You know, sometimes I feel bad about the things I do. Sometimes I spend the whole night crying and lying awake and trying to figure out how to fix the mistakes I've made and right the wrongs I've committed against the people I love. I want nothing more than to erase myself from the picture so as to have never messed any one else's life up ( Read more... )

( and yes, if all the Cool Kids jumped off a bridge, I probably would too )

I have to thank Sarah McLachlan for always ( writing the most beautiful songs. )

The thing I want more than anything else is to make myself happy.

Its also the thing I have the least idea how to do.

I've lost or I'm losing everything that's important to me... I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know how to get them back, I don't know how to get myself back.... I've lost it somewhere between where I am, where I want to be, the things I wish for and the people I love.

"I used to get away with so much, now I can't get away"

I felt like a racehorse in a world without racetracks or a champion college footballer suddenly confronted by Wall Street and a business suit, his days of glory shrunk to a little gold cup on his mantel with a date engraved on it like the date on a tombstone ( Read more... )

So for quite some time I have know that my father was racist, sexist, classist and simply all around bigoted. I suppose that I never noticed it in my mother before recently because of the glaring fear and hate my fathers held for those different than him. I am forever puzzled by the fact that my parents were in their teens and twenties during the ( Read more... )

it would be nice if for once in my life time I could be happy with getting something I wanted. But it seems that whenever I get it, I decide that I want something that is in total opposition to the thing I wanted before ( Read more... )

Since I'm out in Colorado with a ouchy Jesse... this is probably the most I'll be doing this year for holloween. But its still fun :-)

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haulfaeriechild goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Evil Princess Sara.akadonrico gives you 12 yellow orange-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.angel416 tricks you! You get a block ( Read more... )

My mother always tells me that when there is something big, dramatic and not so happy going on in my life (i.e.: fighting with someone other than her, falling in love, exploring a new friendship, reveling in something truly pleasurable). She has since I can remember. I am scared by the belief that at 8 or 12 or 15 or 22, I was and am supposed to ( Read more... )