it from me and opened it.
"Thanks," I said unable to stop a giggle.
He ignored me and led me upstairs very quietly. "I was heading to my dad's so I'd be here to start work on the school early in the morning," he said quietly, finally answering my question.
I nodded. I giggled again as my head spun when I pushed my bedroom door open.
Could I seduce him? I should probably seduce him. I slid my skirt off quickly, kicking it across the room before he realized what I was doing. "Bella," he sighed. I was standing there in my black bikini panties and he was looking all stoic. I tried to unbutton my shirt, but my fingers wouldn't cooperate.
I caught his hand before he could turn away. "Can… can you unbutton my top? I'm having trouble."
He gave me a brief stare, but efficiently unbuttoned my top. He turned away again, but I knew he had seen me. His eyes had darkened briefly.
"You need to get some sleep," he said calmly. I smiled, knowing he was striving a little too hard for calm now.
I tugged a flimsy tank top on after discarding my bra onto the bed. I slid under the covers making sure they weren't pulled up over my chest. "Jake? You are so mush more beautiful than sort of," I said. Dammit, stop slurring!
He turned to look at me, and I tried to sprawl in a sexy way, unsure if I was doing it right. My limbs felt clumsy. "What are you doing?" he murmured.
"Leah shaid we should just sleep together," I said. "You know, get it over with."
His eyes briefly landed on my chest as he pulled the covers up. "Leah is a meddling troublemaker," he said leaning over me. "There are other factors - other people - to consider, Bella. And we haven't entirely worked everything out yet, have we?"
I tilted my face towards his. Those dark eyes met mine, and I felt a little shiver in my belly. I knew deep down I was being stupid; that I had no right to try and tempt him when he was with someone else, but I missed being touched intimately. And I had wanted it to be him for so long now.
He leaned down, and I swallowed noisily. His face was so different and so familiar all at once. He paused, but I pressed my lips quickly to his. It wasn't exactly a kiss; more like a brush, though we both hesitated in pulling away. I was already dizzy, but just that light touch was enough to affect me.
His eyes still on mine, he picked up my bra and my clothes and placed them on my chair, and turned to go. He looked a little angry, a little sad, and if I wasn't mistaken in my haze, a little shaken. My body was quivering from his nearness.
"Good night," he murmured and closed the door behind him. I hugged my pillow against me, holding on to those sensations before I passed out.
Chapter 8
*~*~*
AN: So, what do you think about how Jake is handling this? I wanted him to feel that attraction to Bella without going over the top because of feelings for Lila. Did that work for you? And Bella is not a man-stealer in case you were worried… she was just sort of drunk and being stupid. Let me know what you think; hope you enjoyed :o) Oh oh and check out the song listed above… I love it. It's very understated, but I like the song and description of being affected by someone (hence why I used it because of their reaction to each other).
Author: exquisite_ugly
Rating/Warnings: M (language, future explicit sex)
Summary: Bella returns to Forks a few years after having married Edward and moving to Alaska. Mistakes and regrets, loneliness and grief, she severs ties and returns to those she truly loves to start over. What will she come home to? AU, A/D/R, M-language/sex
*~*~*
When you move in right up close to me/That's when I get the shakes all over me/Quivers down my backbone/I got the shakes down my knee bone/Yeah the tremors in my thigh bone/Shakin' all over/Just the way that you say goodnight to me/Brings that feelin' on inside of me
*~*~*
CPOV
The clock ticked slowly behind me. It was so damn loud in the silence, but then again Billy and I weren't always big talkers. I sat at the kitchen table with him. It had only been about five minutes, but it felt like an eternity. Talking about feelings was never my strong point, though it had gotten easier with Bella. She was right about getting this over and done with.
The grief and the mistakes I made had weighed heavily on my mind for so long. I needed to stop being such a damn wuss and own up to it.
Billy had called Sue as well to come over, but I wanted to talk to her alone. Billy agreed to give us some privacy when she got here. He watched me calmly right now, and I finally opened my mouth to stop the incessant staring. I was starting to sweat.
"I screwed up," I said. My voice cracked, and I felt like a moron. I cleared it quickly. "I know you came that day out of concern, but apparently I couldn't stop wallowing."
Billy didn't say anything; he just stared. He was annoyingly good at it, and I rubbed sweaty palms on my jeans. It was like asking a girl out for the first time as a kid and it made me feel weird.
"I'm sorry," I finally said simply. Billy always spoke volumes with just a few words. He always met your eyes, too, so I did the same. He deserved that after how I acted.
