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May 11, 2003 21:58

i`m writing in livejournal again. it`s the ultimate bitch tool ( Read more... )

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Comments 22

kellydawl May 11 2003, 20:39:24 UTC
alright, i read your novel there kimma.

being a girl is fucking cool, dont hate.
hehe

i totally understand you and how you're feeling, thats how i've been feeling for like EVER it seems.

ahh i have no words of advice because im stuck in the same bullshit.

friends do come and go, but i think I'M the friend that comes and goes. i just kinda wander off and do my own thing every now and then, and it lasts for weeks.
scary.

i love how you express yourself. its so clear, and i just totally fucking get it.

dont feel ugly, because you're beautiful.
beaaauuuuuutiiiiifulll.
yeah, you get the point, chica.

cheer your ass up. seriously.

whores dont cry!

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f_ckyeaa May 11 2003, 21:30:56 UTC
yea, being a girl is cool, sometimes. i just feel like i need to be a bit of a gentlemen too, since i can`t get one! whores don`t cry? neither do guys! most times. i`m such a fucking leaker.

i never looked at it that way - maybe i`m the one that left? okay, in a few cases.. yes, but in most cases no. but when i think about the times i did, it hurts to know that no one was there for me when i decided to come back, no one waited for me... everyone went on with their lives. not that i deserve ppl to stop time for me or expected them to, i chose to leave, but i dunno... fuck. here i am.. waiting my lack of ass off, and it hurts like hell.

thanks for saying i`m beautiful. you do that more justice than christina because you`re important to me :) i love you!*

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Re: kellydawl May 12 2003, 10:38:28 UTC
awww, i cannot tell you how much i understand. gr gr gr . . . . about the people waiting, same thing here. and dont sell yourself short and think that you dont deserve to have them wait.
buuut.... i think personally i would complain if they were still bugging me everyday like "kelly come out and play!" ..maybe theyre just noticing you're off doing your own thang, and they dont understand that you arent trying to push them away, but you're trying to pull them back.... and they're just leaving you alone.

ah are you confused?
i dont even know if thats the case with you, but i think it is with me.
<3

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f_ckyeaa May 12 2003, 20:43:37 UTC
i`m confused as all hell. it sucks scrotum. my IM is thirty2awhat, entertain me sometime :) i think that since i`ve wrote that entry, people are more aware of how i feel now, and they`re re-evaluating their friendships with me. in the past day.. i`ve heard from ppl i haven`t heard from or seen in decades. its weird. its like their all coming back. but, its still not the same. our new beginnings don`t seem better. time wil tell.

i guess i`m an ungrateful bitch... that`s all. i`ll never be happy withwhat i have :(

iLu keLLy <33*

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sunkissed007 May 11 2003, 21:00:33 UTC
i LOVE you kimma. omg, you're one of the most freaking awesome people i know.

no, you won't have a billion friends. you'll be lucky if you find more than 1 really good friend. but just understand to that one person, you are beautiful inside and out and they DO love you. telling each other how much we love and appreciate each other is usually kept to couples which bites. single people feel the need for love too.

and even if you don't have friends.. you have God, and by far He is more a friend than anyone else can be.

search for a way to smile again. you'll find that smile in the least likely places, so check every corner of your life. i swear, it IS there.

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f_ckyeaa May 11 2003, 21:39:35 UTC
tiffany, you just made me smile. not one of my fake ass smiles either. and this time i smiled for me... not because i saw someone else happy, not because someone smiled at me, not because i felt i had to... but because, i was happy to be me, i was happy to be who God made me, someone for some odd reason, you think is `freakin awesome` ;)

and as concited as that sounds, maybe if i hear i`m awesome enough times.. i`ll start to believe it. hah ;x

no seriously... it`s just nice to know that people genuinely care about me, that -you- do... otherwise you wouldn`t have said what you did. thank you for that. because now i know for a smile, i really don`t have to look that far. <3 i love you.

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tinydancer17 May 11 2003, 21:11:04 UTC
i love you.
and you know i love you all the time, not just now when you are sad :)
and you know i love talkin to you about our ashton & country boy obsession and spazzing over prom and stupid stupid boys....
i think everyone goes through phases where they feel like everyone around them is being shady and they feel like they have no one to turn to -- i go through that sometimes even when i am out on a friday night surrounded by all my friends ... it's just a *slump* and i know you'll get out of it sooner or later =)

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f_ckyeaa May 11 2003, 21:52:03 UTC
i love you and all our silly talks too! i wish i could go out with you on friday nights- the world wouldn`t know what hit it. they`d be punk`d in the ass.

i went out last night with lots of people, i went to a party friday night with even more people, chilled this morning with some of my favorite ppl in the world. and... yea... it`s crazy how at the end of the weekend i still feel ignored, empty, useless, betrayed, alone, unloved... every negative adj. you can think of.

i just want to be loved again. that`s all. i don`t just need people surrounding me, i need them surrounding me with their love. that`s unbeatable. you`d think them just being there would be enough, and it probably would be, had i never experienced my peak times where i felt that crazzzzzzy love.

ah, i want that again. it`s the best feeling.

thank you for making me smile :) it hurts, but some of the best things in life... HURT!

ashton`s beauty... HURTS! damnit.

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molly1984 May 11 2003, 22:55:09 UTC
hey kim- sorry bout your situation :( a lot of times friends come and go, but true friends linger around forever so who knows maybe some of those people are going through a busy time in their life or just haven't gotten a chance to check in with you. but in the end, if they're truly your friend they'll come back to you.

and you know if you ever need me you can holla... i know you only know me online, but sometimes talking online can even help. i've hardly talked to you on aim, but you know my screenname. you've had so many diff ones that it is hard to keep up! ahh.

hey BTW, are you going to HFS? i am! if you are maybe ill run into you. also, have ya scanned your prom pics? id like to see! maybe you were smiling because you were happy that night, sometimes people can be happy one day and then sad the next... life just sucks sometimes.

keep in touch! & tell me if youre ever in my area, im back till august!

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molly1984 May 12 2003, 00:15:56 UTC
nevermind! i just saw your xanga and read all about prom :) you guys look cute in all the pics, sorry bout your sexual frustrations.... shit i havent gotten any (no not sex, but ANYTHING good) in a longgggg time so i feel you....

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f_ckyeaa May 12 2003, 20:48:18 UTC
well.. it`s just that, i want people who are there for me every day, not just the critical times in my life. it sucks not having ppl around all the time, every second of the day. i need that support, i`m not strong enough... i`m one of the weakest ppl i know.

i hope to go to HFS. i don`t know yet though. if so, we`ll def. meet up somewhere within the time we`re there. my aim is thirty2awhat. no one talks to me, you`re gauranteed a response. =x

thanks for listening molly :) you`re so great.

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1787 May 12 2003, 11:37:47 UTC
first and formost i LOVE YOU! ;-) anyways, lol. i know, along with everyone else who has commented, that i know how you feel. it's just people growing and changing. it's not JUST you. it takes TWO to have a friendship. so don't sweat it. but take this time for yourself. giiirrrll.. im me sometime. i NEVER know your sn. crunkqt04. BAM! hit it up. haha later love.

<3 melly

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f_ckyeaa May 12 2003, 20:53:00 UTC
awe thanks, i looove you too. i`ve had my timeout from everyone, and i want ppl here again.. i want to be loved again, i`m tired of being alone. being alone sucks, i`m not that independent. i`m not that strong. i`m weak as fuck. someone needs to be here to hold me up... i keep on falling... hard. IM me anytime: thirty2awhat. =) i hope to talk to you soon! i`m a drag tho, beware.

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