Comments | eyeseelife: Is an affair ever justified?

flslurp in eyeseelife

Is an affair ever justified?

Feb 06, 2006 12:31

I know the answer to this should always be "no". The problem is that I have a much greater sex drive than my wife. I am rarely allowed inside her (the last time was, if I remember correctly, before Christmas), and even when I am her attitude is usually one of "get it over with ( Read more... )

Comments 17

bigtomd February 7 2006, 21:31:16 UTC

I'm in the same boat as you. Still looking to have more activity.

flslurp February 8 2006, 15:52:14 UTC

It sucks doesn't it. I really wish that multiple partners was socially acceptable, or at least acceptable to my wife.

justifiable cheating harmlesserror February 8 2006, 23:15:59 UTC

I don't understand why we stay with people that obviously don't meet our needs. Your choice is yours, but why destroy your wife with the possibility of finding out you are cheating when you can go and find someone who meets all of your needs? One stop shopping, if you will. Since it is not and is not likely to be acceptable to society or your wife that you fuck around on the side.

I know one answer is "It will destroy my wife if I leave her." Yeah, maybe. But maybe she'll actually be jolted from her sense of hum-drum and no sex drive and pony it up to make it more exciting. Or maybe you'll find someone else.

Just so we're clear... i am not looking down on your for cheating. We all need passion. I've been there. I've cheated on my partner. But it seems the cowards way out for all of us to not only keep what we have, but get more. How would you feel if she did it to you while you kept your vows and your dick in your pants? You'd feel like a real idiot, I bet.

Just my thoughts.

Re: justifiable cheating flslurp February 9 2006, 14:03:36 UTC

Why do I stay? Because I do actually love her. Of course, that may mean that sooner or later I will have to leave, for *her* good as well as my own. I just hate to think what that will do to the children.

You're right. Cheating is the cowards way out. Would I feel stupid if she did it to me? Probably, but it was partially the belief that she was getting her sexual needs met by someone else (because I judged that she couldn't be getting them met with me) which caused me to go elsewhere. In fact, recent events lead me to suspect that even if I was wrong before (as she assures me I was) she may be cheating on me now. so far, I can't *prove* it, but there is a lot of circumstantial evidence. If so, perhaps she is hoping that by doing so she will either get me to leave, keeping me as the bad guy and allowing her to continue in the belief that the world is against her, or that I will prove I really do love her by staying.

Thanks for your thoughts though. I appreciate reading them.

Re: justifiable cheating harmlesserror February 9 2006, 19:37:58 UTC

I didn't realize you had kids. That complicates things. It seems more justified to stay in your marriage if you have kids, although you certainly shouldn't feel obligated ( ... )

Re: justifiable cheating flslurp February 9 2006, 20:55:12 UTC

Oh, if I do go elsewhere it would absolutely be just for the physical release.

I can't really do much investigation (otherwise she will believe it is because I am up to no good again), but I am doing what I can. She was acting suspiciously again this morning, and I set up a couple of things which (if triggered) would be suggestive, if not conclusive.

Thread 6

davintales February 15 2006, 22:24:38 UTC

i think that your cheating is something that can be justified, because you sound like you truly love your wife. at least you have that, i wish i could say that.

heartvoided March 11 2006, 00:29:03 UTC

I've been in the same boat as you, while I never took a "play pal," that longing WAS there. I don't know if an affair is ever truly justified, but I know, right now, I am going through hell due to tendancies of infidelity that haven't been acted upon, YET.

Don't really know what I'm trying to tell you, but I'm glad to see that I wasn't the only one living in a sexual unsatisfying situation.

flslurp March 13 2006, 13:20:56 UTC

Thanks for the feedback. If you are in a comitted relationship, and haven't broken that trust, my advice would certainly be not to. It may be seem better to get the one need not being met in your current relationship elsewhere... but almost everyone who has been in that situation tells me it is not, and that the appropriate solution is either to live with your current relationship, find a way to fix it, or end it.

For now, I'm working on a combination of the first two options... but the last one may eventually be the appropriate choice.

Recently, my wife told me that the only reason she stayed was because of the money. (While I don't earn that much, I earn more than she does... and I don't have the unfortunate habbit of spending more than I earn on a regular basis.) Really gave me confidence that things would get better. NOT.

(The comment has been removed)

flslurp March 16 2006, 18:35:17 UTC

Yup having kids causes even more heartache (same here). In fact it sounds like we're in almost identical boats, apart from the fact that I did something stupid and you haven't yet.

Thread 5

Of course it's justifiable. anonymous August 31 2006, 22:36:40 UTC

Sorry my friend, having an affair is not the "cowards way out." Sulking is the coward's way out ( ... )

Re: Of course it's justifiable. flslurp September 1 2006, 16:13:59 UTC

You wondered if she cares about me any more. To be honest, I think the answer is no. I think for some long time I have been, as you put it, a living wallet. In fact, she has said several times that if it weren't for the money she would have left.

What I'm most worried about is not getting the chance to see my daughter grow up - and not being able to prevent my wife from screwing up our daughter when it comes to intimate relationships the same way her mother did to her.

For the moment, that alone is worth staying for.