"No, you couldn't stop wallowing," he finally said. "You pushed away the two people that cared most about you."
It probably wasn't, but it felt like a reprimand. I lowered my eyes, embarrassed and feeling remorse over how I acted.
"You're cutting back on the drinking?" he asked.
I glanced up, nodded, and sighed. "Yes, I am. I had cut back a little already, but of course, having Bella home has helped. I really am sorry for how I acted."
He sighed, too, leaning back and taking a swallow of water. "I know you are. I also know that Bella was the one that talked you into coming here today. You're an idiot, Charlie. It's good that your daughter had the common sense to push you into coming."
I gave him a half-annoyed look. "Yeah, okay, Black. I'll let you get away with that once."
He smiled slightly. "It was up to you to come here. You made the mistake. But I do understand. I'm not sure how I would have dealt with the news that I had lost one of my children. That would be why I can forgive you easily enough."
I nodded slowly. "Yeah, I know you do, but you're right. It was up to me to get the ball rolling."
Billy moved away from the table. "Speaking of getting the ball rolling, Sue just came. I'll leave the room so you can talk to her privately. She's worth everything in the world, Charlie; remember that."
I nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. I stood up as she came into the kitchen. Her dark eyes were wary, but her expression was open, so I took that as a good sign. She gave me a hesitant smile and that was all I needed. I went to her, brushed my fingers over the tail of her long dark braid and then framed her face. I was terrible at words, so I tried to say what I needed to say through action.
I lightly - hesitantly - cupped her face in my hands and rested my forehead against hers. She curled her fingers over my forearms and we stood there in silence for a few beats.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled awkwardly. "I hope you know I would never hurt you, I didn't mean to, I mean I was an idiot…"
I probably would've bumbled on like that forever, but she placed a finger over my lips, silencing me.
"Charlie, I understand it was hard for you. I'm probably in the same boat as Billy as far as I don't know what I would have done if it was one of my own."
She paused, laying a hand on my cheek. "I also know you would never hurt me. You lashed out which you shouldn't have, and I took it personally, which I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have given up on you."
"I'm still sorry. You have always been there for me just as Billy and I have always been there for you."
She smiled a little. "We'll still be here for each other. I promise I won't give up on you, though I don't expect this to happen again."
"It won't," I replied reverently.
"Good," she said matter-of-factly and I kissed her. It wasn't the first kiss we had shared. We had been getting closer not long after Bella left Forks, but we were taking it ultra slow. Her lips were hesitant, and I thought maybe I was pushing it, but she was warm and soft and it made me feel as if I could do anything.
Oh God, I'm being kind of sappy. Billy would laugh at me.
"Go be with your daughter. We'll work on this and try again," she said pulling back a little.
I nodded, grateful she was willing to try and worn down from way too many emotions for one man to deal with. The thought of screwing up again was enough to terrify me. I didn't want to lose her for good. She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. Bella was heading towards me as I got to the truck; looking just as worn as I felt, though I wasn't sure her talk went quite as well. Sadness twisted me up as I saw Jacob walking away with a blonde that I assumed was his girlfriend. I had suspected that was part of the problem.
It was obvious Bella loved him even to someone with limited emotional range like me. She was trying so hard to make things right, but I remembered just how much Jake had suffered. It was easy for me to welcome her back. She was my daughter. But she had turned away from his offer and left with someone else. His ego had been bruised.
I sighed. As long as we had each other, well, I hoped that would suffice for now. I took her hand to comfort her and she gave me a smile, squeezing mine in return.
*~*~*
JPOV
My mind buzzed endlessly, but I didn't speak. I wasn't sure I should because I just didn't know what to say. Lila and I hadn't really said much after what happened. She seemed lost in thought, and I had no idea how to explain myself or anything regarding this situation.
We stuck close to my Dad's, Lila snapping pictures of the area where the school was going to be built while I sat in the car and tried to make sense out of the paperwork I had. The guys' continued working, but I could feel looks being shot my way now and again. They heard the exchange, though they had moved away and talked amongst themselves. Apparently everyone still had really good hearing.
I watched Lila as she continued snapping pictures and jotting things down in her notebook. There had been a time when I never thought I could love another girl because of Bella. I had come to care for Lila, though, but now those two worlds were colliding and I was going to have to make a decision soon.
I sighed, grabbing the folder of my newly organized files and frowned when I saw Paul now talking to Lila. That sort of bothered me, but I headed into the house. Billy was whittling wood at the kitchen table and looked up at me as I came in.
