because I'ma gonna kick yo sorry little asses!!!

I also take bribes at very low and cost-effective fees. Contact me at the 1-800-WICKEDS bribe-acceptor hotline.

liek, whoa. Where have I been? I must have died or something, because I definitely don't remember ever starting a chain of Ship Kings of Gondor.

er, was I drunk?
Wait, don't answer. I'd rather bask in my anonymity and enjoy the fact no one remembers me fathering any kingly boat-children.
*goes back to sleep and purrs*

agh, I hate parrots! I hate parrots!

that was a close call. Luckily I got away with all limbs attached and no noticeable scorch marks.

So how is everyone tonight?

so I got this box of cigars and they were made in Indonesia....

riiiiight.

Doesn't anyone in this cruel world make brownies? Anyone at all? damn it all. Why must we all have swords instead of the things that count? Like brownies? And...and...things!

I'd say I was legally threatened thismorning, but then I'd be legally threatened about sounding legally threatening.

So I'll say that I like fat cats and pineapples and vertical stripes and call it a day.

*Brings an ale over to the desk, puts feet up, and proceeds to work on filing papers on the new patio set*

Today was a good day. I rode around, hunted some duck, maimed some squirrels, and had time to swim with the kiddies.

Now if only I knew how to bake brownies or something... >.

*points to icon* It's all his fault ^^