Appearances

[faerieloch]

I have been saved from wanting to be sexy, thanks to random men in San Francisco. While attending a conference (read: dressed professionally but definitely not sexily), I was cat-called or commented upon three times in the same day-- once by a homeless man. What is up with that? What on Earth gives these men the right to comment upon me in such

Comments

[spamchang]

it may not be because of looks at all, but because of the power to degrade, which they realize they possess and utilize to make themselves feel powerful. please don't take it personally.

[faerieloch]

Doesn't change the fact that the action is still a problem, unfortunately.

[spamchang]

/hug

[pandoradeloeste]

please don't take it personally.

. . .and I'm left wondering, how the hell else does one take such comments?

[mr_orgue]

As brand-new dad to a little girl, I'm hearing this loud and clear. I'm sad you had a bad experience, but even more sad that your experience is just one instance of very widespread cultural crap. Sending you love.

[faerieloch]

Thank you, Morgue. It is very frustrating to always be defensive. I wish we lived in a world where everyone could walk down the street free of harassment. Some places are better than others and I hope Willa has a better time of it than our generation and our parents' generation.

[ext_364886]

While it might be a dominance issue, I can think of two other possibilities just off the top of my head

[pandoradeloeste]

Ah, the old "sexual harassment as a compliment" trope. If I had a nickel for every time I heard it, I could singlehandedly end California's budget problems.

[faerieloch]

I would not be offended if they just said something along the lines of "hey, looking good!" but when the comments are practically all sexual in nature, it's rather degrading. Can I only be viewed in a sexual fashion? Why not simply in a well-dressed fashion? It's annoying to live in a world where this is not the case.

I cannot change their behavior, I can only change my own. Thus, if I do not want to be verbally harassed walking down the street then I have to look non-attractive (but also non-fat, non-pimply, or in any way different from the "norm"). WTF?

[faerieloch]

I think the pithy answer to this is: we teach young people that putting gum in other peoples' hair is wrong, right?

[pandoradeloeste]

How excited am I to see all the mansplaining about sexual harassment? SO VERY EXCITED.

[faerieloch]

I just wish there was some way to not be harassed without degrading myself, y'know? I would stand up to them and say "what on earth gives you the right to say such things about me?" except they're frequently in groups or much larger than I and that is just putting myself in danger, which is Not Smart. Some men get this (like Morgue, above) but many don't because they haven't had a woman in their life say "stop that, it's Not Right".

[pandoradeloeste]

(lol dueling death icons)

I think the physical danger part of it often gets missed. Part of what makes street harassment so exhausting to deal with is that your options are almost never "just ignore it" or "confront the dude". Confronting is a nice catharsis, but holy crap is it unsafe. And just ignoring it is not really an option either, because there's a nonzero chance that the dude will escalate the situation all on his own. So what looks like "me walking along and ignoring a catcall" is actually much more complex, because I'm a) trying to gauge whether the catcalling will escalate to much more graphic harassment and/or physical harm, b) looking for an escape route, and c) trying to memorize details about the catcaller to give the police later without looking like I'm staring, which can escalate things as well.

That is exhausting, y'all. And this is not an isolated incident; this can happen multiple times while walking a relatively short distance (frex, it happened to me twice while walking three blocks to a bus stop this evening

[fengshui]

Is physical harm common/likely on a public street? We have no information about the time of day or neighborhood in which the harassment occurred. I'd hope that on a busy public street in a major city that women can be confident that they are unlikely to be physically harmed.

[anthologie]

Yeah. This. :-/