"You okay, son?" he asked mildly.
I shrugged and sighed. "Not really," I admitted.
He was quiet as he began carving the wood. Then he said, "It's never an easy decision when there are two people you care about. You have to decide whose best for you and who you can see the rest of your life with."
I glanced over at him. "How did you know Mom was it?"
He smiled slightly, never taking his eyes off his carving. "When we got into a huge fight. She was yelling at me, and I was angry, too, but I realized that I preferred a feisty woman and loved her even more after that. I told her so and she threw a book at me."
I snorted out a laugh. "So, if someone throws a book at me, I'll know."
"Smartass," Billy said calmly, but I could hear a hint of laughter in his voice. "Just be honest with yourself. You'll figure it out."
Billy left to go visit with Old Quil and Lila came into the house. She sat on the couch next to me. She finally murmured, "I'm sorry for what I said."
I looked over at her, surprised. She really did look bothered. "I should apologize to Bella, but the situation… well… anyway I didn't intend to be like that. It wasn't my place, but I got a little jealous," she admitted.
I reached over and took her hand. "I'm not mad at you. I was surprised by your reaction, though. It wasn't fair to Bella."
She leaned back against the sofa looking up at the ceiling. "I think I realized that you still love her. You do, don't you?"
I stared down at our hands. "I do, but it's complicated." I finally said. "A lot of things went wrong and it's hard getting over certain feelings to forgive her fully. I know that isn't fair to you…"
She turned to face me, a trace of hurt on her face. "No, it isn't, but then again we never intended to be serious, did we?"
"Lila…" I felt like such an asshole and wanted to make it better.
"Jake? Is that why we haven't been, uh… sleeping together lately? Or even been affectionate?" She looked embarrassed and wouldn't meet my eyes.
"I… well, I didn't think it…" I stopped, feeling vaguely embarrassed myself.
She stopped me by leaning in to kiss me. I closed my eyes after a moment, enjoying her touch, remembering the easy affection and intimacy we shared. She had been my first relationship, though my second sexual experience. It had been really good between us, and I felt her move closer. My hands spanned her back. She was warm and familiar, but it just didn't feel right because of Bella to continue, though, and I didn't want to encourage Lila when things were so up in the air.
She shifted back slightly, her eyes reflecting a mix of emotions. I sighed, wrapping my arms around her, resting my forehead on her shoulder. She leaned into me the way she always did and we just stayed like that.
I heard Billy outside, so I reluctantly pulled away. We cooked some steaks Billy had picked up at the store recently and ate together, talking more about the school project. My Dad eyed me briefly, and I knew he was wondering what was up. After we cleaned up dinner, he disappeared into his room to work on his carvings some more before going to bed while we watched television.
When we decided to get some sleep, Lila looked at my bed in silence. "I don't know what's going to happen, but is it okay if we just sleep together?"
I slid into bed, my legs hanging off the end like they always did and lifted the covers. She stretched out next to me, arm draped casually over my side, facing me. "If it's appropriate timing and you think it's okay, will you apologize to Bella for me? I would, but I don't know if that's such a good idea."
I nodded. As I drifted off, I wondered just how the hell I was going to figure this all out.
*~*~*
BPOV
It was the night that Leah and I were supposed to go out, and I could feel myself on the verge of hyperventilating. I wasn't sure why, but the pressure to go and have fun when I wasn't sure how I was feeling was kind of strong… and unnerving.
I brushed my hair, leaving it wavy and loose for once. I knew Leah would just harass me if I pulled it up. My closet doors stood wide and I perused the selection, pursing my lips as I realized I had nothing really appropriate to wear. Then I remembered the low-cut, off-white top I wore that night in Alaska to the coffee shop to meet with Ethan whom I had met there a previous time. My cheeks burned at the memory, remembering where things were leading before I stopped it.
Charlie called up the stairs. "Bells? Leah just called; she's on her way."
"Oh crap," I muttered. I had been standing in front of my closet daydreaming.
I raced downstairs to check the clothes that had just been washed. Charlie was leaning against the kitchen counter, watching me with an amused expression on his face. "I'm glad you're going out," he said. "Even though I think Leah is a bit overwhelming."
I snickered. "That's putting it mildly. And I'm glad you find this so amusing. I'll remember that when you and Sue decide to go out." I was really glad they had talked at Billy's and a couple times on the phone. As weird as it was to think of Charlie dating, I was happy Sue was willing to try again.
Charlie looked slightly embarrassed and coughed. "Yes, well, we'll see," he said.
Leah pulled up outside and honked repeatedly. I rolled my eyes, waving at her impatiently, letting her know I wasn't quite ready. She came to the door, took one look at me, and sighed. "Seriously, Swan, you're wearing that?"
I gave her an annoyed look. "No, but I haven't decided yet."
She trailed after me as I went back to my room to search deeper and see if I missed something. Leah perched on the edge of the bed, looking like a damn model in her tight red top and black skirt that barely reached mid-thigh. I felt extremely short and frumpy compared to her.
I pulled out a green top. "You'll look like a housemaid," Leah declared.
Next was a black blouse. "You'll look like Casper in that," she snickered.
"Too librarian."
"Ew. Ugly."
"What is that? You'll scare everyone away."
I gave a loud, pissed off sigh. "Yeah, well, I don't do slut," I snapped.
She laughed at my dig, though for a moment I worried for my safety. She gave me a light shove sending me thumping into my door. Why the hell did everyone I know have to have super strength?
"Watch it," I muttered as she ripped open a box shoved in the back of my closet.
She ignored me and yanked out a denim skirt I had completely forgotten about. It was short; probably about mid-to-upper thigh on me. There was a silky, cream-colored top with it that was a little more low-cut than I was used to.
"Ta-dah," Leah proclaimed. "This will do. It's not as sexy as it should be, but it's sexy enough."
I was tired of arguing and just wanted to get this over with, so I yanked the clothes from her grasp and changed in the bathroom. I put on a little mascara and lip gloss and then sighed because I knew Leah would complain. So, I added a little eyeliner and managed to refrain from stabbing myself in the eye with the pencil. Satisfied, I yanked on my low-heeled shoes and we were ready to leave.
I zipped by the living room before Charlie could get a look at me, though I suspected he had an idea. "Have fun," I heard him call out. "Bella, leave your phone on."
"It always is," I called back.
Leah had borrowed her mom's sedan and she drove us to a bar on the border of Port Angeles. It wasn't a club, but there was a big dance floor and some people were already out there. My heart gave a sick thud, but I sucked in a breath and followed Leah.
She was already attracting attention, though she just sashayed on by without pausing. "Two shots of tequila," she ordered.
My eyebrows shot up. "Um, Leah… I'm not really a big drinker…"
She shrugged. "It's just one. We'll get a drink after that and stick to that."
I gamely followed along, licking the salt, downing the shot, and sucking on the lime. Trying to mask gagging at the taste of the tequila, I began to feel the burn in my stomach. We ordered a drink and sat at the bar. We talked - or yelled - over the music for awhile before moving to a table. My heel caught on a crack in the floorboard, but Leah's reflexes were just as good as when she was phasing.
"You only had one drink," she pointed out with a snicker.
"I shaid I'm not a drinker," I replied. "Um… said. And anyway, we had a shot, too."
She laughed again. "So, why did you decide to come back after all this time?" she finally asked. Her tone wasn't her smartass one, so I decided to answer.
"I missed my dad, my mom, and Jake. It had started before everything happened; before my death was faked to protect me, but it got worse as time went on. When it was decided I had to keep a low profile, when I had no idea that anyone knew of what happened, I had thought once the threat blew over I would leave. So, I did."
She studied me. "So, the threat was why you did it. And you never let anyone know that could find out. You didn't warn them. They just found out and suffered while thinking you were dead."
I bristled and took a gulp of my drink to make up for the buzz that was dissipating with the conversation. "Don't even start, Leah. I am perfectly aware that mistakes were made on my part. The Cullen's screwed up and Charlie, my mom, and Jake found out."
"They would have been suspicious regardless because they wouldn't have heard from you for quite awhile," she said her voice cool.
"I know, but I figured a year or so of silence would be better than possibly bringing the risk to them. It never was a smart plan, but it had been the only one that could keep me safe. The Volturi still think I'm dead, and I finally decided to leave and come home."
"Yeah, you came home to Jake with another woman and your father afraid of not having some kind of connection to you."
I looked her straight in the eye. "You haven't made any mistakes, Leah? Your situation sucked, but it's not like you handled things very well. You made the whole pack suffer when it should have been between you, Sam, and Emily. It's not the same, but you don't have room to judge. I'm trying."
Her lip curled back, eyes flashing as she stared back at me. I didn't back down, though.
Finally, she backed off. "Fine, you have a point. I screwed up, too. Regardless, I was going to say I respect that you came back. I'm just looking out for Jake."
I relaxed. I took another big swallow of my drink, ordering another one right away. Leah raised her eyebrows and laughed, the mood shifting back to light-hearted.
She tossed her drink back and literally dragged me out to the dance floor because I protested. This was not something I was good at, but I suffered through and danced with one man briefly before moving away. All I could think about was how Jake always smelled like the forest, how warm he was, and how none of these men were him.
It didn't take long, but I was wobbling from the couple drinks I had. Leah steered me back to the table, shaking her head. "That guy wanted to dance with you, Swan. You're just too hung up on Jake, aren't you?"
I ignored her, finishing off my drink and nearly stumbling into my seat.
"You two should just sleep together and get it out of your system."
I snorted at her, but felt my cheeks warm at the thought. She smirked at me and led me toward the door. "We're leaving?" I slurred. My tongue felt like a swollen sausage.
"Yeah, you're hopeless," she muttered. I could see she had a good time, though, and I knew she scored a phone number.
All I could think about was Jake on the ride home, and I tried to be careful what I was said, but apparently not enough. Leah kept egging me on, letting me know that she had seen Jake naked. When we got back to Charlie's, Leah screeched to a stop.
"Well, well, look who's driving by."
I glanced up and froze briefly. Jake was there. Why was he at my house?
He took one look at me and raised his eyebrow. "Leah, what the hell are you doing?"
She laughed, bounded out of the car, and hauled me out the other side. I stumbled as she pushed me into Jake. "Wha are you doing here?" I slurred slightly. I was seeing two of him.
Leah grinned. "Jake, you mind getting her inside? I already called my mom and let her know I was on my way home. I don't have time."
In a flash she was gone, telling me she'd call me tomorrow. Jake sighed, looking both annoyed and vaguely amused. He led me to the door where I fumbled with the key. He took it from me and opened it.
"Thanks," I said unable to stop a giggle.
He ignored me and led me upstairs very quietly. "I was heading to my dad's so I'd be here to start work on the school early in the morning," he said quietly, finally answering my question.
I nodded. I giggled again as my head spun when I pushed my bedroom door open.
Could I seduce him? I should probably seduce him. I slid my skirt off quickly, kicking it across the room before he realized what I was doing. "Bella," he sighed. I was standing there in my black bikini panties and he was looking all stoic. I tried to unbutton my shirt, but my fingers wouldn't cooperate.
I caught his hand before he could turn away. "Can… can you unbutton my top? I'm having trouble."
He gave me a brief stare, but efficiently unbuttoned my top. He turned away again, but I knew he had seen me. His eyes had darkened briefly.
"You need to get some sleep," he said calmly. I smiled, knowing he was striving a little too hard for calm now.
I tugged a flimsy tank top on after discarding my bra onto the bed. I slid under the covers making sure they weren't pulled up over my chest. "Jake? You are so mush more beautiful than sort of," I said. Dammit, stop slurring!
He turned to look at me, and I tried to sprawl in a sexy way, unsure if I was doing it right. My limbs felt clumsy. "What are you doing?" he murmured.
"Leah shaid we should just sleep together," I said. "You know, get it over with."
His eyes briefly landed on my chest as he pulled the covers up. "Leah is a meddling troublemaker," he said leaning over me. "There are other factors - other people - to consider, Bella. And we haven't entirely worked everything out yet, have we?"
I tilted my face towards his. Those dark eyes met mine, and I felt a little shiver in my belly. I knew deep down I was being stupid; that I had no right to try and tempt him when he was with someone else, but I missed being touched intimately. And I had wanted it to be him for so long now.
He leaned down, and I swallowed noisily. His face was so different and so familiar all at once. He paused, but I pressed my lips quickly to his. It wasn't exactly a kiss; more like a brush, though we both hesitated in pulling away. I was already dizzy, but just that light touch was enough to affect me.
His eyes still on mine, he picked up my bra and my clothes and placed them on my chair, and turned to go. He looked a little angry, a little sad, and if I wasn't mistaken in my haze, a little shaken. My body was quivering from his nearness.
"Good night," he murmured and closed the door behind him. I hugged my pillow against me, holding on to those sensations before I passed out.
Chapter 8
*~*~*
AN: So, what do you think about how Jake is handling this? I wanted him to feel that attraction to Bella without going over the top because of feelings for Lila. Did that work for you? And Bella is not a man-stealer in case you were worried… she was just sort of drunk and being stupid. Let me know what you think; hope you enjoyed :o) Oh oh and check out the song listed above… I love it. It's very understated, but I like the song and description of being affected by someone (hence why I used it because of their reaction to each other).